Minor meltdown

[renaissancewoman101]

I am extremely anxious right now, have been for the last few hours. I thought the meds were supposed to take the edge off my anxiety. It hasn't.

 

I cant get a handle on my life. I just can't. Going back to school is all fine and dandy. I am happy about that. But now I have no money. My parents are helping me out financially (somewhat) since I drained all my savings when I first moved out here. They are also paying for my schooling (they insisted on it) which is great.

 

I am getting a handle on most parts of my life, except FINANCIAL stuff. I am in hole again and I just got into an argument with my parents over some money issues. I have cashed out some investments of mines so I can have some money to live. I may end up cashing out part of my retirement stuff which is a big NO NO. My parents are mad at me and wonder why I cant seem to get a hold of my finances.

 

I am 33 years old and I dont know how to budget at all. I look at my bank statements and credit card statements and sometimes wonder WHERE THE HELL DID THE MONEY GO????? I dont know how people can do it. Even when I WAS working, I never could budget well and always lived on the edge. It's gotten worse since I moved back out here. My parents are helping me more but it is having an emotional toll on me.

 

And I dont have a motivation to find a job. This is the longest I have not worked. I have worked since being in college (part-time) then full time after college. I have no idea where my life is going, or where my motivation went.

 

It's great to be back in school. It's not great to not know how to manage money. Asking my parents to help me with that is not good either.

 

I'm stumped about my life.

[Beyondthesea]

Sorry to hear you are feeling anxious RW. I stayed home from work today because my anxiety had me near meltdown as well actually. The past few days, I have been breathing very shallow and panicking as well as feeling like I'm about to barf at any moment all of a sudden. Very very unnerving! I was walking somewhere yesterday after eating supper, started to feel 'panicky' and was walking by a restaurant and smelled cooking food...I thought I was going to toss my cookies in the middle of the street. Cute.

 

Hon, with regards to your fiances: make yourself a spreadsheet, and every single time you pay for anything whether it be with cash, debit or credit, put it in the sheet. This is a must.

 

OR whenever you are out spending money, have a piece of paper in your purse saying how much money you have alloted yourself this week/two weeks/month before buying anything.

 

And honey, of course you don't have any motivation to work...sorry to say but you can always fall back on your parents. If you had no fall back, you would be working because you wouldn't have a choice. There have been times in my life that I have been so mentally unstable that I definitely should not have been working, but I simply had no choice! Maybe you should start forcing yourself to rely only on you and your income alone is all I'm saying. That's always a huge motivator.

 

As for your anxiety, remember that those pills aren't a cure all...they are supposed to help keep you stable enough to deal with issues so that sooner or later you won't need to take them. They aren't meant to take forever so you can ignore whatever issues have risen in your life causing the anxiety.

 

Lotsa love to you RW!

[renaissancewoman101]

In a way, I am kind of a disappointment. I cant really make it on my own out here. I have no income and I never really learned to live on a budget.

 

I am a loser, aint I .

 

Going to school doesnt cut it, does it?

[RelaxByWater84]

Don't call yourself a loser. Please. It's good that you are going to school. Don't think that isn't good. A lot of times school helps you learn to buget.

[renaissancewoman101]

I'm 33 years old, and if I havent learned how to budget by now, I probably never will.

 

Yeah, I'm down on myself. Plus I have a negative bank balance right now, which is bothering. My parents are going to help me but that comes with a few emotional strings, AGAIN!

 

Ugh. I really dont know how to live on the cheap

[melrich]

Yes I think you really need to make some key decisions about your life direction. You seem to be drifting along at the moment. Maybe it is time that you put all your energies into achieving something to assist. Starting with some trying to achieve somefinancial independence may be the most appropriate.

 

At the moment you are lurching from one crisis to another and seem to be doing not much more than jogging up and down on the spot. Perhaps study is not teh right way to go. Perhaps a full time job would bring some stability and order to your life in te short term.

