Wonderland

[shes2smart]

Last Weekend In August

 

Ten years ago, on the last weekend in August, I knew the relationship with my last bf was over. It was another 10 months before the split was final...but, looking back, I know it ended that last weekend in August ten years ago.

 

It was a memory that surfaced over the last weekend in August in present time. One that makes me wonder what the last weekend of August 2011 will bring.

 

Too much stuff crammed into too little time off. That was pretty much my weekend.

 

Monday has rolled around, and it's all still here -- problem employee at work (have I mentioned how much I hate being a supervisor?), rather large real estate VO project (which, due to the work I put in over the weekend, is less than 10 files from being done)....and still no movement toward re-start of my weekly direct mail marketing.

 

Sigh.

[shes2smart]

My Own Insurance

 

I have my own health/dental/etc. insurance again through my own employer. It's a somewhat better plan than what my husband's employer has. He is still on his employer's plan and I am on my employer's plan...and that's ok.

 

Had lunch with the radio station engineer. Interesting talk...of the radio business and the voiceover world and just stuff.

 

But it is a long weekend....and, lately, weekends haven't been all that great. In fact, given the last few weekends, I think I'd rather be working and at least making some money. Captain Asshat has been making far too many appearances in the last 6 months. I'm starting to not really give a crap "why" and find my focus switching to thinking about "ways to make it stop." What popped into my head today is that I haven't come this far and gone through that much therapy to be walking on eggshells in my own home at the age of 46.

[shes2smart]

Whoa, Really?

 

Did estimated taxes for 3rd quarter. Added up what I made from the office gig and VO work, projected the last 4 months of the year and....the total was where I was (pre-tax) salary-wise when I was in radio full-time.

 

I stared at the number, figured I added something wrong, re-calculated....had my husband add it up...and it still came up to the same thing.

 

I guess it wasn't a mistake. And about 39% of it was from VO work. Wow.

[shes2smart]

By The Way

 

It appears the estimated taxes were the high point of the weekend.

 

The rest has been the minefield that (unfortunately) appears to be the new normal.

[shes2smart]

A Reminder

 

Must. Not. Make. Snarky. Comments.

Will. Not. Help. Situation.

 

Thank you, that is all.

[shes2smart]

We Will Dance, Dance, Dance....

 

 

 

Ok, ok...so Al Stewart wrote the song about Josef Stalin...but when I heard about recent goings-on at Dysfunction Junction, it popped into my head. That last bit about "sharpening our pitchforks and heating up the ends."

 

I have long believed that we reap what we sow in terms of our behavior and our choices. Sometimes, the harvest takes longer to come in than we may think it should, but that makes it no less...appreciated(?) welcome(?) sweet(?) when it does come in.

 

I have not put on my dancing shoes quite yet....but I am dusting them off and shining them up.

 

And I'm building the fire to heat up my pitchfork....along with a heapin' helping of steamy-hot, tasty, ooey-gooey schadenfreude-y ( goodness.

[shes2smart]

Time To Put On Those Dancin' Shoes....

 

...there's graves to be fox-trotted on.

 

Well, one, anyway.

 

"Just as ye sow, ye shall reap."

 

Pass me the schadenfreude. Make it a double helping. It is rich...but to hell with the calories. It's not often one gets to splurge like this.

[shes2smart]

Up Too Late

 

No choice, though....lots of VO work to be done with short deadlines...and a stupid long day at the office gig because of a meeting (one of two I'm required to be part of every month).

 

Too wired to sleep. Just got done voicing what's shaping up to be about 45 minute long tutorial on company security policies. (On top of some files for my ongoing educational client, a couple of 30-second spots for a repeat client on the low-price site, a couple of property descriptions for a new/on-going real estate client and a couple of quick fixes for a project I did last month) The talking part is done...now all that's left is the editing. Which I'll start tomorrow.

 

More pondering about the turn of events at Dysfunction Junction. I got what I asked for - enough access to hear details, but far enough away that when it hit the fan, it didn't splatter on me. I am 6 years removed from that place (well, 6.5 years at this point....) and what happened took a very, very, very long time to happen. Really, it should've happened years ago. But some people are so skilled at brown-nosing and butt kissing and throwing other people under the bus that they can delay the inevitable for a very long time, indeed. I do not feel sorry for you. You brought this on yourself.

