asking for boyfriend's password = finding troble.

[ihaveissues]

i've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. Trust of course is they key in a long distance relationship or in any relationship. I've trusted him, but have had some doubts before just because i don't trust guys in general so its not him. He is usually honest, he tells me things i wish i didnt know about his ex's but thats only because i ask and although i wish he didnt say it i rather hear the truth then hear him lie. Since this summer he has travled to asia to visit his family. We write emails about every other day but for some reason the last email of him saying that he came on to check his email at an internet cafe i knew that he wasn't checking his emails only for my emails.

So i decided to email him and surprise him by asking him for his password, he wrote me back saying he didnt understand why i wanted it all assuden and dint give it to me. But luckily i caught him online and asked for it there which of course he couldnt say no. He hesitated kept asking me why i wanted i told him i just wanted it and didnt see why he couldnt give it to me unless he was hiding something. He told me that he has a pet peve of being private about his things but i really think its just an excuse. as we talked him seem to respond a bit slower so i'm guessing he was probaly in his email deleting something before he would let me see his email account.

He finally gave up his password, i checked it and looked around, he was emailing two girls that i noticed most one from his ex girlfriend and one from a girl i've never heard of. based on reading some of the emails from that girl i've never heard him mention i can tell they were just friend from where he is from. The emails they wrote back and forth were pretty friendly. As for the ex girlfriend, it was just an email saying hi, he told me he still talks with her every now and then but she has now moved on with someone else and so has he so that was a friendly email too. he admits that he still talks to her so i guess i am fine with it. When i looked at the dates for these though they were about 2 weeks ago, and from reading the email from that girl i dont know i can tell that they continuosly wrote back but agian friendly wise. so after two weeks of not writing i dont think it has suddenly stop because i think he has deleted some of the recent emails. but get this, after a few minutes when i clicked hotmail ask me to sign in because i was on there for a while. when i signed back in he changed his password tos omething else so i couldnt get back on.

to sum it all up, i am confused, could he be cheating on me? he hasn't wrote me back for a day but i guess he is out with his family or he could be angry at me. Someone who refuses to give his password and then changes it after he gives it to u only tells me that he is hiding something. he says he likes to keep things private and that he wouldnt even give his password to his parents. ( yeah thats a ) I dont know if it is because he likes things private or because he is hiding something, i mean obviously if he has to delete emails before letting me see. i'm not 100% sure if he did not delete the emails but i'm 70% sure he did 2 weeks is way to long for friends to write back and forth to each other. so i'm debating if i should just break up with hima nd not deal with it or should i just ignore it and respect his privacy ask him about the girl and forget everything thats happened. Sure i can put it in my shoes that if i did have stuff i wrote to other guys i talk to i would delete it to but i only talk tot hem i've never cheated on him but how can i be so sure about him? PLEASE HELP MEEEE

[ElektraHere]

Why did you need the password? That is privacy that is his not yours. Is nothing his own? If you have trust issues with him then thats on you not him. And knowing all of his passwords won't solve anything for you.

 

I think you opened a Pandora's box and now you have to unfortunately deal with all of what was inside.

[NJRon]

If some girl asked for my password to my email that would be a *really* big flaming red flag to me. It shows an extreme lack of trust. If he offered it to you in the first place, that's another thing. But he didn't. You pestered him about it.

 

Some things are private and others have no right, or no need to know.

 

How can you be sure about anything? It doesn't sound like he has given you *any* reason to doubt his word. Have you offered to give him the password to your email? If you did, he would porbably say he didn't want it. Knowing that it's a private thing.

[Slacker]

I agree, if you cant give him the benefit of the doubt you have some trust issues. Asking for his password is out of line, I would break up with a girl before i handed over an e-mail account.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

One of the mistakes many people make in relationships is assuming that absolutely everything needs to be shared. People need privacy, even from someone they are dating, living together with or married to. Asking for someone's password is very presumptuous and an invasion of privacy. If you don't trust him, then you should break up with him. People are entitled to send others emails. It doesn't mean that anything is going on. People are allowed to have friends.

[melrich]

That is just gross. Unfortunately I suspect your relationship may soon be over. Not many would survive behaviour like that.

[SarahRose]

I agree that the bf will end the relationship soon.

 

You had no right to demand his password.

[annie24]

I have to agree with the others - I don't think you had any right to ask for his password. it shows you have 0 trust for him. you checked out his stuff, and found that it was only friends, no flirtation. how can a relationship survive when one person completely does not trust the other?

 

it's not a matter of hiding anything - e-mails, passwords are private, even if there is nothing scandalous going on there.

 

I wouldn't blame him if he dumped you. sorry.

[Ixtapa]

I think asking someone's password is just plain wrong....everyone is entitled to some privacy and if there is no trust between you, you should not be together in the first place. What he writes to his friends (and what they write back to him) is none of your business at all.

Would you also open his normal mail ??

[rikka]

Um wow! Yeah, I agree with everyone else. You were way out of line. If my BF asked for my email password I would quickly tell him where to go and how to get there. It is his privacy that you interferred with, and that was way wrong. Trust is so important to relationships (especially LDR), your actions show that you can't trust him, I just wonder how long it will be until he decides he doesn't trust you.