Unworthy of His Love

[Odd_]

I am in love with this guy. And he feels the same toward me. However, he is better than me in every way. He's smarter, better-looking, and so on. This makes me feel inferior and insecure. I feel I'm not worthy of his love. I feel extremely small when I'm with him. I wish I could be as intelligent as him in order to be more worthy of his love. I hate myself. I hate my shortcomings. My biggest fear is that he would abandon me because of the fact I'm not as great as him. As a genius, he has every reason to despise me. He outshines me in every area. Whenever I detect a tiny sign that he might ignore/hate me, I feel like dying. Because of these, I'm not myself when I'm with this guy. I care TOO much about how he thinks of me. I appear very nervous, hypersensitive, and stupid. And this makes things worse. I am over-conscious about every word I say to him. I fear something I say would sound silly according to him and that he would despise me. I feel I'm just a silly little girl in his eyes. I know in fact he loves me. But I can never enjoy his love because of my feeling of inadequacy. I feel I need to be a much, much better person to deserve his love. I always try to be smarter so as to be "equal" to him, yet only end up making a fool of myself. This drives me crazy. What can I do now?

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

oh my goodness! you need to take a step back! why do you feel so inferior? you are the only one who can make you feel inferior. I don't know what to tell you other than you NEED to get your self-esteem up!

 

you are an awesome person with a lot to give. don't let an IQ be the measure of how good a person you are.

[Meow18]

First of all, welcome to enotalone!

 

How long have you been together?

 

Like you said, he loves you. He loves you for who you are right now. You not being good enough isn't what will make him leave you, I mean, he obviously thinks you are good enough! You feeling this insecure is what will make him leave you. And most likely it won't be because he wants to, just because he will feel like he's not doing a good enough job making you feel good enough and thinks you deserve someone who can.

 

Honestly, you can't be in a relationship with someone you think is seriously better than you. There will always be doubts about his feelings, and that's not fair when he clearly does love you.

 

In my opinion, you need to work on yourself. How can you let someone else love you when you don't even think positively about yourself. Everything you have said has been about your flaws. Isn't there anything about you worth being loved for? To him there obviously is..

[SherriLi]

Hello there

 

He is with you because he sees something in you that he likes. If he loves you he loves everything about you, so just be yourself! That is the person that he fell in love with right?

 

I was the same way in a lesser degree at times with my current boyfriend in the past, but i managed to work through it myself. I realized what i just told you, that it was my personality that i was hiding was what he fell in love with. When i would get all self conscious he'd wonder why i was being that way. But at times i still do get that way, when he gets into deep thought on major issues and uses these huge words that are burned into his vocabulary that i don't know the meaning of, i sit there and am like "yeah i agree" lol. Then go for the dictionary when he's not looking!

 

But all i can say, is jusst be yourself. He is with you, and he thinks that YOU are beautiful, inside and out. He didn't fall in love with the mask that you have on when you aren't being your self did he? And out of curiosity, how long have to two been together?

 

Take care girl.

[robowarrior]

Everyone is to be treated equally, your not lower then him. And instead of being afraid that he will abandon you. Enjoy his decision that he wants to be with you. Let him be the one to decide wether to be with you or not. Worrying about it is useless because he'll leave if he wants to anyway, so stop worrying and stop layering your love for him with conditions. Just have a great time and enjoy eachother.

[Momene]

If it's your first serious relationship, most of us feel like that. Bet he does, too!

[rose2summer]

My belief is that no one is any smarter than anyone else,

 

You are just as smart as this guy,

 

A degree, more education, doesn't make a person smarter,

 

Everyone has knowledge in their own area of expertise,

 

A carpenter knows painting better than me, so yes they are knowledgable about painting than me,

 

When it comes to my area of expertise, I am knowledgable in that,

 

We each have our own niche, and alone by your level of writing, I can see you are knowledgable in writing,

 

Keep your chin up and remember, how you feel about yourself is how you will be perceived,

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[chai714]

Odd,

 

I might be able to sit here and tell you that you're worthy, but that might not help too much. I've noticed that you have some low self-esteem and tend to hold him on a very, very high pedastol. Having this low of self-esteem in a relationship is going to negatively affect it. Why? Because you will be needy, you'll depend on him for your own happiness, and ultimately it will become too much for him to handle. In order for him to get something out of this relationship, you'll need to contribute by loving yourself too.

 

This excerpt was taken from a book by David J. Lieberman, which he briefly explains how your self-esteem affects relationships:

 

"In order to be happy, have good relationships, and be psychologically balanced, a person has to feel good about himself. This means that we need to literally love ourselves. And this self-love is called self-esteem. ...self-esteem is a by-product of how you live your life. It cannot be gained directly. It can be gained only through self-respect. Why is this so? Simply, if you do not respect yourself, then you cannot love yourself."

 

Does this make sense?