Why is everyone breaking NC??? It's really discouraging!

[The Crying Pony]

C'mon guys!!

 

I've only been reading about people breaking NC! It's discouraging and makes me feel like I should too though I know I shouldn't. Strange how that works, but it's not very motivating...

 

If I break it now, he will win and I will once again be the pathetic loser who can't move on . I come to this site for inspiration, not to find out everyone's just calling their exes anyway!

 

Don't mean to offend anyone, mean that if people contact their partners out of weakness it discourages, not because of an emergency or when they contact you. Want to stay strong!

[rose2summer]

I have not broken no contact for over a month now,

 

Remember NC is for you to heal not to win an ex back,

 

Keep up the good work.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[brando]

dont worry too much about the NC thing here.. it is a bit overrated in my opinion.

 

And dont worry what others are doing. focus on you instead.

[g44]

i am not looking to do that

 

its ok to post whatever u want in as many sites as u like ok

 

i've read almost all.

 

sorry i can respond in kind...i can't do that ok

 

so go ahead

[chai714]

Some people will break it, others won't. There will always be people on both ends of the spectrum.

 

Do whatever helps you heal best. Usually, it's difficult to heal while still in contact with an ex. Like Rose2Summer said, NC is to heal and is not a tactic to win back an ex.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

[The Crying Pony]

It's just nice to feel part of a team working for the same thing. NC has really helped me the past few days, I feel powerful, like I have control over my own life again...

 

Wait wait wait, I NEVER said I want to win him back??? I really dont, I want the pain to stop. I want my dignity back.

[LONESOUL]

Crying pony..my ex broke NC yesterday and we ended up speaking, but everyone is different and whewre they are and what works best as they are healing is a very idividual thing. I can tell you this, I did NC for about 40 days,

I would have tried to do it longer as I had no intention of calling my ex, but,

as life goes, something came up and she called me. I am glad she did or the circumstances for me would have been bad. Still, I did not speak to her until

I knew I felt like I was stong enough to do so. I could have hung up when I heard her voice, I did not . (and good thing~in my case becase she really did

need to let me know something) The thing is, I was not and am not going to do anything to "hurt" my healing. My recovery is the most important thing in

my life right now. But NC is a good thing to give you space to heal, as long as you need it.

[The Crying Pony]

i am not looking to do that

 

its ok to post whatever u want in as many sites as u like ok

 

i've read almost all.

 

sorry i can respond in kind...i can't do that ok

 

so go ahead

 

What? I'm not criticizing! Of course anyone can post what they want. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad, just trying to keep my head above water.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Every situation is different and you can't base what works for some as what will work for everyone. People break NC for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes breaking NC is a good thing, sometimes not. Nobody should feel bad about breaking NC. NC is not for everyone. NC doesn't necessarily help people heal because lots of people on this board have been in NC for a long time and haven't yet moved on. Healing is really a state of mind and NC may or may not help the healing process. What NC does is help you distance yourself from the other person so you can think of things without all of the emotion involved. Breaking NC should come more from a sense of inner peace than from an act of desparation and longing.

[NCTuskie]

Two months and going strong.

[blemished]

Pony - I understand, you are seeking support in order to stay strong enough to get through this. Your best advantage is to play a game with yourself, where you make a goal and STICK TO IT no matter what happens. For example, say you need to go NC for 30 days. Focus on the 30 day-mark and make that your goal. Then it won't matter as much, (if your ex contacts you or if you feel like contacting him), because your goal is greater than the moment at hand. Does that make sense?

 

Step 2: after you have reached your goal, reassess your situation. Decide if you want to go an additional 30 days of NC, for example, or even forever.

 

You might not feel better until 60 days of NC, so just don't give into the old-- go with the new! Picture yourself happier with someone else, and free from the pain that plagues you now. Use this analogy: say you are listening to a song on the radio. It's an ok song, you like it and it's nice. How do you know that there aren't better songs out there? Even if you think this song is pretty good, is there a cap to "amazing"? You will only know if you change that dial. Use 6 months of your life to change that dial! Go try something else and leave the "old song" either on the back burner (out of sight), or retire it completely.

 

Good luck!!

 

P.S. I am on Day 51 NC and feel WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better. Goodbye old love, hello...the future!!!

[The Crying Pony]

Good luck jazzgirl, Im also at an early stage of NC, that's why I want to keep on doing it!

 

Thanks for the advice blemished! It helps to know that someone understands me. He couldn't commit to me, but i can commit to NC!

[heyduh]

I want my dignity back.

 

how does NC relate to dignity?

 

NC is great, and a must-do ... but still way overrated.

 

true healing (and real dignity) comes not from NC but from forgiving, forgetting, and moving on to the point where even when they are present in your life (having sex with someone else) you can still hold your head up high, smile, share some love and genuinely wish the best for them

[The Crying Pony]

Yes Heyduh, I agree with you and I know NC is not the be-all and end-all that will make me move on or be a better person.

 

But you know what?

