The Drug Test

[SummerLove]

My bf supposedly has quit smoking pot... And I do believe him.. but there are just a few things that have happened that make me doubt him (something I hate to do). He still talks highly of weed. Says he misses the days he used to smoke with his friends. One time he even begged me to let him smoke one more time.

 

Should I drug test him or trust that he is telling the truth?

[Steven1607307306]

I used to be the same way. I stopped smoking weed, missed it...a few months later I started smokeing again. Now I've stopped comepletly and I never want to start again.

 

You have to think of the big picture though...If you drug test him, and it comes out negative...he may feel untrusted. I say you take his word, but if you start noticing signs of it (laziness, red eye, excessive tiredness, lack of motivation) confront him. If it really starts to become an issue, drug test him. But that's just my opinion, if you really NEED to know, go ahead with the test.

[Daddy Bear]

drug test him?? if he doesn't smoke it around you, why would you even care?

 

love has no limits? what exactly does that mean to you?

[SummerLove]

Its just that our relationship is going SO well now that he's "quit." I just don't want to be kidding myself and thinking that we are moving ahead when really we're moving back. I don't want to fool myself and become hurt in the end. Most of the time I think he's telling the truth... but there is always that small bit of doubt...

[Steven1607307306]

drug test him?? if he doesn't smoke it around you, why would you even care?

 

love has no limits? what exactly does that mean to you?

 

...if he does smoke, and doesn't smoke around you, that still means he is lying. Just because he doesn't do it around you, doesn't mean you still aren't concerned for his well being. That's love.

[Daddy Bear]

then why don't you just not ask?

[SummerLove]

drug test him?? if he doesn't smoke it around you, why would you even care?

 

I care because I know that its a self destructive habbit. It doesn't matter if he does it around me or not. He shouldn't do it. PERIOD. Its illegal for one thing. My bf is capable of becoming an amazing, hard working man in the next coming years (he's 17 now) and I'm not going to watch on the sidelines as he throws his life away to a stupid and disgusting addiction (yes, i do believe you get addicted even though there isn't supposed "proof"). Its a waste of time and money. I wasn't going to sit aside and watch him become a useless, moronic BUM. I care about him way to much to be passive.

[SummerLove]

Why wouldn't I ask? Are you suggesting I just should "pretend" that it isn't happening? Are you hinting that we should have a relationship built on lies and distrust? I'm sorry, but obviously you do not understand how much I care about this person. This isn't some summer fling. I've been with him for over a year now. I believe I have a right to question him for my own sake and his. I believe strong and lasting relationships are built on honesty and trust. Without the 2... what's left?

[SummerLove]

I was there when he hit rock bottom. I never gave up on him... so why would I give up now.

[doyathink]

Not everyone gets addicted to it, I for one know this for fact! It is illegal! I personally don't think you can ask him to give you a drug test! Your not his mother nor do you own him, you have no right!

 

If you don't trust that he is telling you the truth than perhaps you should question what kind of relationship you have in the first place.

[SummerLove]

I think I'm just going to wait a while and see if there are any more signs of a relapse... I know him very well.. so I should be able to tell.

[doyathink]

Are you hinting that we should have a relationship built on lies and distrust?

 

Apparently you already do not trust him...YOU want to test him. YOU don't believe him when he has told you that he has stopped!

 

I believe I have a right to question him for my own sake and his.

 

You do have the right to ASK him if he has stopped

 

I believe strong and lasting relationships are built on honesty and trust. Without the 2... what's left?

 

Exactly, now take your own advise and trust what he has told you until he gives you a valid reason not too!

[SummerLove]

He has told me numerous times that he'd take one to prove he's clean. I've just never thought to take him up on the offer until just recently. They sell at home ones in drug stores. For 15 bucks I can find out plenty.

 

An addiction can cause one to put that which they are addicted to before themselves and those in which they love. That's why it is an ADDICTION.

