Another thread about short guys

[Salucious]

I've read throught a lot of the other posts about this topic, and I want to get a better understanding. The generall audience I'm going for are women who are average height or taller (women who would be taller than a short man) I'm a 22 year old guy, about 5'5 1/2" (not quite 5'6") Now of course there are women who aren't particular about men's height, but from what I read they were generally the same height as short men. I also read quite a few people saying that short men tend to have low self esteem and that their "insecurities" made them less desireable. This point I would like to clear up. The reason they are insecure is because of the FACT that shorter men are less desired by women.

So if you are a girl reading this, and you know that you are considered attractive in men's eyes, (if you are tall or not) I'd like to know what you would think of being constantly reminded that there was a physical trait of yours that you couldn't EVER change, that was basically the driving flaw that kept men from finding you attractive. It might give you a better understanding of how many shorter guys feel. Hell, if I were too fat for women I could lose weight; if I was just too scrawney I would work-out more. I know not all women need taller men, but whenever girls make me feel like "less of a man" for being short, I can't help feeling like crawling under a rock. I think thats the only reason I hesitate when it comes to attracting women, I'm always afraid that it might be one of those kinds of women.

[TheRedQueen]

Valid points you make here Salucious, but I would like to add that even though the science behind attraction is generally one dominated by our sense of sight and smell, the science behind love is far too complex to even exist, as in love transcends these mere physical components of physical attraction.

[heloladies21]

I posted on your other thread but the advice didn't sink in. There's just too much evidence to prove this statement "Being tall can only help you initiate with a girl, but it is not necessary and a very easily overcomable obstacle if you are short." Just one of another of those self limiting beliefs which prevent guys from having the love life they want. But let's go beyond this because you can just go back and look at the old thread.

 

Your problem isn't your height, it's how your height is affecting you and your interactions with women. If a girl mentions anything about your height, how then to act? It depends how she does it, but it is what is known as a test. It is a test of your confidence (or insecurity) and your answer will dictate whether she was right or wrong to sense it.

 

It really depends on how the girl says it which will decide how you handle it, and your answer will make or break you with her. It's not your physical height which does you in, it's your failing of the tests.

[Salucious]

Your problem isn't your height, it's how your height is affecting you and your interactions with women. If a girl mentions anything about your height, how then to act? It depends how she does it, but it is what is known as a test. It is a test of your confidence (or insecurity) and your answer will dictate whether she was right or wrong to sense it.

 

It really depends on how the girl says it which will decide how you handle it, and your answer will make or break you with her. It's not your physical height which does you in, it's your failing of the tests.

 

I can understand what you are saying, but the problem isn't that women confront guys about their height. I was just under the impression that girls that prefer taller guys completely dismiss shorter guys as potential relationships. In other words, if they see me walking up to them do they think "this guy is too short, I won't even give him my consideration" or do they think "he is too short, but I guess I'll just be polite and hear what he has to say" I think it does have to do with women have a better mindset when a taller guy approaches them than if a shorter one does. And it's not that I'm just short, but I am small (not scrawney, but not muscular either) so I have a very young looking physique.

 

If women are more open to taller guys, then what's the point of talking to them if there are taller guys around me? In their eyes I appear less attractive. This is why it is easy for me to approach women if they are alone or just around other women. If I'm 22 and 5'5" in a club/bar with other people in their 20's I'll probably be the shortest guy there. In which case, do I appear inferior in most women's eyes? If so, that is a big blow to my mindset, how am I supposed to overcome that? I would have to be the most outgoing person there to get attention/respect which won't happen b/c I'm shy (that won't change, I've talked to a therapist about this and he says it's normal)

[BillyJean714]

I think TheRedQueen makes a very valid point there.

 

I also do understand your concerns. I think women who are on the oppossite end, who are much taller feel the same way you do, too. Men generally like women who aren't as tall. Same can be said about women who prefer taller men. But, at the heart of it all, if someone truly loves you, they will love you no matter how you look like.

 

Trust me, if someone loves you, they love you no matter what. I think it's the bond that counts. I had two professors, whom were totally in-love with each other. They would make out and give eskimo kisses to each other in the parking a lot. They were married, and we'd call them the odd couple, because his wife wasn't your typical beauty queen- she was super tall, 6'3'' had short-short, grey hair, and was overweight. He was about a foot shorter than her, looked about 10-15 years younger than her, skinny, but boy, they truly were madly in love with each other.

 

It just goes to show that the whole societal notions of beauty doesn't necessarily always apply to everyone. Me personally though, I must admit, I do like someone who's taller than me, but I used to have a mad crush on a guy who was your height, an inch taller than me. It was the connection that really got me. I would marry someone who isn't as tall. Besides, you're 5'5'', tha'ts not bad. Don't lose hope..

[yeawutever]

If the person loves you for who you are, then they're stay with you. If they are too picky b/c of your height then they're not worth your time nor energy. As a matter of fact, overly tallnest doesn't attract me at all, never really did. I go for 6ft-below. In my current relation, I'm 5"7" and he's 5"7 1/4", your height is no concern, it's normal.

[doyathink]

Generally women dont want to date a man who is shorter than they are, but some do. I would think (like I tell my husband) you may have 'short man ego'.

 

Do you carry an attitude about you because you think you are being judged for being short?

[itsallgrand]

You're tall in my eyes. But oh, just ignore me, I'm a shortie.

