help

[TheRedQueen]

Oy vey,

 

I am not encouraging it, I am just condoning it as an understandable action.

[Mavh25]

how were you not encouraging it? thats exactly what you did, maybe you did not so much as say "yeah go for it" jeez, whatever im here to help helpme2

[Managor]

Something does not become commendable because there exist worse choices.

 

EDIT: Also a lot of the time (perhaps the majority of cases) people who self injure are not also suicidal, and so can find healthy alternatives to self injury or find a way to change their life so that self injury is no longer something they need.

[Mavh25]

Exactly...

[avman]

If you hate the world around you, perhaps even hate yourself, feel utterly hopeless, want to kill yourself but don't because you still love others enough not to want to put them through that, then yes, cutting yourself is incredibly commendable, tragic, but still a better option.

 

Those statements in and of themselves indicate the need for help. Self-injury is not the solution. It is a cry for assistance.

 

But enough of that, we are not here to debate this point. We are here to help the OP.

[Mavh25]

Don't get me wrong Helpme2 we are not saying what you did is a crime, but like i said before, maybe you should try and figure out exactly what it is that made yuo feel like doing this again after all this time. How did you stop yourself the first time and overcome it for those years? you need to think of your children and your husband, which obviously you have been. Just bare them in mind everytime you feel that urge, they need you and love you

[Relationship Coach]

Resources

 

link removed - Based in the United Kingdom, this website is volunteer based that raises awareness about self injury worldwide. Many of the contributors are former self injurers.

link removed - The American Self-Harm Information Clearinghouse website offers articles and resources to inform the general public as well as health professionals about the phenomenon of self-harm.

link removed – Using a 12 step program, Self Mutilators Anonymous offers in-person and online fellowships to help in the recovery from self injurious behaviors.

link removed - The Sidran Institute, along with Ruta Mazelis, publish The Cutting Edge Newsletter. Articles are often penned by teens and adults living with self injurious behaviors, and there are empirical articles and clinical papers from professionals in the field who treat patients who engage in SIB as well.

 

 

American Self Injury Clearinghouse - link removed

[TheRedQueen]

Perhaps you are in agreement with the other posters, but what I am trying to say is don't get so down on yourself. If you were to go get high or wasted right now, that would be an entirely different story, because that would directly negatively effect your family. Obviously you are still experiencing some residual pain from your past, which is totally understandable, perhaps you should temporarily increase the number of sessions that you usually have with your therapist.

[TheRedQueen]

Life is about making choices, and sometimes the best choices are out of our reach, so if someone has a tendency for masochistic behaviors, I say, that cutting is by far a better choice than let's say drinking, or abusing drugs.

[helpme2]

I talked to my husband, he helped me clean the wound better and bandage myself, he said I have the weekend off so he is making dinner and is going to run me a bath and then put the kids to bed, he said we can watch a movie or talk, or get a sitter and walk around the block, I don't know what I did to deserve him and while I still feel pretty crappy I at least have a little hope that I am not completely useless, he loves me after all. Thanks you guys, I might be back later if things get worse or if I need to vent.

[avman]

It sounds like you have a great guy. Of course you are not useless. One relapse isn't going to make him stop loving you.

 

Let him help you through this. Good luck to you.

[TheRedQueen]

I talked to my husband, he helped me clean the wound better and bandage myself, he said I have the weekend off so he is making dinner and is going to run me a bath and then put the kids to bed, he said we can watch a movie or talk, or get a sitter and walk around the block, I don't know what I did to deserve him and while I still feel pretty crappy I at least have a little hope that I am not completely useless, he loves me after all. Thanks you guys, I might be back later if things get worse or if I need to vent.

He sounds awesome, and you are more than deserving of that kind of love and treatment, best of luck

-RQ

[annie24]

When done safely, this release is actually marginally, if at all, unhealthy to your body. Rather than completely imploding, or exploding, engaging in just a little endorphin-producing bloodletting seems quite reasonable and harmless.

 

I must differ very strongly!!!

 

I am a microbiologist, and I know that there are all sorts of bacteria out there. Unless you are a trained surgeon, most people don't have the sort of "sterile technique" to make incisions in the human body with the least harm possible. even the best hospitals with the best surgeons sometimes have patients that die as a result of getting an infection during surgery.

 

Now, you're not even a surgeon, you are just an everyday person.

