For those who lead healthy lifestyles....

[BellaDonna]

How do you deal with social situations in which everyone is eating very unhealthy garbage-food, and if they get offended that you are not eating it too?

 

Yesterday I had a cook-out at my father-in-laws house. All day and night I watched people eat cheeseburgers, cookies, cake, greasy chicken wings, and beer.

 

I eat a very healthy, balanced diet. So I brought a big grilled chicken salad for everyone (mainly so I'd know there would be at least something I could eat there). I also brought fruit and nonfat coolwhip for everyone. Those 2 things I brought were the only things I ate because all the rest of the food was so unhealthy and gross. I actually was getting a little revolted because almost all of the people that were there besides my husband and I are either seriously obese or have high cholesterol and I watched them clog their arteries all day.... They've been told by their doctors to change, and just ignore it.

 

Don't get me wrong- if I want a cookie, I'll have one- I already had my "cheat meal" for the week the prior night (pizza and chocolate cake, and I didn't regret it at all ). But the food they were eating that day did not even appeal to me. But I kept getting comments from them all day about how I "don't enjoy life" and how I should be eating the garbage they were eating too. Does misery love company?

 

When they ask why I'm not eating it- I just say "for health reasons" yet they still pick on me.

 

I just can't eat junk food for the sole sake of being social.

 

Does anyone else have this experience? Am I rude for bringing healthy food and only being able to eat what I brought?

 

 

BellaDonna

[GoodNewsIsOnTheWay]

Hey! My boyfriend and I were in the same scenario yesterday.. We just stayed relatively in control of the social event.. For example, he went shopping with the group that purchased the food, made sure he picked up things like salad, low fat dressings, boca burgers, etc etc... And so we had PLENTY to eat for us.. And everyone else had a great time with regular burgers, cakes and cookies, etc. We feel no temptation with that sort of things just because we are secure enough in what a healthy diet has done for both of us. But you're not alone

[flower99]

Oh yeah i love health food. It feels good after I'm done eating.

I do the same as you, I bring some good items & basically stick with that.

when people ask, why I'm not eating it. I just tell them something like " I feel gross after eating it, it doesn't agree with me. lol ". Some just laugh & some understand.

You aren't alone.

[RayKay]

Hey Bella!

 

I deal with this a lot actually. It all started when I went vegetarian originally, but even though I am not a veggie now, I still eat healthy.

 

I too end up in those kind of situations where I am surrounded by "bad food" - in fact this weekend I was exposed to it almost the whole time as my friend's mom likes to try and feed you cookies, sweets, whatever all the time! Not only do I not want pie, I want it even less at 9:00am! Nor do I want it three times a day!

 

You know what, I just learned I have to stick to my own nutritional plan. When I was vegetarian I did not worry about "offending" someone as I just would NOT eat meat, so what choice did I have. And I guess I carried that through to now. I was discussing this with J a couple weeks ago actually but bottom line I said that it's my body, I choose what to put in it and if I ate everyting someone forced on me out of guilt, I would be three times heavier than I am!

 

I bring healthier options, or if it's unexpected, I just tell them I am full, could not eat another bite, would rather eat some more of those veggies over there, am allergic to _____, ate a large meal already before coming over, it will upset my tummy, whatever. If I am eating, I just take a LITTLE of what they made, and add lots of veggies and healthier options.

 

You just have to be as persistent back, but do it politely and be thankful for the offer. I am confident enough that I eat properly for ME, and am satisfied that I can easily just say no! I find it funny when people say things like "you are so thin, how do you do it!" while they are scarfing their 4th cheeseburger and I stopped at one and some salad!

 

And yes, I do have my treats for myself, and days where I have a bit of "bad food", but overall I am very aware of what I eat, and if I went overboard everyday, well, again I would be 3x my size!

 

I think most people for me get it anyway, they think I am nuts anyway. I was at lake this long weekend and was up by 6 am to go for my morning runs before anyone even considered getting out of bed. They just take my eating as part of the package of me...lol.

