doyle
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Hello all....!! have been on a little adventure for the last few weeks! well i have been out lightly dating which has been fun and a learning point. this is been the first time in my life that i can rememeber that i was so clear with how i was feeling. I am not out dating to find a girlfriend nor to just have sex i have been out to get out. It has been fun and expensive!! haha well i was kinda of slapped back the other day, my ex sent me an e-mail by "accident" that was also sent to some guy about how much fun that she had with him and that she will be back from her trip at the end of the week....so anyway, i sent an e-mail back saying something to the effect of please do not contact me and remove my e-mail address from her account! now is that breaking NC? i do not think so, at this point in all of this i do not want to hear from her... i am so greatful for this site it is great to see all the support!!
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Man, it was a weird dream of that we were together and making all these plans to be together...It was one of those that you feel comfort while you are in the dream and then when you wake up you feel alone again! I am telling you I have not thought about her like that in some time, i can not figure it out it was not like there was one thing that reminded me of her that sparked anything...strange.
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i can see i'm not alone...but i feel alone...
doyle replied to r3drobin's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Robin, I am just checking on you to make sure that you got some type of sleep? It makes it so much worse when you do not rest, you need all the energy that you can muster to get your head straight. As you feel comfortable, keep posting it really will allow those feelings to come out of you. This entire forum are passengers of the same roller coaster some have made it off and other are just getting on for the first time, but we have all experienced this ride some time in our life... just hold on a scream alot!! -
That is great!! I am telling you it takes alot of strenght to walk away completely...NC works the best when it is not your choice! How goes the new job?
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I swear i am going to send everyone on here a gift after all of this...last night i had dreams of her for the first time in a long time...I was confused what it all meant, i have not thought about her for along time. Again it goes up and down, (the rollercoaster) however it is not the only ride that i am on anymore like I was before. I joined a gym the couple of weeks ago to keep the body weight that i loss off. It feels really good i feel like i am in the military again, running and lifting. just a reminder for all of us that have not been in the gym in awhile start slow!! haha...recovery gets harder has you get alittle older! other then that i think that i am feeling alot better...i really do believe that NC was what got me to were i am at now. thank you to everyone! Need2beme...you know what i found that helped with the "loner" piece of all of this was to goto public places, you can just blend in with everyone else but you are still around other people...
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i can see i'm not alone...but i feel alone...
doyle replied to r3drobin's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Robin...I am glad that you are able to find some motivation to get out and to the gym. To be honest it does not help that much knowing that other are going through what you are right now because no one here can take away the pain that you have right now. I might be off on this but I can assume that you were not able to grieve your mother passing and once you turned to the one person that you saw as "stable" they too left. I can understand how your head must be all over the place and you feel unbalanced... I also understand the urge to send an e-mail him, i would send e-mails to my ex girlfriend, I found that I would pour my heart to her with no response from her end. It was like I was dealing with the breakup over and over again. At some point your mind and heart will be so tired of hurting that you will find some inner peace.....If this helps any I found that I would post on this site, instead of sending an e-mail to her, I did not post my feelings for her but at least it took care of the need to send something out... At some point when the fog of the pains lifts a few inches from your eyes, you will begin to find a direction...feel your feelings, and right now it is ok not to be ok trust me. you know i am in my 30's as well and all i could think about was why me why now!? It was stumping my healing I was looking towards tomorrow with out finding today. I think the loss of who i was, was greater with this relationship then any other relationship. I also believe that age and experiences contribute to that. -
i can see i'm not alone...but i feel alone...
doyle replied to r3drobin's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Robin, you have to remember that this is all a process, I once felt the same as my heart and mind were a battle field and I did not know which one would win. I am going into my second month of the breakup and I am not going to lie it still hurts sometimes, mostly the weekends. I agree with everyone on here that you need to keep yourself busy, open the blinds in your apartment, call everyone you know, sit in a public place, just get out of the apartment. with that being said give yourself time to grieve that is the only thing that is going to get you to the other end. If you get a chance take a look at my thread "lost in my mind" i had so much support on here. one day at a time... -
so it is funny the last couple of days I have missed my ex alot. I think that i am getting to the point were i am not busy every minute of the day and it gives me time to think. I do not dwell on things but she will pop into my head every once in awhile. I have gone out on a few dates, and i am sitting there comparing the girls that i am with to her....i am not looking for a new girlfriend at all, i am just getting out there...but it kinda of sucks. this last weekend i was with some buddies that were calling there wives and girlfriends while we were out "checking in on them", it was uncomfortable alittle because i was once that guy and miss those calls...i think that it is all the small stuff that i miss.
