lost it.

[Russo]

I can't take no-more. It's been 11 days since she left. I haven't eaten in 4 days, I lost 12 lb's over the last ten days. I can't go to work. I'm crying constantly. I get panic-attacks every half hour. I'm obsessively reading horoscopes. I spent five hours last night reading horoscopes. Just reading horoscopes. All about Mercury retro-grade and how it totally screws up my life and enriches hers.

 

I'm losing my mind here. I've sought council at work but to no avail. I am losing my damn mind here. Nothing makes sense. Crawling up the walls.

 

I lost my mind already.

 

God. if you're out there. why put me through this.

[relatemate]

I can relate to your circumstances. I have been through the same thing in a past relationship and now starting the pangs of another. I can only hope that this somehow makes us stronger and wiser. It can also mean that the path that we created is not the path God wants us to be on. He is there for you and will open another door, but I'm sure He wants you to learn something from this. Even if the ultimate result is getting back with your loved one. Try to stay focused on Him. "Making God first is the key to experiencing His best"

[BONO]

I can't take no-more. It's been 11 days since she left. I haven't eaten in 4 days, I lost 12 lb's over the last ten days. I can't go to work. I'm crying constantly. I get panic-attacks every half hour. I'm obsessively reading horoscopes. I spent five hours last night reading horoscopes. Just reading horoscopes. All about Mercury retro-grade and how it totally screws up my life and enriches hers.

 

I'm losing my mind here. I've sought council at work but to no avail. I am losing my damn mind here. Nothing makes sense. Crawling up the walls.

 

I lost my mind already.

 

God. if you're out there. why put me through this.

 

 

 

I feel for you - but from bitter experience it gets better. I found this thread as one of the best things I've read. Its from a good friend of mine. It gives you a sense of focus and control in a situation which looks hopeless.

 

 

 

 

Let me know what you think.

 

 

Scruff

[pablovblack]

I was there 2 months ago my friend, there is no advice I can offer you apart from that time will mend your broken heart, It will and that is the only truth.

To sort myself out I drank soup to garner strength and I also found that loads of walking helped me to reflect and focus on the future.

 

Listen to what I am about to say, If you dont get back together one day you will look back on how you feel now and you will be ok, that pain will go. You will be able to look to the future not be dwelling on a broken relationship.

 

We are all here for you, if you need anything else give me a shout man!

 

And yeah NC is the only way forward, trust us.

[RayKay]

It does get better, and though I know the last thing you want to hear is that it takes time - it takes time.

 

You do have to take care of yourself, because if you don't though, it really makes things worse. When you aren't eating, you tend to become even more obsessive and emotional - take care of yourself, mind and body, as much as you can. If you can only drink milkshakes and smoothies for a few days, then go for it.

 

It always feels like the end of the world, but it's not. It's just the start of a new part of your life, and that does NOT have to be a negative thing ultimately.

[ElektraHere]

Russo,

 

I feel for you I do. Alot of us here on this board have been where you are right now. The one thing I can tell you is it will get better. I know right now you think there is no hope. There is and coming here is your first step towards that hope.

 

I have a few questions for you. Do you have a job? If not is there something you can do during the day besides reading horoscopes? Do you have friends or family you can lean on a bit?

 

Read the posts here and the one thing you will find is someone just like you. What else? You will find that they have moved past their pain and have found hope again.

[need2bme]

the fact that we are here.

 

I was going crazy and calling my sister all of the time. I was talking with anyone I could at work. I have to leave the room sometimes to cry. I cried uncontrollably when I went to the psychiatrist.

 

Last nightshe told me it was really over. No break; a breakup. Nothing I can do, except tell her how I feel and how I will get her back, and how she does not feel the same way.

 

You need to do what you can do to survive. I want to better myself and there is nothing I can do to get her back. NOTHING! Why does this have to happen? I don't know, but I know how you feel.

 

As was mentioned before, try to eat something, anything...a shake, something sweet, something.

 

Everyne keeps saying that time will heal us, well I hope so, because that is all I have now...