 

Right now, I am going through a tremendously horrible time and just come here for support (Today is my dead best friend's birthday, my mother's been in Ghana for two weeks now and I have a terrible back-ache). It's like 2 months after the day my heart was ripped out and p'd on, and he treated me so badly last week that I really dont want to call him and beg him to take me back anymore. That is where the dignity part comes in. Whenever I contact him, I beg him to reconsider - that is very embarrassing and I can avoid that kind of patheticness if I stick to NC for now.

 

And I "genuinely" don't wish anything good for him now. I'm just not there yet man!

[whoops]

i tried to call today after only 4 days nc he had asked me to and he didnt answer i feel even worse now as he might do this on purpose and i keep re reading texts i have gone backwards - i dont know what to do - i am also very disappointed in myself i tried not ot call and want to now but if do then it is not goo

[The Crying Pony]

Don't call or text him whoops. It's difficult, hell I know it is. I deleted the text messages that I felt I was ready to delete and I dunno, I just keep picturing his irritated face when he looks at his phone, sees no missed calls & no msgs and realises: "Holy cow! Maybe she's not that hung up on me anymore! What will I do?"

 

Remember the second quote in my signature - I live by that one!

 

C'mon, be strong! Your need to talk to him right now feels like equal to your need to breathe, I get that, but go do something for a while, get caught up in something for a while (just not drugs or anything darling!) and you'll see that the feeling will pass...

 

Good luck!

[LONESOUL]

Crying Pony, I am sorry for your loss and sorry that you are in so much pain.

Whoops, you and Crying pony, you are both good examples of when NC can be useful. NC can help you to distance yourself (so ex cannot continue to

hurt you every day with the things they do or say or with rejection) so you

can begin to focus on yourself and heal. When used for this I think NC is a very good tool, I used it and it helped. But in my opinion that is all it is, a tool,

not a solution or a cure. Some doesn't use it at all, some use it and break it allot, some use it until they feel strong enough to do something else and some people cut contact and stay that way for years. Its all according to what YOU need to help yourself begin and stay on the path toward healing.

No one wants to hurt like this for a long time.

[LONESOUL]

Crying Pony, I am sorry for your loss and sorry that you are in so much pain.

Whoops, you and Crying pony, you are both good examples of when NC can be useful. NC can help you to distance yourself (so ex cannot continue to

hurt you every day with the things they do or say or with rejection) so you

can begin to focus on yourself and heal. When used for this I think NC is a very good tool, I used it and it helped. But in my opinion that is all it is, a tool,

not a solution or a cure. Some doesn't use it at all, some use it and break it allot, some use it until they feel strong enough to do something else and some people cut contact and stay that way for years. Its all according to what YOU need to help yourself begin and stay on the path toward healing.

No one wants to hurt like this for a long time. Take good care.

[Mstyiyd]

Hey there Miss Pony, I concur w/what everyone else has pretty much already said. I've been doing NC for 5 months, you can check out the posts I've posted over the past year or so if you want to see my ups and downs w/my progress! It's been a roller coaster ride. My ex hung up on me in April and we haven't had contact since. Its been really hard, but I take it day by day.

I will not call her, since she's treated me very poorly and is, in my opinion, extremely immature. I still perseverate on the situation alot, but I'm trying to go on. However, if she were to call me tomorrow, what would I do? I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. So I try not to think about that part of it, and I'll just cross that bridge if/when it happens.

 

Good luck and do it one day at a time.

[Relax]

Some time we don't let go of relationships, because we keep thinking it was our fault that it ended. If we had only done more, or talked more, or not done this thing or that thing, then maybe we'd still be together with the loved one and all would be bliss. No.

 

Guilt is a horrible emotion which keeps people locked into negative thinking thats why it is important to NC.If you don't you will create a false hope on your ex and it will hurt more.

 

If you don't NC you will be like opening your broken heart for more pain.

[D1886]

Breaking no contact is not good, it set me back though I was feeling pretty strong. It set me back on a scale of 1-10, from a 7 to a 3 or 4, ha.

 

Not good in my situation.

[GreatGuy]

I loved that person with all my heart and their imperfections, but they chose not to want me as bad, I was not wanted. So i am reclaiming my innerself, my self worth, my self love. I may contact her via email and wait for her to call me since we still have some things in common. I do miss the person I wanted her to be..i have to admit. She had me in limbo for so long and showed me so many sides of her, and there was this main side that i loved so much. But she went the other way. Indeed breaking NC can hurt since she may tell me she is dating that guy she met online just for a month(that was in January..a couple of weeks after we had had pationnate sex), and that might sting a bit. But overall i am certain given how much i loved her that i would be happy for whoever she chose....altough in my heart i DO NOT THINK SHE WILL FIND BETTER THAN ME.

 

So indeed we're all at a diff place, i miss my friend, my confident, she was my family as well. And it still shockes me to know that she felt it imperative to cut it off so HARSHLY! She doen't call me, says she is very busy since classes started again(she is a prof.), but something tells me that since we saw each other last time, it scared her that she might have some feelings for me. And so she needs to be as far away even more from me. Or it is possible that this is my "Ego" speaking LOL. Regardless, i am taking it one day at the time, when I want to call or email i check myself first, take a time off, think it through, and breath.