Why Do Men Care So Much About Looks?

[itsallgrand]

So are all of you posters saying that both men and women care equally about looks?

 

HOGWASH!!!!!

 

What world do you guys live in, in what galaxy, please give me its coordinate points, I want in.

 

I don't know if it's equal, but as a woman: Yeah, I care about looks. It's not number #1, and I'm attracted to all sorts, but it's important.

 

AND I have met some women who make me feel sick with how important looks are to them. "Oh my god, he is so hot. Oh my god, that guy is so ugly - what is he doing with such a pretty girl? He's not good enough for her."

 

Shallowness knows no sex. The shallow take all forms. lol.

[melrich]

So are all of you posters saying that both men and women care equally about looks?

 

 

I don't think it's a competition. Men and women do "see" things differently. But both sexes are hardwired to receive some physical features as attractive and some not.

 

It may be that men are more driven by physical looks (maybe there is a study out there that proves or disproves this, I don't know. I suspect personally there is not much difference). It may be that men react faster on the basis of looks and women take more time to respond to the physical part of attraction.

 

Regardless, it is not a shallow emotion, it is the way we are born.

[nsbguy32169]

So are all of you posters saying that both men and women care equally about looks?

 

HOGWASH!!!!!

 

What world do you guys live in, in what galaxy, please give me its coordinate points, I want in.

 

The one where people were created with eyes and beautiful bodies. Why? Where do you live?

[shes2smart]

From my own observations/experiences....

 

Looks matter to some degree.

 

However, what any one particular individual defines as "good looking" is so random and varied that even if you have a third hand growing out of your forehead, there is probably someone out there who thinks that is cute.

 

When I was single and dateless, I used to whine and complain about men being so focused on the outer that they completely overlooked the inner.

 

I was in the wrong.

 

Everyone - male, female, transsexual, neuter, whatever - has an absolute right to have their preferences on what's attractive and how important that is to them. If they want to be shallow and date only models, more power to 'em. They can do that if they wish. No need for me to take it personally...and I sure was for a while.

 

I am who and what I am. People are free to like/dislike/judge/ignore that however they wish. I don't have to pay attention or give creedence to any judgements they may or may not make.

 

The line into "unacceptable" gets crossed if someone tries to foist their preferences upon you in a way that is rude, hurtful, mean, or inconsiderate. Then, you'd be within your rights to tell them to get bent. Up until then, they can like what they like, and if that doens't happen to include you....well...is that really someone you want to be around anyway?

[TheRedQueen]

Regarding melrich's curiosity,

 

I know that some studies have been done analyzing the sexual differences between men and women in terms of love and arousal. In such studies, fMRI brain scans have shown that in comparison to women, when sexually aroused, men's visual centers of the brain are more highly active and engaged.

 

I think Helen Fisher did some of these studies.

[melrich]

I think there's not much doubt about that. It seems to be commonly accepted that men think more visually than women. But that is saying something completely different.

 

I am aware of one study done in the UK where researchers showed a random group of 6 month old babies random photos of faces, 2 at a time. One face symmetrical, the other not. By an enourmous majority, 93% to 7%, the babies responded more to faces that were symmetrical.

 

There was no difference in the response of male babies to female babies.

[serenity25]

I think that physical attraction is important for romantic relationships obviously, but take into consideration that every individual finds different things attractive. Physical appearance isn't the only thing that can make a person shallow...it could be money, material things, snobbery, you name it.

 

I don't necessarily think it's true that men are more concerned with physical appearance of females, but I think the problem is that women are more bombarded with a very narrow image of perfection. I'm amazed at how women are still paraded on television, ads, magazines wearing practically nothing but rarely will you see men portrayed in such sexual extremes. Even pregnancy now is seen as a time to still be perfectly in shape and gorgeous! haha. Granted this is all based on my experience in America, but I think the media does more to perpetuate a shallow perception of what's beautiful.

[TheRedQueen]

On a personal level I fully agree with shes2smart's point of view,

but on a grander more societal scale, a woman is so often imprisoned by society's preoccupation with the way she should or should not look.

 

I worry for my potential daughters, and future female generations

 

the increasing rates of plastic surgery, bulimia, and anorexia have me worried!

[melrich]

the increasing rates of plastic surgery, bulimia, and anorexia have me worried!