 

There are soooo many safer, healthier ways to release hurt and anger and sadness. yoga, exercise, therapy, lifting weights. These all cause a certain amount of discomfort, especially some yoga positions, but then you release the pose, and the discomfort goes away. That is a much safer thing to do than cutting yourself!

 

And cutting leaves scars!!!

 

Please don't cut. there are so many other things you can do!

[TheRedQueen]

The scars on my skin are moot compared to the scars I have within.

Life leaves scars, as is seen in the natural processes of age.

Yeah, if you use some rusty knife found in a dumpster behind a crackhouse, cutting yourself might be quite dangerous, but when done, and treated thereafter, with precaution, the detriment to your PHYSICAL BODY AND HEALTH, would be minimal. But however, the same cannot be said for your mental health.

[Daddy Bear]

my vehement anti-cutting stance is on record in my post history.

 

having said that, i fail to see the difference betwen the tack TRQ has pursued in this thread and the advice that medical professionals give junkies to sterilize their needles if they are unable to stop using. TRQ has been through this; most of us have not. i would also point out that she is extremely intelligent beyond the norm.

 

although i do not like to see anyone engage in this type of behavior, i do have one thing to add: it is very important to not only sterilize the implement of destruction but to swap the area to be damaged with antiseptic as well. otherwise, bacteria on the skin can enter the bloodstream and then we've got an even larger problem.

 

perhaps if helpme2 performs this sterilization ritual enough times she will tire of cutting altogether and find positive and mentally healthy ways to get that same sense of relief. one can only hope.

 

myself, i like to take long walks through town at night.

[melrich]

the advice that medical professionals give junkies to sterilize their needles if they are unable to stop using.the advice that medical professionals give junkies to sterilize their needles if they are unable to stop using.

 

The difference is that this poster had not cut for some years, she has shown a great capacity to control the urges and I hope she regains that. It is very unfortunate that in a moment of weakness she was given some validation to go ahead and perform the act. The absolute last advice you would give a an addict who was drug free for a number of years is to go ahaed and have a hit when they feel the urge.

 

I hope this was an isolated incident for the OP. It is very unfortunate that someone with more appropriate advice did not respond to this thread during the small window of opportunity.

[justpaisley]

helpme2 -

 

The longer you go without, the easier it gets to not cut. I haven't cut in nearly 5 years, and it took a lot of work on my anger and stress management to stop. I felt like doing it recently, because I've had a *LOT* of stress in my life recently (son born 11 weeks early and in the NICU, and complications from my c-section) and sometimes I just want that control again.

 

I don't know what else is going on in your life (sorry, too lazy to research) to lead you to do this, but anger and stress management will help you a lot.

 

My favorite distraction was a crappy, trashy magazine. The trashier the better. National Enquirer trashy. Star Magazine trashy. The more interested in the banal you are, the less you'll desire that release. Sure, it doesn't clean up all of your problems, but neither does cutting, right? Another thing I'd do is turn on the old tube. Anything to distract yourself from the call of the knife (or whatever your method). What's your favorite TV show? Buy all the seasons of it and pop it in whenever you feel the urge. Got the car? Go driving. Got a video game? Go there. Obviously coming here didn't work for you because you received bad advice, but hopefully next time people will come through for you.

 

You can do it, you can go without cutting. PM me if you feel like doing it again, we can definitely talk.

 

Oh, and thank goodness for good husbands! Mine helped me through a few episodes too!

[TheRedQueen]

The difference is that this poster had not cut for some years, she has shown a great capacity to control the urges and I hope she regains that. It is very unfortunate that in a moment of weakness she was given some validation to go ahead and perform the act. The absolute last advice you would give a an addict who was drug free for a number of years is to go ahaed and have a hit when they feel the urge.

 

I hope this was an isolated incident for the OP. It is very unfortunate that someone with more appropriate advice did not respond to this thread during the small window of opportunity.

Melrich, I understand your intention here, but those that respond as you do, inadvertantly make the OP feel more guilty than she already would have felt in the first place.

[annie24]

The difference is that this poster had not cut for some years, she has shown a great capacity to control the urges and I hope she regains that. It is very unfortunate that in a moment of weakness she was given some validation to go ahead and perform the act. The absolute last advice you would give a an addict who was drug free for a number of years is to go ahaed and have a hit when they feel the urge.

