I dotn know how to cope anymore.!!

[sombody]

Umm iv never really talked about this at all with anyone b4 so hear goes. Iv been marred to my husband for 7 years been with him for 10 years, im 26 hes 35. Iv got a 5 year old boy and 2 girls age 3 and 4 months baby.

 

He gets really abusive 2wards me all the time, iv always got bruises on me. The other night he came home after being out with his friends i just got the baby to sleep after a bad day and he comes home blind drunk and tryed it on with me i said no and pushed him away and he jsut flipped he dragged me upstairs by my hair and was nedding me inmy stomach and was punching me and the worst thing was which i thought he wouldnt even have is palled a gun out on me and well umm he forsed himself on me with that in my mouth. But he was really sorry in the morning and told me it was the drink not him so there wasnt much i could do.

 

He is great with the kids though, they love him. im gona add he would never lay a hand on them which i am so glad off. He has a real good job but wont let me work im trained as a nursry nurse but ever since iv had the kids he wont let me work, iv tryed b4 but he just got angry. Trevor hated my familly and friends and they hated him i had a huge fall out with them so we ended up moving so iv never seen them again in like 7 years., So ihave no one to talk to about it becaue he doesnt like me to talk rto people really so i tend to not so im real issolated.

 

He has cheated on me three time 1 off them was a one night stand and two were long flings which hurt me so badly but he says they mean nuthing blah blah blah but i dont go out at all except for the sahopping and he still says that if mi do ill be haveing an affair.

 

But thats just the bad sides when he takes me out hes ovly when we are with the kids and he can be soo gentel and nice and you would not think he was the same person , he does everything for us and dont know how i would cope without him i deffently wouldnt everythng he does say is right but its jsu twhen those bad sides kicks in he get horribe.

 

He gets liek horrible and abusive bout at least 4 times a week but thats when the kids are asleep. Sex is another thing this is my first and only relationship i have ever had so i wouldnt probly no , but if i dont give it to him he will go mad and make me do it anyways its everynight and possibly morning like isaid iv said no b4 but it endds badly sonow i v just got to put up with it, making me wear stuff i dotn feel compferrtble in and doing stuff i dont want at times. But he is my husband and if i dont do it he will go to sombody else who will.

 

This was jsut somthing to get out of my head, sorry if it was to long and i board you what do you think of this situation anyones relasuionships like this? any advice plz on how to keep it more under comtrollbecause im starting to crack and dunno how to cope. thanxs for listening if you did and sorry for just blabering.

[rms8]

This relationship is not good for you or your children (no matter how good a dad he seems). If he'll hit you, he could hit anyone, even your children. Here's a website with information on how to get help:

link removed

You need help in getting as far away from this man as possible! Holding a gun to your head to get you to have sex with him is rape! He is abusive and you can't stay in a relationship with this man. You need to protect yourself and your children. Get out now! We are all pulling for you, good luck! Please let us know that you are safe...

[joeshmoe]

first off, you don't need to apologize for "blabbering"...your story made my heart sink...I am truly sorry.

 

You need to take your kids & leave. There really is no other choice. Nobody deserves to be treated like you are being treated. You have a skill that you can get a job with, so you should use it.

 

you are still young, and can find someone after you heal & take care of yourself that will treat you with love & respect.

 

I was told by a friend that helped a beaten friend that the salvation army can help move people & their kids...without leaving a big "trail" to follow. You should look into that.

 

I know it's hard, and I know you probably love your husband, but he truly sounds like an animal and you are not going to change him. There are a LOT of men out there that can give you a lot more love & real affection that you deserve... have things escalated through the years as far as violence? you do realize that you could send him to jail for a long time for Raping you at gunpoint, right? It does NOT matter that he is your husband. He RAPED you.

 

again, I am truly sorry for what you have gone through...but only you can stop this from happening again. You must leave, and never contact him again, just disappear. That is your chance & your children's chance at a normal life.

 

...please keep us informed.

 

-Brandon-

[lilac_indi]

omg i am sorry you had to go through that. what he did to you was rape. you need to get yourself and your kids out of there. get police protection or something but i seriously think you need to get away from him - this will not be a good environment for your kids to grow up in and plus you will find a man who will love you and not treat you like dirt.

