Used to be shy, not anymore!

[Cougar_20]

It's been a long journey from my shy akward high school days, but I'm here to say that you can change! I never had a girlfiend in high school, mostly because i was so shy around them and fell into the friend zone all the time. Finally after my freshman year of college I got into a relationship with a girl, but she had a lot of problems. She had a history of cheating, drugs, and so on, but for some reason I didnt think i could do any better, so I settled. And I was with her for 3 years, until you guessed it, i caught her cheating on me. The day that I caught her cheating on me was the best day of my life.

 

Shortly after that, I moved back down to school in an apartment all by myself. Since it was my 5th year of college, many of my friends had moved away or started to settle down with their significant others. I was all alone in a town where I hardly knew anyone, and was still grieving from the break up. I officially hit rock bottom.

 

One day I woke up and decided that I was gong to do whatever i had to do to change my life around. I was going to break out of this shyness and develop a strong sense of confidence. People had always said that I was attractive, but I never could "attract" a girl. I just couldn't figure out why. So I scouered the internet, and found two pieces of advice that really changed my life for the better.

 

The first was to get a job where you work around a lot of people and are forced to talk to them. So even though it was against my being, I decided to get a part time job waiting tables. It was one of the hardest things in the world to do at first, but it completely helped me to overcome my shyness. Even though you are serving people, it still allows you to approach all different kinds of people, including good looking girls, and you realize that it really isn't that bad. It also helped me vastly improve my communcation skills with people.

 

The second was a website that i stumbled upon that started delivering weekly newsletters to my email. Some of you will know who I'm talking about.These newsletters pretty much said that if you are confident, a little cocky, and funny with a girl, they will be putty in your hands. At first I thought it was complete BS, but I figured, what the hell, ill give it a try. Well to my surprise, it worked like magic. Who would have thought that teasing and being kinda mean to girls in a joking manner would have such a huge effect on them. Before long, just about every girl that I worked with wanted to get with me. I couldn't believe it.

 

After I graduated in december, I felt like a new man. Shortly after, I moved in with my childhood best friend, along with two of his friends and had the time of my life. From January to August I literally dated dozens of women, and now I was the picky one. No more feeling desperate, no more feeling like I couldn't do any better. I was happy with myself for the first time in my life.

 

In August, right around the one year anneversary of my last breakup, I found a girl worthy of me and my time. She is everything that I want in a girl, and being with her these last 9 months has been amazing.

 

The whole point of this post is that you can change your life around if you are shy and lack self confidence, but you have to take control of your life. Stop feeling sorry for youself and do something about it!

[monsieur]

thanks for the inspirational post, helps those of us that try and stay hopeful

[ehm doubleyou]

I love these type of posts....It is not just for shy people but for anyone wanting to change their life.

[DropToZero]

good post man, I also had the same sort of thing. I've gotten over mine to a certain point, but I would LOVE to become better at it. Like you had said, get a job where you are forced to meet and talk to people(because I've got a job where you see the same 25 people every day). Yeah, I'm comfortable with them, but I've been trying to get a second job like you had where I have to meet and talk with random people because I want to be even better at it. I want to be able to approach anyone, and I think a job like that would help me...too bad almost every time I've applied at one, they all want "someone with experience"...it's getting really annoying...no one will train anyone any more...even though I pick up just about anything very quickly. Maybe you know how I could possibly convince a supervisor or manager to hire me? How did you get your job?

[Kevin T]

I agree. Excellent advice.

 

Of course, notwithstanding, you must bear in mind that even if one does change their base personality, there will always be the occasional situational factor which may hinder things from progressing smoothly, from time to time.

[monsieur]

also good point Kevin

 

I myself have improved way over what I was like in high school and college, I can talk to beautiful girls etc. but it is quick to fall back into nerves and stress on occasion, like if the conversation lulls or something.... the deep down personality trait of shyness and nonconfidence are pretty deep rooted, you can learn to work around it 99% of the time I think, but it is still there deep down, whereas a true extrovert that was like that from preschool age seem to have no worries or cares right from their root, and these are the most socially successful people it seems.