[Amannamederic]

Kelly Clarkson - Since you've been gone

 

Ben Folds Five - Brick

 

Go West - King Of Wishful Thinking (pay attention to the chorus only)

 

Dane Cook - Retaliation (both discs if you can find them)

 

Dane Cook - Harmful if Swallowed (its about an hour long)

 

 

Lose yourself in music my man, just lose yourself in music for awhile. It helps...trust me

[Russo]

Russo,

 

II have a few questions for you. Do you have a job? If not is there something you can do during the day besides reading horoscopes? Do you have friends or family you can lean on a bit?

 

I do, I'm a cop in pretty large city.

 

That's one of the points that got in the way with me.

 

Yesterday I was at work, and we have this psychologist in the precinct (to give first care to people who are victim of sexual crimes and such), anyway she knows me pretty much superficially. I was at work and something was amiss, really amiss.

 

She, trained as she is, detected this but let me be for the moment. I noticed however that she remained in my vicinity throughout the day. I thought nothing of it at first. I chose to remain indoors and do some paperwork. I'm in no condition to drive or whatelse. If I'm losing it like this, it's a pretty bad idea to be out there with a loaded weapon. So when I was a having a moment for myself she walked up to me, told me to come with her. So, we're in her office and she was direct and blunt about it. "Something is totally off, what is it?" and something in me snapped. I started crying my eyeballs out and she didn't even know what was wrong. So I told her. The entire story, all of it. Which some parts I haven't shared with you, being that it's pretty painful.

 

This trained trauma-psychologist could reply in one way: "Goddamn"

 

After this I was pretty much sent home. "You're not up to it now. Go home. Work through it. We'll see you when you're ready"

 

So now I'm home, going through hell.

 

and I can't take it anymore.

 

edit: I was going through these horoscopes as some weird way to find answers, what lies in my future. My main source on information about her life is gone (herself) so I went looking at horoscopes to possibly find some answers that I needed.

 

Some of them were spookily accurate. One of them actually had the exact date right when her sign would break up with someone. Problem is, her horoscopes all look friggin' fantastic. Great fun, new loves within this month even. While mine just predict the same. Pain, pain and more suffering for a LOOOOONG time.

 

The explanation each and every one gave on this was of some Mercury retrograde alignment thingy. This pissed me off even more. My mindset was: "is all this happening to me because of some stupid planetary alignment, in other words, BAD LUCK!?! And why do I have to suffer because of it? I help people out, I think I do a noble job, helping others. Come on! The way I see it, the cosmos owes me! Not the other way around, where is all that positive karma I had saved up? Why am I to suffer like this, while she goes out and can do whatever she wants, with whoever she wants and I'm left here with the mess that she put me into? Where's the justice of that? I was a good guy, carried her through the times that she was stuck and helped her out more than once.

 

I mean, how much should I believe this stuff? It's gutwrenching. The only thing I look forward to everyday is to fall asleep. That's the only time I'm out of the pain. Some nights before I close my eyes I wholeheartedly tell God: "if you were to take me tonight, I would welcome it"

 

but nooooo, I wake up and after a few seconds realize that I'm alive,

then the enormous kick in the gut. "You're alive friend. And things haven't changed for the better!" So I lie there desperatly hoping that I would fall asleep again, just to be free of the pain a little while longer.

 

ever see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? In that movie you can delete parts of your memory. Things of your past that traumatize you. Now wouldn't that be something!

 

"'she left me, I'm in great pain!"

 

we'll fix that *flicks switch*

 

well? are you still in pain about said person?

 

"who? I don't know said person"

 

would be great right about now.

[need2bme]

I know exactly where you are coming from.

 

I don't want that maching though. I don't want to forget the good stuff. I woke up this morning, going crazy as I could not sleep. I wanted so much to be with her and I started crying. I called her early and she was working out. All I could muster was, "I just wanted to make sure you were up and ready for work".

 

Too sad really...

 

Gotta go cry now.....

 

I hope you can feel better..

