abusive boyfriend on and off 5 years

[TrappedScaredAlone]

I am over with Tony....he is the least of my problems now. All that crying Ive been doing over him was because I was getting over him. Does anybody have any advice on my being stuck in the house issue and having no friends issue????

[Beyondthesea]

Join a club of some sort, pound the pavement for jobs, write in a journal, take baths, find a free counseling agency, make a scrapbook, take a free course from your city, go walking, to the gym.

 

Then phone the places you've applied to. If you really want a job, you should be applying to at least 10 places per day. Ask if the positions are filled, if not ask to speak to someone in human resources and see if they are still considering you.

 

Right now you are very brainwashed and in pain. This will not be forever.

 

Make solutions to your problems and help yourself through this. You can do it girl!

[Hope75]

Hey Trapped,

 

Can your mother drop you off in the town area of where you live? Then apply at every place possible and make those phone calls! Once you are working it will get easier. Why aren't/weren't you working before?

 

Keep exercising, READ (it's good exercise for your brain!) sign up for a class if you can (once you get a job and some $) But the big thing is looking for employment- do at least 3-5 applications a day, lots of places let you apply online, so do a monster search for that as well and see what you can come up with!

 

As for the dating situation, maybe taking some time off from men to heal and clear your head is an order, since you JUST broke it off with an abusive man a few days ago. What do you think?

[Lita43]

Hi Hon,

I know you feel like crap right now, but things will get better as time goes on and even though it's not easy, you made the right choice!!!

Sooooooooooooo, your parents won't let you use their vehichles???

Maybe they are just doing this in protectance of you right now and don't want you going back to the abuser.

Have you talked to at least your Mom about this???

Would they or do you think they would let you use one if you got a job???

I was stuck in the country for years and just learned to go out for a walk and think for myself.

Notice all of God's beauty and creations? Are you just walking through the forest and not seeing the trees?

Remember that the smallest things in life are the most important and when you are feeling most hurt or confused, there is solice in the smallest things in this universe and will learn that much more!!!

God is with you, so just reach out and see all of the gifts that have been given!!!

Just accept and not deny!!!

Listen to a river or creeks water rushing by, the wind and poetry in the trees, the birds singing a happy song and the endless heaven's above your head.

What God has given will heal your heart and soul, but you just have to reach out and accept it! Just listen, as he gave us all the tools we need!!!

You will find your true passage in life and though it won't be easy, you have the fight and spirit to succeed!

Keep letting us know how it goes and will pray for you more!

 

Always, Lita~ XO

 

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The People I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The One I Can and The Wisdom To Know It's Me!

 

Quote: "A Day You Don't Learn Anything New Is A Day Wasted!" Lita~

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Hey Trapped,

 

Can your mother drop you off in the town area of where you live? Then apply at every place possible and make those phone calls! Once you are working it will get easier. Why aren't/weren't you working before?

 

Keep exercising, READ (it's good exercise for your brain!) sign up for a class if you can (once you get a job and some $) But the big thing is looking for employment- do at least 3-5 applications a day, lots of places let you apply online, so do a monster search for that as well and see what you can come up with!

 

As for the dating situation, maybe taking some time off from men to heal and clear your head is an order, since you JUST broke it off with an abusive man a few days ago. What do you think?

Hey! I haven't been able to find work.....this area is like a beachtown if ya know what i mean! The towns around here are really spread out but she can drive me if I find a place thats hiring.

About the dating thing....yeah I agree and I already have made a list of what I want in a man (when I am ready for one!), which is great isnt it? haha. One thing I dont get is...why he has friends and I dont? And GET THIS....he is already hooking up with this girl who has a BABY. I think he's really desperate or something....but comeon...it's only been three days! I don't get it...why he gets somebody to love already and people to support him (his friends)? And I get no friends!? Ahhh more confusion! And of course he has to put it online so I see everything thats going on!!

[Hope75]

Perhaps checking up on him online is a bad idea. First off, all it does is upset you, second, he probably knows you read it, so he's likely embellishing to make you upset/jealous- another tactic to get you to come back.

 

There must be something you can do for work! Have you ever worked? What happened? I'm sure at this stage in your life you must want to work to provide some cash for yourself, and to eventually consider moving out from under your parents' authority. It's hard living at home as an adult! ( I moved back home at 23 after I left my abusive ex for a few years).

