saying goodbye

[quietgrl]

Today i decided to say a final goodbye to a male friend name "Charlie".He was the first man i ever pursued in my life.I've only really like 2 men in my whole life him and "Moz".I'm feeling really sad right now and crying.This will be the first time in my life none of these men are in it.

I feel really alone and sad. I lost 2 male friends.I could use a laugh.I just feel alone right now.

[renaissancewoman101]

Don't feel alone. Sometimes, we all have to do what we have to do in order to keep our sanity and our feelings protected. If you weren't getting what you wanted out of "Charlie", maybe the best thing is to let him go and heal yourself. Sometimes people can't give us what we want and if we cling onto it longer, we are just going to hurt ourselves in the long run.

 

I really wish you luck and wish I could give you some gems of laughter. I am down on myself today too but, with me, I think it is more PMS stuff than anything else.

[Arrowsmith]

Hey Quietgrl, I'm sorry you feel alone and sad. You do realize, don't you, that *all* of us feel that way. That's why we're here. So you're really not alone at all.

 

Why did you have to say goodbye to Charlie anyway?

 

I've read some of your posts and I think you have some good wisdom to share. And I can't really believe that there aren't *any* reasonable, attractive, single guys in their 30s in NorCal. I moved from Menlo Park to SoCal a few years ago -- if I hadn't I hope that I would have been a member of that elusive species.

[quietgrl]

Charlie and moz couldn't give me what i want and need.Charlie has a girlfriend right now and moz has demon to deal with.It's soo hard.Soo hard. to move on.I miss these 2 men .

[renaissancewoman101]

Sometimes, if they cant give you what you want or need, it is best to move on with your life and let them go. I know it is not an easy thing to do and it sounds so easy for me to tell you this. But sometimes the stuff that is best for us is not the easiest thing to do. If both the guys you like, are involved with other people/problems already, it isnt the best idea to stand around and wait for things to get better. So, what you are doing is the best for you.

 

I really wish you luck and hope life brings you joy soon.

[quietgrl]

This is the 3 time saying goodbye to charlie.It's a long story but charlie overlook me because i wanted sex with commitiment 3 years ago.Me and charlie were virgin when we met.He has now lost his virginity to his currant gf.

I contact charlie because i'm a writer and i'm writing a story about him,me and another guy.

Well arrowsmith i haven't had any luck with men online or offline.So right now .I don't have much much faith for men..I'm tired of crying about it.nonreligious men don't want sex with commitment.

I give up

 

Hey Quietgrl, I'm sorry you feel alone and sad. You do realize, don't you, that *all* of us feel that way. That's why we're here. So you're really not alone at all.

 

Why did you have to say goodbye to Charlie anyway?

 

I've read some of your posts and I think you have some good wisdom to share. And I can't really believe that there aren't *any* reasonable, attractive, single guys in their 30s in NorCal. I moved from Menlo Park to SoCal a few years ago -- if I hadn't I hope that I would have been a member of that elusive species.

[quietgrl]

Charlie has a Gf but Moz(2nd guy) is a true loner.Moz rather be alone then be around people.So i feel for a loner who wants no commitment to anything.

 

Sometimes, if they cant give you what you want or need, it is best to move on with your life and let them go. I know it is not an easy thing to do and it sounds so easy for me to tell you this. But sometimes the stuff that is best for us is not the easiest thing to do. If both the guys you like, are involved with other people/problems already, it isnt the best idea to stand around and wait for things to get better. So, what you are doing is the best for you.

 

I really wish you luck and hope life brings you joy soon.

[renaissancewoman101]

Don't give up. There are good guys out there. Sometimes it takes going out with a bunch of duds before we find the "gems". Keep your heart, eyes, and ears open and someone will be bound to come your way. Don't settle for anybody but go for what YOU want. Go for the best. Be confident, happy with yourself, and things will fall in your lap. Trust yourself. Be happy.

[Arrowsmith]

Well arrowsmith i haven't had any luck with men online or offline.So right now .I don't have much much faith for men..I'm tired of crying about it.nonreligious men don't want sex with commitment.

I give up

 

Whoa, don't give up. There are committment-oriented, nonreligious men in this world. Renaissancewoman's advice is good -- if you're happy with your life in other respects the relationship part can often just sort of fall into place.

