I'm from Argentina. Please I need HELP! 4 years relationship...

[Romi]

Hello! First of all I'm glad to found this page. It helps a lot to see that I'm not alone in this painfull break up situation.

I been with mi ex boifriend for 4 years and 3 months. The first 3 years were incredible!!!! We were together or calling eachother all day and he was the sweetest person in the world. He take care of me and love me with such of passion that I couldn't believe that I found such a perfect person. I have emails from him that look like poetry. And also we had an account were we save money for marriage and everything.

The problems start in the beginning of the 3rd year. His mom's got sick. She started to get to the hospital allmost all the time. I was there for him but I'm in college and I didn't want to leave that. So I went to the hospital when I didn't have to go to college. Anyway, he started to act strange to me. And one time he told me that he thinks that I didn't care about his mom at all. So I started to been there for him more often or call him more often to show him that I really care. But this wasn´'t enough. The realtionship started to go down. He strart to shout at me and trat me like sh*t. I couldn't believe his change!! Then he apologize to me saing that he was having a really bad time, and I forgave him. This situation went on and on for over one year. I stayed with him because I felt he needs me and he wasn't really like this.

Ok, after 4 years and 2 months his mom died. He was devastated. He started not calling me and not seen eachother. Then he ask me time to think and to find himsef. he said that he didn't understand what was happening and that he didn't know what were his feelings to me. He went on vacations and went to Punta Cana.

When he came back he told me that he wants to break up with me. That he couldn't be with none one because he's really down, really blue. I ask him if he loved me and he said I don't know. He said he miss me but he can't be with me eather. He said he feels that he gave me more than I gave him in this 4 years and when he needs me I wasn't there for him. He said all his feelings were hide because of what happened with is mom. He couldn't feel anything.

I couldn't accept this. So I satarted to call him, to email him to see what was the real reason he left me.

He said that I was selfish, that I only think in me and I didn't think in his needs in such a difficult time like this. I didn't know how to act... I keep insisting and then I started with NC. It's been only 9 days but is the hardest thing I ever done in my life. This is hell.

I also think that I'm leaving him alone in the worst part of his life and I feel guilty because of it, but he won't let me be with him. What can I do?

I'm a very religious person and I think that God is going to help me. I ask him to give back my man. I also think that he's punishing me for something I done and I need to think about this situation. I need to learn from this situation.

I can't help but think that he will come back and this is not good for me because I can't move on.

I try to get out with my friends and have fun but when I'm there i keep questioning me "what the hell I'm doing here"

Please I need advice. Is ok to make NC with him? The other way, the swetest way I tried in the past didn't work. What can I do?

 

Thanks for listen and I'm sorry for my bad english!!!

Romina

[RayKay]

Romi,

 

I moved your thread to it's own thread so that the original thread can stay on topic and you can get more replies.

 

Thanks!

[Mun]

Hola Romi,

I don't know how much good it would do to try and talk to him again, but that would be my suggestion. I know NC is very hard and I agree that it might not be the best thing to do right now since he is grieving his mom and feels like you were not there for him.

 

This is what I would do :

I would go see him one last time ( maybe take him something he loves to eat?) and in the sweetest way tell him that I understand that maybe I failed him because I had my own things going on at the same time he was going through this with his mom. That there is probably nothing I can do now to fix that but that I am here for him should he want to talk and he can call me at anytime, but I will give him the space he needs because that is what he has asked for now. That I do love him and maybe I was mistaken before, but I will be here if he needs me.

 

That's what I have, maybe someone else has a better idea.

 

Good luck.

[DN]

I agree with Mun's suggestion. He is going to be ultra-sensitive right now and may need a bit more slack cut for him that would be normal.

[Stinkweed]

Hello Romi,

 

I'm very sorry to hear something like that happened to you. You sound like you were very caring and maybe he just didn't see it... But it doesn't mean you didn't support him... Do you know what I mean? Well, I agree with Mun on this one. You should talk to him one last time just to clear the air... I think he seems to be very confused and might need time to grieve. Maybe you could try to find out what he really wants... If it doesn't work out, then you'll be able to move on.

 

By the way, I am Venezuelan and I know spanish, so if you need any help or anything, solo dimelo, ok? Best wishes.

[Romi]

Hey Ray Kay, thanks to move my tread. I didn't know how to do it. And thanks to everyone for your answers.

 

My current situation is no contact for allmost 3 weeks. He called me last week but I didn't answer. A friend of mine told me to do that. Just show him that I wasn't expecting his call. The problem is he neves called back and he didn't left a message...

 

The question here is, do I send an email to him? Because yesterday was 3 months that his mom died so I don't want him to think that I didn't care.

My situation is diferent than the other people here because his mom died and I feel really gilty of letting him alone righ now (altough he ask me to). He used to tell me that his pain was so strong that he can't keep on living...

