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Why am I alone?


Goldfish6888
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Hi...My problem is that I can't seem to find someone that wants to date me. When I'm out, I get looks from men and they appear to find me attractive.

I notice guys whistling or making comments whilst I walk down the street, but they never approach me.

 

I was out at a bar on Sat night and a cute man kept looking over, I smiled and made eye contact, but he never came over. I gave him encouraging looks and a friendly smile, but it just didn't work.

 

He even asked my male friend, if I was free. But I still ended up alone at the end of the night and no date. He left and that was the end of that ;-(

I don't want to have to do any running, as it's not worked for me in the past and only ended up in heartbreak, so that's not the solution.

 

Then I met another guy through a work colleague, he was apparently impressed with me. I told my work colleague that I was interested. He gave him my number, but I never heard back from him???

 

I have recently taken up a new sport, which I thought might be a good way of meeting new people rather than in bars and nightclubs.

Each weekend, I go away to play sport, My mom makes comments "like did I not meet anyone yet?" I've told her to not make comments like this as my confidence is already at an all-time low, without her making it worse and putting me under pressure!

 

Guys do make comments to me like "I bet you break a lot of hearts etc"....but then why am I always alone? I have a lot of male friends and get on really well with them, I'm friendly and outgoing and not aloof and standoffish. I just don't know what to do more to have someone want to date me???

 

I just feel really lonely. I do my best not to appear desperate or like I'm on the hunt for a man, so I always just enjoy myself and my friends...rather than sitting at the bar looking like I'm on the prowl. I don't appear all sulky or sad when I'm out, just smiling and approachable, but it never happens.

 

Please help as I really miss having someone and I just feel like a dating failure!

 

What am I doing wrong??? I am crying at my desk as I write this as I feel very low...

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I think what you're feeling is a universal feeling for everyone, at one time or another.

 

Don't look so hard. Forget about it.

 

I would look into increasing your self esteem. I recommend this because of what you said about being a dating failure. No one is ever a failure. We can learn from things.

 

First step to increasing self esteem:

 

Start thinking positive and visualize things that you want in your life. Concentrate on yourself for awhile and discover who YOU really are.

 

Just remember that you are NOT a failure.

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But this is just not a stage for me - it has been like this for most of my dating life.

 

I actually have a really strong sense of self as I went for some counselling last year and this came up in my profile test.

 

I just am tired of being alone. I will still go out and have a good time, but it's hard to continually try and be positive. I did get a book, which uses positive visualisation techniques and I did it for a while.

 

But when nothing changes in over a year since doing the book - it's hard to remain positive?? I know I have a lot to offer. But when the pattern of no one asking me out continues, I just feel very sad and down.

 

Its the end of the Summer, another year has past and still I'm alone. None of my relationships have worked out - they either break up with me for someone else or they are players. Even the nice genuine guys don't seem to want to date me - even when I drop hints or am friendly. I just don't know what else to do...

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I'm sorry you're feeling so low.

 

You say that 'you don't want to do any running as its not worked in the past'. I understand what you're trying to say, but imagine if everyone felt that way. No one would ever date!

 

You want people to approach you, and I understand that, but maybe you should take a risk. Next time you see a cute guy accross the bar, do all the things you did, guage his reaction and if things look positive, go and order your next drink at the part of the bar where he is standing and strike up a conversation. If he's not interested, you'll get the idea pretty quickly, and if he is interested, fantastic!

 

I have many friends who I have met while I've been out and about in bars etc. and not necessarily just guys I want to date or anything. A lot of the time you'll find people are just grateful to talk to a nice, intelligent girl like yourself you isn't falling all over themselves drunk or being a total sleeze.

 

You sound like a catch! Don't be so hard on yourself. As tripe as it sounds, I am a firm believer in the idea that when the time is right, you'll look back on this and think 'so that's why it happened this way'.

 

Hope this helped x

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I know you are right....but why, oh why....do I have a really bad choice in men! Like about 2 weeks ago, I was waiting on a friend to arrive in a cafe.....there was a really cute guy sitting reading his newspaper. He left to go to the Mens room and I couldn't believe he left his wallet and blackberry behind. Anyway, I made sure they were okay, keeping a watch while he was away.

 

When he came back he joked" I knew you would look after it!" My friend arrived and we all got into a convo. He seemed really nice. Anyway, my friend invited him along for dinner. He came and my friend said he seemed really keen on me and he appeared a "nice guy"

 

He paid for dinner for both of us and walked me to the metro or subway.

Anyway, he asked me for my number and we arranged a date the following sat. Well I turned up....and he didn't.....

 

I was really down as he seemed really nice. I didn't need more dints to my confidence. So then.....2 weeks later, I'm out for morning coffee on Sat....I notice this guy that looks "familiar" playing with a baby and a woman beside him. It was 10am in the morning. This was definitely his child as he was really "hands on" and then I realised it was HIM.

 

Anyway, I got my answer as to why he didn't turn up...

 

I know its a lucky escape, but why...oh why...do I get the AH's making the moves and not the nice guys. I know I sound like I'm moaning. But I really am lonely. So lonely now it hurts. And its not like I can remedy it....like I can with changing my job...or buying a new car or changing my life.

 

It's really out of my control. I have to wait and see who comes along...or if he comes along at all.

 

I know you are saying I'm going through this for a reason and it will all work out in the end...but I've been saying that for 15 years of dating.

 

So where is the light at the end of tunnel?

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You're right, it is out of your control. And the only thing you can control, is you.

 

My advice is the same, get out there are give it a go. I don't really know what else to say. If there was a simple solution, we'd all be doing it!

 

And as for the light at the end of the tunnel, I guess you'll only see it when you're going through it

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That is true. I won't be with anyone unless I really really want to be. But Do you think I should just settle for Mr Right now? I mean, Time is moving sooooo quick and before I know it, the big 40 will be there...and still no sign of me having kids or a family - which is really important to me. Maybe I should just settle? I could have a b/f now if I settle. He could grow on me?

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Have you ever heard the old saying, "A watched kettle never boils?"

 

I've always always met guys when I least expected it, and never when I was looking for them.

 

I wouldn't go out with just anyone either, but maybe start up some friendships first instead of going straight into dating mode? Some of the best relationships come from friendships first. That way you can actually get to know someone a little better first, and if it doesn't turn out to be a dating thing then at least you have another good friend.

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Hey Goldfish

 

First ...."RELAX" if you are still living at home you still have plenty of time. Try being yourself.........let me repeat that...try being yourself.

You live in Paris, the city people dream of. You will find the right guy when the stars are in allignment ...trust me you will.

 

Relax and have some fun, and blow your mom off when she makes comments like that.....no pressure

 

All good things in time

 

Hang In There ....work on being a better you

 

Kuhl

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  • 3 weeks later...

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