 

Well that is going somewhere completely different again. In a way I agree with you yet I have seen threads in here asking whether men like, for instance, breast enhancements. Generally the threads come out with majority saying they don't like the fake look. Now I know that is not scientific and may not be representative of the world view but why are women doing these things to themselves when it seems a fair proportion of men probably don't want them to (from an attractiveness point of view).

 

I think we get similar responses in terms of the skinny argument. Most men seem to respond they like a woman to look healthy. Not skinny.

[anonymous_presence]

The media pressures women into being beautiful and men into being with beautiful women. In terms of society, men who are with beautiful women are admired. "When was the last time you saw an ugly girl with an attractive guy?" Well, the popularity of that question attests to the pressures both genders face.

 

Of course, on a personal level things change. On a personal level things are so varied that you can't possibly discuss them fairly in terms of generalizations.

[TheRedQueen]

I think there's not much doubt about that. It seems to be commonly accepted that men think more visually than women. But that is saying something completely different.

 

I am aware of one study done in the UK where researchers showed a random group of 6 month old babies random photos of faces, 2 at a time. One face symmetrical, the other not. By an enourmous majority, 93% to 7%, the babies responded more to faces that were symmetrical.

 

There was no difference in the response of male babies to female babies.

 

but the differences between the sexes don't really start to emerge until after puberty.

 

There are certain universally accepted, and/or appreciated aesthetic principles, such as symmetry and the visually pleasing aspects of the golden ratio. But men seem to consistently care more about their partners youth and physical appearance, than women do.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[nsbguy32169]

Remember, date an athlete, guy w/a hot ride, meet someone at a bar/club you're more likely to get played. So stay away from those and you'll have a higher chance of succeding.

Hey, don't let that secret out! Girls have to find out for themselves that jocks, rich spoiled frat guys, and mr. popularity are complete jerks and will always love themselves more than their women. Meanwhile those "nice guys" that girls are "only friends" with would sweep them off their feet and gladly do anything for them, but that's a secret that women have to find out for themselves...

[TheRedQueen]

Sounds like someone must've got crapped on by some guys. Sorry for whatever you went through RedQueen...

 

I don't know what kind of freaky * * * * you are into, but I'm not into letting guys crap on me, thank you very much..

[serenity25]

Haha, to argue against the point above... I know plenty of athletes that are terrific guys and gentlemen. The guy I'm dating now is an athlete and absolutely loyal. These stereotypes just don't ever hold true for everyone. You're getting on redqueen, but from your comments on men it seems you may have been crapped on by some females that went for a hot ride... just teasing.

 

You left "rock stars" out of your statement as well which I think sometimes win the player of the year award..."sometimes"

[Daddy Bear]

when was the last time you saw a very attractive, and or highly successful man, with an unattractive woman?

Bonnie Prince Charles comes immediately to mind. he's no great looker himself but if he can be in love with Camilla after he had Diana in his bed for years, he must be able to see something beneath her equine surface.

 

believe it or not, there really are men who value intelligence in a partner and don't give a flying fig about the size of a girl's rack.

[tmp0620]

Hmmm..well, I'm not a guy but I care about looks to...albeit not ALL I care about, but physical attraction is pretty important in sustaining a "romantic/physical relationship. I mean after all...you want to be turned on by the person you are with or otherwise it's just another "platonic" friendship.That's what distinguishes it. For me anyway. Then again...maybe I'm just shallow ....

 

 

I'd say that's shallow. Reason being is that it's not fair. An ugly girl that's into an attractive guy is less likely to succeed then you, just like an ugly guy is less likely to succeed with an attractive girl than an attractive guy.

 

What if everybody felt the way you did? There woud be so many lonely people in this world (and there already are).

 

You don't deserve what you want anymore than anyone else deserves what they want. You got lucky, that's all.

 

What if an ugly guy felt the same way that you do... that attractiveness is really important. He'll have trouble finding someone, and he'll be forced to "settle"(which is horrible for him and whoever he settles for) or just remain alone for the rest of his life. If you're attractive you don't have to worry about it, you'll find someone that's attractive that is attracted to you too.

 

If you have preferences like: "I wouldn't give a guy that looks like *fill in the blank* a chance" then you are shallow. If you would rule someone out before you met them than you are shallow.

 

All that being said... I think most people are at least a LITTLE bit like that. My only CLEARCUT preference is that a girl be healthy, and even then I don't rule anybody out right off the bat.

 

Love is a lot simpler for good looking people. I think a lot of them take that fact for granted.

 

It hurts to be ruled out because of something that is completely out of your control.