 

What do I do? Do I have to stay with NC??

Please I will be waiting for some advice.

 

Besos!

Romi

[bacci]

Romi hola,

Llamalo por el aniversario. This is a special circumstance and it seems like the stress about his mother's health problems did take a toll in your relationship. You can move back to NC or LC (limited contact) but I would check on him.

B

[Romi]

Well, It's been 3 month's that my ex bf and I broke up. My ex-bf mothers died and after that he dump me. We been dating for 4 years in a wonderful relation. It's been almost 3 months that she passed away and 3 weeks that we decided that we are not togheter anymore.

Last week I was on my way to work (I work in a bank here in Argentina), and I saw him in his car with a girl, kissing her. This was a shok for me because when we broke up he told me he was so depresed because of his mom that he could'n be in any relationship at the moment... I asked him if he was with someone else and he say no.

After I saw him with this girl, I call him and I saw him look at his cell phone, and when he saw that it was me, he didn't answer it. Then, when I was at the office I call him again and he answer. I was so upset! I told him that he was a liar, that I regret the 4 years we been together (he said he wasn't), and I was lucky to not married him. He told me he sorry that I found that he was with someone else that way. He also said she was nothing to him, that she doesn't exist. That he meet her last week at a birthay party. So that's even worse. I told him that he's a bad person because be prefers to be with someone else that is nothing to him that fight for our relationship.

 

Anyway, we didn't end the conversation in good terms. I feel betrayed. I feel that I can't trust anyone else in the future. I don't think I will ever fall in love again! The mornings are hell because I still miss him and that hurts. Also because I'm letting him go. I have no hope anymore...

 

The question here is: How can a person forget about everything and be with another person so soon? I mean, he doesn't have a heart at all.

 

I was worried about him because he lost his mother, and he was meeting another girl at a club?

 

I been in enotalone for 2 months and I think that my story is the worse. I can't believe he did this to me.

 

I dont undestand why do I have to see him with this girl. I can't take that picture out of my head. I think that God have something to do with it. HE wanted me to know who I was with. Also I don't undestand why after 4 years of been together talking and seen eachother every day, we don't have the rigth to call or seen ower exes anymore. We have to pretend they are death... Isn't that crazy??

 

Of course I'm doing NC for ever! But I still think a lot about him. This is driving me nuts!

 

Thanks for listen. Everyone on this site has benn amazing!!

 

Romina

[Stinkweed]

definitively go NC. This guy sounds like a dirtbag to me.... I'm very sorry he had to do this to you, but don't feel bad. Look at it this way: you got rid of that piece of human trash for good finally. He's not worth your precious time and he doesn't deserve you either. Best of luck for you. Cuidate.

[triggerfish1968]

First of all God is not punishing you for anything you have done. He is there for you always, to give you strength to learn from your loss and betrayal. Look to the good, what lessons learned about your character. How devoted you were and the energy you gave forth in his time of need. You did not fail him, he failed himself to accept your compassion. Have pride in yourself for your actions. You can not save a drowning man who wishes not to save himself as he will only drag you down as well. Maybe God lead you to find out about his conduct to protect you from heartach down the road.

[Stinkweed]

First of all God is not punishing you for anything you have done. He is there for you always, to give you strength to learn from your loss and betrayal. Look to the good, what lessons learned about your character. How devoted you were and the energy you gave forth in his time of need. You did not fail him, he failed himself to accept your compassion. Have pride in yourself for your actions. You can not save a drowning man who wishes not to save himself as he will only drag you down as well. Maybe God lead you to find out about his conduct to protect you from heartach down the road.

 

I agree. If anything, God is punishing him because he'll no longer be able to be with you, because he doesn't deserve you.

[Romi]

Wow thank's for the answers. This site is been very helpful.

Later I had hope to bring him back, now I have hope to find the one.

I think is very true that you learn from the bad moments and you grow a lot. It's very dificult to accept what happened right now but for all the people here on enotalone, it's very important to think that this is not the last love of our life. It is not the best either. The best we can do is heal, because the best is yet to come. I'm sure!!

[Abcd2girl]

No, you don't want him back. He doesn't deserve you. You sound like a very caring person, and you will find someone who truly appreciates you. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I really believe everything happens for a reason, and going through this will put you on a new path in life and anything can happen there.

[Mun]

Wow I didn't expect to hear this as I'm sure you didn't expect to see this happen. There could be so many reasons that things happened as they did and I'm really sorry you are hurting. I understand how you must feel after all the time you were in a relationship with him -to come down to this.

 

What is left is for you to work through your loss of the relationship and have faith that there is someone out there who is right for you, this guy was not it or he would have fought for the relationship as you said. Un hombre que te quiere no te olvida tan facilmente, asi lo creo yo.

 

Take good care of yourself and we are here for you too.