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I know sorry i was taking a call while i was typing. I was saying that i feel like in my last post that i am getting forward then i am steping back alittle, so it is just a process! ahhh i hate that. yes we need to set up some time. I will contact you later! i am glad that you are doing well.... so what is the advise on here on going out on casual dates!
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oh i hear you brother! how is the new job going? I hear you about wanting to experience things with your EX but this is time for you, no matter what happens...what did you check out? was it something that you will go back to? I am getting
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Man i am still here for sure. I was feeling alittle better last week then the weekend hit and i was feeling really down. I do not know what it was it just happened that i was not feeling up to par. anyway, like someone said one step forward 5 back!! It is my own process on my own timeline... So she called huh? wow, why do you think that she called? do not try to justify why she called, she called for a reason...do you think that she is "forcing" you into a friendship? See you are gaining some power back with her because you said that she was alittle stressed that you did not call her back....if she felt like it was over then why would she care if you called back or not? I think that the last thing that she believes is that you do not love her, i think that it may be the opposite. that she knows that she has you by the B****? who knows, it sounds like you are doing what is right for you man that is good!
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We can say "ok I'm better now, and now I know for sure that she's not coming back" oldboy; I feel like i am getting to this point now, i have found something in me that has as accepted that fact that she is gone, for me it was a blessing in disguise that she did not want to see me, or talk to me on the phone...I was forced to NC, even though i was able to e-mail her...it was better for me; i was able to get feelings out, i know now that i can still love her but if she is not willing to understand myfeeling then someone else will. like i said i am getting out of a box that i was in, i am out doing things that used to make me feel uncomfortable....i am starting to flirt alittle bit with people not looking for a serious relationship, but enjoying where i am in life right now.
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I agree, I was sick of suffering and I need to face some demons that I had locked in me. This all has been such a great experience for me and I learning everyday about me and others. I really have been forcing myself to step out of a box that has kept me locked in for a long time. I have tried things that I have never done before, and some I am still working on. I found out how important my friends have always been to me, it is funny when you get into a relationship, you kinda of move away from friends, but they are true friends when you need them most! so it has been great. something weird happened, I had not checked my mail for a few days, in the box was a couple of mags to Maxium...so i called around to my friends and family...none of them got it for me...so now i am thinking that it was the ex...strange but i thought that i would share.... work still is alittle hard at times, and the holiday weekend at times was really tough....but i am alive so that is the good thing. Need2beme; you just keep on that track that you are on, I think that you are learning that NC might get you what you want, now it is time to define what you want!!!!
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here is what my thought is on having the other person help us get over it, they are trying to pad their guilt for hurting your feelings, it is much better for you to find away to get over her without her. yes, my posted are starting to get a little more anger to them, YA!!! I am not waking up every morning thinking about her. I still think about the relationship but i think that i am learning alot more about myself. I want to thank everyone on here for that. So if you are reading thread for the first time, you will feel a little better over time for sure. Need2beme: I hope that you are doing well at your new job!!
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anyone else working today? I hate the long weekends, however i have been able to fill more of my time up with things that were important to me...so i am feeling alittle better today, i woke up for the first time this morning with out thinking about everything....hmmmm, or was i and my mind is just so numb to it all? interesting? i hope that everyone is having a good weekend.....Need2beme: you are going to kick * * * in your new position...i have all the faith in the world for you man!
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Need2beme: you are going to another state and i think that it going to be good for you, to at least start something new...you are getting to start over alittle. you did not have her in this new state, so everything that you experience there is going to be yours and not her and yours. i think that i will be good, even if it is a short time. the one thing that you will have to remember is that you have your "ARMY" right at your finger tips! so, take some comfort in that.... i know that it is hard for you right now that you are ending a job, you had your GF leave. It is all about you right now and feeling ok about your feelings and learning from every turn. I have learned so much about me through you and the other people on this board! Just remember the definition of insanity!!! hold in their brother! this too shall pass...i am here for you.
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What would your ex say, if they posted here.
doyle replied to drum4god's topic in Breaking Up Advice
drum4god: "Sorry to hear that dude. At least you are out of it, I am still in this mess, and it torture. For the deatails you can read my Thread "She loves me, but is not in love with me" In the love section." trust me i am not out of it, however it did make me smile because i know where you are at....the sad part of my situation is that i came home, told her that i loved her but i did not know if i was in love with her...she later stated to me that, that one conversation is what made her leave or start the process of leaving... so let me give some perspective on what was going on with me...I was having an internal dialoge with myself and being a very open person (dumb at times) i said those words to her out loud....for the following month, my actions were very strong towards her my affection increased, because what had happened was that i finally figured out that i was totally in love with her but i never told her, so that entire time she was giving up on me, and my feelings were growing stronger....well you know the rest of the story...she left me and now i am in a world of pain! so if i can pass on anything, communicate, communicate, communicate! I do not know if this leaves more questions for you or not....i am sorry that i ever said those words.... -
What would your ex say, if they posted here.
