VickiRose Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 What if you said "I Love You" to you boyfriend or girlfriend? They then said, I'm happy that you do, but I dont feel the same way yet.... Do you dump them??? Link to comment
DN Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Too many variables to give a definitive answer. Depends on how long the couple have been together. The part about "yet" is the thing that would be important to define - would that mean a strong or weak chance of it happening. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Vicki - I wouldn't. I guess I would take him at face value. I think that means he's just not there yet. Just not at that particular stage of the relationship. Maybe he just takes longer to get that deep.... I absolutely WOULDN'T dump them, give him more time. Unless it's been 5 years of marriage, then yes, time to move on. Link to comment
chigal28 Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Maybe this is just someone who likes to be sure of his feelings before sharing them, or it takes him a while to the point where he feels strongly enough to use the word love. Do his actions show that he values you and cares about you? Link to comment
VickiRose Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 ahh its was 8 months & I dumped him... Just wondering what the rest of you would have done... Link to comment
DN Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 What did he say when you dumped him? Link to comment
Siriana Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Don't worry. I am that type of a person. I really want to be sure before telling someone I love you! Mostly people tell I love you during honeymoon phase. I love you doesn't have such an easy meaning to me - if you say it at that phase it means I am crazy about you, I see you as perfect. For me I love you is something you say after honeymoon phase when you see the other side objective and you know that you've passed through some serious stuff together. Than I love you counts. But it depends on the caracter of the person. This is just who I am. I am not impulsive, fire tipe of person. I am passionate but I am also to logical so I know the difference between beeing head over heels into someone or loving him for real. If someone tells me that too soon into relationship than I would say the same. I think that I love you will go only to the person I have intentions to be with for a long period of time. But of course, you now by that time how solid and good relationship is and where is it hedding and it just pops up naturally. I can say I never said I love you to anyone even if I was completely crazy about a person. I love you goes to a person I live with, share things with, or in the long run plan to get married to. And to know that you need time. Link to comment
Siriana Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 What he said when you dumped him? did you dump him only because of that or there were some other reasons too? How old is he? Link to comment
flower99 Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 well I don't know if I would dump him. I know it would feel like a slap in the face. but I would respect that he isn't willing to say what he doesn't mean. Possibly give him more time, cause not everyone feels things at the same time. Link to comment
blueangel Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 What if you said "I Love You" to you boyfriend or girlfriend? They then said, I'm happy that you do, but I dont feel the same way yet.... Do you dump them??? Over what they say seems silly (especially with the key word but I can understand breaking up because of not being on the same level. Every situation is as different as I am from you. Every detail is only the tip of an iceberg of two (or three if you're into that heehe) very complex people. Yet, it all comes down to compromising and what the future potentially holds for each. I would never be quick to judge. Enjoy the moment, that's what they say... Link to comment
VickiRose Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 He said, that he thinks I'm a really cool person, but he doesn't want me to hate him because he doesn't feel the same way... We have had some problems seeing each with our different but busy schedules.... I then said, I will find someone who will love me etc... It's been about a week now & no contact... Link to comment
Cyberchick Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I told my bf that I loved him first and he told me that he wasn't there yet and that it takes alot for him to say the words. After dating 10 months he finally said it. So sometimes it can take a long time for the person to get there. However, even before he actually said the words to me, I knew he did through his actions and a couple of times he kind of hinted that he did. Did you ever feel like maybe he did love you without saying it based on his actions? Are you wanting him back now? Link to comment
Cyberchick Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 You ust have posted that while I was posting my previous message. I'm sorry to hear that things ultimately didn't work out. You sound hopeful about another chance at love, and that's awesome! No doubt you will find it. Good luck. Link to comment
Meow18 Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 In my opinion, actions speak louder than words. Anyone can say the words "I love you". And it's nice to hear those words. But what really matters is that they show you they love you. Some people just get confused by love. Some people don't want to say it until they know for sure. And in that case, that's great. Those aren't words that should easily be thrown out there. He might have been in love with you, but he didn't really know for sure yet. My boyfriend didn't tell me he loved me until a year into our relationship. I never even thought about breaking up with him before that because I never doubted that he deeply cared about me. I guess it just depends on how long you want to wait. 8 months is a long time, but it's still not THAT long. And it also depends on how your relationship was otherwise. But I mean, I guess just dumping someone because they aren't sure they are in love with you is kind of silly. You can't pressure anyone to feel something that they just aren't sure about.. Link to comment
VickiRose Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 I guess it is silly, to dump someone depending on whether or not they love you in a semi-newer relationship. I'm not 100% percent sure if I regret it or if I did the right thing. Because basically I felt like I was going to be wasting my time if nothing was there. I don't know. I just know that I want to be cared about & it didn't seem like he cared about me. Like for an example I was in a car accident, he asked me 3 days later if I was ok? I had a pregnancy scare & he blamed me & asked why I would have sex with him if I missed a pilled (accidently). Turned out I wasn't pregnant, just sick & a little late. Why waste time there when there could be someone else who will care about me? Whatever is truly meant to be will be. We'll see... Thanks for for all the responses!!! Link to comment
NJRon Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I think it wasn't the fact that he didn't say he loved you, but more the fact that he didn't show it. I can understand why you would ask someone for clarification of their feelings. Him being honest gave you the information you needed to make a decision that was right for you. Hang in there Link to comment
vandgsmom Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 As hurtful as it probably was to hear the "I think you're cool....but I don't love you yet", it is sooo much better to just get the cold facts now than to have him say it, and you think he means it, and then lose several more years of your life in a relationship that you thought was "going somewhere" based on 3 little words. I think you did good, VickiRose. You woman's intuition is a gift, and I think that you were tuned in to more than just the words coming (or in this case, not coming) out of his mouth. You will find someone to love you without having to prompt them, and in the meantime, learn to love yourself. Good luck, sweety. Link to comment
xprincessbugx Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I don't think you should dump them. I mean it's pretty harsh and it feels like being rejected but maybe they just need the time to get to know you and love you. Link to comment
robowarrior Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I think you made the right decision, personally i consider relationships as magnets it either clicks or not. If there isn't a mutual spark in the beginning i personally don't believe there will be on long term, as compared to two people who fall hard for eachother. Link to comment
Bethany Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I think you did the right thing too. He didn't even seem to care about you even after 8 months, that says a lot to me. Link to comment
Siriana Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 o.k. than you didn't broke up with him because he didn't say I love you but because his actions were telling that he doesn't care enough - that's different. And here applys actions speak lauder than words. Even if he said those words, I guess you would be smart enough to dump him. You've done the right thing. Link to comment
doyathink Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 I would say that it's okay if you said that and whether or not they said it back at least you let them know how you feel. Link to comment
redrose85 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 my boyfriend told me he loved me after only a few weeks of dating. I basically told him I wasn't quite there yet, and he waited for me, and I'm so glad he did. With an ex boyfriend, I said I loved him because I felt it was expected of me. This time, I didn't say it until I felt 100% sure that I was being completely truthful with myself, and with him Link to comment
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