[annie24]

hey there -

 

why not bring together two things you love? like maybe find a part time job at starbuck's? they have pretty flexible hours, I'm sure you can work around your school schedule. and you can have your coffee!

 

Many banks offer free financial advising - it is something you should take advantage of. make a budget.

[now_better]

LBYM = living below your means

 

do a google search on that, you'll find some amazing ways to live thriftly. i love living life on LBYM. you have so much more appreciation for things in life when you do and as a result of not spending much, your bank account looks very healthy. the best part about saving up is the amazing freedom it gives you. i just flew out to indiana to visit my friend over the weekend, stay in chicago, charge a bunch of stuff to my credit card, and i didn't even have to think about if i could afford it because income + LBYM = freedom. make it a way of life and you won't have to worry about money in the future.

 

and of course, you need to get a job. you don't have school all day. there are places willing to hire people at night (restaurants, coffee shops) and weekends. make a effort and go for it!

 

and most importantly... NO MORE SELF-PITY PLZ. thx

[renaissancewoman101]

I actually dont use credit cards a lot. I most spend money on my check card which is linked to my checking account. I need to learn to LBYM. That is one thing I never really learned to do well.

 

Annie24, Starbucks is somewhere I have thought about getting a part-time job at. One baby step at a time. I started school. Next, finding a part-time job.

[NJRon]

It's tough to make a lifestyle change. I struggled with it. Once I got more used to LBYM, it started to become a bit easier. It is now much more comfortable. It also allows me to enjoy the occasional luxury. I don't live paycheck to paycheck anymore and that's a huge weight off my shoulders.

 

I did it by *really* depriving myself for a period of time, figuring out what I was spending money on. Then, after subsisting like that for a short period, I was able to loosen things up a bit. 'Voluntary Simplicity' is also another topic to research.

[annie24]

well... look into it before all the jobs get snapped up!

 

why not just call starbucks' right now and ask if they are hiring? it will just take 5 minutes, and they'll tell you what locations are looking for new hires.

[need2bme]

Hey, first of all, if you are trying then you cannot be a loser. Secondly, you have to get an education. People these days can be way too picky in the job market. It isn't like it used to be, when people would just ask if you heard about what they were working on.

 

Also, don't tell your parents everything. At least, don't volunteer. I had to learn the hard way not to tell my family about my relationship. You are moving in the right direction and have taken the first steps.

 

When I first went through my breakup a few months ago, I decided to lose some weight and started spending money on clothes. It made me feel good. I found some great second hand stores, where they actually had some Structure, Tommy Hilfiger and AIX clothing. How cool is that? It is nice to spend your money on you and not taking care of someone else.

 

Finally, after dropping many classes for stupid reasons, it took me almost 9 years to get my AA. Yep, you read that right. I am back in school now and look at it this way...

 

I can either spend another 9 years without a degree or I can get one. Besides, think of all the cool people we will meet...

[Beyondthesea]

RW you need to be more proactive about things. If you really want change and you want to be financially free from your parents, you have to push yourself to find a job.

 

I have gone to school full time and worked part time on the weekends and it really helps make ends meet. You can do it if you make up your mind to!

[annie24]

actually, I think the job will make you feel better. sometimes when you are busy and have less time to dwell on stuff, you can be happier. plus, you will have $$$ and will meet new people. i think you are still a bit isolated out there and don't have a social circle yet. I think you will be happier once you are around people.

[Siriana]

O.k. you are 33 and you don't know how to deal with money.

That is bad, but it is not good to say that since you didn't learn that by now that you woan't be able to do that forever.

The fact is this is something that has to be learned - use tricks how to lower your spending - go wisti some web sites about it. Also, it is important to know why are you overspending.

 

To make you feel better I will say to you that nowadys when everyone is running after profit the only thing you can see without much effort are commercials. YOu don't have to search for them - they are always infront of your eyes. It is the same with TV too. But it is just a layer that puts some sort of blur on your life - superficial things that are clouding your judgment if you're not concentrated enough.

