Am I someone interesting someone would want to get to know?

[renaissancewoman101]

This morning I was up early and was pondering on some things. I really think I am a boring person with a boring personality and that all I am good for is being a support person for people. I am great at being there for people, helping people out, being supportive, being a good friend, loyalty, and compassion.

 

What really is me? What really is me that can attract someone to ME? I sometimes think I am a bland palette of colors with nothing dramatic or outstanding, just basic pastels, nothing memorable. My life is like a semi-blank canvas, with no distinct colors, only shadows of colors, shadows of images, nothing distinct to say who I really am.

 

I dont think I have the "spark" that can light up someone's life, ignite the "spark" of passion in someone. I just dont think I do. I dont know how to get it either.

 

I am too much of a yuppie (liking nice things, nice travels, eating out), that killed my last relationship with my ex. He couldnt handle my yuppiness. I am not really an outdoorsy person, although I try. But people dont give me the chance to show them that I can be outdoorsy, like hiking and stuff like that. I tend to be slow at walking because of my shape and because of asthma issues. I also tire out easily.

 

I dont know what I am and I dont know how I can ever develop the characteristics to ignite a "spark" in someone.

 

What do you guys think I am?

[Closure]

I think being supportive, loyal and compassionate are amazing qualities.

 

Have you tried the dating where you're matched up with people with similar interests etc?

 

Don't doubt your ability to spark, there are millions of people who don't have your qualities that are married or happy all over the world, your time will come!

[quietgrl]

I know how you feel because people have been overlooking me for 20 years.I don't have any friends or never had a boyfriend.I'm a nice person but in my world nice gets you nowhere. I'm starting to finally realize this is my life not having any friends or a boyfriend

[Hope75]

Hey RW,

 

The qualities you describe are wonderful, and would make you worth getting to know for alot of people. Being warm, supportive, loyal and friendly are all geniune qualities that make for a good partner.

 

Not everyone is looking for someone who wants to go for long hikes in the woods, heck, I'm happy with a 15 minute walk with my dog.

 

Are YOU bored with your life? Aside from the absense of a guy, are you dissatisfied with it? If so, what are you planning to do to change that?

[NJRon]

For a long time I thought that I had to have things to talk about.. things I did.. in order to be interesting and attractive. I have found that, the more I love myself, the more I accept myself. The more I accept myself, the more I accept others. The more I am accepting of others, the more others want to be around me. Because, in the end, people would rather be around someone that accepts them than just someone that can tell interesting anecdotes and stories...

 

The most rewarding friendships I have made have been with people that I accepted and that accepted me... beyond that... frankly... many of them did nothing that was overly interesting... it was the communication and intimacy that was available in that safe environment that lead to to wanting to be around them. And, when someone *did* something, or *prusued* something they were passionate about and wanted to share about that... it was just iding on the cake... not the foundation.

 

When you start accepting yourself for who you are, you will start to know who you are. Because, you are who you are.

[renaissancewoman101]

Hope75, I am not bored with my life. I am actually trying to get my life together. I have gotten rid of "T" in my life, I am going back to school to finish out my teaching degree, I have gotten into therapy and am on an anti-anxiety medication. I am even seriously thinking of divorcing "T" to close that chapter on that saga. I just dont think I have a lot of qualities that make me attractive to a guy or that will ignite a "spark" in someone. I am too much of a preppy person (like nice things, going out to eat, etc). My ex couldn't handle that after a while. I do like outdoorsy things, but I dont like it a lot because I never had the opportunity to learn to like it.

 

I also am NOT artistic or creative at all. I s*ck at photography, art, creative writing (although I can write poems and stories but not well), and stuff like that. I am a kind and compassionate person but that can only take me so far.

 

My hobbies tend to be on the strange side. I love guinea pigs and spends hours researching how to adequately care for them and stuff like that. I also love Ren Faires for the historical aspect of it. Those are the two things I am passionate about.

[Hope75]

I don't think you being preppy makes you an unattractive partner to the opposite sex- look around next time you are out in public, there are lots of preppy men and women out there! Don't they call that, "metrosexual" these days?

 

Your hobbies are not so unusual, I am a big lover of animals as well and there are lots of guys who enjoy Ren Faires, no? How many guys did you see there dressed up at your last Ren Faire? I think being compassionate and kind to animals would be a big PLUS for a guy (think: future children). And you don't have to share ALL your interests with a guy to make a relationship work.... heck, my bf is 31 and he loves his computer video games and I never even turn on the TV! But we love each other and are going on 4 years, living together and making it work....

 

I think you are being too hard on yourself, RW- you are making alot of positive changes! Be proud of that progress!

[DN]

You are funny and amusing and interesting on here - when you are not down on yourself too much. So take the former into your daily life interacting with other people and leave the latter at home.

[Hope75]

You are funny and amusing and interesting on here - when you are not down on yourself too much. So take the former into your daily life interacting with other people and leave the latter at home.

 

I agree- I very much enjoy your wry sense of humor on here, and you are very caring with other posters.

 

I am a hard type A personality who comes down on myself too hard all the time too- it's tough, but try and leave that behind when you go out and have the opportunity to meet new people!

