Finally Got Closure!!

[Chibby33]

Ok, my fiance packed and left about a month ago. We lived together for a year and a half and it was emotionally draining because for the smallest issues, he sulks and doesnt speak to me for a whole day. He doesnt make much (BIG mistake for moving out!), lived in my house but not once did I ever mention about money. He would buy new shirts and ties for himself but never offered to pay one bill. He doesnt help out with chores at all either.

 

These past few weeks were absolute torture because since he left he couldnt give me a straight answer if he's coming back or not. He visited me once to introduce his brother from Egypt (what for?) and said he misses me. Face to face I asked him "yes or no" if he's coming back and he said "I need to think about it." He called and sent me text messages asking where I was at, how my weekend was, etc. I NEVER RESPONDED BACK! Well a few days ago he called and I simply asked him what his intentions were. He flatly said it's over between us and he really wanted us to be friends. STOP!! I told him sorry but I cannot offer my friendship, good luck, let's not communicate again. Well that night he called and asked if I really dont want to be friends - I declined again - he said he still loves me but it's not working out (so why are you still calling me?). He sent another text after the phone call thanking me for all the support and help I have given him.

 

Here was my response:

You're welcome and no problem because we were responsible for each other. Although I am extremely sad that I lost the man I love, at the end of the day I look around at what I have (house, car, family, friends, excellent job) and well I really didnt lose anything but perhaps gained peace. Yes I am sad but with everything else, this too shall pass. I hope you find your happiness with someone down at your level. Take care.

 

Nice huh? I am now done analyzing every phone call and text he made after he left. I choose to be happy now.

[rose2summer]

Well as a dumper, he does not get priviledges,

 

He does not get friendship rights,

 

You did the right thing by letting him go,

 

And not wounding yourself further by keeping him around,

 

Keep up the good work, and remember this path has been followed heavily before,

 

And although you may have some ups and downs,

 

And it's phenomenal you are very happy right now,

 

We will be here to walk you along the path,

 

And make sure you don't stumble along the way,

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[thlst3]

Good for you! That's a great response. Don't let him torture with his "Lets be friends". Stay strong.

[Chibby33]

Thank you both for the encouragement. I know there will be times that I will break a bit so I intend to print your replies and keep it close to me for emergency! It's amazing how one can find comfort from absolute strangers.

[thlst3]

Ex's ALWAYS will try to contact and see how we're doing. Don't fall for the trap... Just ignore it. It'll suck the first 10 min or so... but you'll be happier at the end of the day.

[Belle]

Chibby,

 

I think you dodged a bullet. You supported him and he didn't even help out? I hope you never do that again. Relationships are a partnership and he was taking advantage. He took you for granted but he has nothing to really offer, from the sound of it.

 

My ex wasn't far off from yours. My family and closest friends kept telling me that the breakup was for the best as we were from two different worlds (i.e. he's poor and a drifter and I'm not), but I had stars in my eyes because we had a "connection". I.e. similar backgrounds and values. Hindsight is 20/20. He's quite a bit on the unmotivated side and going nowhere. And I think he already had a head start on taking me for granted like your ex.

 

You may waffle back and forth, but you will realize that you can do a lot better. And you may even want to thank him for leaving. I hope you learn not to give way more than you receive in a relationship. Any person will take you for granted and not recognize your worth that way. Make him earn it.

[Chibby33]

Chibby,

 

I think you dodged a bullet. You supported him and he didn't even help out? I hope you never do that again. Relationships are a partnership and he was taking advantage. He took you for granted but he has nothing to really offer, from the sound of it.

 

You may waffle back and forth, but you will realize that you can do a lot better. And you may even want to thank him for leaving. I hope you learn not to give way more than you receive in a relationship. Any person will take you for granted and not recognize your worth that way. Make him earn it.