[g44]

height as a measuring stick about a person all that means is they place importance on physically attributes. and they probably allow that to influence how they view someone and allow that to influence their behaviour. and it shows in the way they describe things...short, or attribute characteristic to that person. it means they make an immediate judgement based on a visaul. isn't that style over substance? and is they are rule book as to what is considered short and what is tall? is it culturally based? is it based on mythology [the tall dark handsome knight], when someone does that it just shows how they view things...

 

stay kewl

[heloladies21]

I was just under the impression that girls that prefer taller guys completely dismiss shorter guys as potential relationships.

This is very much an untrue statement. In every situation, if you know the skills to communicate with women effectively, you can get them interested in you regardless of what their "ideal" guy is. What a girl says she wants and what she responds to are completely separate thing controled by separate parts of her mind.

 

In other words, if they see me walking up to them do they think "this guy is too short, I won't even give him my consideration"

This statement can be overcome by learning how to communicate better. You can still get a girl who has this initial thought.

 

I think it does have to do with women have a better mindset when a taller guy approaches them than if a shorter one does. And it's not that I'm just short, but I am small (not scrawney, but not muscular either) so I have a very young looking physique.

So what do you think is the solution? Just to complain and be in a world where everyone else has it better than you? Or you could live in reality where you have every oportunity to be successful at this if you were willing to put in the time and effort to visit those sites I told you about before. Have you researched those sites in-depth?

 

If women are more open to taller guys, then what's the point of talking to them if there are taller guys around me?

If this is the way you feel, then you're defeated even before you've begun. The fact of the matter is that girls might be more open to taller guys initially, but if you know what you're doing you can break through anyways without the advantage. And tall good looking guys don't have it made either. I've seen posts by guys 6'5'' complaining about how they can't get girls. Do you really think after knowing this that looks have all that much to do with whether a girl becomes or stays interested? It's a different way of thinking than you or me, based on different criteria.

 

that is a big blow to my mindset, how am I supposed to overcome that? I would have to be the most outgoing person there to get attention/respect which won't happen b/c I'm shy (that won't change, I've talked to a therapist about this and he says it's normal)

This is the real problem that needs to be solved here and even though this is very common problem (I'd say greater than 90% of the male population in western civilization have this problem to some degree), it is a problem and not normal in the sense that it can be corrected.

[bigredvick]

hey that doesnt stop the man who plays mini me off of austin powers. my new dad is a foot shorter then me and my mom is only 6 inches shorter then me. it's all in the way that you carry yourself.

[Salucious]

heloladies, yes I've been reading Mystery's stuff and read what you posted. But to me those sites say "don't be yourself, be this other kind of guy" I'm not doubting Mystery's methods, it is just a lot to ask of someone to act completely out of character (which is what I'd be doing if I practiced those methods). A lot of what he says makes sense, it is just hard to see myself doing them. Also, his methods seem to only apply to hooking up with random people; what if there is someone specific you want to be with? He doesn't really have a method for that, in fact it suggests don't focus on one girl. Why not?

[heloladies21]

Well the most important thing to realize is that no one single source is going to give you exactly what you're looking for on this. It's not that it can't be done, it's that the "science" of male/female interaction is still being hammered out and until then, each person is going to have some very good insight along with a whole lot of BS. It's your job to sift through it all and find what you're looking for. It's good that you've been reading Mystery, but keep looking for other sources and really think about what they're saying. Mystery ain't perfect, as a matter of fact he has much difficulty keeping girls once he gets em. The two skills are very independent, but in order to keep a girl you have to get her first so we're trying to take this one step at a time.

 

If there's one piece of advice I have to stress above all else, it's to never be a character and always be yourself. You hear this piece of "advice" all the time (it's not really advice as it's a goal to strive for like being confident). But who are you? And how are you expressing yourself? This is the core of what you're trying to learn, it's all an exercise in self expression ie. communication. I don't know any other way but to be myself. That's why the only valuable scripted material you'll learn are the openers just to start the conversation. After that, you can memorize all you want, but you're going to run out of material so the most important changes you can make are the ones in your perception of the world + women and the way you talk to them. This stuff impacts how you express yourself on a fundamental level so there's no need to "act" in a certain way because this is the way you truly are. A great way to teach how to do this is through examples because once you see how someone else does it, you can decide to make it a part of your personality. Really though, if it makes sense to you, it will become a part of you for real and will just talk that way naturally.

 

So don't "act", simply consider the way these guys are suggesting to view/communicate, and if it makes sense to you feel free to add it to your personality in the same way you would learn a foreign language. Girls communicate on different levels and it's up to you to learn how to do this as well.

 

This is going to take a lot of hard work and time. It's not going to be easy and you're going to mess up along the way. Trust me, I know. Look for and research other sources, get out there and try thing (try anything), post your specific experiences in detail and get feedback, analyze, discuss, then make adjustments. This is the way you learn.

 

As for talking to multiple women at once, this is suggested to prevent a common problem (which you may or may not have) where guys get fixated on specific girls and it makes them come accross in unnatural ways. It also is suppose to be for your own good because if things don't work out with her the pain hurts less if you have other things going on at the time. Plus you're getting more practice in a shorter amount of time and the most important thing you can do is to get out there and get experience. Just don't get caught in the trap of making the same mistakes over and over again.

 

Whew, any more questions?