Women seem to be the ones going back...

[mamy123]

I have noticed that most of the posters here who want to get back with their exes are men. Also, most of the successful stories are the man got dumped, gave the girl space, then maybe eventually got her back.

 

Any stories where it was the woman who was dumped and successfully got her man back?

[Scotcha]

Any stories where it was the woman who was dumped and successfully got her man back?

 

Me. Also.. I've never gotten back with someone I dumped. But honestly, I don't think this topic is gender specific.

[joyce1412]

in my life experience, yes, i've seen women take their guys back much more than the other way around. if i had to generalize, i guess i would just say that women are more sympathetic, and also rely more heavily on emotions than rationality. ah, the curses of my gender.

 

and as far as men my age go, i think a lot of men leave their relationships and then get caught up in being bachelors, and don't want to go back to the old ball 'n chain. women statistically prioritize relationships over their careers, whereas for men it's vice versa. so thereforeeee, having a relationship is, for women, simply more important, so that might get them to go back into relationships that a men wouldn't be up for trying again.

 

all huge generalizations, but you get the idea.

[Phoenix69]

Yep. This is one woman who was dumped and got her man back within two weeks of NC. What exactly is your point again?

[lonestar_80]

I think it is the NC that matters not gender. I did NC and my ex came back but I did not take him back. If you do not contact them they will contact you when they are ready.

[mamy123]

The NC rule is just so hard! I guess I've turned into more of limited contact. Right after the break up 3 weeks ago, I sent him e-mails with what I had to say, stated my case and why we should give this a chance. Then I stopped. No calls, no e-mails, etc. He never replied to anything. Just recently, I got and e-mail from him saying (see **HELP** i want more than friends... post for my story) that he wants to be friends, and that he'll come see me in the hospital after my surgery if he can get back from his business trip in time. I e-mailed him back saying that I'll be discharged from the hospital before he gets back, and he can stop by my apt if he wants, but to call first.

 

What does it mean? He HATES hospitals and it's over an hour away from him. Would he go through all this if he just wanted to be friends? Of course he hasn't said for sure that he'll come...

 

Anyways, if anyone would read my post/story and give me input, I'd really appreciate it. I have a feeling he'll call in the next couple days to talk to me before my surgery, it's on Thursday. What should I do if that happens?

 

Thanks!

 

Here's my other post:

[blueberrypie]

I think it is the NC that matters not gender. I did NC and my ex came back but I did not take him back. If you do not contact them they will contact you when they are ready.

 

or when they just feel lonely.

[yeawutever]

I think it's even on it!!!!!!!!

[DropToZero]

I'm not sure, like everyone said ...this could be truly gender specific. But in my past year of dating at least, I'm really really good at N/C...I'm stubborn as hell lol...and I won't call or try, if I ever got the urge to(which was pretty rare...I think maybe twice in the time it was going on), I had a good friend to talk me out of it. Anyways, I did finally give in one time, she called me and I picked up...I guess things are okay.

 

I think something I've learned though...is that when people don't have "closure" or an agreement of some sort in a relationship ending...then anything could go. Because you two didn't agree that you didn't want to see one another, or agree that you weren't "for" one another, then...it's really easy to pick up where you pretty much left off. In my case, she's calling me...expecting things to pretty much leave where we left off(with her and I it sort of just came to a quick end, no explanation, nothing, I just stopped talking to her). It wasn't a true relationship...but I don't feel the same way she does...even thought it would be VERY easy to just take it and run with it, I don't want her to just come back and expect everything to be "okay" like I'm going to kiss her or anything further than that if we hang out. I hope that made sense...and I don't want to take over this with my story haha...just uh yeah, I still think it works both ways.

[BetterKarma]

I'm also another woman who's bf left and after 4 months, he came back.

[joyce1412]

better karma, how did that go? did you do NC?

[BetterKarma]

Yes, I did strict NC.

 

Well...I'll be honest, the first month, I was a basket case, but then I pulled myself together and said "Enough is enough!" After that, for the next three months, I went NC. It was so tough and every time he made contact it enpowered me and broke me at the same time. He would call every single week like clock work, leaving me weird VMs to make me sympathize with him, but I wasn't falling for it. I never responded. Oh wait...I did once, but that's only because he tricked me and left me a vm to see when I would be visiting our friend (she had surgery) so we wouldn't bump into each other. But I only called him back and left him a short, upbeat VM and that was that. After 4 months, he wrote me an e-mail saying that he made a mistake, wanted to have coffee with me. I didn't respond either. Then he asked our mutual friends to help him, that's when i knew he was serious because he's extremely stubborn and has a lot of pride. So it was that point that I responded to his attempts. (And lots of flowers delivered to my office helped too!)