[doyathink]

I think I'm just going to wait a while and see if there are any more signs of a relapse... I know him very well.. so I should be able to tell.

 

VERY good idea....

[Daddy Bear]

self-destructive? compared to what? alcohol? overeating? lack of exercise? the only danger of using marijuana is going to jail. if he is willing to assume that risk, that's his business.

 

if you weren't trying to tell him how to live his life there would be no reason for him to lie.

 

go ahead, tell him to take a drug test. see where that gets you.

[SummerLove]

And by the way. Its not like I'm asking him to walk on glass here... all he has to do is pee in a cup. Whoopie.

[doyathink]

How do you know he is an addict? Not everyone who smokes it becomes an addict! Some just enjoy what it does for them and then choose to quit it when the time comes to grow up!

[Daddy Bear]

and if he tests positive?

[Steven1607307306]

You guys are making it out that she is being the bad guy (girl!). No one is wrong in this situation, all she needs to do is wait for any signs. What I said in the first place. You are not wrong for questioning his word, after all he is the one, telling you how much he enjoys it.

 

As for her "wanting" to do the drug test...she's asking US for advice, not critisism on her relationship. Ease off a bit, just because you don't think there is anything wrong with smoking weed, doesn't mean everyone should feel that way.

[doyathink]

IF you back him into a corner with an ultimatum than be prepared for the consequences.

 

He may choose the mary and quit you!

 

I hear what you are saying, you love him and don't want him smoking, but you can not ask someone to change for you, they have to want to change for themselves and if you tell him how he is going to live his life than you are taking away his identity and replacing it with your...

 

It doesnt work that way. What happens the next time he does something you don't like or approve of? This will be an endless cycle of discontentment!

[itsallgrand]

Summer,

 

I've got to be honest here. You come accross rather scary the way you are talking.

 

You should consider a career as a detention officer or something.

 

Seriously though, I remember your other posts about your bf. Time to back off, or this guy is going to turn on you one day. He may do as you tell him now, submit to you, but inside him there is resistance (and most likely resentment) growing. This isn't healthy.

 

It's really out-there to consider giving your bf a drug test. If you don't get that, at least consider that it may be. Check out the reactions you are getting so far on the thread. Are we all just nuts and 'don't get it'?

[SummerLove]

Ok, you know what, if its a crime to want the best for my bf, a guy who I care a lot about, then I'm guilty as charged. The reason I believe so many people end up screwing themselves over with drugs and other self destructing habbits is because nobody believes its "their business" to push them to improve their lifestyles. Sometimes all they need is a nudge in the opposite direction. If I had just sat on the side and let him smoke, I'd be just as guilty as him. I know what I am doing is right. I could care less if I sound like I'm trying to "control" him or whatever. He was out of control and I brought him back down to earth.

 

He's still just taking baby steps and I'm there holding him up to make sure he doesn't fall. He's been through a lot and I know its easy to turn to something that can wipe away your troubles for hours on end, but that only leads to more problems. I'm going to be there for him even if he does take another hit. He has come so far and I'm proud of him.

[SummerLove]

and by the way. he was clean when I met him. He hid it from me for 6 months then told me. So I believe I have good reason to question it.

[SummerLove]

Oh, and he knew from THE START that I despise it. So its not like this is some surprise.

[doyathink]

I do not condone it! Steven!

I'm sure you are saying this because of your own experiences with you and your family... Not everyone lies to their loved ones! I agree she should ask but if he shows no signs of using than she needs to give him a little trust.

 

Where has anyone criticized her? We are only giving our opinions, same as you!

 

 

 

 

You guys are making it out that she is being the bad guy (girl!). No one is wrong in this situation, all she needs to do is wait for any signs. What I said in the first place. You are not wrong for questioning his word, after all he is the one, telling you how much he enjoys it.

 

As for her "wanting" to do the drug test...she's asking US for advice, not critisism on her relationship. Ease off a bit, just because you don't think there is anything wrong with smoking weed, doesn't mean everyone should feel that way.