 

Is Charlie in a committed relationship with this girl he's with now?

 

I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up.

[quietgrl]

Charlie claims he is in a committed relationship with this woman.Arrowsmith it's a long painful story.I was over look by him because i wanted sex with commitment.he lost his virginity.He didn't want to wait.

Arrowsmith i never had a boyfriend in my life.I've done things by myself for 36 years.I'm 36 right now.I'm tired of doing things by myself.Men over look me all the time.So why shouldn't i do the same to men.i know now i'm going to be alone.nobody wants me

It's ok arrowsmith.you don't have to cheer me up.everybody has to post on messageboard.I'll just watch Tv.

 

Whoa, don't give up. There are committment-oriented, nonreligious men in this world. Renaissancewoman's advice is good -- if you're happy with your life in other respects the relationship part can often just sort of fall into place.

 

Is Charlie in a committed relationship with this girl he's with now?

 

I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up.

[Arrowsmith]

This is probably something that I should have asked earlier: What, exactly, do you mean by "commitment"? That you'll have sex only with each other and no one else until one of you decides to break up, or that neither of you will ever have sex with anyone else? Sorry if this question sounds naive or insensitive, but I think it's important.

 

You mentioned that you are a writer and you also said that you were going to watch TV. Do you have a regular work schedule? Do you work from home? How many hours a week do you spend at home?

[RayKay]

I don't think men have overlooked you for 36 years because you want to wait for sex until you have commitment. I know a handful of men whom married women as virgins, and did not lose their virginity until then. I know even MORE men whom will only have sex within a commitment (be it long term relationship or marriage).

 

I do think there are some other factors though that may be part of it. And I think too, that you also may be really limiting yourself by needing a "non religious virgin whom is around your age" too. Depends how strict you are on these, but there are people for example whom are spiritual (not religious), or people whom have had sex, but only in long term commitments, or so on and so on.

 

When things NEVER seem to work you have to start looking at the common denominator...in this case the common denominator is yourself. So, is there any reasons you may think as to what may turn men off, or maybe be limiting your opportunities to meet men? Do you have a good social life? Do you have lots of personal hobbies and interests outside the home? Opportunities to meet others? Do you open yourself to meeting people whom do not meet the EXACT criteria or are they so stringent that to match it all would be near impossible?

[quietgrl]

Raykay,

This is my 2nd time shutting the world out of my life.Everytime i stick myself out there.People over look me.So i just shut the world out of my life.

I'm trying to give people chances but nobody will give me one.I'm there for everybody else but when i need a shoulder to cry on.Nobody around.i just need to realize.nobody can give me what i want.

[Skippy]

one door closes and another door opens.

YOu are looking at it all wrong, focus on the NOW, what do you have to do NOW and enjoy what you have going on NOW. You hve to stop looking at the past and look at now and what you can now now to further enjoy life.

I agree with RayKay when she says you are limiting your posiblities for happiness by limiting your options so much that it may not ever happen. You are going to have to re-assess what a relationship is all about within yourself. Relationship is about giving and taking and acepting. As far i see that you have fixed agenders that really hurt yor opportunities. Don't get me wrong, i am not suggesting that you jump into bed with the next guy that comes along, but if a nice guy comes along religious or not, virgin or not, check it out, you might never know the happiness that might come along.

[renaissancewoman101]

Quietgrl, I know how you feel when you say that when you stick yourself out there and people overlook you. I know how that feels since I feel like that a lot of times. With me, I usually attribute that to my height since I am so small, I think people ignore me or look over me. I also understand what it is to feel like when you give people chances and are there for people as a shoulder to cry on and then when you need a shoulder to cry on, no one is there for you. I do that all the time, esp with my best friend. He always uses me as a shoulder to cry on but when I really need him, a lot of times he doesnt make the time for me. That hurts a lot and I know the best thing for me to do is to let him go and yet, I cant let him go because I still care deeply for him.

 

Sometimes we have to take time for ourselves and take care of ourselves and guard our hearts before we can be there for others. We have to learn to love ourselves before we can love others.

[Skippy]

It is a fact the no one can give you exactly what you want. They dont have to, and what is this about shutting the world out?

this is my point, you are not giving yourself a chance or anyone else. You want thing the way you see it but it just doesnt work that way.

