Friendless, dateless, stuck in a rut :-(

[rutgerhauer]

Im a 22 year old guy with no friends, and feeling EXTREMELY lonelyfri I work in a job where ends. im totally alone and have no real qualificaions so cant just leave and get another job just like that. I also look so young for my age and this is a problem that has followed me my whole life and ive never found a way around it, i could easily pass as a 13-14 year old and im seriously not kidding when i say that Been to the doctor and he just patronises me by saying i should be glad i look young and will be thankful when im 40 and rubbish like that. This and the fact that im shy and awkward round people anyway make it impossible for me to find someone, just dont know what to do and cant go on like this much longer!??? Life feels more worthless everyday...

[Dating Coach]

Honestly rutgerhauer, I think most of your feelings are self inflicted. If you really feel that down about yourself then the first step you should take-and I am 100% serious-is to sign up for a membership at a Gym, and start working out several times a week.

 

I am not joking at ALL. There are a TON of reasons to do this one thing.

 

1) It give you a hobby

 

2) It is something social and other people you can meet will be there

 

3) It will build your self confidence and pride when you start feeling stronger, looking better, and feeling that euphoria when you body is in good shape. It will improve your overall self image, and THAT ALONE will lead to building your happiness, and self confidence.

 

4) It makes you look better and more appealing to others.

 

 

Should I go on? Or do you get the point? I am not joking man. A wise person once told me, "If you are not happy with your life, then CHANGE IT!" You aren't just going to miraculously fall into success and happiness, because your current routine obviously isn't cutting it. You need to CHANGE things.

 

Another wise person once said, "Stupidy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

 

Maybe you get the point. It's time to take control of your situation and start improving it.

[hoping]

hey man:

 

hang in there! is there anyway u can go back to school? i mean its not really in the perspective of meeting new people (but obviously it happens in school), but it will really boost ur future prospect up!....and have u ever thought about a change of scene? i mean if i was you, i woulnd't be able to handle the depressing job and the lonely situation! try going back to school!!

[the yang to the worlds yin]

i can understand how you feel, but why such a longing to have a female companion? to be honest, we can be more trouble than were worth sometimes ; )

[rutgerhauer]

hey man:

 

hang in there! is there anyway u can go back to school? i mean its not really in the perspective of meeting new people (but obviously it happens in school), but it will really boost ur future prospect up!....and have u ever thought about a change of scene? i mean if i was you, i woulnd't be able to handle the depressing job and the lonely situation! try going back to school!!

 

I wish i could dude but rent needs paid man, its not so much the lonliness but seeing guys i grew up with and used to know look so happy and sucessful. Then i look at myself and realise i have s**t. The thing i hate the most is that ive accepted my situation, i mean i hate it but im so run-down i feel powerless to change it. Im kinda like a kid just waiting for someone to wave the magic wand and make it all better, this sounds bad but i sometimes think the best thing that could happen to me is that one day ill wake up and my apasrtment will be burned to the ground. Then i'll get fired from my job 10 mins later, so i'll have absolutely nothing left. Just to see how i react, to force myself to get things done.

[itsallgrand]

Hey rutger

 

First of all, I wholeheartedly agree with the advice to join the gym and start working out regularly. You simply can not lose by doing that. I'm a woman who was in your situation at 21.

Then one day I got sick of it.

I started looking for a new job. I took classes to improve so that I could do what I wanted.

I used to be shy.

I joined a gym and learned basic bodybuilding: It totally changed my life for the better in so many ways.

 

Listen hun, Your apartment already is burned to the ground and you already lost your job.

You aren't actually there.

Not your heart and soul: it's dead and dying.

 

It's a very serious business, your life. Yes, rent needs to be paid...

but that is friggin' easy when you don't feel like you want to curl up and not deal with the world.

When life doesn't seem to suck so much, you find a way, No Big Deal.

 

You know you need a change. What is stopping you - honestly?

