how and what it takes to be a man

[sfindependent]

wow, this is my first time to post on this side of the forum "personal growth".

 

i was just wondering, we've all got our own opinions of what it takes to be a man. beer, women. all of which i do not necessarily believe in. but there are other things that are of essense.

 

If you're wondering why i'm asking, ive lost a lot of face and respect for myself after my ex broke up with me. my friends have lost hope on me thinking Ive gone cuckoo over some chick. and she has such a bad impression of me to be an immature young boy instead of a caring young man.

 

i want to grow into a good man. i dont know why i havent and have a had a hard time growing up, but i need to. especially now at the wake of such an aweful breakup from such a wonderful person.

 

i mean, like "a man is a man who sticks up for his word" what word? what promise? how is that feasible? that kind.

 

anyhelp would be awesome.

[FortunateOne]

i mean, like "a man is a man who sticks up for his word" what word? what promise? how is that feasible? that kind.

.

 

 

What it means to be a "man". Well let start by taking your role in society quite serious. Why go agaist millions of years of evolution? Just be the modern man of our genetic structure.

 

First, you need to adopt and fully follow a set of character standards. Whole heartedly take on a solid faith to believe in and live that faith on a daily basis. This will give you integrity and morals. Nothing gets a good woman's attention than a the actions of their ultimate dream, a knight in shinning armor.

 

Second, seriously dedicate yourself to a profession. This will dicipline you into a healthy habit of constructively producing a solid financial foundation that you're going to need to raise a family. Start now so that in ten years you can be stablished in a profession. A good woman will always look to a man to provide as much as he can to a family. Why? They want the best for their offspring.

 

Third, educate yourself. Read anything and everything in order to understand the environment that you exist in. That also means self development books on how to begin to understand a woman's nature. Women admire, respect and love a man that takes the time to learn about things since it shows leadership, fearlesness and compassion on how you perceive the world.

 

Fourth, don't be affraid of what other childish men think. When you behave in a manly way other less manly men will criticize you for not being a fully grown child. This is why once you discover a faith to follow it's suggested you "hang" with like minded people. Good women can read through a false front very fast.

 

Last, once you combine the four steps it will bring a certain confidence that good women will gravitate to. Heck, even the bad unhealthy women will want it, but you must be strong to discern the real women from the unhealthy.

 

This will give you the "word" (faith) that tranlates into a "promise" (man) for which it becomes "feasible" (work)for you to put in action.

[DN]

Here's what Rudyard Kipling had to say:

 

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

 

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on"; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

[FoxLocke]

What does it take to be a man?

 

Just be yourself and love it.

[Gold Hawk]

DN... that has always been one of my favorite poems. I'm a woman and it still speaks to me. Thanks for posting it and bringing back some good memories.

 

Most of the points I wanted to write on have been outlines. What I consider to be a good man is someone who is well put together. Have a JOB. Have Goals. Be positive and keep an open mind.

 

One of the things that I would look for in a young man would be that he be gainfully employed. It would show that he's serious, responsible and knows how to take care of himself.

 

Take care of yourself. I don't want a "mama's boy"... there's a time that every young bird must fly from the nest and make it on his own. Not that I need anyone to take care of me but he'd at least be able to take care of himself and our future off-spring. There is NOTHING wrong with learning how to keep house and take care of household task. Its a necesarry evil.

 

Open mindedness. Men who are racist or have a bia's are a turn off. I'd want someone who could walk in all walks of life and be secure with himself. Insecurities are a TURN-OFF. Jealous men are a bigger turn off. Possessive men ... a big NO-NO.

 

Goal oriented. Its a great big world out there... and there are a million things to learn and see. Don't want or need a couch potato gaming wizard. That would fall under the little boy catagory.

 

Honesty. Truthfulness. Respect. All those fall under the manly man catagory.

[sfindependent]

i guess another thing is that i what would makes a guy attractive? i mean personality wise. what makes girls want to be with that person?

[Gold Hawk]

A sense of humor,open mindedness, flexibility.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Rudyard Kipling's was also one of my favourite poem as it is printed in my graduate handbook.

 

I agree with Gold Hawk on what is perceived being a man.

 

Girls too should has the same qualities and she should also stand firm on principles. The expectation should be both ways.

[TheFallenShadow]

But a woman should not preceive a man displaying his feelings as weak and unsure of himself either, i find that most woman want a manly man, but then get pissed if he isnt sensitive, but if then it isnt sensitive, he is a dog, so as it is its a hard mix to maintain for any man...

I know that i times i question myself at times, but that doesnt mean that i am not secure in myself, i think at times woman as do men forget to let the partner know exactly where they stand....so if you say that you miss some one, does that mean he is weak? i would think that it would say that i am thinking of you, and bring a smile to your face....but no it gets misinterpeted as being to dependant....I know who i am, and what i am about and how i feel....and dont give a frak what anyone thinks, but when it comes to matters of the heart, it would be nice if the other person was just as open, but there not, because they dont want to be seen as depedndent....its ones own insecurities that drive away the other person, or to walk away with out a word without regard to the others feeling...

 

so some of the conceptions of what a man is, isnt what is percieved, it is dependant on however each man....and the worst thing a woman can do is question a man's manhood...

[sfindependent]

so what's the balance then? I try not to be clingy, needy but there are somethings I cannot tolerate. but then, still take it since there has been times when I do get hurt by what the woman says or does, what is the manliest thing to do or say?

[onewithbooks]

Money God had some awesome points and I agree with them. The one quality that is missing I think from these posts is you should be a gentleman. Put her needs before your own. (OK hold on one second and here me out! I am not saying be her slave!) I am saying that notice if there is a chill in the air, offer her your coat, open doors, say please and thank you, all of that is great, and when I see that I know I think it is very attractive.

 

Something else that is attractive to women? Listen to her. I read something earlier today that said as humans we have 2 ears and 1 mouth and we should use them in that ratio. It was very accurate to me.

 

I hope this helps!

Take care!

L~