Question for all the dumpees!

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

Hi all, just a quick question. More like a survey I'm conducting, LOL!

 

I'm just wondering, being the dumpee, how did you handle the news? Did you call and beg? Or did you just let it go? And for the guys that have been the dumpee, did it make you want the girl more after realizing you couldn't have her, or did you just let it go and move on?

 

And maybe if you were the dumper, did the person you dump plead for your return or did they go on their merry little way and acted like they didn't care?

 

Thanks all!

[renaissancewoman101]

When my ex told me that he wanted to break up with me, I didnt believe him at first. I didnt think he had the guts in him to do it. Also, at that point in time, I was kind of tired of him. I also thought that he just wanted a break because he had done this breakup thing almost a year to the day before and he came back to me a week later. So, I didnt take it badly at first. After two weeks and I didnt hear anything from him, I started to worry and I called him up and went to talk to him. I begged him to give me another chance and he refused. I then got drunk and had a nasty fight with him, of which I dont remember much of what I did. All I know is that after the fight, my ex was scared of me for a bit and was resolved NOT to get back together with me.

[Lady Bugg]

Hmmmm...I went through phases where I tried to get him to reconsider, but I never begged or pleaded.Because of the nature of the way things played out, I had no choice but to move on completely. I am grateful I did though...I am much better off and much happier

[alteer]

I have never begged anyone for anything. It's not that I haven't wanted to....it's just that my dignity is valuable to me. Far more valuable than any jerk who dumps me anyway.

[renaissancewoman101]

In retrospect, I know it is NOT a good idea to beg a guy to come back to you. The next relationship I have, if the guy dumps me, I aint begging him to come back.

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

Hmm ok let's change the word beg. Let's say, "try to contact." Not necessarily beg, but call after the break up, any form of communication. Were your calls ignored? Did you keep trying? How many tries before you gave up?

[shorty20]

well, my last real big breakup it came out of the blue. Two days before he'd sent me an email about how great I was and how he couldn't wait to see what the future held... then two days later he was sitting in my room tell me he wanted to "take a step back"... he said we could still be friends and that he still wanted to chill. I told him to get out. I didn't talk to him for a week, despite his numerous attempts to contact me. I usually just need a week or two of NC and them I'm over it and moving on to the next chapter in my life. Depending on how serious and how long I was with the bf it could take longer, but I don't jsut go to being friends right away and I deffinatley have never begged or made myself seem needy. Usually that's the reason they break up with you anywayz, because they feel smothered and want their single life back, so why re-confirm their decision by being the "needy girlfriend" that they're trying to escape from? Just my opinion, but I think NC is the best way to go at least at first...

[Dako]

I just accepted it and didn't try to negotiate. It was over.

[Lady Bugg]

Yes, I have contacted an ex....to gain closure...but not to beg him back.

[alteer]

Ok if we are talking 'contact' that's a little different. I contacted him once to find out why he dumped me after ignoring me. And I contacted him again about a week later for some crap excuse......but that's it I aint contacting him again.

[Eric f]

i think it can be equally hard on both ends but it seems the dumpee gets it more in the end..

[bobo85]

When my ex told me she didn't want to be with me...i listened. I tried to get her to re-think things for about 45 mins. But of course she has probably been thinking this through for the past week or two, so there was nothing i could say or do to get her to reconsider.

 

So what did i do? I respected her decision even though i disagreed with her. I let her go and i was forced to move on. I did not beg or crawled back to her ever.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I have never begged anyone for anything. It's not that I haven't wanted to....it's just that my dignity is valuable to me. Far more valuable than any jerk who dumps me anyway.

exactly..I want to say something...but it will do nothing...You just have to stop yourself. Begging is like giving them a confindence boost while they are kicking you to the curb.

 

I never understand that, I understand the strong emotions and pain. It's just that you have to have zero logic when then pain hits you to react like that. Some people just don't care.

 

You will feel even stonger later and happy that you didn't chase them. If you don't care and just tell them bye sometimes they wonder why and you become the dumer.

 

0 purpose in begging.