[sir sirloin]

Russo, there is something that will help but it is going to be the one of the hardest things you have ever had to do.

 

In order to get over this person who you still love, you will have to start hating her.

 

Just think about how you feel right now and start resenting her for doing this to you. Let it roll from there.

 

Good luck.

[doyle]

Russo, try drinking Ensure, i have been living on it for the last month, I found that it makes it alot worse in your head when you do not put something in your stomach.

 

trust me the attacks will come, i almost past out in the shower one morning when i was thinking about her, everything came to a head and i had to sit down, it was scary! I thought that i was losing my mind. you are not, it is pain that is rushing in you. start a journal, get everything on paper so it is not in your head all the time, it does not make it go away but at least you can get it out of your head for awhile,

 

keep posting on here, there is alot of supportive folks on this board, it makes you feel like you are part of a bigger whole....

[Oldboy]

God. if you're out there. why put me through this

 

God will not put upon your shoulders that which you cannot bear.

 

Be strong my friend. The pain will leave you and leave you a stronger person. If you need God your God will be there for you.

[iceman85]

I know where you are at right now and its horrible it feels like its gonna beat you, but you know what it doesnt, we are stronger than that pain. God is always there for you, let god into your life ask him for his help and he will do what he can for you.

 

Get out and try to do the things you love, try to eat what you can, try to get enough sleep. I know how it is when you talk to people about it and nobody understands, everyone doesnt get it. Nobody wants to really talk about it, but try to talk to whomever you feel comfortable with about it, it will help you get out that pain inside of you.

 

Stay strong, better days will come, take each day and do the best you can with it. We are all here for you and your not the only one going through such anquish. Theres someone wonderful out there for you.

[brickchamp]

I'm right with you. I've lost weight, and yesterday I spent $70.00 talking to a psychic, a BAD one. I can't communicate with my ex...he broke it off and wouldn't even talk to me, so that's why I have also turned to horoscopes and things. It's pretty sad. I have only been through one other breakup like this...I considered suicide then. The ONLY way I can console myself now is to think that I did eventually stop hurting over the other break up. I'm scared this time it will take longer....but that seriously IS the only thing that helps. I hate to say that to you though, because I know I don't want to hear that time heals. I want to hear he still loves me and that we'll get back together. I'm so sorry.

[need2bme]

The ONLY way I can console myself now is to think that I did eventually stop hurting over the other break up.

 

I was trying to tell myself that. All my relationship breakups nearly killed me, but you are right; each one I got through. I think I used them to take the place of what was not in me or what I did not think I got as a child. Looking back, the one before this one, just left after about a 1 1/2 years. She and I just clicked. Rapid fire convo and everything. I do remembe thinking that she thought she had it together more than me. I was young and dumb and she was probably correct. She has since gone on to get her Masters and is working towards a Phd. Maybe she was right, but if I tell myself that, I will forever bury myself. Anyway, she broke it off for no reason. She wanted to meet to exchange our Christmas gifts. She gave me a popcorn tin. The kind you would find at Walmart. I just stood there speechless and then pushed it toward her and I said something along the lines of her keeping it and I walked out on her. I then met my current ex (I almost wrote GF) and the ex before her, kept trying to come back. I was able to push her away and keep my dignity. Why not now? Sure, I had the other GF, but not before the gift exchange and I was able to walk away from that. My current ex, broke up with me and came back and I was able to take it like a man. Why can't I now?

 

Brickchamp, don't even think about suicide. It will only hurt the ones you love more.

 

Russo, I hope you are ok. Get in here and let us know how it is going brother.

[Russo]

Russo, I hope you are ok. Get in here and let us know how it is going brother.

 

I can't even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now.

 

I haven't felt this bad about anything in my life.

 

it's physically killing me, and I really mean physically.

[need2bme]

I can't even begin to describe what I'm feeling right now.

 

I haven't felt this bad about anything in my life.

 

it's physically killing me, and I really mean physically.

 

Yeah. I think I am doing fine and then wham I am up thinking about her, like now. I need to get some sleep.

