How Does Getting Back Together Usually Work Out?

[andrew05151]

Yeah..

 

She might come back when college starts. She chose her college based on me. We were going to live together, I got a single room for her to move in to. Im sure she'll be scared when she gets there, and I'll be a safe place to turn.

 

But, will I accept it? I hope not. She's screwed me over way too much. If she comes back, I vow now not to give in. She'll have to beg and beg, and prove herself worthy this time. She'll have to work for it. But what am I saying, that's a long ways down the road.

 

Right now I have nothing to believe in. Everything we had, everything we did, it was all a lie. I hate this place.

[iceman85]

It really sucks doesnt it, I got a single room as well so that we could have the privacy and a place to chill out at. Luckily I was able to put together something and may be getting an apartment with some other people. I could not imagine being in a single all by myself and not have her around which was the intention.

 

We gotta stay strong, remember actions speak louder than words, if you are able to show her that you are strong through actions then you are so much better off, words only go so far but right now she isnt buying into them.

[andrew05151]

Well, she left the break up notice on my away message. What a * * * * *. So, I left her a message back. It was very calm and uncaring. I just said, "Alright, whatever. Not sure why you wanted me back then...guess I'll probably be seeing you around campus sometime, then. Have a good life. Later."

 

This is so stupid, she promised me...when I went back to her, I specifically said "How do I know you won't do this again?" And she promised me she wouldn't.

 

I certainly hope he doesn't make her happy, but I know she won't leave him unless she has the next guy secured and ready to go. I want to be with her, but I don't. I can't go through the pain she puts me through again. But, I was so happy when we were truly together. She is a comfort zone, I know her so well.

 

She was so full of love, she had so much to give me. Now, she's so empty. So dead. To me, anyways. God, I hate myself for taking it all for granted.

 

I wonder how she'll be in 5 days....

[Netguy]

Dude, I hate this for you. But, at least she was upfront with you. It wasnt a very mature way to do it, but she didnt keep playing with your emotions(more than she already has). Like I said earlier, unless there's a marriage involved, most of the time people wont put up much of a fight in situations like this. Sounds like she does alot of hopping from guy to guy. You dont want to end up being her fallback plan.

[Beyondthesea]

But, I was so happy when we were truly together. She is a comfort zone, I know her so well.

 

She was so full of love, she had so much to give me.

 

Dude, exactly. She is your COMFORT ZONE. Going out of that is hard.

 

Truly, you don't need this in your life, and keep your head held high.

 

The one for you is looking for you too you know. Eventually you'll find her.

[mikeca]

And I can't be holding on

To what You got

When all You've got is hurt

 

seems thats all shes got for you.

[now_better]

u2 - one

 

there should be a stickied list of songs that can lift people up or make them feel better. a lot of good stuff out there where you can relate and say "yeah, tomorrow will be a better day, life will get better, everything happens for a reason"... and then there's a lot of stuff out there that will make you want to kill yourself.

 

this is a great thread btw, i chk it hourly to see what insightful things people say next. it's almost like reading a RL soap opera where you're rooting for the guy to succeed (so you can feel like you have a chance too).

[saltwatergirl]

Netguy, now you see what I meant about calling it? Where there's smoke, there's fire. ALWAYS. Anyway...

 

Im sorry this happened. When she comes crawling back (and I have every belief that she will when she realizes that the grass is NOT greener--this is what these types of people do), I hope you will be strong and not get sucked back into this.

 

Salt

[Netguy]

Netguy, now you see what I meant about calling it? Where there's smoke, there's fire. ALWAYS. Anyway...

 

 

Salt

 

 

Yes, I see. It was true almost every time in my experience as well. The one time it wasn't true cost me dearly.

[andrew05151]

believe it or not, it makes me feel good to hear that you guys were enjoying the thread I guess she might come back, I dont know. She says she loves me, but not like before. And, she has had that confirmed this past week we were "re dating." So, Im not sure if she really will come back...

 

Anyways, let's start a list of inspirational songs. I really need music back in my life, and right now all of my music makes me want to cry.

 

So, we have so far:

 

U2 - One

[saltwatergirl]

I like Unwritten.

 

Salt

[now_better]

link removed

 

haha, don't listen to his other stuff "heaven" "everything i do"... that's the stuff that will kill you. (=

 

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i have a lot of good stuff, but i'll have to chk my mp3s when i get home from work.

[mikeca]

Heres some of my favourites and why

 

 

Boys of Summer - The Atari's (version)

why? for the simple fact its a fun summer song with a nice quote that relfect to me. (check sig)

 

Wonderwall - Oasis

The lyrics seem so different now after a breakup, and it talks about wanting to say so much when you cant say anything at all..

Wicked Game - HIM

I'll usually turn this on when i'm in somewhat of an angered mood, its about feeling so much for someone when they dont feel it back

The Scientist - Coldplay

Lyrics tend to talk about the troubles of a relationship and how we wish we could just go back to the beginning with all we know now.