[Sad_now]

I was dumped in a fit of anger by my ex. I just shrugged my shoulders and did total NC. Soon enough I started getting texts and missed calls from him. I did respond and we were back again. But now not together AGAIN! Now I know that breaking NC wasn't a good idea. When a relationship and communication is healthy, NC or no NC doesn't matter. If NC gets an ex to react, it means that you can play games. Not good. Bottom line, if an ex comes back to you because you did NC, turn your back and RUN. He doesn't want YOU, he wants your attention!

[kellbell]

When I was dumped, I accepted it. True it hurt but never asked any of my ex's to reconsider. I was too stubborn, too proud and humiliated. There was one ex, however...I wished things were diffierent and wanted another try but never came forward and asked. I have never asked an ex back...nor begged. When it was over, it was over. I was hurt, no doubt about that but throughout my life, I have been extremely blessed with an amazing support system. My friends and family.

[Megasadgirl]

Yes I begged and begged and cried. It got me nowhere. How could it when he wants someone else and she is the catalyst for our split? I finally realized this- 2 days ago. I don't beg now. You know what else? I don't feel ashamed or sad that I begged. This was the man I was going to marry and have children with- how could I not beg for him to destroy all of our dreams? Maybe I am weak. I just don't care if that's true. If I thought it would help, I would beg and cry today.... such is life.

[joyce1412]

same for me. my ex broke up with me for good four weeks ago, but for the few weeks before that he had brought up breaking up, with increasing degrees of seriousness each time. i begged, cried, whatever, but i don't regret it because it was what i felt at the time. i think i would have felt regret if i hadn't fought for my relationship--an amazing relationship, i felt. and in the final weeks i did my very best not to contribute to our problems, i tried really hard for us.

 

however, in the final, decisive breakup call, i took it very well. i understood that there would be no take-backs at that point...he was very detached and cold in the way he did it, so it was pretty easy to understand that we were done. so no pleading then. and no pleading since, either. i've done complete NC aside for a short text message about getting my stuff back. and, of course, there will be no pleading in the future either. i understand now that it truly won't get me anywhere and that i need to suck it up, be a big girl, and get back to being fabulous.

[triggerfish1968]

Relationship #1: she gave me a letter, took a week for me to break down and cry (very nasty experience). Felt like I lost everything important to me. Then she went from "finding herself" to blaming me for every little thing imaginable. Not only did I beg, I grovelled and lost any pride that I had. The only thing that did was for her to heap more scorn on me. That is the worst thing a human being can do to themselves, to try and throw away their identity (self value).

 

Relationship #2: remember the important lessons learned from previous break up, did not beg. Became rather defensive and had the attitude of fine, I can move on. This also has rather negative effects as if the couple get back together, the dumper feels that you can turn your feelings off on a wim.

 

Conclusion: acknowledge their feelings, without taking undeserved blame for things. Be diplomatic and rational if possible about explaining your side of the relationship.

[nicorette]

i begged. i cried. i wrote him a letter. id even try to use sex as trying to get him back (we never actualyl did it) but yes, i did. i havent begged since a week after we broke up, and weve been broken up for about a month. hes unsure fo whether hed like to go out with me again. i definetly regret begging and should have went strict NC. or if i couldtn do that then at least LC at hte minimum.

[mikeca]

yeah right away I did all the crazy stuff we tend to do when our broken hearts guide us. Then I shaped up and began NC at first I was like i'll take her back in a second but now I have my sense of self back. She will have to show me she really wants me back before I show any type of feelings again

[joyce1412]

good for you mike. and even if she comes groveling...don't forget what you just said!

[sukerbut]

i am ashamed to say it..i tried getting her back for 6 motnhs...its funny casue the first 2 months after the break..i was good, but i guess i could not deal with the friendship part...i mean this chick broke myheart 3 times in 5 years with no mercy each time, and i was goign to be friends with her after we discussed marrieage etc..so then i went to i cant believe its over mode..and try winnign ehr back through masterfully written letters and e-mails..that self distructed in ym face..lol..never again..so yea i beggede and pleaded , but i really dont care , i really am not ashamed of myself...i fell deeply in love, this one in my sick warped head was the one...its hard to just give up on something that is so special to you, plus i know my self worth..it helped me get everyhting off my chest, i said what i had to say...the truth is if i did not find out she moved in with her new man i still would of had foolish hope...but that news liberated me..i am really feelign good now. how does that song go? Everybody plays the fool sometime ...