 

Much as I don't really want to, I can't help but think about the interactions I had with you back then. And all I can ask myself when I dredge it up is, "What the hell was I thinking?!" At some point in the past, I gave you much more credit than you deserved for being a decent human being. It was something of a failing of my younger self -- seeing good in people that wasn't always there. Now (thanks in part to you), I'm more cautious, more cynical. Definitely less prone to see good in employers/supervisors than I once did.

 

But I suppose that sums up much of my experience working at Dysfunction Junction...."What the hell was I thinking?!" Things I thought were great opportunities at the time turned out to be the death of an industry and the end of a job I used to love.

 

So, all of it needs to go back into the box it was packed away in.....and that box needs to go back to the very back and most remote corner of my mind. I don't want to think about that place, back then, and you for very long time.

 

I had my dance on the grave of your career....and you probably just peered up my skirt.

 

Yup. That'd be about right for you, wouldn't it?

 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I will ask your memory to go back to whatever corner of my brain it was exiled to prior to last week. I don't want to waste anymore of my "now" pondering what the hell I was thinking back then and trying to find some reason why I did what I did. You so weren't worth it. I really must've been out of my mind at the time, because, frankly, thinking about back then makes me throw up a little.

[shes2smart]

I Call BS

 

Well, I can't say it where and to whom it needs to be said. But if I don't say it somewhere I may just explode. That's what the journal is for. That's what it's always been for.

 

I call BS.

I call shenanigans.

I call bravo sierra.

I call claim.

I call five aces.

 

(and I thank link removed for the variations expressing the same idea....apparently I'm not the first person to be in the kind of situation that made it necessary to call BS.)

 

But here's the thing: I am swamped with VO work this week (good) and I have a full-time job that needs my attention (also good) and that doesn't need to amp up its aggravation factor right now, and I don't have time or energy to deal with what calling BS aloud will cause.

 

So, in my journal and to myself, I call BS. And you may think I'm buying what you're selling, but I know I'm not.

[shes2smart]

Well, How Do You Expect Me To Do Anything For You?

 

Had a very strange and frustrating interaction with someone on the low-price-gig website. Wanted to hear what I sounded like, but refused to go to my website for demos because they were all paranoid about viruses. Didn't want me to send a sound file for the same reason. Finally, I ended up giving them the phone number I use for clients to call and record pronunciation guides so they could at least hear my outgoing message. Ok, well, they decided to hire me then....but refused to give me their voicemail number or access to their greeting recording functions to record their message. Recorded the message to a file (figuring it was then THEIR job to figure out how to get it on their voicemail)....and then they wouldn't download the file from the site. They had to call back my voicemail and leave their email address (because they didn't want to post their email address on the internet) so I could email the audio file to them and it could run through their email virus scanner.

 

Jeez. Really? REALLY???

 

Paranoid much? How do you get anything done? Oh, wait, I know....you get stuff done slowly and it's a huge PITA to anyone who works with you.

 

And then I hear the words that struck fear in my heart, "Oh, we liked what you did! We'll be ordering more from you!"

 

Oh, GAWD...please don't.

[shes2smart]

A Postmortem Post On This Week's News From Dysfunction Junction

 

A brief bit of glee, a public announcement very few people really cared about, and the world moves on.

 

Schadenfreude truly is like a rich dessert -- a small bit occasionally is oh-so-delicious. Too much, too often just leaves you feeling a bit sick.

[shes2smart]

Someone Turned Up The Stupid Today....

 

Yup. I was surrounded by stupidity at the office gig today. An example: If you have only $X dollars to spend on a car, total...why are you looking at cars that cost $X + $2000 before tax & title? Duh.

[shes2smart]

Sometimes, You Just Know

 

Yeah, I can tell you're just going to irritate me and try to bait me into an argument for your amusement.

 

When I was younger I would've walked right into your trap.

 

But one of the benefits of being a middle aged broad is being able to see what's going on. So, I will give you the information I am required to give you and nothing more. You will get tired of my non-response and go find some other verbal sparring partner to argue with. I do not have time for your shenanigans and energy vampirism.

 

Have a great day, now! (big smile)

[shes2smart]

Rounding The Corner....

 

...and heading for home. ("Home" being a zero balance.)