 

It was a great idea to make a list of the things you'd like in a man when the time is right- just give yourself some breathing room before you jump right in with someone new. It takes time to recover from abuse like you have suffered, and it's not fair to you or another guy to bring all that baggage with you, so give yourself some time to work it out.

 

You have friends, here! Are you saying that you have NO friends? How about friends from high school, a previous job?

[Daddy Bear]

GET THIS....he is already hooking up with this girl who has a BABY.

 

good, you won't have to worry about him. amazing that he 'met' somebody that fast, isn't it? i just feel bad for the girl and the baby...

[TrappedScaredAlone]

good, you won't have to worry about him. amazing that he 'met' somebody that fast, isn't it? i just feel bad for the girl and the baby...

Yeah I dont understand....wait maybe I do....he's a good liar and my parents even said he can be charming, in the beginning. Their both desperate anyways. Yeah at least he will leave me alone while he's distracted with her. I am only jealous of his friends, he has them and I don't. Well I know I do have you guys on here for right now and I dO appreciate all that everyone has done for me here!!

[TrappedScaredAlone]

yes i have worked since i was 13 until christmas of 2005 when i was fired because i requested xmas eve off 2 months in advance and they scheduled me to work that day and i refused. YES I really want a job, actually I have an interview tomorrow at 2:30!!

I guess the reason why I checked up on him online is because Im used to protecting him and shielding him from other girls, I am a CANCER(zodiac sign) which is a mothering, nurturing, protective sign. He had a beautiful wonderful woman(me) but he messed it up over and over and over time after time again.....well you guys know what happened and thats why we can never be together again. I dont even know if we could ever be friends sometime in the future, or if that would even be an okay idea or not!?

My PLAN is to work hard all summer, get a car and move out soon!!

[Hope75]

Hey Girl,

 

You are right, he HAD a wonderful girl and he threw that away.

 

I would NOT try to be friends with him. Someone who did what he did to you has NO place in your life- even as a friend. Do you think a friend would treat you as he has? NO WAY.

 

It's not worth allowing people who treat us poorly to be involved in our lives. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

 

How's the job search going?

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Hey....i would say its going great considering i have a job interview at 2:30 tomorrow I really hope I get this job because I will be able to bike to work!! ANd the pay starts around $8.00-$8.50/hour! Today has been another tough day though.....I don't know why it upsets me that he already has these girls that want him and he is already talking to them on the phone. I cried it out and feel a little better now.....but as you all said, it is going to take TIME to heal and support!

[Beyondthesea]

Good for you I'm so glad to hear that you have an interview tomorrow!

 

Be sure to smile, sit up straight and be personable (shake hands, etc)

 

That will be a great opportunity for you to start out and get some experience.

 

It will take time but you will feel better. First you have to resume your life and feel more comfortable in it

[Hope75]

Hey....i would say its going great considering i have a job interview at 2:30 tomorrow I really hope I get this job because I will be able to bike to work!! ANd the pay starts around $8.00-$8.50/hour! Today has been another tough day though.....I don't know why it upsets me that he already has these girls that want him and he is already talking to them on the phone. I cried it out and feel a little better now.....but as you all said, it is going to take TIME to heal and support!

Hey Girl,

 

That's WONDERFUL news! Congrats and I just know you will ace that interview. To boot, you will get your exercise biking to work!

 

You know why your ex is chasing all these women?

 

#1 He's trying to make you jealous and hurt you more,

 

#2 These women don't really know what he's like yet and if one should fall into his trap she will soon enough be right where you were, at the receiving end of his fist.

 

My ex began dating shortly after me and he ended up marrying her and they had a baby. I keep in touch with a mutual friend and so I know that he beats his wife and that his friends have staged an intervention to try and get him to stop and get help, but it backfired on them. And now they have a little girl.... I fear for her and I am sad for his wife too. BUT... I know that I can't control that, and the MOST important thing that I did was to REMOVE MYSELF from that situation. I had to take care of me. My ex did not change, and yours isn't likely to either.