 

I was driving with a friend today and felt a warm breeze. All I could think about, was how nice it would be to share it with her.

 

Russo, are you at least eating now? Did you try the Ensure?

[Russo]

I don't even know what "Ensure" is, two guys from work came by to check on me today, they were worried. They forced me to eat an apple and have a glass of water, they pushed me under the shower. "Get yourself cleaned up! You're a mess."

 

So that's my day so far.

 

Sucks.

[doyle]

Russo...Ensure are protein drinks that at least have something for your body to work with. I know that it is not much but it will help keep the mind going if anything....

 

we all here with you this really is the toughest thing that you will ever have to endure...

[wk75]

I went through something like this a few months ago. At first I couldn't eat, sleep, work or do anything but think of her. It was brutal. What made it worse was that she hooked up with anther guy and was doing GREAT. You can't imagine the pain of knowing they were sleeping together.

 

For what its worth, here's my advice:

- you will survive; and if you play your cards right, you will be stronger

- Getting over it is a natural process – that begins once you let go. You've got to let go. Resolve that you won't get back with her, and accept that it wasn't meant to be. Take control. This is really hard to do.

- For the first few weeks, I did whatever I could to meet other girls and date. I met a few, but none were good enough to replace the ex. The bad ones made me miss my ex even more. However, I did make some friends during that time that I still have today. My advice is to get out there and meet some girls, but have no expectations. Keep things light.

- Suffering can be good. Embrace it. Kids suffer through homework and it has a positive quality. You can use this as an opportunity to get stronger

- write out a list of non-negotiable qualities that you're looking for in a potential partner. Let's put it this way - 2 years from now, you don't want to be going through this again w/ someone else! Perhaps there was something about her that was high risk for this breakup to happen

- go to the library and get some books. You need a mental distraction from thoughts of her. Read self-improvement books, war history or whatever. Just get a distraction

- start writing a journal

- write out a list of general reasons why she isn't the one for you based on personality, character, behaviour etc. Add to this list whenever you think of something. Currently mine totals more than 100 points. Can you imagine? Reading through the list helps. Reason number one could be that she dumped you.

- forget the horoscope stuff. If anything pray or read the bible (e.g. psalms or job for example).

- realize that even though her life might be better than yours now, later and perhaps always, it doesn't matter. Focus on you. Focus on your life. Though its nice to think that what comes around goes around. And if she treated you badly, it will catch up to her. The important thing is for you not to treat her, or anyone else badly.

- Take the time to work through these issues and regain some confidence

- Make a point of doing a few nice things for yourself in the meantime

- be friendly to everyone. Cashiers, waitresses etc.

- do 2 or 3 things per day that you're looking forward to.

- Don't talk badly about your ex

[need2bme]

wk75:

 

Excellent post. Thank you. That helps. I refuse to speak badly about my ex now, but to be honest there was a time when I only said bad things about the way she was treating me to my family. There was no way they could know both sides. Thanks again.

[wk75]

Yeah, it is hard not to say bad things about them. I did too!! But even though I lost a lot of respect for her, and may never talk to her again, I'll take the high road and try to keep quiet when her name comes up - especially around people that know her. However, its nice to have a confidant or two that you can just unleash your true feeling to once in a while - and your family might serve this purpose.

[Fivek]

Russo, there is something that will help but it is going to be the one of the hardest things you have ever had to do.

 

In order to get over this person who you still love, you will have to start hating her.

 

Just think about how you feel right now and start resenting her for doing this to you. Let it roll from there.

 

Good luck.

 

Hey Russo. I can really relate to the horoscopes part, as I did that myself when I was on here with the same problem roughly one year ago. I can tell you from experience that it does get better, but, as others have said, it does so with time. Sir Sirloin's advice is right on the money, and as much as it hurts, it's the right thing to do. She cut you and you have the right to resent her for it. Anger itself is one of our gender's most cleansing feelings, and it will help you gather your thoughts and focus your mind on allowing yourself to heal. Best of luck.