 

From my bank's website today (after crediting this month's payments):

 

Outstanding Balance - $760.72

 

Three figures and almost gone...

 

(context: A year ago it was close to $4k)

[shes2smart]

Well, Color Me Surprised!

 

link removed

 

Distracted driving fatalities caused by cell phone use and texting soared in the space of three years, according to new U.S. government research released Thursday.

 

Texting alone caused more than 16,000 deaths in car accidents from 2001 to 2007, the researchers estimated. But auto deaths involving cell phones and texting while driving rose 28 percent in just three years, from 4,572 in 2005 to 5,870 in 2008.

 

"The increases in distracted driving seem to be largely driven by increased use of cell phones to text," said lead researcher Fernando Wilson, an assistant professor in the School of Public Health at the University of North Texas Health Science Center at Fort Worth.

[shes2smart]

Lightbulb

 

So, I went to the chriopractor this morning for my every-3-week tune-up adjustment, and I'm lying there on the hydromassge bed (makes the adjustment go easier if I do 10 minutes on the hydrobed first....kinda loosens everything up), when something sorta fell together for me.

 

It was apparent from a young age that I had a talent for writing. I remember as early as the 4th grade teachers commenting on my ability to do this. I've had various people suggest I pursue writing professionally and/or ask why I didn't.

 

This morning, as I was thinking about nothing in particular on the hydrobed, I finally figured it out.

 

The writing (and the companion interest of reading) was/is a building block for what my real talent is. In order to read without sounding like I'm reading, there needs to be an underlying understanding of how words build sentences and how sentences work together to convey an idea. My writing ability is merely a supporting talent to what I'm really here to do.

 

This also explains why I really hate the whole process of coming up with an idea and then writing it out. I am not a "writer" or "storyteller" so much as an "interpreter." I interpret the written word to the spoken word....but to do that, I have to have an understanding of the differences and similarities of both. This is why the idea of earning my living writing never really appealed to me.

 

And when that bubbled up, and I turned it over and considered it for a while there on the hydromassage bed, it felt like it fit and felt like it made sense.

 

So, it's been a good day: an aha! moment before 9am, several voice projects to work on today, and don't have to go to the office gig.

[shes2smart]

The Disparity That Is My Life

 

Was at the office gig for 9 hours (8 hours with a 1 hour lunch) today for $15 an hour. So all day = $120.

 

Then came home, checked my email, went into my studio and in about, oh, 20ish minutes did a spot that pays $150.

[shes2smart]

More Disparity

 

Just booked my second 4-figure-talent-fee gig.

 

Just spent another weekend arguing.

 

FML.

[shes2smart]

Everything All At Once

 

Ok, so I got that 4-figure-talent-fee gig yesterday.

 

I just found out an audition I put in for another 4-figure-talent-fee-gig got selected today. They want the first segment of their audio tomorrow. The office gig is SO in the way right now.

 

I can't think about the response I got when I shared the news. It'll just bother me and I really DON'T have time to muck around with being upset and arguing right now.

 

Focus. What do I need to focus on right now, in this moment? Then that's what I need to focus on. The rest will still be there later.

[shes2smart]

Holy Simoleons, Batman!

 

So, it just dawned on me (as I've answered yet another "Are you available to voice....." email) that I've billed close to $4,000 in VO work THIS WEEK. Not this month...THIS WEEK. And it's only Thursday midday.

 

This now puts what I've billed (and 95% of everything that's 30 days old has been paid) for this quarter just slightly ahead of what I made in ALL of last year on VO work.

 

Damn. I'm taking a moment to be impressed....then I have a boatload of work to do.

[shes2smart]

Closing Out 3rd Quarter

 

Dinked around with my books last night and closed out 3rd quarter. Added up what I've been paid (which doesn't include this week yet...that's just booked/billed).

 

I am past what I made last year total. Last time we did estimated taxes, I was projecting an annual income from VO work of $15k.

 

Through 3rd quarter, I've already been paid $12,500. This week just blew that $15k projection out of the water. And there's still 3 months to go before the year's over.

 

2 years ago today was when this venture started. Happy anniversary to me.

 

The engineer who put together my studio was right....about the 24 month mark, it took off.

[shes2smart]

I Have What?

