is this guy bipolar or what?

[locurafan]

well first off, hi, I'm new lol...I went through all the posts trying to see if anyone had a problem similar to mine. Apparently, I've fallen in love with a weirdo because no one has had this issue.

Anyway, lol, on to the story:

 

I had a relationship for 7 months with a guy that lives in Venezuela (I live in Texas). He would always tell me that he loved me and that he wanted to marry me. We started getting a little more serious about things, so we decided to talk on the phone. After that, we said we would mail something to each other. He said he had bought me a teddy bear and that he'd try to send it soon. In the meantime, I mailed him a letter. Unfortunately, a few weeks after sending the letter, we broke up. We decided to be friends though.

3 months go by and a friend of ours was trying to get us back together by trying to get us to confess our feelings. I honestly couldn't take it anymore and I burst out that I still loved him. He just left the conversation. Later that night, I received an e-mail from him saying that he only liked me as a friend. As devastated as I was, I just tried to forget about him.

Then in December, we were having our usual chat and he suddenly tells asks me to marry him. Obviously confused, I asked him if he was kidding and he said no. He told me that what he had written on the e-mail wasn't true, so we got back together. Then on December 29, he told me he was scared things wouldn't work out between us because of the distance and that we should just be friends. Eventhough I still wanted to be with him, I just couldn't force him to be with me so I agreed to remain friends.

Here's where my problem comes in.

We chat pretty much everyday. One day we're talking and joking around as usual and the next day, it's like I don't even exist. He completely ignores me. I usually give him a week to say hi and when he doesnt, I ask him what's up. He always says he's sorry and bla bla bla, but when I ask him why does it, he finds an excuse to not answer me. One night when we weren't chatting, on his sn he put something like this: "I'm tired of telling you this, I only want to be friends and nothing more!" (he always thinks my sn's are for him) Oh and he's one of those people that RARELY change their sn. He started putting other things like "well why don't you ask me? we're in the 21st century". Trying to play with me?

 

Eventhough we're not dating anymore, he dedicates songs to me, and he's even started calling my parents his parents-in-law. He gets jealous if I talk to other guys that he doesn't get along with, yet he talks to all the girls and eventhough I get jealous, I don't let him know it.

A few weeks ago, were talking just fine, but then all of a sudden he started ignore me for like the 5th time I'm guessing. Weird thing this time is that he started talking to me on the link removed forums (which is where we met). Yet when he signed on to the messenger, he wouldn't say hi. I decided to wait one more to see if he'd say hi. He said he wouldn't talk to me until I said hi. so I was like "ok w/e, hi". And then things went smooth from then on.

On Friday, he asked me to virtually marry him lol. So I did. On Sunday, I signed on to the messenger and greeted him. I began to get a gut feeling that he really didn't wanna talk to me so I asked him if he was mad and he said no. I decided to just leave him alone.

I see him sign on the next day, and he doesn't say hi so of course, neither do I. Next day, same thing. But he talks to me on the forums. I couldn't take it anymore so I wrote him an e-mail asking him what was wrong. I asked him for a straight answer because he's never told me. I left him a message on the forum saying to check his e-mail, he answered saying he'd check right away. I got no response from him.

 

what on earth is his problem?! I did absolutely nothing to him, I always treat him with respect, never ignore him. Could he possibly be bipolar? Is he scared of getting too close? This is just driving me nuts....HELP!!!

[Ixtapa]

Have you ever met him in person ?

Reading your post...I just got the feeling that he is playing around with you, sorry.

In any case, why should you care so much about what his problem is ? Truth of the matter is, his actions so far make you feel frustrated and unhappy.

Why should you even want to stay in a relationship that makes you feel that way...especially since you are not even together in real life. What good is he bringing to your life at this point ?

For sure you deserve something better than this!!

[locurafan]

we were actually supposed to meet back in July or August but our plans didn't work out

I still really love this guy, except for when he does this lol. He started doing this after the first time we broke up, then when we got back together, he stopped, and now he's doing it again

[chocolady]

Ok Lets put things into perspective....this isn't a real relationship. This is a mental and emotional thing going on in your heads and on the computer.

 

I'm sure what you have is very special when it's good and he does care about you but surely you can see that this isn't going to be more than that until he commits to meeting you?

 

I too am guilty of it in the past but something I read on here clicked in my mind which changed everything for me.....

 

"A woman wonders how the relationship is going and a man wonders if he should start a relationship with you at all"!

 

See now what you are doing? You are talking to him like you are in a real relationship when in fact, he hasn't even left his house! So stop doing that. See this for what it is, a meeting of minds where he can just click the x and is gone and until he walks through that door, treat him like he is still wondering.

 

Take some time away from the computer and see what is REAL and what is not. I know I did and it helped me put things into perspective and realise that I was wayyyyy too close to see the truth.

 

Ask him if he wants to ever meet you and pause. Wait for his reply and listen. A man knows what he wants and he will tell you so believe him. It's highly unlikely that he will change his mind.

