online love

[musicguy]

Okay, a lot of my co-workers are always saying to me "ohh you always try to find love online and then it never works" or "you always get told that this and that person that you meet is gonna move to iowa and it never happens". People think that I'm nuts because I look for love on the internet. My town is full of bars and I don't drink, so I'm not gonna go out to a bar, plus that's not the environment that I would like to meet a girl. So since 1998 I've been going online and I actually dated a girl who was close to my hometown for a year.

So why do they keep on telling me that I shouldn't meet people online?

 

Question number 2.

So I've been dating this girl online since Jan/Feb and she hasn't given me her number of her address. She's 20 and she'll be graduating college in May, then she tells me that she's gonna move to my state to be with me. How come she hasn't given me her number/address yet? I gave her my number, but she hasn't called me..I've never talked to her on the phone and I have a computer mic, so the last few days i've hooked it up and have talked to her when we IM each other (yet she has no computer mic or webcam)

 

*sigh*

[monkey1]

I say if you've been able to find people online to day, kudos to you. I think if 2 people find love online and are committed to be with each other 100%, then someone or both will move to be closer to each other.

 

As for question 2, ok this girl sounds weird. I would think that 6 months into a relationshp and getting to know someone online who SAYS they are going to move to be closer to you, would have given their number by now. It would bug me. Have you both seen pics of each toher? Are you guys just friends or are you more than friends?

 

Where have you been looking for "love" online?

[PocoDiablo]

My town is full of bars and I don't drink, so I'm not gonna go out to a bar, plus that's not the environment that I would like to meet a girl.

So everyone who goes to a bar is a low-life, not worthy of interaction, scum of the earth? Have you ever been to a bar? Are you saying you're a bad person? I'm sitting in a bar *right now* but I think I'm a good person. The bartender is a good person. The manager is a good person. The waitress is a good person. I overheard some people talking and they seemed like good people. What gives?

 

People are people, no matter where they are. Seems to me that you are saying that everyone in a bar is an alcoholic or drug dealer, or some STD infected junkie. Tsk, tsk, give people a chance.

 

So since 1998 I've been going online and I actually dated a girl who was close to my hometown for a year.

So why do they keep on telling me that I shouldn't meet people online?[/quote[

Online = not in real life.

 

Question number 2.

So I've been dating this girl online since Jan/Feb and she hasn't given me her number of her address.

Because she is not interested in dating you. You have wasted 6 months with a woman who won't give you her phone number? Stop writing her. The who point of online dating is to get OFFLINE as quickly as possible. You have to understand that we, as human beings, need physical contact. Email is not physical contact, and it does not allow you to be a human being. If you have not flirted enough to make her WANT to give you her number, then she is telling you that you have made mistakes that make her afraid to let you contact her. What mistakes? Maybe you are too serious, too boring, too something that does not do it for her, but suffice to say you have not made her say "Oh, WOW, I want to meet this guy!"

 

You have to work on that, eh?

 

She's 20 and she'll be graduating college in May, then she tells me that she's gonna move to my state to be with me. How come she hasn't given me her number/address yet?

Actions speak louder than words. Because she is trying to let you down nicely becuase she thinks you cannot handle the truth - she is just not *that* interested.

 

I gave her my number, but she hasn't called me..

Women don't call men first. Quite frankly - long story short - never give a woman your number. Tell (yes, "tell") her to give you HER number, then wait a week before you call her.

 

I've never talked to her on the phone and I have a computer mic, so the last few days i've hooked it up and have talked to her when we IM each other (yet she has no computer mic or webcam)

So doesn't this say something? SHe likes you so much but won't give you her private, personal, home information? Yeah, this means she is afraid of you for some reason. What reason? I don't know, you need to analyse everything you have done and figure it out.

 

*sigh*

We all have to live and learn. You have to learn to make mistakes fast and learn from them FASTER.

 

Funny thing - if you can't meet people in real life, such as at a bar, how in the world are you going to have a relationship offline? Being online is a crutch for people who cannot be real in real life. Get away from the computer. Go to a bar (yes) and talk to the bartender. The guy next to you. The waitress. Learn to be social. Learn to talk to strangers. Take it from there. You have to make mistakes to grow and learn, to be human.

