Massari Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 diva.. I was reserved about my feelings at first cause I just didn't want to get hurt again.. my ex was a complete B. she took my feelings for granted and basically I was crushed,, Link to comment
chai714 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Don't make any impulsive decision based on what other say. Time will indeed make things more clear. Just take this as a point where you're at a teeter and things can go either way. And, as a person who likes being in control - I advise that you try to influence this situation as much as possible to work it out to your advantage whether it be breaking up or working through this. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 diva.. I was reserved about my feelings at first cause I just didn't want to get hurt again.. my ex was a complete B. she took my feelings for granted and basically I was crushed,, Sounds like this one maybe too. Could this be a pattern? I really think teh title of this thread should be: MY GF Kissed another guy. You are making excuses for her behaviour. Again she wants you to follwo the rules she is not willing to follow. What more do you need. Link to comment
DN Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 If you want to give her another chance I would make it clear that you are not accusing her of making a move on the guy or kissing him back - tell her you believe her about that. But you are concerned about her judgment in going over to his house at three in the morning to watch TV - especially since she would not be with you. Then let it go - but be wary. If anything remotely like that happens again, drop her like a hot rock. Link to comment
RayKay Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 So let me get this straight: She did not want to go out with YOU because meeting your friends/sister would be too much BUT... She was okay going to this guys "party" where there would be lots of people? Then, when she got there and there weren't, she stayed? I find that VERY odd and unsettling considering he lied to her. I am also very alarmed by the way she presented it to you, it was *almost* like she was ultimately boasting about it, and in a way also trying to shift blame to the guy, and you. Something is very fishy here, and I think you need to be careful about blaming this other guy for it all. Something tells me she has some growing up to do, and that could cause some issues in the future. Just proceed carefully if you wish to, don't ignore red flags. Link to comment
Diva26 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 I'm not trying to come accross too harsh, and I apologize if I am, but tyler brings up a really good point. This seems like a cyclical situation. I know from being in controlling/abusive situations that the longer you are in them, the harder it is to get the heck out. Your self worth continues to get ripped away from you, and from what you've been writing you may well have had alot of it taken by your previous gf. So it's possible that you are having difficulties hashing this one out because your confidence in yourself has been tarnished. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 If you want to give her another chance I would make it clear that you are not accusing her of making a move on the guy or kissing him back - tell her you believe her about that. But you are concerned about her judgment in going over to his house at three in the morning to watch TV - especially since she would not be with you. Then let it go - but be wary. If anything remotely like that happens again, drop her like a hot rock. Yeah, I agree with that. I mean once is one thing, but you've let her know you didn't like it; it shouldn't be happening again. Link to comment
Massari Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 diva I don't know what is wronge here.. its just that It seems that there is a pattern for me.. keep getting hurt in my relationships by women who do not treat me right. I did ask needy in my first relationship and I believe that was why it didn't last long. now I am not like that at all I learned alot from it but then I did not expect this happens Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 diva I don't know what is wronge here.. its just that It seems that there is a pattern for me.. keep getting hurt in my relationships by women who do not treat me right. I did ask needy in my first relationship and I believe that was why it didn't last long. now I am not like that at all I learned alot from it but then I did not expect this happens Here. take time off from women. I am talking liek a year. Hang out with buddy's do some hobbies, new and old, and just have fun. Take this time to reflect on why you are getting with these no good girls. Do yourself a favour man. Jumping around from girl to girls like some cake walk is only gonna bring more confusion. You need to clarify. Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 You guys have only been dating for three weeks? Have you had a chat about what the expectations are? Three weeks is not enough time to really know a person or what they're all about. Ending up exclusive right from the get-go is a really bad idea, as you have no idea what you're getting into. When you try to force things too fast, you end up actually ruining the natural evolution of a relationship. I'm sorry to play the bad cop here, but after three weeks, I don't think that I would have wanted to meet your entire family either. It's just not enough time to get to know YOU, let alone your mom, dad, sisters, brothers, etc. If you're wondering why she seems disinterested already, and seems to be lying to you about where she's going/ what she's doing, then pull back now. Give yourselves some time to understand each other. Three weeks just isn't enough time to start expecting a serious relationship with all of the perks. You guys need to get more in touch with each others' personalities. Link to comment
Diva26 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 First thing sweetie, remember, it always takes two to make or break a relationship. You are being so unfair to yourself for taking tha blame regarding your first gf. And you are also taking the brunt of the blame for this one as well. You need to realize that you are worth a darn and you deserve to be treated the way you want . I know you don't want to be treated this poorly. I only know that what I've read about you,is that you want to be cherished just as you should be.The hardest part of all this is being able to pick yourself up again and believe in yourself. Everyone has different personality traits. You seem to be passive, while your gf is aggressive.For some reason we attract the opposite personalities.You sound like a real gentle guy.It's not your fault,(nor is it a bad thing) its just the way it goes.Try to coach yourself into believing you are worth it. If you need advice, don't hesitate.Been there, done that. Link to comment