 

Only you can get what you want BUT others just helps make it better and help you along he way. They cannot give you what you want.

 

Hang in there... give yourself time, but remember to focus on NOW, not the past or the future.

[quietgrl]

Arrowsmith,

What would be the "ideal" man.A man who will only have sex with me .A man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. A man who wants verbal intimacy before we decided to have intercourse.A man who doesn't think a relationship all about sex.

I have a clerical seasonal job and my hours are differant every week.So my life is pretty boring.

My dream is to create tv show in the future.My virgin life is so boring.I thought i would write about how men over look me.

 

This is probably something that I should have asked earlier: What, exactly, do you mean by "commitment"? That you'll have sex only with each other and no one else until one of you decides to break up, or that neither of you will ever have sex with anyone else? Sorry if this question sounds naive or insensitive, but I think it's important.

 

You mentioned that you are a writer and you also said that you were going to watch TV. Do you have a regular work schedule? Do you work from home? How many hours a week do you spend at home?

[quietgrl]

I guess i'm going to be alone.All i ask is people keep their promises.

 

 

It is a fact the no one can give you exactly what you want. They dont have to, and what is this about shutting the world out?

this is my point, you are not giving yourself a chance or anyone else. You want thing the way you see it but it just doesnt work that way.

 

Only you can get what you want BUT others just helps make it better and help you along he way. They cannot give you what you want.

 

Hang in there... give yourself time, but remember to focus on NOW, not the past or the future.

[blueangel]

From my experience, time does take it away. You learn to adapt. The process isn't easy. You want to think about it to deal with it yet that's keeping you there. That's why new relationships help us deal with the old, compare them, analyze them and feel better in the end for the end of it.

 

There are things I do to cheer myself up. It takes time to work. I read spiritual books. I work out. I sit outside and look at nature. I walk. If I personally had people to talk to about deeper feelings, i would but I don't... not really. So grab ahold for those you already have. I find it's my relationships I look forward to each day. Nothing else has ever mattered to me more.

 

When there's no where to go, I always start strangely thinking about God...

[quietgrl]

I might start writing.I need to finally finish my soap opera about me,charlie and moz.I think i need to finally write"the End" on the credits.

[quietgrl]

I would like to thank everybody who posted on this thread.I'm going to try to take a break and not go online.I need to be by myself.I can't help it but i want to shut the world out.I'm tired of sticking my neck out for nothing.Even online people overlook me

[CluelessGuy321]

graaaaaaaaaaaah

 

I am a lonely guy looking for a relationship. Why can I ever find single girls also looking in RL. Gragh >_

[Arrowsmith]

Arrowsmith,

What would be the "ideal" man.A man who will only have sex with me .A man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. A man who wants verbal intimacy before we decided to have intercourse.A man who doesn't think a relationship all about sex.

I have a clerical seasonal job and my hours are differant every week.So my life is pretty boring.

My dream is to create tv show in the future.My virgin life is so boring.I thought i would write about how men over look me.

 

Quietgrl, why do you feel that online people are overlooking you? Your thread seems to have attracted a lot of attention. People here care about you, believe it or not.

 

Thank you for writing about your ideal man. You know, I think a lot of people share your dream. Remember though that different people get into relationships for different reasons, and actual men (as opposed to "ideal men") have their own agendas, which may or may not agree with yours.

 

No one gets into a relationship because they want to help someone in despair - people get into relationships because they want to improve the quality of their own lives. It may sound a little cold, but if you introspect I think you'll find it's true. The way to get a good relationship is, in part, to bring something to the table. Work on yourself and the men will come.

 

I like your TV show idea and I think it would be very successful with your fellow enotalone posters. I'm not so sure about the population at large though...

[quietgrl]

Arrowsmith

Thanks for your post.I'm new to enotalone.So the online people i'm talking about .I befriended on other boards.2 of the people are members on this forum too.

I'm upset.I can count on them at this moment.Both rather post on message board then support me at this time.I'm alway there for people but reality check again.

Thanks for talking to me .I didn't want anybody on this board to thing i meant them.

My goal right now.it just doesn't included people.i'm going to fake smile at work and come home.Nobody going to miss me.So i'm staying by myself again.

again thanks to everybody at enotalone.Everybody has been so nice.Life has to move on.So everybody keep posting