[Batya33]

In my humble opinion, until you meet someone in person you are not dating them and have no real romantic relationship with the person. You may be IM buddies, phone buddies, whatever but you have no idea if you will click in person and I'm not just referring to physical appearance - all the myriad of ways that in person interactions affect the dynamics, communication, things in common etc. You have no idea how the person reacts to waitstaff, friends, family, a homeless person, a co-worker, a bus driver until you spend real in-person time. You don't know if the person makes sincere eye contact, is a good listener in person, has body language with which you're comfortable. And pictures don't do the trick - even if they're recent the combination of body language and appearance is lacking.

 

The possible reasons she hasn't given you her number - she is lying about who she is in some important respect, she is married or attached to someone else, she only wants a cyber buddy and not a real in person relationship.

 

Having said all that I do believe on line friendships are real - just like pen pal friendships - but romantic relationships need in person time over a period of time if they are to be "real".

[annie24]

1) keep online dating, but look into other forms of meeting women as well - ie, the gym, volunteering, church, etc....

 

2) Sounds like "she's just not that into you." otherwise, she would have given you her number and address and called you.

 

besides, you don't even know her! don't waste your time with her.

[annie24]

So everyone who goes to a bar is a low-life, not worthy of interaction, scum of the earth? Have you ever been to a bar? Are you saying you're a bad person? I'm sitting in a bar *right now* but I think I'm a good person. The bartender is a good person. The manager is a good person. The waitress is a good person. I overheard some people talking and they seemed like good people. What gives?

 

you're at a bar and on the internet? posting on enotalone?

[PocoDiablo]

you're at a bar and on the internet? posting on enotalone?

Yeah. What, does that make me less of a person? The finace is planning a night of pleasure, who am I to argue?

[annie24]

no, not that, I just didn't know that there are internet connections in bars, or wireless service. did you bring your laptop?

[PocoDiablo]

Oh, sorry for going off-topic, but yes I have a laptop and a cellular modem.

 

I'm EVERYWHERE!

[Turbo]

While it is becoming more and more socially acceptable to meet people online and fall in love, there are still people who don't believe it can happen. Such as a reply in this thread.

 

In my opinion when you meet someone in real it's more of a physical attraction that you have with that person and it grows into a mental attraction. Meeting someone online you get to talk to them and find out more about them cause a lot of people are more open online. Myself being one of them.

 

Love is about a mental and emotional connection. Once you have that, the physical aspect is twice as nice. I'm starting to see more and more online 'relationships' lasting and working a lot better then ones in real. Why? In my opinion it's because you get to know each other and become each other's best friend. If you can deal with the distance and anything else that occurs with being in an online relationship then I believe you can deal with anything that is thrown at you once you are physically together.

 

As for the second part, been there, done that. I would highly suggest you cut your loss and move on. That's shady behaviour and while I'm normally one for trust, that's just .. no.

[musicguy]

well, I'm gonna go kill myself now...bye

[monkey1]

all you can do is talk to her and ask what the deal is. i mean you've put a lot of time into the relationship, i think if you're frustrated with it and she isn't going to put the effort in like you want her to, then you gotta ask how much longer are you going to wait OR do you just walk away?

 

don't give up dating online, but i think you might need to find some other "avaliable" women. or try finding some local people online.

[annie24]

well, I'm gonna go kill myself now...bye

 

no killing of yourself.

 

trust me, I've had some bad online dating stories recently. it's just a let down. doesn't mean that she's not out there.

 

and like monkey said, you could just ask her what her deal is, but I'm not so sure you'll get a straight response.

 

i know that when I am interested in a guy, i'll give him my number when he asks. when I'm not so interested in a guy online, I'll come up with an excuse.

 

look, there are literally, MILLIONS of women online looking for a great guy like you. so don't waste all your time and resources on one. keep searching! and don't forget to look off-line too for love!

[Zoey]

So why do they keep on telling me that I shouldn't meet people online?

 

don't let people shoot you down like that, I met mine online and we've been dating for 1 year now. We've met numerous time. It's wonderful, exept for time when physical are being distant from each other. =)

 

Question number 2.

So I've been dating this girl online since Jan/Feb and she hasn't given me her number of her address. She's 20 and she'll be graduating college in May, then she tells me that she's gonna move to my state to be with me. How come she hasn't given me her number/address yet? I gave her my number, but she hasn't called me..I've never talked to her on the phone and I have a computer mic, so the last few days i've hooked it up and have talked to her when we IM each other (yet she has no computer mic or webcam)

 

*sigh*

 

This, I hate to tell you but she might be a he.

