Life as of Current

[Jinx]

I haven't posted in a bit about my situation as of the moment and decided for a post that was based on updates for what has gone on since last time.

 

Right about now I am trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life, I've spent the past week or more to myself trying to sort out what I want and want to do. Going to different towns looking around, mini vacation as much as a College student at my stage can.

 

Aside of my own confusion on the professional front I've had to deal with the "love" front. My friend is Bisexual as it turns out and she has been flirting shamlessly with me whenever we talk yet she will not let go of her boyfriend or any of the like, she knows I don't approve of cheating matters and won't be involved in it but she continues.

 

On the other half, I met a woman who I fell for extremely so, and we both can just spend hours chatting about anything and enjoy each others company extremely. She was the one to really show interest initially now that I think about it, and I have to say I'm stricken too. She has all the traits I've thought about in a woman and she says it is the same for me. One major huge hang up that put a damper on the day, she is only about 17 years my senior.

 

She has her degrees, she has a professional career, she has a home and is well established.

 

I on the other hand am only a student finishing a Bachelors and wanting to get into Graduate school, I am renting, and my employment is still on the casual minimum wage front.

 

Technically, we're two absolute opposites. Not in goals, just in stages. While we share the same views and eventual ideas about life despite the gap, neither of us are sure whether it is worth pursuing or not.

 

Worst part is, when we've been out together, even in the most liberal area we've been to, even with as close as we tend to act and be, people have a tendency to ask if we are relatives or such. At least no one has asked if I'm her daughter yet, maybe we don't look that far apart for people to say that or they just think and don't speak.

 

On another point is jealousy. While my friend would refuse to get rid of her boyfriend if she were actually interested in me beyond a crushing bi-curiosity, I find the green eyed monster loves to rear its ugly head when I tell her that the other woman and I are say going out for lunch or coffee. She isn't really rude but she is cold about the fact. Really, what does she expect me to do? I don't see why I should be getting the attitude about all of this for moving along.

 

At least this other woman knows she is a lesbian, open about it, and has known for a long while. With her, the woman whom is older than I, I don't have to worry (or at least I hope not...) about being Gay, having a relationship with a woman and midway going into a crisis about "My parents said I need to marry a man, sorry sucker, I'm off. Hope you enjoyed." Love my friend dearly but I don't trust her to remain a Bisexual interested in women.

 

I could be terribly wrong, that she isn't confused in her female interest and won't go haywire mid relationship. To me personally it would be more devastating to date a Bisexual woman or confused "lesbian", invest years into a relationship then out of the blue one day she states that she wants a man and a year later is married to one. I can much better tolerate the thought of loving a lesbian and her leaving for another woman.

 

Oh, and the lovely catch on the end of this is my Bisexual friend wants to meet me and spend time with me over the Summer and that makes me very nervous. I get this odd impulse to think that spending time with me over the Summer isn't to catch up on schoolwork, life and employment topics. I want to say no, but she isn't an idiot and will catch on that it is the fact she seems interested in me and I don't want to deal with it. Secondly, I am not at all on good terms with my family at current so it isn't like I can say I'm going "home" to be with them while she is in the area.

 

Anyhow, looks like I'm going to be here for awhile longer (School has gone to hell in a handbasket for me) and not going to be any escaping the issue for awhile, so I've just been debating about the to-do's and not-to-do's of these complex little bumps in life that come about.

[FoxLocke]

Welcome back Jinx! I can't speak for anyone else but I have missed your presense.

 

You are in a bit of a predicament, that is for certain. Should you be practical and pair up with someone more your age. Or should you cast all inhibition to the side and allow yourself to fall for this older lady?

There are so many intangibles.

 

You could, possibly, get together with your Bisexual(or Bicurious, which tends to be the case with most young women) friend and see whether or not something blossoms. But you could possibly lose the attentions of your other friend.

Honestly, if I were you I would not pursue anything with a bicurious person. I think there is a difference between bicurious and bisexual. A bisexual person, to me, acknowledges their sexuality and doesn't allow gender roles/norms to color their view of a long lasting relationship. A true bisexual woman could fall in love with you, while still being attracted to men, and remain faithful simply because she chooses a committed lesbian relationship...

 

Your friend seems Bicurious to me. Meaning, she would love to indulge her fantasy of being with another woman; however, if the heat is on she'll ditch you for a man, settle down, and have kids in a split second. She would like to have her fantasy fulfilled(or quell her curiousities), but it doesn't sound like she is interested in a relationship in the least. I would avoid her like she had bubonic plague, if I'm being honest...

 

As far as your openly lesbian friend is concerned the only thing I can see interfering is the age difference. In my opinion why should it matter? When you think about it age gaps have a tendency of shortening the older and more mature one becomes. If you are 20something and she's say, late 30's/early 40's, when you're 30 and she's 47 most likely it won't matter. You two will both been on even footing(as far as education is concerned).

As it is if the two of you get on so well I don't think age should be an issue.

Just know that the two of you connect and are in the same space at the sametime.

I would throw caution to the wind and pursue the relationship with the older woman. What have you got to lose?

[robowarrior]

Personally from the two fires, that 17 year older woman is the best choice you can make. That other girl is just having that guy maby 'to show the world, that she's normal' , i personally think that is why she is clinging on to that guy. She obviously is interested in you, but your right for saying. Away with the guy before you advance with me. And i think she refuses that because that 'image' of her being normal must remain intact to the critical outside world. I personally think That its not benefitial to be in different life stages. And people asking if you are her daughter must be quite annoying to say the least. But whatever , let people look at their own lives. If you really love this 17 year older woman then you have my blessing. In which i mean i would give it a try, and that way you can also say to that bi friend of yours that you are going steady now with that other woman.

[Tigris]

Jinx give the older woman a chance and see how it goes. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

Good luck