Diva26 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Hang out with buddy's do some hobbies, new and old, and just have fun. Take this time to reflect on why you are getting with these no good girls. awesome idea. Seriously consider it. Link to comment
Massari Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 awesome idea. Seriously consider it. dating is fun though and I am learning alot about people's personality.. and yes.. I treated my last gf nothing but respect.. cherished her everyday and loved her to death and she took it all for granted by saying I need some time to think about everything and be with my friends.. and thats it .. thats how it ended. now I am trying not to be all that with her.. but when I like someone I can't help it.. it comes.. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 dating is fun though and I am learning alot about people's personality.. and yes.. I treated my last gf nothing but respect.. cherished her everyday and loved her to death and she took it all for granted by saying I need some time to think about everything and be with my friends.. and thats it .. thats how it ended. now I am trying not to be all that with her.. but when I like someone I can't help it.. it comes.. Well to be honest I thin at the 3 week mark you should still be dating. But this sounds like you are into deep and too soon. Of course everyone has their preference but this really sounds like an ongoing concern for you. I think what you have with this girl is already beyond the dating step, you are already into some sort of relationship mode. I thik you are confusing teh two. Dating is fun, really fun. I mean whats better than meetingother people. But getting attached as quickly as you sound like your doing and smothering the other person will do you no good. At 3 weeks there is just no way you can know someone, at least to the depth needed for a healthy relationship to start. I really think you need to take a time out and reevealuate what you a bringing to your relationships. I can tell you from my experiences and reading others experience on here that "giving" yourself completely too quickly is a recipe for disaster. Just because you shower someone with attention and affection does by no means entitle you to receive he same. They owe you nothing. Only you owe yourself something, and that is to be invovled in healthy relationships. Read this maybe it will help. Link to comment
Jorus Cbaoth Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 The way I see it you have two choices. You can leave her. After only 3 weeks, it will be easier. She sounds very strange about the whole situation. This quote bothered me. “no other girl would tell their B/F this happened and you are mad at me Any girl with a little self respect and respect for their relationship would tell their boyfriend or husband if some guy tried to kiss them, or force something on them. Here comes choice number two. I'm not advocating that you do this. Personally, if my wife came home and told me that some guy tried to kiss her or tried to force her to do something and she refused, who knows what else he would have tried? I would track down this guy and watch him for a few weeks. I'd find a time and place where nobody was around, and I'd beat the * * * * out of him. Like I said, defending your wife in this day and age of political correctness will probably land you in prison for 10 years. No good deed goes unpunished. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 “no other girl would tell their B/F this happened and you are mad at me That was the same sentence that stood out for me too. Seems a bit odd thing to say. Link to comment
Diva26 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 I think she may indeed know how head-over-heels you are already and might be using that for more manipulation tactics. I understand when you say you fall hard. There is no rule saying how you should feel about a person after a certain amount of time, whether it be long or short. You just really need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself how long you are willing to let yourself get hurt.(I know, easier said that done, but it is possible)She is not the end all be all. Link to comment
Massari Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 I talked to her last night.. she was crying in my lap. that she wanted a secong chance. I am so cluless of what to do here. I hate to see her like that but on the other hand I just do not feel the same about her anymore. and also I feel like I have feeling for someone else, and I don't want to see her crying when I say that I can't be with her. I do not know if I am making the right decision here or not. Link to comment
DN Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 It's a decision only you can make. But I am a believer in second chances. Not all relationships are perfect all the time and sometimes something like this can make it stronger. But if you genuinely feel you don't like her anymore then don't stay with her just because you don't like to see her cry. Never stay with anyone just because you pity them - it's not fair to either of you. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I talked to her last night.. she was crying in my lap. that she wanted a secong chance. I am so cluless of what to do here. I hate to see her like that but on the other hand I just do not feel the same about her anymore. and also I feel like I have feeling for someone else, and I don't want to see her crying when I say that I can't be with her. I do not know if I am making the right decision here or not. Geesh you guys have already gone through strong feelings, infidelity, heartbreak and now after 3 long weeks you're already thinking of filing for divorce! Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Dude, she knew this guy was pining for her, she went over to his place, and then is seemingly surprised when he makes a move. I give her credit for being upfront with you and telling you what happened, but the bottom line is she never should have been there in the first place. If you can't get let this go (and it is no fault of yours if you can't), then let her go. It is unfair to the both of you. Link to comment
Cecelius Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 It's time to pack her bags. She sounds WAY too emotional, which is fine given her age, but I think it's affecting you too. Link to comment
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