[Relationship Coach]

Bella,

As I recall you have worked hard to get your body to this healthy state and what you did was certainly acceptable. You and your husband cannot fall to peer pressure being offered junk food and ridiculed for being health conscious. Let the gluttons stuff themselves until they pop, they don't have the ability to change their perspective on fueling vs. fooling. They attempt to recruit others to gorge because if everyone else is doing it, it must be OK. Kudos to you and your husband for being able to abstain from this behavior and bringing a healthy dish or two was a great idea.

 

RC

[BellaDonna]

I'm glad to see I'm not alone.

 

I find it funny when people say things like "you are so thin, how do you do it!" while they are scarfing their 4th cheeseburger and I stopped at one and some salad!

 

That' the other thing- they told me I "looked great", as if it's some kind of good fortune or random thing! It's not luck- it's CHOICES..... like exercising and not eating garbage.....

 

I just think it's funny that they tell me that "I don't enjoy life"- when chances are- they are slowly killing themselves with what they are eating. I want to stick around for a while and enjoy a long life- They are inviting heart disease, diabetes, and so many other things that can shorten their life. So who truly won't "enjoy life"?: them.

 

I am always polite about it- never rude. They are my husband's family and I respect them. I never want to make them feel bad about themselves or their choices. Other than their annoying comments about food- and the sadness I feel when I see them killing themselves with loads of grease and sugar- they are actually good people.

 

BellaDonna

[RayKay]

Agree Bella, I often think if only they knew how much I DO enjoy life, and hopefully will be around longer to enjoy it even more!

 

I get to do many things because of my health that many whom choose to live through food and lack of exercise don't. There is some fantastic scenery for example I would never have seen if I could not get my body up there in the first place!

 

A lot of people truly believe eating healthy and exercising is punishment! But truthfully, I get such a HIGH from cycling or running, eating healthy gives me more energy and balance. It really IS about living and enjoying life!

[BellaDonna]

I will be "camping" with some of these people for a whole week in the near future. I'm looking forward to the trip- but not the comments about food.

 

This should be interesting: I'll be up in the morning running or swimming while they're either a.) snoring in their tents b.) eating piles of bacon.

 

 

BellaDonna

[RayKay]

I will be "camping" with some of these people for a whole week in the near future. I'm looking forward to the trip- but not the comments about food.

 

This should be interesting: I'll be up in the morning running or swimming while they're either a.) snoring in their tents b.) eating piles of bacon.

 

 

BellaDonna

 

Yeah, I am the same when it comes to that kind of thing. If it is some place we can't go running/biking, I will be out paddling, or doing yoga, or whatever! Jason is able to relax a bit more than me, though he is also still very athletic and eats healthy (*most* of the time!). He tends to go out waterskiing or something later in the day (or we went golfing Monday for example) as he is not such an early riser, but same idea of being pretty active vs. sedentary. Our camping trips tend to be pretty active minded (like going to Moab for mountain biking, going on a paddling trip, doing a day hike, etc). We are not much for "car camping" (drive to a lot and park...we prefer to have to work to get there!).

 

On Monday (long weekend) I got up early, went for an hour and a half run, did 45 minutes of yoga on the dock with a calm lake and rising sun, came back and everyone was still in bed (J included..lol). You miss the best part of the day when you miss those morning moments!

[zippitt]

Well, how happy people are is all a matter of perspective, they may not want to put forth the effort to eat healthy or workout. Chances are they will probably pay for it in the long run, but no one could be certain. However, they certainly shouldn't be pushing their views or lifestyles on others, I find that as offensive as people preaching religion at my front door.

 

Try not to judge these people too much though, as previously stated, they are truly good people with their own odd perceptions, just stay proud of who you are, how you feel, and what you do. Smile inside when people offend you knowing well that you are doing the right thing.

[sophie274]

I can sort of identify with both "sides" here. I think what you're doing is absolutely normal, and of course when you are in the habit of eating healthily a bunch of fatty sweet foods probably don't even seem appetizing.