[joyce1412]

that's good to hear, that's great that you're together and presumably happy!

 

i don't know if i really believe in NC anymore. i don't necessarily put any more stock in another method, i just feel like in my life i've never seen NC bring a (healthy) couple back together. pretty much everyone i know stayed friends if they got back together.

[iceman85]

I think the LC is good, strict long term NC I dont think will work in most cases, it may in some, but if you are going NC completley for months I dont think that would do much. LC would help with some periods of NC.

[BetterKarma]

I didn't do NC to get him back. I did NC for my own sanity. It was never really my intention to get him back. I needed to work on myself and realize who I am. I think a lot of people use NC with the purpose of getting their Ex back but that never works.

 

You have to accept the fact that the relationship is over, even if he does come back, it is no longer the same relationship. And if he doesn't come back, you have accepted the end of the relationship and moved on. It's a win-win situation.

[Belle]

that's the cutest avatar I think I've ever seen.

 

I like NC too. Doesn't matter if the person comes back. I want to be over them if they do.

[mikeca]

yes, its hard to be so miserable when im looking at that avatar

[Netguy]

Also, most of the successful stories are the man got dumped, gave the girl space, then maybe eventually got her back.

QUOTE]

 

That's the one Im banking on!

[joyce1412]

You have to accept the fact that the relationship is over, even if he does come back, it is no longer the same relationship. And if he doesn't come back, you have accepted the end of the relationship and moved on. It's a win-win situation.

 

excellent point.

 

i think i was/am having a hard time because i was initially using NC to get him to come back, not to focus on me. but even though i've stopped holding strongly onto the illusion of him coming back, i am re-hashing the breakup in my mind or thinking about him for hours a day. i continue to have a hard time "focusing on myself"...the emotional trauma of the breakup has taken its toll, and i'm definitely in a great period of transition.

 

maybe it's murphy's law, maybe it's because your ex has noticed you moving forward, but it does seem that the most obstinate exes come back after you've moved on and given up.

 

belle, do you say you want to be "over them if they do" because you would want to make an informed and decision about them, or because you shouldn't want to be with them anyway? from reading your posts before i have a feeling you're thinking the latter...

[cherry_o88]

that's the cutest avatar I think I've ever seen.

 

I like NC too. Doesn't matter if the person comes back. I want to be over them if they do.

 

i agree thats avatar is sooooooooooo cute

 

uh can sumone tel me what NC and LC mean?

[BeatleJon]

No Contact and Limited Contact.

[sadk]

and left him a short, upbeat VM

 

That's interesting. I sometimes get these upbeat messages from my ex in which she sounds artificially upbeat. When she assks me how I am, I never feel the need to sound upbeat. I don't sound down either. I sound like I am. Just fine. I'm like, "I'm good. You?" But she's the one who doesn't want to be with me anymore.

 

I needed to get away last week, and I hadn't heard from her in a few days. She even seemed to be ignoring my e-mails. So, I just sent her a short e-mail saying it felt like she needed distance, and that I was going away for a few days. She called right away, but I didn't want to talk as I was heading out the door. She said there was no need for distance, she was just busy lately. Then she called on Sunday and left a VM hoping I got her previous VM and calling me sunshine and asking me to call her when I got home. She sounded artificially upbeat that time too.

 

Interesting.

 

Sean

[sadk]

i think i was/am having a hard time because i was initially using NC to get him to come back, not to focus on me.

 

I think that's a common mistake. NC has been helpful for me because I no longer spend time anticipating an e-mail. So I focus on positive steps for me.

 

You know, they fell in love with us, not someone who was sad and pathetic and hoping for any sign of contact. Who do you think my ex would prefer, someone sitting by the phone or a guy playing golf without thinking of her at all. I mean, once you're in a relationship with them, they'd want you on the 18th green thinking how great it will be to get back home, but before that, nobody really wants someone who's sad and pining.

 

Sean