[Spugly Fuglet]

renaissancewoman101 are you fishing for compleaments?

 

we all know you have that twinkal in your eyes that says

 

"FUN TO BE WITH"

[renaissancewoman101]

Hope and DN, thanks for your complements about my wry sense of humor. Nobody's ever noticed me for my sense of humor. But that is something to add to my positives. That's good.

 

Spugly Fuglet, no I am not fishing for complements. I just had a somewhat down day a few days ago and feel as though I cant meet up to people's standards and ignite a spark in someone.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

I've only been posting here for a month, but I know who you are - you've definitely made an impression on me! You're self-aware and analytical, kind and open. Don't be so down on yourself - you sound really interesting. And your hobbies are fantastic! They are unusual and they are your passion - that's quite rare. I love people who are genuinely enthusiastic about something - I find that intriguing.

 

You sound as though you need to work on your self-esteem though - you're very quick to focus on what you see as negative about yourself. There are millions and millions of things that all of us can't do; that's the nature of being human. So what that you can't take good photos? Why is that relevant *at all*???? I can honestly say, hand on heart, that is something I have never judged someone on being - I value integrity, loyalty and kindness in friends and lovers, and you've got all that. So what that I am completely tone deaf, and when I sing it sounds like a cat being strangled (slowly and painfully!) - do you see what I mean? Why pick on something you're not good at? Focus on all your amazing positive traits!

 

I think you seem like a lovely person.

 

Cheers

[renaissancewoman101]

Honey Pumpkin, thanks for your kind words. They are appreciated.

 

I just feel as though I can't attract guys or else I am attracted to guys who I can't have, like they're gay or something like that, or that I dont fit their criteria and ignite a "spark" in them.

[Carl5000]

hey renaissancewoman, your problem is your setting yourself unachieveable goals and want to be creative, funny, interesting, exciting, but the reality is nobody is perfect and you have to accept your going to have weaknesses- the grass isn't always greener and try and be grateful that you've got a many positive aspects.

 

I have many weaknesses, but i still know when im expecting too much. Like i sometimes get frustrated with my lack of iq when reading complex philosophical ideas and although i hven't got an iq of 200 at least im of a reasonable intelligence.

 

You think your uninteresting, crikey im seriously boring i've been single for almost 6yrs(personal choose), dont travel and use my spare time to socalise, read and play the guitar. But, i also know im a good person and a loyal friend and have a good character which is way more important than being an exciting individual. Your friends dont respect you for ur life experiences, but who you are as a person.

 

Seriously, your jsut be really irrational. Your beliefs can make you depressed if you set yourself unachieveable goals and perfections in all areas of ur life which is impossible for almost everyone. The happy people, are the realistic ones.

[Ipso Fracto Man]

You're not boring; more on that in a minute. But if you want to FEEL more interesting, just start thinking outside the box. Put a freaky painting on your wall. Buy a t-shirt that says, "What the hell are YOU looking at?" Get a doll chair, set a piggie in it and snap a pic. Voila! Instant genius photographer. Or pile them into a human guinea pig (?) pyramid. Whatever. Exersize your creative muscle. The sky's the limit. That's how we do.

 

You and I recently met for conversation and the hours flew by with unbelievable speed. I don't want to say my real name here, but I still owe you for a couple of drinks...

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Hey RW-

 

I just read one of your other posts. You gave terrific advice to a girl with self esteem issues.

 

I echo that advice back to you... sometimes you have to ignore what others think about you and believe that YOU are the prize.

 

If you keep on telling yourself you are boring... you will always be boring. How about changing the cd to " i am interesting" ...eventually you'll believe it and you will feel as interesting as others see you.

[renaissancewoman101]

Thanks for all your replies. I do get a lot from you guys here. I know I have a lot to offer someone, but I just get down on myself on occasions because it seems as though when I do like someone, the "spark" is not there from their POV and it just doesnt go anywhere. It's been a long while since I liked someone and I am just afraid that will happen again.

 

How a "spark" is sprung between people of opposite sex will always be a mystery to me.

 

Do people just click out of the blue? It isnt something you can plan or want to have happen? It just happens?

 

Is attraction SO unpredictable and just SO out of the blue?

 

That is something very hard for me to fathom.

[RelaxByWater84]

Hey I don't think of you as boring. When I first came to ENA I saw you in a pic and you had on your Renassiance(sp?) costum and I thought you were interesting and wanted to get to know you. You probably have more knowledge about that time period than I do. You have a nice, welcoming smile. I noticed your smile first. I feel that you a person a lot of people would want to be around. The world needs someone like you. And you're the person the world needs.

[renaissancewoman101]

RanRoc, if you really knew me, you would know that I have a tendency to think EVERYTHING is my fault. That is just my nature.

 

CoffeeGirl, I am glad you like my smile. That is one thing people have said that is nice about me. I try to be upbeat about things most of the time, but it's hard.

 

I just wish I could attract someone to me. Yeah, I am a bit disappointed with my life.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well, I'd be fine with the idea of getting to know you, judging by your personality that comes through in your postings.

 

I know what you mean about feeling a million shades of nothing.

 

I sympathise.