[Dating Coach]

thanks for the inspirational post, helps those of us that try and stay hopeful

 

The point of his post monsieur isn't that he was hopeful, it's that he was active in changing his fortune. He finally said, "enough is enough" and CHANGED his life through force of will. He didn't sit and hope for change, HE did it.

[tylercdurden2004]

I agree. Excellent advice.

 

Of course, notwithstanding, you must bear in mind that even if one does change their base personality, there will always be the occasional situational factor which may hinder things from progressing smoothly, from time to time.

Its not changing your base personality its changing your outlook and more importantly your behaviour. You can still be a gentleman, care for other people, etc etc. But you are display behaviours that people find attractive.

[Kevin T]

It goes like this:

 

Change your thoughts ---> Which change your beliefs ---> Which change your actions ---> Which change your feelings ---> Which change your habits (and you finally begin to act with confidence and self-worth).

[tylercdurden2004]

It goes like this:

 

Change your thoughts ---> Which change your beliefs ---> Which change your actions ---> Which change your feelings ---> Which change your habits (and you finally begin to act with confidence and self-worth).

 

Thats pretty much it!

[jumper]

Thats great inspiration! I myself was extremely shy until I was called upon to be an Army recruiter a few years ago. I had to swim or drown. It was my career on the line. When I first got to my duty site, I had a seasoned recruiter take me to the local mall, he pointed to a cashier at a clothing store and told me to go over there, introduce myself and ask her is she liked short men (I am only 5'5). I was like "he cant be serious". He just told me to go and do it. I did it, and to my surprise, she laughed and gave me her number. After that it was all gravy for the rest of my time on that assignment. I have never dated so many women. The downside to that is that when I got back to my regular job, I began to lose some of what I had learned and began becoming shy again. I know what I have to do because I have learned it once. Its just going to take some self determination. Just do it!

Just my experience

[Cougar_20]

I agree. Excellent advice.

 

Of course, notwithstanding, you must bear in mind that even if one does change their base personality, there will always be the occasional situational factor which may hinder things from progressing smoothly, from time to time.

 

Definitely didn't change my base personality, just learned how to communicate better. My personality may have changed to other people, but I remained the same because most of the things that I say now are things that I wanted to say before, but was too shy to. If anything changed, it may have been my ability to flirt with girls, but I don't see that as a bad thing!

[DropToZero]

Definitely didn't change my base personality, just learned how to communicate better. My personality may have changed to other people, but I remained the same because most of the things that I say now are things that I wanted to say before, but was too shy to. If anything changed, it may have been my ability to flirt with girls, but I don't see that as a bad thing!

 

Hey guess what, not sure if you really care haha, but I landed the job I wanted, RIGHT where I wanted to be. Not a waiter, but it's a job where I'll be around plenty of new people my age each and every day. God I'm excited to just start...

[x-Mr.lonely-x]

Dang man, that's actually pretty good advice, teasing the girls a little bit to get them to like you. I don't understand it, but I see it work every day. Good post, its a morale-booster for the shy people like me.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[yeawutever]

LOL, you ain't the only one, after what happened yesterday, I don't think I'm shy anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea, think I finally broke out of that stupid shell, it wasn't letting me be who I wanna to be. Now I'm starting to think that maybe it was just the teasing I received in Elementary and Middle school. My friend even got surprise and was like "Damn Celia, you're more crazy than I am, I would never do that", yea she never seen me act that wild way before.

[Dating Coach]

...teasing the girls a little bit to get them to like you. I don't understand it, but I see it work every day.

 

Why not? If you tell a girl, "Wow, you are so amazing and so beautiful, I would treat you like a queen!" then you display weakness, neediness, clinginess, and a low sense of self worth. If you tease a girl (not pick on, but teasing for fun) you display that you have a high sense of self worth, that your a challenge and it's a challenge to meet your standards, and that you are fun. Simple things like that go a long way in building attraction over than being the doormat wussy guy.

[Kevin T]

You can treat a woman well without being a doormat, you know. Although I agree that acquiesing to her every beck and call is foolish and will get you nowhere you want to be. I think being strong, but kind is probably the best approach.