 

I do see though, how some of the other guests at this bbq might have been miffed. First of all, they probably felt a little insecure, especially if they were all overweight and you are super fit and they see you making the choices that they should be making: I could see how they could get defensive. Of course this is not your fault at all, but it probably means you need to be extra tactful when explaining your choices. It might work better to just say, as RayKay suggested, that you're really full already, that your stomach feels a little upset, etc ... Talking about "health reasons" might make them more insecure about the bad choices they are making, and might also seem to them like you are looking down on their choices.

 

Good luck, food is always a tricky issue!

[Holiday]

I suffer from exercise bulimia and have always had issues with overconsumption of sweets. The cycle is terrible: eat a ton of sugar globbed food and go work out at 180 bpm for an hour (or two or three, depending on the guilt).

 

The benefit of this nonsensical lifestyle is that I tend to be in excellent cardiovascular condition.

 

I am no secret-keeper on my fondness/weakness for sweets and often caution my friends to keep it away from me. On several occasssions throughout my life, however, I have just given into my appetite and gotten fat, but then, inevitably, I go back into my weight loss mode with a vengance and find it's easier to figure out who has my best interests at heart. For instance, many times throughout my adult life I have encountered "gifts" from domineering, overweight women who go out of their way to surprize me with my favorite "addictions". I always resent myself for accepting the tokens of generosity, but their decision to put poison in my face makes me question whether I should even have them in my life.

 

I think I like RayKay's suggestions and would always warn that you never want to say you're doing it for "health reasons" because unless your a recovering heart attack victim, people are going to say through a mouth full of food "live it up".

 

Good luck! T-2 months for the next pig-fest. Thank GOD!

[Scout]

Bella, the Standard American Diet (note the acronym is S.A.D.!) is laden with fats and sugars. While I can't prove it (although there may be studies out there that do), I personally believe both are highly addictive. And don't forget, processed foods also include additives are probably likewise addictive.

 

In short, many people in Western civilization are truly addicted to a certain kind of diet. But most either aren't aware of this, or simply won't acknowledge it. Thus, you're getting these comments, because these folks just haven't seen the light yet.

 

Best you can do is say that you are actually having the time of your life being in their company, no matter what you're eating. You can also say that you decided to make some lifestyle changes that included changing what you eat, based on concerns for your health. It took some time to get used to a new way of eating, but now you actually feel cleaner, lighter, more healthy, and in fact, enjoy this new way of eating better. Tell them you yourself were surprised to find this out, and offer some recipes if they're interested.

 

Change typically occurs in small increments, and is rarely sparked by feeling pressured to change. You really have to go about these things in a subtle, positive way. Trust me, as a vegetarian I've heard all these comments and more, but if I keep a pleasant and understanding attitude (even if I'm irritated inside), people typically relent and then admit they've thought about making some dietary changes at some point or another, and often proceed to ask me for tips and advice.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Honestly, I would laugh at you too, but only if you have a sense of humor about it. Knowing my sense of humor, I probably would've shoved all that garbage in my mouth at the same time, but I would only do so because I generally eat healthy. I binge every now and then and don't follow a strict schedule.

 

But there is this saying that always made me think about "enjoying life": "I don't live to eat. I eat to live." You eat what you want to eat. It's your body. But let me ask you a question, seriously. When they made a fuss about it, was it because they simply noticed you are health conscious or did you, even to a small extent, preach to them about how unhealthy their eating habits were? I ask this because this could lead to some backlash. Food, believe it or not, can be a sensitive subject for those who love it. Even a harmless comment like, "How could you eat that junk?" can upset the sensitive eater.

 

So basically what I would do is bring what I want to eat and if someone makes a comment about how I'm not "enjoying life", then I say, "I am enjoying life. I enjoy what I am eating. Now get your deliciously seductive hamburger breath out of my face."

 

But that's just me.