It is the same with food.

I have experienced both ways - overspending capitalism and depressing socialism. I live in east europe and when I was a kid we were in socialism. Thins were a lot different. YOu were not able to buy all the things that you see now because they were not on the market. ALso we didn't have those huge supermarkets and people were not buying food like crazy and filling their bodys with unhealthy food that is in very attractive package. The number of overweight kids was really low. TOday parents work like crazy, no time for cooking, and teenagers are looking completely different than we used to. I guess I see the beginning of overweight problems in our country, like today in america.

 

When you see something you want to buy always imagine that object without its package and than ask yourself do I need it or I just like the looks of it.

ALways ask yourself how I feel right now? If the answer is depressed, sad, annoyed, don't buy that thing you're lurking for.

Stop using credit cards.

Once a week withdrow an amount of cash you need from the bankomat and than don't go back. Don't cary your card for bankomat in your wallet - leave it at home.

When going in a supermarket don't go hungry, take a list and if they have it take that thing for carrying stuff in you hand so you woan't be able to carry to much stuff, not that thing on wheels (I don't know english expressions, sorry)

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

YOU'RE BACK IN SCHOOL.

 

That's Excellent.

 

The anxiety . . . ch. Nothing much new to offer, except that I'm plagued by a similiar affliction right now. I had to sit down 3 times a few days ago when I went shopping in my local mall - I just felt mad, panicky, suicidal.

 

I'll be reading.

[itsallgrand]

Ren,

 

I totally relate to the anxiety and 'feeling like a loser'. It comes and goes, but I definetly have noticed it is much worse when I have spare time. Sitting.

 

Recently I have taken Action. Won't bore with my life story here, 'cause this is your post, but let's just say i've learned so quickly. My anxiety and depression is so much better.

 

First, money. When dealing with anxiety, money is #1 priority.

The idea is security - one less thing to get sick about worrying.

So you need a job - right away. In my opinion, even more important than school.

School (a great thing) is still an environment where you can 'hide'. Everything is set up for you, no teacher is going to hold you responsible if you miss a class.

 

Do you think you may be using school as an excuse to avoid getting a job?

Like I said, school is great, but the toll of going to school now for you is rather great, no? Soon you'll be so busy with school, studying, and whatnot that you will have all kinds of reasons to say "oh, I didnt have time to find a job" or "oh, I've only been able to pick up a few hours at work bc I've been so stressed with school."

 

I dunno Ren. If I were in your position, it would eat at my self-esteem and confidence every time I went back to the parents or accepted money.

It's not that it is wrong. No judgement. It's that I would know inside, secretly, behind all the anxiety and sadness I am capable of doing this myself.

But each time you accept the money, or sit in a class they paid for without providing for yourself first, the action reinforces this silly and incorrect idea that You can't do it for yourself.

 

If you work hard, and want it bad enough, you could put yourself through school. totally.

 

If I were you, I seriously would set everything else aside if need be to build a financial plan. Short-term and middle-term and long-term.

Not only build it, but work it.

 

Sacrifices too. I mean, living at bare bones and cutting all fat. It not only works, but it's the confidence you get doing it. Self discipline.

 

I too believe in LBYM. I have no fall-backs, haven't since I was a kid. I've been very 'out of it' and yet still have always managed to stay afloat without outside help. No debt. No worries. Every extra penny now is making me richer.

It's the backbone - otherwise I would probably be in debt to my death by now.

 

Even in a crap job you can live and support yourself. Figure out how to become self-sufficient and wean yourself off your parental support. Make the commitment to do it, and see it through.

 

If you can see that this will help, and how much it is affecting your anxiety, I believe you'll do it. Then it is just gathering details.

 

good luck. Whatever you do - do not convince yourself this is going to last forever. It's not.

 

And Ren, I hope this wasn't too harsh. This is something I know from living it. Hopefully some of it will help you. If it doesn't disregard it.