Invisible_Butterfly Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I discussed this in a previous thread "Interracial and Interfaith" ( ). Today I met with my brothers friend, who I have had a crush on since we were kids, to ask him my questions about law school and being a lawyer. We met for lunch and I actually read from my list of questions. I got some good info, but it was definitely more business than pleasure. He still has no clue that I have a huge crush on him. I fear he may have put me in the "you're my friend's sister so I have no interest in you" box. I tried to look nice, but I didn't catch him checking me out at all (but he is a good Baptist guy). Any thoughts? He said if I had more questions I could e-mail him, call him, or we could meet again--whatever I want. It's nice that he's so helpful. I just wish I could tell him how I feel but I have no clue how he'll react. I don't even know if he's dating anyone seriously right now. It's going to be difficult to come up with a new list of questions because I asked every possible thing I could think of. What excuse can I use to see this guy again??? Link to comment
fishrrshortae Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Maybe invite him out for dinner or drinks to thank him for his help? p.s. what kind of law are you interested in? (I also want to go into law so I love this thread!) Link to comment
Invisible_Butterfly Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Dinner is out (he says he has no time in the evenings) and I'm pretty sure he doesn't drink (he's very religious). I'm considering immigration law or international law. Link to comment
lonestar_80 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Well, you can ask him more questions about law. Ask him about his experiences. Religion should not be that much of a problem. I am a Baptist and there are plenty of white men married to black women at our church. How old are you? How old is he? Link to comment
fishrrshortae Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Maybe you could meet with him again to ask him about an internship where he works, or shadowing him to see what his days are like Link to comment
Invisible_Butterfly Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 How old are you? How old is he? I am 25 and he is 27, soon to be 28. Link to comment
Invisible_Butterfly Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Maybe you could meet with him again to ask him about an internship where he works, or shadowing him to see what his days are like Thanks, those are good ideas! Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Well, if you felt some initial chemistry, why make excuses? Ask him to do something interesting, say you found him interesting and would like to get to know him better, perhaps. I just think that you're both mature enough that you shouldn't have to use excuses if you found a person interesting & want to date. If he doesn't feel the same, then oh well, you got rejected... you could ask him to do something sorta friendly, not date-like as well, i.e. help you study for the LSAT & then grab lunch. Or just meet up to discuss something u both have in common over coffee... Ultimately if he just sees you as a friend and you didn't feel that he was attracted to you, I'd let it go... for all you know, he may already have a girlfriend. Not to sound pessimistic or anything, but it is a possibility. Why not ask your brother?? Wouldn't he know? Do it tactfully in an about-way like 'ugh i hate not having a boyfriend. even your friend ____ has a girlfriend, and he's ugly.' (then if he acts surprised like 'what? he does?' you can be like 'oh I thought that's what he said... maybe I was mistaken." this way your bro. has no idea that you're interested at all! (assuming you don't want him to know.) After you start dating you can just say you made that up, haha. OR even better -- tell your brother & get him to find out for you if the guy's interested! depending on how you think your bro. would react... you know him best. G'luck. And above all, don't stress about it... guys aren't worth it. Lily Link to comment
lonestar_80 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I say go for it! But you know what the Bible says, A man who finds a wife finds a good thing! Let him get to know you, so he will see that you are a good thing! Link to comment
Invisible_Butterfly Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Well, if you felt some initial chemistry, why make excuses? Well, I don't know if he was nervous, but while we were eating, he couldn't sit still (but that could just be how he is). They say when you are in sync with someone the mimic your moves (ie putting their hands in their lap when you put your hands in your lap)--I saw some of this but I don't know if it means anything. Sometimes I would catch myself staring into his beautiful brown eyes too long and I had to look away because I felt uncomfortable. Why not ask your brother?? Wouldn't he know?My brother knows I like him but he claims he can't ask his friend if he has a girlfriend (I guess guys don't do that stuff?!?), so he's not helping. He doesn't think this guy is dating anyone seriously but he hasn't talked to him for a few months and a lot can happen in a few months. G'luck. And above all, don't stress about it... guys aren't worth it. Thanks for the support! Link to comment