[BillyJean714]

Hey Bella,

 

I think they're just "trying" to make you feel bad for being the odd-ball. It's just their way of trying to be humorous and funny. Some people try to cover up their insecurities by laughing things off and poking fun at others.

 

I don't think it's rude that you brought healthy dishes to their house. It was thoughtful. I personally could not scarf down all that greese. But, once in a while like at Thanksgiving, I would be fine with it!

[BellaDonna]

But let me ask you a question, seriously. When they made a fuss about it, was it because they simply noticed you are health conscious or did you, even to a small extent, preach to them about how unhealthy their eating habits were?

 

I never once preached to them at all. I would never want to go there. lol They are my in-laws. I suppose by the fact that I don't eat what they eat- they could infer that I think their eating habits are unhealthy- and not something I'd want to do to my own body- but I've never, ever stated it. I have more tact than that.

 

One thing I have told them in the past- my father had a heart attack at age 26 (my age!). Heart disease is a big problem in my family. So they know I really watch what I eat for that reason. When I say "for health reasons" I really mean it.It's not about being thin. That's just an added benefit of eating healthy- but not my sole reason for doing so. It's high cholesterol and disease that I fear.

 

BellaDonna

[Holiday]

One thing I have told them in the past- my father had a heart attack at age 26 (my age!). Heart disease is a big problem in my family. So they know I really watch what I eat for that reason. When I say "for health reasons" I really mean it.It's not about being thin. That's just an added benefit of eating healthy- but not my sole reason for doing so. It's high cholesterol and disease that I fear.

 

BellaDonna

 

I think that response really does work. I mean I probably wouldn't want to throw it out every time someone made a comment about how healthy I eat, but I'd throw it out there after they made two comments, or if their snears seemed to be increasing a bit. Besides, hearing about someone else's rapid decline in health at such a young age (26) can truly be inspiring especially when coupled to the example you are leading.

 

I also agree 100% with SCOUT that sugar is addictive. I think if governing agencies like the FDA (US) are going to restrict alcohol consumption, drug use, ect, they should be looking at sugar and butter, too. I really have a major problem with sugar and when I am able to get it out of my system for two days straight, only then is my mood stable and my mind clear.

[RayKay]

Bella,

 

Yes, I think in your case for health reasons is definitely valid. It's no different than having an allergy (if someone has a peanut allergy do you force them to eat PB&J sandwhiches?). I already am aware of the cholesterol and heart problems in your family history and I think that is a VERY valid reason, especially as you have worked so hard to reduce that risk.

 

Of course there are also health reasons that are less "in your face" that people are not aware of. In my case, many of my health reasons ARE my very high breast cancer risk - excess fat and so forth in your diet (and whom knows what additives) are shown to have a link to breast cancer for example. Of course, if I give that excuse, most people don't see it as such a direct "cause" as they would heart health and would tell me to "live a little" - I do live a LOT more than most, I love good food, wine, etc...the difference is I don't live to eat in excess and my version of "good food" is different. And in smaller quantities! And I eat to live, to fuel my body and help my performance physically & mentally.

 

Honestly for me, I know I must come accross as a *witch* to some people even though I am polite about it, but it's my body and I can choose what to put in it or not, and I really don't need to "justify" my reasoning for it either, you know? I have a long struggle in my life with eating disorders and body image, and after many years I am in a place where I feel comfortable with my self, and eat healthy, and I know I am doing fine and I know what it takes for me to also stay mentally and physically "on track". I really don't care what others eat - I don't lecture them, or tell them what they are eating is bad, or make any comments about how terrible it is or gross or ANYTHING, I just say in some form that is still polite that I am not interested. And I really am not, my palate just does not like a lot of heavy, junky food - I did not grow up on it and just it makes me feel awful. To me that feeling of feeling "awful" to avoid feeling guilty is NOT worth it.

[BellaDonna]

Honestly for me, I know I must come accross as a *witch* to some people even though I am polite about it, but it's my body and I can choose what to put in it or not, and I really don't need to "justify" my reasoning for it either, you know?