[eleanorrigby1]

Now this is something that I have no experience with - begging, asking, crying, showing my pain. My mother is very stereotypically British, i was brought up with "never show them that you are hurt, EVER" and so I became quite hardened - externally!

 

I remember one time a boyfriend rang me while I was getting ready to go out with him to the pictures, my mum laughs about it, she said she heard me answer the phone and say "hello? yes, oh alright then, bye!" and I hung up, she said "Who was that?" and I said matter of factly "It was **** he just finished with me" then I put my shoes on and said "I'm still going to the pictures, I'll go and ask Jackie" and that was that.

 

When my most recent ex dumped me though, it was out of the blue. He had been round the night before, I had cooked for him and we said goodnight, I love you, to each other. Anyway the next day he came to meet me for lunch and he just sat in front of me cold as steel and he said "I really like you, but...." I said "You dont love me?" he said "Im not INlove with you.." I remember feeling this sharp pain inside my chest and I couldnt breathe properly, I was certain this was the worst pain I had ever felt, or would ever feel in my life.

 

I lit a cigarette slowly, I sipped my drink, he watched me and I said "oh okay then" I stopped and said "can I ask why? I mean, I figure we havent ever argued and I havent done anything wrong?" he said "I have tried, I have really tried but I couldnt, I just cant.." I said "well I have to go because I cant really sit here with you much longer" I dimped my cigarette out and I stood up, I looked past him, and said "bye then" I heard him start to cry, (out of pity probably) and I walked away, my head held high. I was pretending it didnt matter, but my legs were buckling. I walked to my brother's office, I rang him from the reception, he came downstairs and I said "we need to talk outside" we went into the street, down a side street, once I was sure there was no one else around, I fell to my knees and I sobbed so hard I vomited all over my brother's shoes, He held me and I cried mascara all over his white shirt, I was crying, vomiting, shaking, unable to speak. Then I stopped and I got my phone out of my bag deleted all my text messages and his number out of my phone and I went home.

 

I got home, I found everything that would remind me of him and I threw it away. Then I went to my friends and we drank about four bottles of wine and I smoked about a hundred cigs.

 

That was two and a half years ago and I have never seen, spoken to, bumped into anything, in that whole time, from that moment I walked out of the pub.

 

Every now and again a song comes on the radio that reminds me and I feel like I might cry, even though I have someone new. I realise I am not crying over him, Im crying because someone didnt love me, and thats always a had pill to swallow, but I would never have let him know that he hurt me and about two months later he bumped into one of my friends and he said to her "Hows [insert my name]?" My friend said "oh she's great yeah, started a college course ... she's moved out, got her own place now...doing well" he said "To be honest, ive had a bit of a bruised ego, kinda hurt me that she didnt give a * * * *!" my friend laughed and said "oh you know what she's like! *** the only thing that hurts her, is spilling her last glass of wine!"

 

I love knowing that he thought he meant nothing. I dont think he is important enough to know that for the best part of a year he almost destroyed me.

[Arielle]

I make myself laugh when I think of this. My mostly cyber friend dumped me over 2 months ago by writing a very short, almost cryptic email. I wrote a slightly longer message back, and one of the things I asked for was clarification. It sounds like "Gee, what part of 'get lost and don't come back' didn't I understand?" He of course didn't write that to me, but I almost wish he did. There wouldn't have been any doubt in my mind of how he felt about me.

 

When I received the message it really shook me up, more than I ever expected. It took me a few hours to write a reply back to him. I felt physically ill. I wanted to write more to him, or write him back a few days later, but I couldn't. For the first time in my life I had writer's block. I guess NC wasn't as big of an issue as I thought it was. I really don't think I could have written anything meaningful to him until a few weeks ago.