 

If he says he does not, then I think you should back off completely as you are going to end up with a broken-heart over a man you've never met and who doesn't even want you. If you want to remain friends at least take some time away and on your return set some boundaries by telling him that he can't talk to you the way he does anymore as it confuses you and it is unfair.

[itsallgrand]

I agree with chocolady and think she said it wonderfully. I know it must be a little hard to hear it laid out like that, but it's worth soaking up her advice.

 

Without having body language and day-to-day contact with someone, it can get very confusing trying to figure where someone is at. Best not to even bother!

I don't think he's bipolar: I think he's playing, to be honest. He's not putting such seriousness to the situation as you are. And honestly: he shouldn't. You two haven't even met yet.

He just pops up on Messenger when he has a minute and feels like talking to you. Let me be honest here, I know sometimes I block even good friends on messenger if I am busy or don't have time to chat, or would rather just give them a ring on the phone anyways.I know I'm not the only one who does this! And it is not an indication of how much i enjoy someone's company or like them or not either.

 

Computer world, email, instant messenging, even phone to a degree is a fragmented type world. Without real contact, there is no way to know if the other is lying, where they are, what their intentions actually lie.

A person needs real accountability in real life for that.

 

What it comes down to is I think it would be great for you to take a break from this whole internet romance.

Go out and flirt with men. Yes. Look around you. Chat, go out with friends, enjoy yourself, take your mind off this guy and see how you feel.

You've got nothing to lose.

 

tc

[PRSOV]

I agree with the above posters but I think he has issues with girls from the past. You have not even met yet and he pops the question online several times? Is he crazy or what?.. Sorry I don't mean to be offensive but there is no way you can understand someone that intricately that you could marry them... you have to be spending good quantities of time before your instincts can answer you that question.

 

I sort of went through a similar situation a while back, but my problem was that because an abusive past she was really scared of meeting. It was guys in general that was her problem, but that's another story... but I think runs along the same lines as yours at present.

 

If you do meet up with him do you see it to be successful? I know you hope and dream that it is... look at what is happening now though, he seems to be having problems and if you ever get involved with a guy who is unstable like this it will only make maintaining a healthy relationship difficult, and that's including if you manage to take it offline.

 

While I do think the best thing for you, and him in some respect is to go NC for a short period of time, perhaps a few months. He really needs to get his head sorted and figure out what he wants. All he is doing now is stuffing you around and hurting your feelings... which is something you do not deserve because you are willing to bite the bullet and make a solid committment to having a relationship with this man.

 

What do you think?

[Considerate Empath]

I see 5 possibilities here.

 

1. He's confused about his feelings, what to do with them, how to handle them, and what he wants.

 

2. He's wondering if he even has feelings at all.

 

3. He's playing around with you.

 

4. One of his friends or something is writing to you too, and he for some reason doesn't tell you about that.

 

5. He's got a split personality or something like that.

 

Either way, a relationship (if you can even call it that) with a guy like this will lead to nothing but pain, trust me. Just think of him as a guy you occasionly chat with - I'm sure that's what he thinks of you, sorry to say.

 

Also...

Ask him if he wants to ever meet you and pause. Wait for his reply and listen. A man knows what he wants and he will tell you so believe him. It's highly unlikely that he will change his mind.

 

In most cases I'd probably agree with you on that one, but in this one I don't, because he constantly keeps changing his mind about everything he says to her, and even changes his attidute towards her for no apparent reason.

 

 

Best wishes!

 

//C.E.

[locurafan]

well I just exploded last night and I decided to write him another e-mail. Here's what I wrote to him:

 

*NAME*

ok look, I've done all I could to know what's wrong with you. I'm sick and tired of that attitude of yours being perfectly fine one day asking me to marry you and the next day who knows what's wrong. I don't like to be rude but you've really made me angry. I can't stand people who use others to feed their ego. And I'm telling you this because it seems like it's what you're doing with me. Let me make it clear to you that I am not a rag doll and just like you don't like to be ignored, neither do I. And this time I'm not excusing myself because I always do that when I haven't done anything.

If you don't wanna talk to me anymore, tell me. Don't beat around the bush. I won't die if you tell me. But one thing, give it to me straight. You're the one that has the decision here.

Treat others the way you'd like to be treated.

-LAURA

 

and about his past, he's always told me that he usually wouldn't date anyone for more than a week lol...he's 19 right now, I'm 18. I was his longest "partner".

as for the whole internet dating, it is really hard, but it's worked out for a lot. As a matter of fact, a friend of his is getting married later this month to someone she met on the internet.

 

Considerate Empath: those are the 5 possibilities I see as well. he asked me to meet him in July or August in Florida because he was going with some friends, but their plans fell apart and sadly, so did ours.

 

thanks for the responses you guys! definitely something worth trying

[Jayar]

What does it matter if he's bipolar or not? The question you should be asking yourself is, is this guy WORTH the effort I even put into writing this post?!

 

My answer to that would be no. You're too good for someone who will play around with you like that and can make you as upset and confused as you are without ever even having MET you.

 

As an aside, I think the online thing is GREAT... Just stick to meeting guys in your area that's all.