 

I agree. I sometimes wonder if I'm unintentionally being rude. Food can be a touchy subject with some people. If you are invited to someone's house and you don't eat what they cook- they can get very offended. I try to avoid dinner at other people's houses all together. At least most restaurants have some kinds of salads, grilled items, and veggies on their menu so I have more options there. I always suggest a restaurant over eating at someone's house.

 

 

I also agree 100% with SCOUT that sugar is addictive. I think if governing agencies like the FDA (US) are going to restrict alcohol consumption, drug use, ect, they should be looking at sugar and butter, too. I really have a major problem with sugar and when I am able to get it out of my system for two days straight, only then is my mood stable and my mind clear.

 

Sugar is extremely addictive. When I first started watching what I ate- I went though a 2 week period of physical torture because my body was craving sugar and carbs so much. It's amazing once you get it out of your blood, how easy it is to lose those cravings. The only sugar and carbs I will eat now come from fruit, whole grains, and skim milk. It's amazing how much lighter you feel and how food doesn't own you anymore when you eat the right way.

 

I was pleased to see some great legislation pass in my own state recently. As of the Fall- all elementary and middle schools in my state will be forced to get rid of their vending machines which contain soda and sugary snacks- and replace them with more healthy alternatives, such as yougrt and fruit. The Department of Health here is trying to stop the childhood obesity epidemic. Don't even get me started on the topic of the terrible garbage I've seen people feed their own children. At least while they are in school they will have some healthy options for food.

 

 

BellaDonna

[novaseeker]

It also depends on how often it comes up. If it's a twice a year thing, having a cheeseburger and a beer on the 4th of July isn't going to really harm you in any significant way, but at the same time if you simply do not want to eat those foods, there's no reason to feel pressured to do so. I think the option of bringing along an alternative that you are willing to eat is a good option, provided that all the parties get along. Certainly if your family has a history of heart disease, it makes sense to be very sensible about what you eat, and noone should look askance at you for that.

 

People get very emotional about food choice, however. It seems odd, but it's just the case. I remember my ex-sister-in-law, who was vegetarian at the time, and how when we would have Thanksgiving dinner with her and her husband, she would insist that the Turkey be cooked off-site (at our house), and that everyone who was eating Turkey (which was basically everyone other than herself and her kids) would use plates and silverware from our house as well, so as not to contaminate her kitchen with the traces of animal killing. We all complied with her requests, although I have to admit there was a good deal of eye-rolling in private about some of them. She's no longer vegetarian (with three kids, she finally gave up and said it was just too much work to cook good, nutritious and tasty veggie fare for that size of consumption whilst also doing everything else in her life), so we kind of look back on it now and chuckle a bit, but at the time it was very emotional and straining.

[BellaDonna]

I remember my ex-sister-in-law, who was vegetarian at the time, and how when we would have Thanksgiving dinner with her and her husband, she would insist that the Turkey be cooked off-site (at our house), and that everyone who was eating Turkey (which was basically everyone other than herself and her kids) would use plates and silverware from our house as well, so as not to contaminate her kitchen with the traces of animal killing.

 

Ummmm.....yeah......that's a little "out there".... lol.

 

 

It also depends on how often it comes up

 

This comes up at every function. From birthday parties to cookouts, etc. There are a lot of functions and I actually dread seeing the small envelopes in the mail- right off the bat I know it's some kind of invitation to some annoying event in which I'll be obligated to go to and watch people gorge.

 

If it's a twice a year thing, having a cheeseburger and a beer on the 4th of July isn't going to really harm you in any significant way, but at the same time if you simply do not want to eat those foods, there's no reason to feel pressured to do so

 

I agree. Believe me, when I want to "cheat" on my diet I will- and my metabolism is trained so it does not affect me when I do. Usually when I "cheat" it's with things I really like though such as yummy Italian food and chocolate. I wouldn't waste it on a burger and beer.

 

BellaDonna