 

i am truly sorry and good luck and do let us know how you get on.

[AwdreeHpburn]

sombody - what do you think it will take for you to leave this guy or report him to authorities?

 

How long can you and your kids live like that? What if it gets worse and one of the kids see him do that? What if?

 

One day your kids are GOING to get bigger. Kids do that. They WILL get smarter and see what's going on, even if they don't SEE it.

 

Is it going to take one of your children standing up for you and getting hit in the process? Is it going to take him having too much to drink and losing it with a child? Come on.

 

There ARE things you can and SHOULD do to protect yourself and your children. Get away from this guy. If you love him and just want him to stop abusing you, get away from him and INSIST he get help.

 

You don't have to live with it to help him.

[snowgirl]

What you are describing is, unfortunately, typical of an abuser, and a bad one. He is physically and emotionally abusive, controlling, won't let you out of the house, won't let you work, and forces you to have sex?

How many of these traits does your husband have?

 

Another trait of an abuser is that he has effectively isolated you from your friends and family.

Sweetheart. You don't deserve this, you have a life and a spirit of your own. You deserve to be happy. You really really do. Think about what life would be like of you were able to express yourself any way you want, and were able to go out with friends and family and have FUN again. This is what you should be doing. I am so sorry you have been essentially jailed by this monster for so long. Reading your story made my heart sink. Please, for the sake of your own soul and for the sake of your kids' safety, please reach out to someone and get help. Talk to someone. There are people who can help you and protect you and your kids from him. Your kids may not be aware of the abuse now, but that won't go on for long, and he will start hitting them, too. Your husband is very very sick. There is NEVER any excuse to hit anyone. Ever. No matter what he tells you. You have the RIGHT to refuse sex no matter what he tells you. If you tell us what country you are in, we can point you to resources where you can get help. They can help you and your husband does not have to know until YOU are ready. That's what they do.

 

I am so glad you came here and told your story. I plead with you to stick around and talk to us. We can help.

[sombody]

Thanxs for the replys.

snowgirl- most of them were right except he wasnt abused as a child or ever saw it. He is very calm and charming in front of others hes got alot of friends. I remember this one time when i was out with trevor at the supermarket and he saw his friends wife and a couple of other girls and they came up to me and said they absolutly loved him and thought he was georgous and wished they could find sombody like him, this was like the day after one of his horrible nights so i just nodded and smiled. and i live in England.

 

I know i lov him though, and that i couldnt live bymyself he isnt just nasty thought, he can be lovly when he is around people, and we are at home with the kids its just when it get s near to night he starts getting really horrible unbearble even.

 

Its hard to believe that i left school with 12 a- b gcse,c and a child care qwalification but non of it comes into good use, but iv learnt as long as my kids are happy thats al lthat matters.

 

He would never hurt the kids and is great with them he loves them so much ., i could never leave him, i love him soo much and he feels the same what would i say to them, sorry you cant see daddy anymore because daddy wanted to hurt mummy, it doesnt work like that. He will always be legally agble to see his children and then he wil get to me too. anyway if i was to leav he would find us and would kill me.

 

I know i hate what he does but as long as the kids and trevor are happy ,i suposse thats all what matters. Anyways i love him oo much and know i couldnt live with out him and he know that too becaue he has told me this. thanxs anyways guys.

[Dako]

sombody,

 

I'm saddened by your situation, but feel compelled to make a difficult comment.

You put up with all this abuse from this guy because you need him, but I doubt it's from love. I suspect it's fear, and you've adapted to this painful life as best you can. Please get some help.

[snowgirl]

Freephone 24 hour domestic abuse hotline in the UK:

0808 2000 247

 

There's no problem in just talking to them and telling them your story. They won't take any action without your permission, it can be totally anonymous, but can certainly help you in many ways. I do hope you call. Have a read on their website.

 

link removed

 

I so want to give you a great big hug and some tea and talk to you about this. Please stay here on this site and talk to us. I want you to know that you are not the only person who has gone through this. Your story has been told countless times.