 

Perhaps the next girl he abuses will have him put in jail where he belongs.image removed

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Hi Hope and everyone! Well I had the interview today and he said he will call me by wednesday or if he doesnt, for me to call him! I think Im getting the job! YAY! I wish I had some friends or just one friend to hang out with on this lonely friday night and celebrate though

Oh well....Im trying not to cry. I KNOW I shouldn't be looking at my ex's profile online but now there's girls on there saying that they kissed him. So he's a big player now. I used to be the only girl he had sex with and I guess now I'm not, or soon won't be. I don't really know WHY I even CARE about this or why this bothers me? I guess maybe Im just used to him only wanting me and kind of obsessing over me since I was 15 and now it has came as a shock to me. It sucks because I dont have anyone to keep my mind off of him, not even a friend. It is REALLY hard doing this (almost) all alone! I don't and won't ever go out with him again but what can I do to help with these feelings of may I say jealousy? I think Im so used to him always and only wanting me for so long I kind of took it for granted. And now all these girls think he's hot, etc. He's suckering them in just like he did to me when we first went out, but that was soooo long ago (it seems) when we were 15, well he was 16. I wanna cry, I think Im a creature of habit or something because I think I got attached to him and kind of accustomed to him treating me like that over the years....it just became 'normal' to me. I dont know what to do with myself, its friday night, im home alone with my parents watching tv in the other room while im on the computer here....nobody to talk to. I JUST broke the news of this whole situation to that guy Jay that I mentioned earlier, the one who's in love with me and he didn't take it too lightly. jay's mother just got sent to the insane asylum/mental house(or whatever u call it), so jay's dealing with that and then I just dumped all of this on him....you see jay was waiting for me and rich to break up so me and jay could be together and i just told jay that i am not ready for a relationship right now. Jay didnt SAY anything to me, but he left abrubtly after saying he was going to go have a smoke and break his hand Now jay hasn't come back online for about an hour now...Im worried about jay. I dont know if I should call jay or not, I don't really know what to say. I DO care about jay and I think I do still love jay...it's hard because we havent seen each other since June 25th, 2005 and i have just been through all this crap with rich and before that i went out with tony who i mentioned earlier. AHHHHHH!!! I did offer to help Jay out with his mother gone into the mental house and all, his mother had an apartment and five cats....so now its up to Jay and his sister to take care of it all. But he refused my help, I think he's mad at me. I think Im going to go call him after 9pm cuz I have unlimited minutes on my cell phone then.....he needs somebody to talk to and I do too. Sorry for all the rambling.......Needed somebody to ramble to!

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Did you have similar feelings as Im having when you found out that your ex started dating shortly after you guys broke up? But I doubt it was as shortly after as my ex has started dating. The first DAY after we broke up, his profile was back online with girls wanting him almost immediately. He's not even that attractive, once they get him naked they might be scared off though........he has huge bad stretch marks all over his stomach, many other scars, rotting teeth(holes in them) and lots of scars from pimples all over his body....but whatever that really doesnt matter, i was dating him for his personality and the memories we made together and that kind of stuff.........

But I do believe he belongs in jail...he has a very unstable hot temperament but he can be charming and very sincere in the beginning. He is even on probation right now for terrorizing a 17 year old.....he could go to jail for possessing alcohol or pot...and he has both, his dad even deals! I dont know why he has such good luck...I simply JUST DO NOT GET IT!!! ARGHHHH sooo much frustration and I cant leave the house, this really sucks! ](*,)

[Hope75]

Hi Trapped,

 

Honestly, no I didn't care when he started dating after we broke up. I was just happy to be away from him. Your ex dating already just a few days after you broke up shows you (again) how little he valued you and the relationship. He does not know how to love someone else or care about someone else. Right now he's so dysfunctional he has no idea what it means to care for others.

 

It's not abnormal that you feel a little sad, but keep reminding yourself that he's not your problem anymore and he will treat the next girl and the one after her just like he treated you- and be glad you are not in their shoes any more.

 

Thats AWESOME about the job!! You will let us know, won't you?

