gradle Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 hello all... i know some of you from helping me in getting over my ex....and i really appreciate the help. i'm a little worried though. i'm at the point now that i really don't want anybody in my life, other than my friends. i feel like i'm just too busy to have a boyfriend. i still love my ex a lot, but, that's just going to have to go away on it's own,. and i'm still attracted to plenty of guys, but i just feel when i do meet someone and start dating them, they're just sort of getting in the way of my life. i know that's selfish, especially when they're really sweet to me. but i just can't help it. my friends treat me like i'm crazy. i'm on a kickball team,and it's basically just a hook up sport, which is fine, but i'm definitely just not into it. i love making out, but it's just not what i have the patience for. but at the same time, i feel so much pressure from my family and friends tgo get into something. but i just bought a condo, working out a ton, working hard at work, and i'm just sort of happy alone. at the same time i just wonder if i'm going to be hurting myself in the future not to even attempt to have someone in my life. it's jsut that, if someone's going to be in my life, i just want htem to be able to fit, i don't want to alter my life for them. selfish? yes. Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 it's just that, if someone's going to be in my life, i just want htem to be able to fit, i don't want to alter my life for them. selfish? Absolutely not. That is what a real relationship should be like. One that easily fits into each other's lives, otherwise they don't last. you aren't being selfish enjoying your life and don't let anyone tell you so. If you aren't ready for a long term commitment, you aren't ready and you aren't pretending that you are to anyone. That's all that matters. Life is about making yourself happy when you can...now you can. So do it and no regrets Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Jeez I played kick ball in Seattle this weekend and all I got was a nasty scrape on my knee. Dont worry about your family. What are they gonna do the nervous fidgiting on your first date, first kiss that is too sloppy and wet, etc for you? Sure they may want you too be happy and all but I suspect they forget that sometimes its a bit more hassle than your willing to put up with. Enjoy your single time, cause I am sure in 20 years when you are married with children you'll be looking fondly at this time. I know I am enjoying the single life now its great to be able to do all the things I want to do. Link to comment
Blue Skittles Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 It is really smart what you are doing. I have a friend and I just spoke to her tonight. She is very smart about it too, she is about the same age as you and she is very picky about the men she dates and I really admire her for that and I'm gonna be the same way when I start dating again (I'm staying single until September). Especially I think once you get past 25 you wanna make sure the guy you date is going to fit into your future. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 You seem to have a very good head on your shoulders. Keep strong. Pressure from family/friends can be difficult to deal with at times, but don't let it get to you. If I caved to the pressure of my fam: I would have many many children right now and a housefrau!! No thank you. When you are ready to find someone, you will. You are not selfish. I think this decision can only benefit your future. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Hey Gradle, You don't need to have a serious guy in your life, and frankly you have alot going for you and you can and should enjoy this time in your life without the responsibility that comes with a serious relationship if that's what YOU want. I think your friends are trying to be helpful, but only YOU know what is best for you and if that is something that you want, and you are living your life so make the choices that fit best for you, not for anyone else. Link to comment
Skippy Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Selfish?? definitely NOT!!!.. it is your time! you have gotten yourself together and it is time to go on cruise control, smooth sailing!! well done for you. Things will happen in the bf scene when it happens. Good on ya!! Link to comment
Momene Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 What you're doing is MUCH more healthy than most of us do which is rush headlong into another relationship or even line up the next partner before finishing with the old. I take my hat off to you, even though it'll show my bald patch. On the other hand if someone really attractive does come along, don't be too busy not to follow it up. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 If its any consolation to ya. I will be looking in any future girls I date for them to have spent some significant time on their own with out SO. Then I know they have a better understanding of themselves and independance. So yeah in my mind what you are doing is a great thing. You will be fine. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 hello all... it's jsut that, if someone's going to be in my life, i just want htem to be able to fit, i don't want to alter my life for them. selfish? yes. Smart move. Take your time stabilize youself. Only on hindsight i know that it is stupid to rush into relationships. So, take your time and keep busy and happy. The wrong one hurts much more than being sometimes little bit lonely. And the right one should fit for you and you fit for them with reasonable mutual compromises as in every successful relationship. Link to comment
gradle Posted May 26, 2006 Author Share Posted May 26, 2006 aww guys thank you so much! i do feel better. i did meet someone tonight. same thing. he was so sweet. he actually sang me two karaoke songs tonight at the bar. it was so cute. but i just don't get that feeling. it's funny, since j and i broke up, i've had the most amazing guys, i've had them sing to me in the morniing, cook me the best pancakes and dinners i've ever had, do the most fun thigns with me that i don't think j ever would have even thought of. but i don't love them. and i do still love him. but i don't deserve less than the best. and i won't have him in my life anymore until he realizes that. but even more importantly. i want someone who can realize that, and be really sweet to me all the time, not just on special occasions or when we've fought. and i don't think j will ever be able to do that. so it's good to be single and just deal with me and not with random guys that it wont' work with. life is ok. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 ... but i don't love them. and i do still love him. ... By what I saw of your earlier threads, you still love him for a year or so for nothing you are really down at times This is not going to work. I can't really tell you how to do it but you _got_ to get over him. Once you done that you can move forward. IMHO, if you don't there will be many a day like You sorted you single live out now, you now should have the mental energy to make a concerted mental effort to _tell_yourself_ "he is history". Link to comment
syborg Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Selfish is the LAST word I was use. You are taking time for yourself, getting over a breakup, keeping busy. Thats wonderful. When the time is right for a new special person, you wll know when it feels right Link to comment
Juha Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 In the same boat as you jsut taking care of myself and not wanting anything serious for a while.... If I want to go ride my bike all day Saturday I will and no one can say anything...I like being selfish to myself and don't think I want to stop being selfish for myself...Ever Link to comment
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