[rms8]

It really saddens me to here you talk like that. You CAN live without him. In fact, you'll be better off without him. And he won't always have legal rights to see your children. You can change that. He is a criminal and I seriously doubt any family court would give him any rights. I know that you think you are trapped in this situation but you're not! There are always options. You think you love him but how can you love someone who doesn't respect you and abuses you?? I really hope you keeping communicating with us and try and get yourself some help. If you're scared of going to the authorities, try calling one of the anonymous hotlines in the other posts or simply talking to a friend or family member. Whatever you choose, you need to get help!! Aren't you and your children worth it??

[snowgirl]

I wanted to add, please send me a PM if you want to talk one on one. I am not an expert, just someone who is concerned about you.

[sombody]

Im just finding it so hard to cope, He says he loves me but still does this.

I am completley isolated and arnt aloud to talk to anyone. My little boys friends mum invited me out for dinner with a group of her friends and my husband trevor was there when she asked and he said b4 i coulld even answer " oh sorry we are busy that night" when the only thing keeping him busy is him punching me about.

 

But he is a good dad so iv got to be greatfull, the kids love him and he loves them so i suppose as long as they are happy it doesnt matter.

 

He came home blind drunk last night demanding sex i dint say no this time because i knew what can happen when i say that, he was digustingly rough and horrible he knew i hated everysecondbut do ya wanna know the worst thing my son walked in on it when he was getting rough and and saw me cry. but trevor said to him that he was "playing an acting game with mummy and mummy was acting like he does at achool and there was soo much questions being asked but now i think he know that it was nuthing which im so thanksfull for he is only 5 years old.but i havent had a chance to speak to him on my own but i will do as soon as i get a chance.

 

If your still listening thanxs

 

This was just somthing to get out of my system, im sorry for posting and wasting your time. Im just very confused and scared , deep down i love this guy so badly an he loves me i just dont like this horrible side to him.

But io cant call the police or anythink on to him i really cant , but im gonna try and make this better, when my baby chloe gets a lil bit older im gonna ask him if i can get back to work and hopfully he will say yes and i could put her in a cresh then it would make it a bit better. The way i see it is as long as my children are not geting hurt thats all what matters. Im an adult il have to cope. Hes gone out with some friends at the moment but all lday he has been lovly been really sorry about yesterday night he brought me flowers and let me put my feet up p and took care of the baby while i had an hours sleep. I know it doesnt take away what happened last night but at least he is trying. But i think asking to go bck to work is a good idea, what do u think?

[AwdreeHpburn]

sombody - I don't mean to sound frustrated with you but if you are choosing to keep your children in this environment, you are asking for THEM to repeat it when they get older. You are also endangering them which is frankly, just irresponsible.

 

I'm sorry you're confused but let me help you muddle through. You CAN call the police, you are choosing not to.

 

I think asking to go back to work is a bad idea because I think you should simply go back to work if you want to.

 

You are in danger and are needlessly endangering your children. I realize it doesn't feel like you have any choices but you have got quite a few.

 

Please pick one.

[Dako]

Dear,

Your story puts a lump in my throat. It's so sad and you're so terrorized by him you don't even know it. All this suffering you endure is going on in other homes around the world, and some women reach out to the people who specialize in helping people just like you. They escape this cycle of violence and save the children from terrible trauma. He's hurting your children by creating an horrible homelife.

 

I'm just a guy in California reading your posts, but I can tell you there's probably an agency near you that could help you and your children escape this mess.

Any man worth your love will not beat, berate or rape you. Decent men never raise a hand to a woman. It's a cowardly act.

I understand you stay because you're terrified. There are people that can protect you an keep him from harming you. You just have to reach out.

 

At least talk to someone with expertise in abusive realtionships.

I'm sure your local police department can refer you to a confidential resource that could be the first step toward a life without fear.

Please do at least that, for your kids's sake.

 

You've adapted to a sick situation. There's a better life for you.

[AwdreeHpburn]

There's a better life for you.

 

 

 

There is a better life for you, your kids and for him.....