Someday - Nickelback

Feelings during the end of a relationship when you wish you could've done something earlier to change where it was heading plus there canadian

Crawling back to you - Backstreet Boys

now this one I hear at work all the time ( we play * * * *ty music) I hated it until I listened to the words its about realizing what a dumper has done and trying to get the dumpee back, dont let it give you false hope after all these are just songs

 

And last but not least I find Russell Watson - Faith of the Heart / Cakes version of I will survive very inspirtational when I'm looking to be cheered up. Theres litterally tonnes of songs out there, way too many for me to list.

 

 

edit.. "they play both those heaven/everything I do songs at work. It used to drive me nuts"

[cherry_o88]

omg i almost feel like im in the same position as him only im the girl whos being dumped by my bf cos i was clingy and i dont have an ex

 

o and im not back together with him but i hope i will be

[neolithic]

The truth is that, if you're not back together both completely excited and equal about everything, you will break up again. And then you'll have to go through a break up again. You may end up being strung along, feeling inadequate and insecure, as you do now, etc. It could be a miserable time. It doesn't look good, already.

 

But, your feelings of misery when you were apart are normal. You'll feel terrible at first, and go through the stages of grief. But eventually things will get better, and eventually you'll find someone new, and you can start over again. You'll have a fresh chance, and you'll feel better. You'll have learned from this. So..

[andrew05151]

Updated List:

 

U2 - One

Unwritten

Bryan Adams - Here I Am

Boyz II Men - Never

Christina Aguilera - Beautiful

The Atari's - Boys of Summer

Oasis - Wonderwall

Him - Wicked Game

Coldplay - The Scientist

Nickelback - Someday

Backstreet Boys - Crawling Back To You

Russel Watson - Faith of the Heart

Cake - I Will Survive

[andrew05151]

Well, I am back to feeling totally alone again. I feel like I make some progress throughout the day, but as soon as I lay down in my bed and try to sleep...everything gets worse. This seems backwards, the guys are supposed to be strong...but I'm the one that's an emotional wreck. All the movies have a happy ending, once the man starts putting forth a decent amount of effort and makes his love speech. The movies lie...

 

Cherry, I'm sorry to hear you are going through something similar to what I am going through. I wouldn't wish this level of torture on anyone. When I want something really bad, such as an expensive piece of hardware...I know all I have to do is keep working, saving up the money...and then I'll be able to buy it. There's a comfort in knowing that. When I have a difficult final, I study for it, and I know that as long as I try to learn the material...I should be able to pass. Sure, it's stressful...but you can work to accomplish your goal. But, when it comes to trying to get your ex back, when another human being is thrown into the mix, there's no logical formula for success. That's where a lot of the pain comes from....you feel so helpless. Everything you try ends in failure, and perhaps it's time to just give up. I'm rarely a quitter, but she's beat me down so many times.

 

Neolithic is right. That was the problem with me all along. She was putting in more effort than I was, and she got sick of pulling the weight. When she came back to me, it was vise versa. I was putting in all the effort....we never hit our balance.

 

This has indeed been a learning experience. Unfortunately, any knowledge and strength I've begun to gain has come at such a steep price.

 

Any suggestions on how to meet new people? Not that I'm particularly looking for a new girlfriend, but I need to be able to go and meet new people. I'm sick of sitting behind a computer screen and feeling like dying. But, I don't want to go to a bar where all the slutty party people are. I prefer the more classy, reserved people...but they're the hardest to approach. If I'm in the library, I can't just walk up to someone doing research and say "Yo, what's up?" I'm somewhat isolated from my old social network, as I sacrificed it for her....

[annie24]

Any suggestions on how to meet new people? Not that I'm particularly looking for a new girlfriend, but I need to be able to go and meet new people. I'm sick of sitting behind a computer screen and feeling like dying. But, I don't want to go to a bar where all the slutty party people are. I prefer the more classy, reserved people...but they're the hardest to approach. If I'm in the library, I can't just walk up to someone doing research and say "Yo, what's up?" I'm somewhat isolated from my old social network, as I sacrificed it for her....

 

join a club or a team, like intermural volleyball, chess club, outdoors club, sailing club, whatever you find interesting. if you are of a certain ethnic group, maybe try going to some of their events also. ie, if you are near a college campus and are Turkish, look into joining the university's Turkish club, or volunteer to be a converstational partner for someone seeking to learn Turkish.

 

what about a church group, if you are religious?

[andrew05151]

Hah, yeah...I'm on campus. I work here at IT for my university. I am an information science major, and treasurer of the Info. Sci. organization...but you don't find many girls around in that...

 

And I'm white, and agnostic.

[annie24]

what about joining another organization? I'm at a large university, and there are hundreds of associations, I'm sure that you could find a co-ed one that interests you....

[andrew05151]

Yeah, probably. When the semester starts I'll have to take a look around, I guess. This feels like I'm just wasting the entire summer, now....ugh

[annie24]

what about volunteering in an animal shelter during the summer?