doyle replied to drum4god's topic in Breaking Up Advice
"I have this guy who is madly in love with me, but I don't feel the same way. At times I have, I am attracted to him, but I don't know I can't seem to give him my whole heart. I love him, and care for him, but I am not sure if he is the one. He is very expressive with his emotions and it scares me. I know he wants to get married, but I just don't know. At times I can see it, and then other times I say "No way". I am also independent and don't want to be tied down. He has been so good too me, and my family, and I feel if I let him go, I might regret it. I know I hurt him, and it kills me, but I don't know what to do." holy crap!! are you dating my Ex? that was scary, i think all that stuff comes in a handbook some place....! haha, i swear that is exactly what happened to me!!! -
does the CD come with a self help book? haha...that would be great! those are good lyrics...i am telling you we are in the wrong business, we should be writing books and songs! need2beme you are sounding really good right now!! that is great...i do not think that listening to sad music is bad there is alot of emotion behind it . i think that is speaks to what we are all feeling, as long as we do not get stuck listening to it all the time feel what you need to feel brother it is good and healthy!
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hmmm some interesting stuff, i went out to dinner with a friend last night. I felt really good after i left dinner, she was a friend of mine that did not know my ex never met her, but she knew me. It was good to talk with her about everything, i also talked to her about her relationship with her BF (not that I can give advise) but it was nice to have to eat dinner alone.....I know that need2beme have talked about eating alone and how fun that it!!! haha... the reason i am saying all of this i feel the same way about the self worth and being ugly or like I have some sign on my head that just says "i just got dumped!" I sure am not out looking for a relationship at all, but it is all this perception that i am having of myself....it is funny i have accomplished some major things in my life...but none feel like "power" for me to draw strength from....however sitting with my friend last night, i asked her if she thought that i was ugly or a bad person....she justed laughed at me...gave me a nod and said no....i know that it may seem a little shallow, but anyone that is dealing with low self worth right now can relate. Again it was nice that she new me before i got into a relationship with my Ex, because i told her i did not know who i was, i lost my identity....she was shocked because anyone that knows me knows that i love to fish, and she was surprised that i was not out fishing all the time now....i tried to explain to her in my relationship with my Ex i did not lose that part of me, i fished almost everyweekend.....(i know now part of the breakup) now i do not find the pleasure in fishing. I just that is why it is depression right? I have dragged myself out to fish a couple of times, so i guess i am trying the "fake it, until you make it"
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good question tygerr94, how do you build the Army...who is in that Army and how do you get them to do what you need them to do? I know that thiswboard is part of my Army.... need2beme; i too feel good sometimes and for no reason....then in the morining i wake up feeling like crap again for no apparent reason. I still wake up thinking about all that has happened and I think that some of my thoughts are carry over feelings from my dreams. I guess the good thing is that I am getting to work a hell of alot earlier then i was before....but then I have alot of time behind this computer and time to think....
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thank you Ice...It does seem like it is a one step forward five back! It has been good to have friends tell me that I am acting better and seem to be getting alittle better....who knows i think it is the meds! haha....i will take what i can at this point. what was your greatest motto for getting through all that you did?
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I think that the book club is a great idea!! I know that i have made a great investment into someone elses pocket with all the money that i have spent on books, that is for sure. I am stuck in a haze that i do not seem to be able to look past. I am hoping that i will get unstuck on whatever i am on and see through that haze i hate feeling the way that i do...I know that it seems like i complain alot but this is the first time that a relationship has hit me so hard!
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thanks, i will have to look at for the book, i have about 20 books that i am reading right now.... i know this a process, i have to keep telling myself that, i am stuck on alot of things that is for sure...so any anything would be great. through all of this i know that she does not feel bad enough not to talk from two sides of her mouth......one she is telling me in e-mails that she wants to know what is going on with me then on the other she is telling her friends that i am sending nasty e-mails..........then ending it with GRRRRR...i think that i might be overeacting on all of this, it just has me by the B****.
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LadyJ i have read your other post, and i was talking to Need2beme on how strong that you were being. i was so impressed that you have gotten to the anger stage of your grieving. With seeing the e-mail and all the other stuff i feel more hurt then i do anything....my sister, just wishes that I could see things through her eyes right now. I do not think that i can create anger......why am i not angry with that? or with all of this....