[sombody]

Iv looked stuff up on the internet and theres somthing call refuges for domestic vilonce. Its like a shelter full of women who have been throuhg what im going through. They have them all around england apparently. But i think im gonna have to start with the police which i really do not want to do, im so scared to do that.

 

I never wanted to endager my children, i still dont think he would ever touch them they are the only thing have left and i love them soo so much. I think im gonna do it, i dotn know where to start with the pollice though, the womens shelter sounds good and they rehouse you and everything as far away from the abuser as possible. What do i do, where do i start with the police, i love him deep down but when my little boy walked in on him doing that to me i think thats made me think. Where do i start with the police ?

[Dako]

That's wonderful news!

Just a call to the police, and ask for a number for assistance to domestic abuse victims.

They should put you in touch with someone right away. If you have any trouble please let us know. Certainly a forum member in the UK will be happy to help you.

 

You must be in great need of someone to discuss this with. Abusers tend to isolate their spouses, and it makes it much harder to get help. You can get together with women who've been in your shoes and changed their lives for the better, and get help from specialists in what you're dealing with. You don't have to do it all alone, and you don't ever need to be hurt again. It takes effort, but you and your kids deserve some peace.

 

Your husband might not hit the children, but they watch him terrorize you. That's a powerfully disturbing experience for a young child.

 

PLease let us know how things go.

Big hugs!

[snowgirl]

Freephone 24 hour domestic abuse hotline in the UK:

0808 2000 247

 

Call This number and talk to them.

[joeshmoe]

I certainly hope you make (or already made) the call...there are a lot of people here pulling for you, and you TRULY DESERVE BETTER. You CAN find someone that will love you the way you are supposed to be loved, and you can move on. You have the power to make your life what you want it to be, both for you and your children. He makes you feel powerless, but you are not.

 

He is NOT a good father. A good father does not beat on his children's mother. The kids will figure out what is going on, and if you stay, they will believe that that is the way it is supposed to be. Think of your baby Chloe...what about when she's old enough to understand what's going on? Do you want her to think that being beaten by her husband is normal?

 

Please make the call. there are people here from many countries pulling for you.

 

take care.

-Brandon-

[Beyondthesea]

I'm so sorry you are suffering so badly, but it does NOT have to be like this!

 

Honey, you don't love him, this is relationship addiction. You are addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship, and with trying to make him love you. I guarantee this will not happen.

 

I was also in an abusive relationship, and it was also severely abusive. I am now out and free. We lived together, he wouldn't let me do anything, and he beat me quite often. He was also frightening emotionally abusive, convincing me he loved me but that I had flared his temper so it was my fault, etc.

 

I stayed 7 years before I left. There is absolutely NO reason for you to stay and endure this type of life. Where is your family? Do you have no one else you could stay with?

 

link removed Go to "articles" then read "Identifying losers in relationships." I know it sounds silly, but it's a very serious article and it's also written by a psychologist.

 

Do you know how to delete your internet access so he doesn't know you are coming here? Let us know and we can help you.

 

Honey, from being there I can say this: life doesn't have to be like that! Men are not like that! I now have a wonderful fiance and I'm so happy and excited about life!

 

I know you say he is good to your children, but that won't last. Soon he will begin with them as well, and you will be powerless to stop it.

 

Inaction is causing your suffering love. Do something about it!

[iwantyoutowantme]

he's not "gentle" OR "nice". hon, he pulled A Gun on you and shoved it in your mouth when he forced himself onto you!!! drinking is always an excuse- this isnt good for you or the children. what if they happen to see drunk daddy shoving a gun in their mothers mouth? dragging her up the stairs? punching, kicking, and slapping her??

you deserve better- do it for your children. do it for yourself. all of you deserve a better husband and father than that.

plus, HE CHEATED ON YOU! thats the small problem here, but honestly- with 3 different people? while you are having his CHILDREN?

he's abusive, a cheater, and could be deadly. it can be fatal to stay with him any longer.

one of these days, you just never know when he can snap and go too far. hurting you horribly,(or worse), or even taking it out on your kids.

 

 

he is NOT worth spending your life with.

[lilac_indi]

please keep us posted on how you are getting on - if you need anymore advice we are at your service!