 

What some of you guys are saying...unattractive people don't deserve a relationship? If everyone followed those principles...only the good looking people would ever have children and the rest of us would die off or end up with each other.

 

Yeah, that's sometimes how it seems to me too.

[shes2smart]

On a personal level I fully agree with shes2smart's point of view,

but on a grander more societal scale, a woman is so often imprisoned by society's preoccupation with the way she should or should not look.

 

I worry for my potential daughters, and future female generations

 

the increasing rates of plastic surgery, bulimia, and anorexia have me worried!

 

Dudette, I am reading "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies" by Jane Hirschmann & Carol Munter right now, and my feminist ire is at high tide. At the same time, I also have an increasing sense of hopelessness about seeing any substantive cultural changes in my lifetime. There is too much money to be made off telling people in general, and women in particular, they're not acceptable the way they are.

 

In a lot of ways, it's worse than it was 20 years ago. F'rinstance, 20 years ago the "you're not acceptable" ads were aimed almost entirely at women...now they've figured out that men have money and are susceptible to the same "you're not acceptable" tactics that cause women to part with their money.

 

Guess that's why I'm forking over $80 a session to a Dietician to work on why I've had a relapse with my eating disorder and body image issues....

[serenity25]

Love is a lot simpler for good looking people. I think a lot of them take that fact for granted.

 

 

I don't think that is necessarily true at all. Having people find you attractive doesn't mean that you will actually find more people to love you. In fact, it can intimidate and keep away nicer guys who feel they might not have a chance, or vice versa. Often times, it just seems to attract more creeps because the guys that are worth your time in my opinion, are the ones that wouldn't immediately want to talk to you just because of how you look. I'd want someone that saw some substance in me first.

[tmp0620]

Difference is that with women... makeup and some exercise with a nice hair doo can usually make a huge difference in your appearance, whereas men can't grow larger, squarer jaws or broader shoulders, or grow in height. To be honest... I can't even think of a healthy girl that is unattractive to me.

[serenity25]

Difference is that with women... makeup and some exercise with a nice hair doo can usually make a huge difference in your appearance, whereas men can't grow larger, squarer jaws or broader shoulders, or grow in height.

 

...or it just puts a much greater amount of pressure on women to look flawless.

[tmp0620]

...or it just puts a much greater amount of pressure on women to look flawless.

 

Well I feel that kind of pressure too, except that there's nothing I can do about it.

[tmp0620]

I don't think that is necessarily true at all. Having people find you attractive doesn't mean that you will actually find more people to love you. In fact, it can intimidate and keep away nicer guys who feel they might not have a chance, or vice versa. Often times, it just seems to attract more creeps because the guys that are worth your time in my opinion, are the ones that wouldn't immediately want to talk to you just because of how you look. I'd want someone that saw some substance in me first.

 

I shouldn't have used the word "love". Attracting people is much simpler for attractive people... and the more people you can get interested in you JUST by looking at you... the more people you can find who you might fall in love with.

 

But I don't think that love itself has anything to do with physical attraction. I think that's all personality.

[serenity25]

But would you want someone that wasn't willing to look beyond physical appearance for a relationship? In my personal opinion, who I am attracted to has VERY LITTLE to do with what a guy looks like. His sense of humor, personality, intelligence, character are things that really attract me. So to me physical appearance and attraction just don't always go hand in hand.

 

I also have many friends that will not date incredibly gorgeous men because they don't want to deal with other females trying to hit on them all the time...so hollywood looks can work against people sometimes too. I guess in the end it is all just about finding someone who views these things in a similar way.

[tmp0620]

But would you want someone that wasn't willing to look beyond physical appearance for a relationship? In my personal opinion, who I am attracted to has VERY LITTLE to do with what a guy looks like. His sense of humor, personality, intelligence, character are things that really attract me. So to me physical appearance and attraction just don't always go hand in hand.

 

I also have many friends that will not date incredibly gorgeous men because they don't want to deal with other females trying to hit on them all the time...so hollywood looks can work against people sometimes too. I guess in the end it is all just about finding someone who views these things in a similar way.

 

No I wouldn't want to be with someone that was shallow.

 

But I grew up believing that looks don't matter much, and now that I realize they do to a lot of people... well I'm sorta bitter. I really hate injustice. No one deserves to be beautiful or ugly. Everyone deserves love, and if someone's looks prevent them or even hinder them in finding love... well I just hate that.

 

That why I'm sorta mad at Ladybugg. If you were ugly I guarantee you you would have a different opinion.