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I know, I know, NC, but what about just this one time ;)?


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I know you all will probably tell me to shut up and get over it, but I still felt the need to write this letter to my ex. I have'nt sent it! Feels good to write these though

 

Here is the requisite background data:

 

Two year relationship, became long distance 6 months ago (saw each other on weekends and talked on the phone daily), she needed a break about 3 months ago (still talked daily, almost the same relationship as before minus the weekend visits), she told me she was dating someone else about 4 weeks ago. I tried to get her back on the phone, she said it was too late. She begged to still be friends, I said I cant, have to go NC. Went NC for 2 weeks, then she called to straighten up some "business" matters, we talked and cried, but she was firm about staying broken up and she is still dating the same guy. She begged again to be friends, I said no, and that was it. Now we are about 1 week NC. She callted today,left a message asking if I straightned out the membership (just an excuse to call me), sounded sweet and nice.

 

 

The reason for the letter is to let her know that I realize where I was wrong, make her feel good about herself, make me feel like Im getting it all out.

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I still, even after six months, feel like I want to write a letter sometimes. So I write it. But I don't send it. Because deep in my heart I know the reason I am writing it is to get a reaction. I would be sending it because I need validation of my feelings.

 

Its unlikely you ever will get validation, or answers, or closure. Its something you eventually have to come up with yourself.

 

The reason for the letter is to let her know that I realize where I was wrong, make her feel good about herself, make me feel like Im getting it all out.

I feel the same, but remember... it only takes one to make a troubled relationship - but it takes two to really **** it up. I think you want to send this because you need validation, like me, about your feelings. You want her to know that you care.

 

Its tough, like I say, even now I still get the feelings to write a letter. But when I do I just write it and save it to a folder on my desktop. If I really feel I need to "get it out" I call up a good friend.

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That is a brilliant piece of writing, But it all depends on you! if you wanna send it. I think it is more of a closure that an attemp to get back with her. It also depends on her frame of mind if she is p***ed off with you then this will make it worse. insted of putting i have met someone else put something along the lines of i understand what you want i will move on. But still its really risky to send it. It will go one way or the other. For now its probably best to leave it until you have got yourself straightend out. But dont leave it too late or the feelings will all come back again i.e hope being crushed etc

 

This is what i think. Many people will probably disagree im just trying to help ;-)

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Thank you all for your input. I sat on the letter overnight and then decided to email it to her. I honestly don't expect her to come running back to me, but at least I said what I had to say, I was a gentleman about, I didn't plead and beg, I kept my dignity, I was honest, and I got it all out.

 

Of course I miss her and would love her back, but I do want to see her happy, with or without me.

 

 

Sean

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Thank you all for your input. I sat on the letter overnight and then decided to email it to her. I honestly don't expect her to come running back to me, but at least I said what I had to say, I was a gentleman about, I didn't plead and beg, I kept my dignity, I was honest, and I got it all out.

 

Of course I miss her and would love her back, but I do want to see her happy, with or without me.

 

 

Sean

 

Well I was going to tell you not to send it, but i guess its too late. If you really want to get back (and your tone makes it sound like you do), these types of proclamations I think are not what should be done. For yourself maybe, but not to send.

 

Shes with another guy. She's upset about what happened with you, but if she wasnt happy with the other guy she wouldnt be with him. TeLLING someone how you are oging to act seems weird to me. I see a lot of people on this board say to exs "i cant talk to you" or "we cant have contact". Just do it. its like saying "im going to be nice to you now". just dont call her. allt he things you said in the letter she knows, im sure. You sending something like this only makes her think you are actively trying to get back. and saying you met someone seems forced, as you are trying to make her see that. That being said whats done is done, but DO NOT contact her anymore...

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I see your points Texas, but I must disagree.

 

I did make some changes, and I took out the part about me seeing someone else. I agree it sounded forced.

 

She really doesn't know all those things I just said. That was one of the reasons that she left me. I never opened up to her, I was very independent, very proud, etc. This letter is totally out of character for me and she knows that.

 

While I would like her to come running back to me, I know that will not happen. She will appreciate this letter and it will make her feel good. I really have no ill feelings towads her for leaving me. I didn't fulfill her needs and this made her unhappy. If I was her, I probably would have left too. I wanted her to understand that I understood.

 

I feel 100 times better since sending the letter, like I said it was also for me. She will live her life, and I will live mine. Maybe one day we will be friends again, maybe not. Either way, I said what I wanted to say and I have no regrets about it.

 

Sean

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Gator,

 

I'm glad you feel better and if you truly have no intentions of getting back t hen think its fine. I got back with my ex after 3 months of a break up and I think the key in my situation is i was just being normal. no proclamations, no letters, etc, etc... I know i had a few exs send me letters like this and I instantly threw them away and felt it was desperate. So i think if your goal is to have it be a goodbye letter then its great....

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Texas,

 

A goodbye letter, that's what it was. I really think she is an extraordinary woman, and I wish I could be friends with her. When she wasn't dating someone else, things were fine. I enjoyed talking to her after we separated and being that we are 100 miles apart, it really was not a big deal.

 

Obviously, in retrospect it was a bad idea. It was only a matter of time until one of us met someone else. She did and that is what hurt the most to me. The finality of us became real at that point, and I ached and regretted and "what iffed" , but I am now accepting what has happened. I surely didn't expect her and I to be suspended in that state of purgatory forever. Not together, but still not apart.

 

Sure I still get upset and it hurts when I think about her doing things with someone else, but it is life and I move on. I do expect to have some days in the future where I will long for her or experience jealousy, but I accept this. I am not going to fight myself. I will grow and learn and evolve.

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