 

I've got my fingers crossed for you! I think once you get working again, you will open the door to meet new friends and get out there again.image removed

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Hey everyone! Im feeling much better. Although strangely enough, I keep having lucid dreams about my other ex, Tony, who treated me like gold but Im afraid he's gone forever because of what I did to him. I really can't blame him since I don't know if I could forgive someone who cheated on me either. But thats in the past now. I kinda like these dreams where everything seems real and I can have a conversation with him....since I don't talk to him anymore and I kinda wish I could. Well yesterday(Saturday) I had so much fun! I hung out with this guy named Jay that I went out with before, I havent seen him since June 25th, 2005! I forgot how hilarious he is and happy he makes me! I haven't been that happy or laughed that much probably since I went out with Tony in January 2006. It was a great relief to get out of the house and hang out with someone else besides my family for the first time since me and Rich broke up! We had so much fun together, with all the huge puddles from all the rain and driving, we went to the mall(he hadn't been since july 2005), went to mcdonalds (hey we're not going out lol), went to newbury comics, looked at the ocean, sat in a flooded out parking lot (lol) and played thumb wars and had a poking/tickling contest. oh yeah lol it was bunches of fun! i think i am ready to move on and im glad i had about a week to recover and get back on my feet. I wasn't sure If I still loved him because I hadnt seen him in SO long, but I could definitely feel my feelings coming back for him the more i hung out with him. We listened to country music together...rich hated country music and would complain everytime i listened to it and made fun of it. So that was a treat lol. WELL just wanted to give ya an update on that haha.

[Beyondthesea]

I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better now girly. You don't deserve to be treated so poorly and you are such a good person.

 

You can do it honey, you can move on and have a fun, happy and fulfilling life!

[Hope75]

Hey Trapped,

 

How are you doing?

 

Did you get the job?

 

Just wanted to see how you were, since we haven't heard from you in a little bit?

 

Hope all is well!

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Im ok...I am so frustrated. It honestly seems that since I broke up with the abusive ex, everything has been going wrong and I have had such bad luck. Like he put a curse on me or something!! Seriously, I had much better luck when I was with him! I did not get the job, he hired somebody else It really stinks cuz I could easily rode my bike to work! It seems EVERY time I get my hopes up, nothing pulls through for me. I honestly have never felt this way before that I am cursed. My ex's religion is Wiccan and he has always had good luck. I know my parents keep telling me not to give up....but I am sick of NOT working!!! My parents won't let me borrow money to buy a car until I GET a job and then it's going to sit in the driveway until I pay them back in full. AHHH and there's only like 5 places around here that I could ride my bike too....Ive already applied at all of them and no luck!! I have a headache and am getting really fed up with this rut I have been in since I broke up with my abusive ex. I thought I was doing a good thing. IT's like God or someone is telling me I shouldn't of broken up with him cuz now everything's going to crap

[Hope75]

Do your parents work? Maybe you could get a ride into town with them in the morning look for work. Don't give up- you are 20 and should really have a job so that you can work towards more independance.

 

This has nothing to do with your ex, you are just feeling the stress. Trust me when I say that it is NOT lucky to be with someone who beats you up.

[Daddy Bear]

IT's like God or someone is telling me I shouldn't of broken up with him

or maybe someone is tellling you that the RIGHT thing to do isn't always the EASIEST thing to do.

[Beyondthesea]

I agree with slightlybent. It's hard, but you know what? It's worth it.

 

When I broke up with my ex it seemed everything went wrong for a while after. I think it's because you are so full of nerves and upset feelings that more minor things are noticeable, plus you are looking for 'signs' if you have done the right thing.

 

He abused you, he tore you down. You did everything right. The sign that you did the right thing is that he was abusive. No regrets and move on.

 

As for working, don't be so easily discouraged. I've applied for hundreds of jobs in my life and worked at about 5. You have to be persistent. And if nothing else you should be volunteering somewhere right now to get out of the house.

[Daddy Bear]

As for working, don't be so easily discouraged. I've applied for hundreds of jobs in my life and worked at about 5.

ah, my "one in a hundred" formula in action! 100 applications=at least one job. 100 shy smiles=at least one non-abusive boyfriend.

[TrappedScaredAlone]

Hello everybody! I just wanted to let everyone know that today would make the third week since me and Rich(the abusive ex) have been broken up. I have decided that you need lots of time to heal from things like this, so I am just dating around for a while. I am not going to jump into another relationship until I feel completely comfortable and secure and safe and happy with that person. I am doing good, still applying for jobs, and getting more interest now that summer is practically here now!! I thank everybody again for listening, talking to me and giving advice and their support!!!!!! I would of most likely still of been in that very unhealthy relationship if it wasn't for all you great people! Take care everyone!