Is cheating always a bad thing?

[cheesius]

I've been seeing this girl for about 6 months. I wasn't really sure how I felt about her and we were at a bit of a crossroads. One night I was out with some girls she used to work with and ended up sleeping with one of them. I remember walking with her ex coworker wondering if I could go through with it. Afterwards I felt terrible and called my girlfriend for breakfast. I never told her and I'm now sure how I feel about her. Is this bad?

[CarnelianButterfly]

Yes. If you felt bad you already knew the answer.

[DN]

Yes. It is.

 

Decide if you want to be with her and let her go if you do not as gently and kindly as possible - and don't tell her you cheated.

[NJRon]

yes, it is a bad thing... because you end up hurting yourself a lot... if not the other partner.

[cheesius]

But I mean, it more or less fixed the problems I had with the relationship

[melrich]

I can't think of any circumstance where cheating is a good thing. You may well have not been sure about your relationship but really the right thing to do is end relationships that are not working out. Certainly end the relationship before you sleep with someone else.

 

I get that this seems to have been an opportunistic occurrence. Nevertheless it seems likely she will find out about this given she knows the girls. I think you should come clean and tell her and probably have a talk with her about where your relationship is or isn't at.

[NJRon]

How could it have fixed the problems iwth the relationship when your relationship wasn't addressed?

[cheesius]

fine. I really thought I was on to something

[NJRon]

If you have problems with your relationship.. address them with your partner. If you can't come to resolution, then leave. Cheating just treats a symptom.. not the core issue. And, more often than not, cause more harm than good.

[MewSkitty]

I would never cheat. If I liked someone else more than the person I'm currently with, I'd break up with them before doing anything with the other person.

[cheesius]

I really don't have a lot of experience with dating beyond a month and a half. I usually break up before any real feelings grow. New relationships are fun and exciting. Like having a new puppy that gets annoying when they aren't cute anymore. I think I'm in love with this girl now. We are having problems and she seems to need some space because of a dying mother and having her life long friend die recently. I don't really know how to while remaining supportive.

[NJRon]

it's something you will have to learn.. otherwise you will be setting yourself up for a pattern of failed relationships.

 

Focus on being secure with yourself first... if you aren't, then you have no security to offer another.

[Anna.]

Wait, I still don't get how you think cheating fixed your problems in your relationship.

 

And i especially don't think it was ok to cheat while your gf is going through all of these difficult issues in her life.

[CarnelianButterfly]

If anything cheating will only complicate your problems. If you wanted to "fix" things by making it easy for her to dump you and you not have to deal with the real issues, then yeah that might be one way of doing it, but definitely not the best way.

[doyathink]

If the tables were turned and your gf was the one who cheated on you, how would you feel then. Would you think it strengthened your relationship? Would you say thats ok, now we know we love each other? Of course not! Would you want to know if she cheated on you?

[yeawutever]

By cheating you're complicating stuff more and escaping from reality, thus it's a always a wrong choice. It's always better to break up and then proceed on with being with the other person.