 

I hope this was an isolated incident for the OP. It is very unfortunate that someone with more appropriate advice did not respond to this thread during the small window of opportunity.

 

I agree 100%!

 

The OP was doing so well for so long! There is no need to encourage her to go back.

 

My point is that even with sterilization, good technique, etc, infections still happen all the time! Even in the best hospitals, so it can also happen to you. I guess what I am saying is that cutting is NEVER safe. EVER! The human body was not meant to be cut and burned.

 

It's clear that you are searching for a release and to get rid of negative feelings, there are many better ways. please feel free to PM me anytime, or please contact some of those organizations that relationship coach listed.

 

And you're still ok, just please please don't cut anymore. I went to yoga class tonight, and we had some very strenous, uncomfortable positions that we had to hold for 60 seconds (which felt like a lifetime!) but when we got to release, it felt so good!

 

maybe something similar may help for you?

[melrich]

Melrich, I understand your intention here, but those that respond as you do, inadvertantly make the OP feel more guilty than she already would have felt in the first place.

 

I'm unsure what you mean. What was my intention? What guilt is potentially being applied to the OP that she is not already feeling?

[Daddy Bear]

The difference is that this poster had not cut for some years, she has shown a great capacity to control the urges and I hope she regains that. It is very unfortunate that in a moment of weakness she was given some validation to go ahead and perform the act. The absolute last advice you would give a an addict who was drug free for a number of years is to go ahaed and have a hit when they feel the urge.

 

I hope this was an isolated incident for the OP. It is very unfortunate that someone with more appropriate advice did not respond to this thread during the small window of opportunity.

perhaps it would have made a difference; i suspect not. TRQ has a greater insight into the problem than do we, and i don't believe that her comment on sterilization was cavalier or poorly-considered.

 

Sometimes the urge is overwhelming, trust me I understand

 

perhaps it is overreaching a bit to say that an admonishment would have stopped helpme2 from performing her self-injury, or to say that TRQ is to blame. you and i have never been in those shoes.

 

and no matter how long it has been since a junkie's last fix, it is still valid (if unpopular) advice to tell him or her to use caution regarding bacteria and to be discreet with track marks should s/he make the reckless decision to puncture his/her skin.

[annie24]

My situation is sort of different. I have had depression problems on and off my entire life. I've also had a lot of issues with food, a lot of them having to do with my mother.

 

I remember a few years ago, I was really upset one day, long story short, things didn't work out with me and this guy. My first .... instinct was to go to burger king and get fries, a coke, and a double cheese whopper.

 

but then, I thought about it - yes, I would feel good for 15 minutes, but then what? I would be full, fatter, and still without the guy. My problems don't go away if I eat - they are still there.

 

That is the same with cutting - yes, it can make you feel good for a little bit, but ultimately, it's not going to solve the deep down heart of your problem. In fact, it just makes things worse, just like for me, eating a big greasy meal isn't going to make my problems go away.

 

Really, please see a therapist, they can help you heal from the inside out.

[avman]

and no matter how long it has been since a junkie's last fix, it is still valid (if unpopular) advice to tell him or her to use caution regarding bacteria and to be discreet with track marks should s/he make the reckless decision to puncture his/her skin.

 

There is a distinct difference from urging caution of someone who has already made the choice and actively encouraging someone who has not yet decided. It is akin to telling an alcoholic who has been sober for 10 years to go ahead and have that drink but just make sure they have a designated driver. The alcoholic needs support NOT to do it in the first place.

[melrich]

perhaps it would have made a difference; i suspect not. TRQ has a greater insight into the problem than do we, and i don't believe that her comment on sterilization was cavalier or poorly-considered.

 

SB my first wife was a serious cutter for 8 years before I met her and for quite some time after we first got together. I attended many professional therapy sessions with her and we learnt together how to combat the affliction. I know something about it.

 

I am not blaming TQR. It may have happened regardless. But the advice was inappropriate and my post was more to your post defending the advice. I do not want to see posts standing unchallenged in these forums that is supporting advice to give in to urges that cause anyone self harm be it through self injury, drug abuse or any other affliction.

[Daddy Bear]

avman: i agree entirely with your most recent statement but i also see a distinction between encouragement and empathy.

 

melrich: i'm sorry to hear that you DO have personal knowledge of this nasty phenomenon and i share your hope that this was a single isolated incident. i'm sure that TRQ does as well.