 

"Bronchitis," said the urgent care doc this afternoon. Started off with a sore throat & runny nose Tuesday/Wednesday, coughing started Friday-ish, lost my voice Saturday (with 2 big projects supposed to be delivered Monday) and no voice today.

 

Freakin' great.

 

One client said they could wait for me to get better (I started antibiotics today...doc says 2-3 days should see a big improvement), haven't heard back from the other client.

 

This sucks. And I blame lack of rest from working at the office gig and doing the VO stuff for making it possible. They keep kinda hinting around that they'd like me to take more responsibility at the office gig....do more "managerial" type stuff and I keep having to say "No, I don't want that level of responsibility."

 

I will make sure the things that need to get done, get done. I will run the weekly and monthly reports. I will schedule & manage the 2 people I have to. But I am not going to be a treasure trove of new ideas or do a bunch of other stuff. I am not that invested in the job, this place or "making a career" here. This is (as it always has been) a means to an end - keeping a roof over my head and keeping me clothed & fed until my VO work can do those things instead.

 

Feel like crap. Tired of coughing. Tired of trying to talk and hearing a squeak come out.

 

Why aren't those antibiotics kicking in yet?!?!?

[shes2smart]

Stuff I Didn't Realize

 

How much voice work I actually get and actually do.....until I've been sidelined for 4 days, unable to do any of it, because there's just a raspy, squeaky noise where my voice is supposed to be.

 

I am so horribly backed up right now. Have the day off from the office gig tomorrow. Have been on antibiotics since Sunday. It's been a week and a day since I first had symptoms.

 

I need to be able to start recording tomorrow......

[shes2smart]

Almost Caught Up

 

Had yesterday off from the office gig, and from about 8am until 9pm, I did a bunch of the VO projects I was behind on. Just a couple more to knock out and I will be caught up. Fortunately, all my clients were willing to give me a couple days to recover, so I didn't lose any money.

 

But, as mentioned before, it was really an eye-opener for me in terms of how much VO work I am actually doing and how many former clients come around for stuff at random times. Makes me think that I will be able to make a go of making this my sole source of income....and sooner rather than later.

 

There is a new thing that has come into being at the local malls here - storefront massage places. They tend to have a few massage tables toward the back of the shop and a few massage chairs up toward the front. Pricing runs about $1 per minute and customers remain fully clothed. I have no idea if they're licensed or not -- they're not promoting themselves as therapeutic massage -- and most of them speak very thickly accented English. They are staffed (and I assume owned & run) by people of Asian heritage, although I do not know if we're talking Chinese or Vietnamese or Thai or Japanese or Korean or.... Among themselves, they don't speak English, but I don't recognize what language they are speaking, so I know they are not Filipino. That accent and language I would recognize.

 

Anyway, the mall has finally figured out how to get non-materialistic me into their facility on a much more regular basis...have a chair massage store. The one at the mall near the office gig has a return-visitor punch card (buy 10, get one free!). The one at the mall near home does not, but I've been going to that one lately because their staff on the whole does a better job than at the other one. At the other one, the man I presume to be the owner is very good...and there's a woman who works there who also does an excellent job, but the other people I've had work on me there....eh. However, the store at the mall near home...I think I've rotated through most of their staff at this point...and every one of them has been very good. Other things I like: don't have to make an appointment, just show up and I can choose what I can afford at the time - 15, 20, 30, 45 or 60 minutes.

 

So yay for massage stores in the mall. I had cut "regular massage" out of the budget after I got downsized, and missed it horribly. But wasn't sure about starting up with that habit again since I don't really have a regular/static schedule anymore. So, the chair massage stores are a really good compromise and good option at this point in my life.

[shes2smart]

Officially Caught Up

 

All the stuff that came in just before and after I got sick have been voiced, edited & delivered.

 

Now I just have a few more segments of an on-going project (property descriptions for a Real Estate guy) and something that I got this morning to do. But, I'm kinda stuck at the office gig now and can't get started on any of those things til tonight. Sigh. Story of my life these days.

 

3 more days of antibiotics, and hopefully that's that. Still coughing, but from what I've read about Bronchitis, that's normal...and can go on for several weeks (ugh.). It's annoying. It also makes my throat feel funny when it's been going on ALL DAY.

 

GAWD. Is it time to go home yet????