 

EXACTLY!! I really learned my lesson. He HAD the good life with me. Gets upset when I mistakenly calls it "my house." He wants it labeled as "our house" but doesnt do anything! There was one night, about 11pm when I was still washing the dishes he left last night. Mind you, I have a full time job too. He was out in the yard on the phone with his cousin, then when he walked in, I found him laying on the sofa in our family room, legs crossed and watching TV. I asked him if he ever feels bad seeing me washing the dishes at 11pm, and that's when the argument started. His defense? Shut down and sulk. I guess it's got something to do with his Middle Eastern upbringing. The woman does all. I PAID FOR EVERYTHING! On my birthday, we went out to dinner - guess who paid for it? My revenge now is he is scrambling every waking day trying to make enough money to get by while I sit in MY HOUSE figuring out what to spend my money on next. Welcome to paying rent, utilities, and food my friend!

[spaulding18]

It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. Thats amazing that you had the power to do that. It sounds like its the best thing you could have done as well.

 

I'm sorry that it came to that though, you sound very strong. I wish you the best.

[Belle]

My revenge now is he is scrambling every waking day trying to make enough money to get by while I sit in MY HOUSE figuring out what to spend my money on next.

Put it in a diversified portfolio and watch it grow. So when the right guy comes along you'll have something. Spend some of it on yourself. Manicure, pedicure, new outfit, facial. You have to look good when something WAY better comes along.

 

A friend of mine once married an Iraqi man. This is just a single incident so I'm not saying that all middle easterners are this way. He treated her like dirt. She raised the kids and was the larger bread winner. She gained over 150 pounds due to low self esteem as he cheated on her and did very little to make their lives better. Now she's morbidly obese and single and very very bitter supporting their kids. He ran off with another woman who was younger and richer. God help that woman. The good thing is you got out before he could destroy your self esteem. You need better.

[Chibby33]

The good thing is you got out before he could destroy your self esteem. You need better.

 

 

You are correct Belle. He truly enjoyed living in my house - walked around like he owned it (even though he never paid for anything). The red flags started raising when I would go shopping for stuff and he just kept putting stuff for himself in the cart. When it was time to pay, he just stood there waiting for me to pull my wallet out. I thank my lucky stars that we didnt have a child or got married. Now whenever i walk around my house, I look at each corner and say to myself "that corner right there is mine."

[Belle]

I'm surprised you weren't turned off by him way earlier. At least my ex didn't expect anything and he left because he didn't want to live off of me. I can still respect him for that.

 

Look at why you chose this man. It may be that deep down you thought if he was dependent on you he'd never leave you. Now that you can see that's not true, maybe you can find someone better for you. Don't be afraid since you know that anyone can leave at any time. And having a loser leave makes it worse. lol

[Chibby33]

And having a loser leave makes it worse. lol

 

On the contrary, a loser who leaves is so much better in my opinion because at least I did not lose nor will miss anything from his departure - I am more relieved actually. If he was someone whom I gained anything from, then the loss would be at a higher cost and there would be more things I will miss about him.

 

He actually left because the arguments were more frequent, I broke up with him twice in the past then that final night I finally lost my temper and it scared him. He said he doesnt feel safe around me anymore - funny cause I thought he was tough.

[joyce1412]

i agree, losing a loser is better! obviously there WERE redeeming things about him that made you stay with him, and you probably hoped he would turn into a better man. but at the end of the day, it's better to lose dead weight than to lose a jewel.

 

i continue to be amazed by some of the dumpers of the world. i've seen so many of my friends and family, people with so much to offer, left out in the cold by lovers and spouses who may not have deserved them in the first place. i'm blown away that they don't realize what they have, and that they can be okay with their decision to leave it behind. i get that you can never understand the inner workings of a relationship as an outsider, but i'm of the mentality that if you've got a great girl/guy and you know it, for god's sake, don't be an idiot, try to stick it out.

[Belle]

Joyce,

 

That happens because one of the people takes the other for granted. There is little to no humility involved usually. I had a friend that only dated white girls. He wasn't the most attractive guy, worked as a maintenance guy, and started dating another friend of mine. She's from wealthy parents, very well educated, sweet, beautiful and a lot younger than him. He broke up with her even though she practically begged him not to. He was on a big power trip.

 

When he had that "I could have had a v8 moment" she was long gone. I tried to tell him he was making a mistake but he was arrogant about it and even went as far as to hit her and bad mouth her when they first broke up. He still cries in his wheaties over that one. THe next woman he dated was a slightly mannish looking woman with a kid and the desire to be supported by a man. She didn't remotely love him. He was in a living hell of his own making.