 

why?

 

1. if you don't hear a person's voice, it might not be a girl.

 

2. if you don't get to see her on the webcam (which costs only $20 nowaday--since i just got mine 4 months ago)...she might be a guy.

 

3. Everyone has cellphone or at least some # somewhere, if she is into you, she will do everything to talk to you.

 

4. any pictures online can be fake! so don't believe any pix she sent you unless you see her on webcam!

 

5. DONT GO KILL YOURSELF! IT'S NEVER WORTH IT!

 

She sounds shady. You can go and find tons of girls online who is more committed and real. Locally is best! because you get to see the person in physical presense but if you happen to find one online, you can always make it work as long as both are honest to one another and not being shady like that.

 

best of luck to you,

 

Z

[annie24]

good point! may not be a girl at all! Some people like to have fun that way, pretending to be someone they're not on the internet....

[BONO]

Oh, sorry for going off-topic, but yes I have a laptop and a cellular modem.

 

I'm EVERYWHERE!

 

 

 

 

Well , I guess the "Devil" is "Little" ( Shame )

 

Good job your not from Spain ! Jesus wept !

 

 

 

 

 

Dont know where to go from there PD, apart from .......

 

 

Great to see your knocking around still pal. Thanks for all the advice a few months ago.

 

 

Scruff

[Aurian]

So everyone who goes to a bar is a low-life, not worthy of interaction, scum of the earth? Have you ever been to a bar? Are you saying you're a bad person? I'm sitting in a bar *right now* but I think I'm a good person. The bartender is a good person. The manager is a good person. The waitress is a good person. I overheard some people talking and they seemed like good people. What gives?

 

People are people, no matter where they are. Seems to me that you are saying that everyone in a bar is an alcoholic or drug dealer, or some STD infected junkie. Tsk, tsk, give people a chance.QUOTE]

 

Well, I'm not interested in bars either, so I thought I'd respond. My experience is admittedly limited because they have not been good experiences. I'm sure there are good people in bars, but there are reasons why I wouldn't look for love in one.

 

1 - Noisy. Hard to strike up a conversation when you're shouting at each other This is especially difficult because I am hearing impaired. Too noisy, forget about talking to that cute guy over there! Online, you can have the initial talk via email or IM and as long as both people can use the written word well enough, there will be no "WHAT DID YOU SAY??? PARDON???"

 

2 - Drinks. Okay, many people go to bars to drink. However, if you do not drink, bars kinda suck. People are laughing at things more easily because of a bit of drink and you're left out. People are more relaxed and loose, and you're left out.

 

3 - Dates. At least if you look online everyone active there is looking for a date. Who knows in a bar? Its embarrassing getting shot down because the person you thought was flirting with you actually has a girlfriend.

[annie24]

Word of advice: girls don't like guys who are falling down drunk at bars. ewww. most of the time they smell bad and they just wind up saying a whole bunch of stupid stuff.

 

better: go to the bar, have 1-2 drinks ($5-10), and stay sober and coherent enough to be able to have a conversation with girls.

[zippitt]

A: Bar's are fine, but the tools you need to be successful at it are far different from online. Number one thing is your confidence, you need to be able to approach people, and the only way to get past this is to keep trying. I have a friend who is not attractive, yet gets many more dates than me because he is fearless.

 

B: Online dating is also fine, but the strategy here is different, sure confidence is still a must, but it's much easier to send text to someone you don't have to look at, much with other people all around. The key to online dating is meeting people quickly without scaring the other party off. By doing so you can make sure the person is who they claim to be, and you will be less likely to be disappointed by your imagination.

[vesper]

you have just got to be direct in any instance. get straight to the point right away and go for it !

[rocio]

In my humble opinion, until you meet someone in person you are not dating them and have no real romantic relationship with the person.

 

Exactly. I was reading the original post and thinking, "how can you date someone online?"

 

You only know 2% of the person. You have no idea who they really are. Whatsoever.

 

Having said that, the internet is a great place to meet people. MEET. Not date. It doesn't become a real relationship until you've spent a significant amount of time together, in the same room... in my opinion.

[rocio]

Oh, and there are a thousand places you can meet people in person other than bars. There are people all around you - everywhere you look. You live in a world full of people. Just talk to them!