Invisible_Butterfly Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 I say go for it! But you know what the Bible says, A man who finds a wife finds a good thing! Let him get to know you, so he will see that you are a good thing! Thanks a bunch! I know I am a really good catch. Now if I could only get a good guy to take the time to get to know me. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Oh and I just wanted to mention... whatever you do, don't make it seem like you look up to him 'cause he's a lawyer or view him as better than yourself... one of the fundamental values I feel make a relationship work is equality -- both partners should view themselves as equals, one shouldn't be 'better' than the other (sure someone can be more talented in certain areas, but that doesn't make him a better human being & not necessarily a better partner.) I just mention that because you mentioned that he was a lawyer in the title of this thread, but that doesn't necessarily deem him more attractive or intriguing a date than another person... just don't psyche yourself up too much, be comfortable with yourself & go for it! I'm not sure jobshadowing his workplace for a day is the most exciting idea for a date either... or to get to know each other better... if u do go that route, at least make sure you eat lunch together. Link to comment
Invisible_Butterfly Posted June 21, 2006 Author Share Posted June 21, 2006 Oh and I just wanted to mention... whatever you do, don't make it seem like you look up to him 'cause he's a lawyer or view him as better than yourself You make a good point. I do admire him but I'll make a point not to focus on this as much. Plus, I did like him before he choose this career path. I'm not sure jobshadowing his workplace for a day is the most exciting idea for a date either... or to get to know each other better... if u do go that route, at least make sure you eat lunch together. That sounds good. I'm all for lunch again! Link to comment
ocrob Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I read your post and a lot of the others. It seems you are trying to meet him under false pretense. I am sure you appreciate his opinions on law, but you want to meet him. A lot of men try to get to know women under false pretense and we get pounded. I personally don't do it, but I appreciate your effort. You can't go wrong being direct with a man. Tell him that you are interested in him and ask if he would like to take you out. No guy will say no, unless he is taken or not interested. This will solve your problem fast. I am a guy and know how we think. Even if he is in a relationship or marred, he might say yes. I would make sure he is single and if he says yes, then get to know him. If he does not, then he is taken and a good guy. You have to respect that. Robert Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I agree - nothing wrong with asking him to dinner or ice cream or something! and if he says no, there is your answer. yeah... the false pretenses aren't good. he could easily be thinking, "oh, she is only interested in my legal experience." some people are very dense *sigh* Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 I agree - nothing wrong with asking him to dinner or ice cream or something! and if he says no, there is your answer. yeah... the false pretenses aren't good. he could easily be thinking, "oh, she is only interested in my legal experience." some people are very dense *sigh* lol... including me. If a guy asked me I would simply assume he were interested in my legal expertise, despite having similar situations occur before when they OBVIOUSLY weren't interested in just "studying." Now I know better. But guys are often more dense than women with respect to flirting, so as I originally suggested, I would really just ask him to lunch. You can mention discussing law as well BUT don't make it the focal point. If he found you interesting at the initial meetign & liked your personality, he will for sure take up the offer! If he says no don't be embarrassed or anything -- he could have a girlfriend for all you know, just got out of a breakup or there may be a multiple of reasons why he's not interested, none of which should make you think less of yourself! I used to do the 'avoiding' type of technique as well, so I totally know that it may be easier to do, BUT you can lead the guy astray & now I have to say I favour the direct approach. It's up to you. Have fun. Link to comment
Invisible_Butterfly Posted June 22, 2006 Author Share Posted June 22, 2006 Well, my brother spilled the beans and told this guy today that I like him and he just laughed. He didn't even find out if he has a girlfriend, but I suppose it's irrelevant now. Laughing doesn't seem like a good response so me. Oh, well. Life goes on I guess... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 hm. many different kinds of laughs.... good laughs, nervous laughs, happy laughs, etc... well, out of your hands now... Link to comment
hazeleyed Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 I think you should ask him out for a drink or a movie! I am thinking Criminal law...preparing for LSATS!!!! Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 that sucks, but he doesn't seem to have such a great personality anyway. find someone else. life goes on. =) Link to comment
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