[rutgerhauer]

i can understand how you feel, but why such a longing to have a female companion? to be honest, we can be more trouble than were worth sometimes ; )

Ha Ha! Aye, i look at my brother and the problems he has with his girl and sometimes think im lucky;-) Seriously though its the companionship of not so much females but people in general that i yearn for. "The human was not destined to be a solitary species, such an affliction and straying away from natures plan stems from worldly wrongs on the individual rather than any desire within to be a lone wolf" Yeah, psychology rocks my boat too. Even if it sometimes twists the mind

[the yang to the worlds yin]

haha, so true. and i could most definitely agree with the qoute, though when concerning human nature i tend to look at the herding abilities and " pack" like characteristics of even the smallest of creatures. it's my way of saying that nature in itself has raised most living creatures to stick together, even if just for survivals sake.

 

and i just got out of a pretty rocky relationship, so thus my comment about us girls being too much trouble sometimes. heaven knows i've learned from so many mistakes on my own part,already with just this one relationship. it was worth it though.

[rutgerhauer]

Listen hun, Your apartment already is burned to the ground and you already lost your job.

You aren't actually there.

Not your heart and soul: it's dead and dying.

 

It's a very serious business, your life. Yes, rent needs to be paid...

but that is friggin' easy when you don't feel like you want to curl up and not deal with the world.

When life doesn't seem to suck so much, you find a way, No Big Deal.

 

You know you need a change. What is stopping you - honestly?

 

 

Thanks for gym advice guys, its definitely the best option ive heard in months Much appreciated. The only thing actually holding me to my job is:

A.) There's no way i'd get a job making this much money anywhere else with my lack of qualifications.

 

B.) There's a lady who works for another area of the company that i made my ray of light and have a silly crush on. Although i realise that we're just friends i still have the childlike hope that somehow, something will happen between us. I'd hate to see myself if i accept that nothing will EVER happen with us and leave the job, seriously i dunno how id react. It scares me...

[tylercdurden2004]

Listen hun, Your apartment already is burned to the ground and you already lost your job.

You aren't actually there.

Not your heart and soul: it's dead and dying.

 

It's a very serious business, your life. Yes, rent needs to be paid...

but that is friggin' easy when you don't feel like you want to curl up and not deal with the world.

When life doesn't seem to suck so much, you find a way, No Big Deal.

 

You know you need a change. What is stopping you - honestly?

 

Thanks for gym advice guys, its definitely the best option ive heard in months Much appreciated. The only thing actually holding me to my job is:

A.) There's no way i'd get a job making this much money anywhere else with my lack of qualifications.

 

B.) There's a lady who works for another area of the company that i made my ray of light and have a silly crush on. Although i realise that we're just friends i still have the childlike hope that somehow, something will happen between us. I'd hate to see myself if i accept that nothing will EVER happen with us and leave the job, seriously i dunno how id react. It scares me...

 

Ever thought of travelling? Not sure you are locked into a lease or job contract or whatever, but being a man from the Isle of fair skin and pints you can easily and cheaply get a working holiday visa for Australia. You can go awork and travel in Australia, see a bit of the world and open yourself to some life changing experiences that you sound like you need. Plus it doesnt rain so bleein' much there and the beaches are great or at least swimmable by Irish standards. Go and have the craic!

[1899]

Man, rutgerhauer im 22 yrs old and I could have wrote that post myself! Just this weekend I stopped by a friends house by myself for thier BBQ gathering and everyone thought I was someones son that was there and this lady (about 40) asked for my age and said she thought I was 16! No wonder I dont have a gf!

 

The only reason Id like a girlfriend is just to go places with, like restaurants, malls, etc.

 

My family thinks I should go to the gym, but im already in shape! I can do about 15 pullups, 25 pushups in 2 minutes. (training for police) Im just really slim, 140Lbs.

 

Ive got almost 100 Hrs of vacation time, but I know if I leave I would not want to come back to this boring town/job. Im still checking the HR sections in other areas of the country, because if I could move, I would! My life is very boring and repetitious.

[slash]

you know your story reminds me of a friend of mine named ben. I was his only friend and all ben ever really did was go to work and play games on his computer(met him through the game). Well ben was 23 years old and he decided it was time to be more active so he joined the gym with me and a tennis league with me. I can tell he has so much more confidence and he feels ALOT better about himself because he told me he did. me and Ben still hang out once a week or so, but im not his only friend anymore because hes friends with my friends and more people he met at the gym and in the tennis league.

 

get involved in something outside of work, gym sounds great, goodluck buddy!

[itsallgrand]

Ever thought of travelling? Not sure you are locked into a lease or job contract or whatever, but being a man from the Isle of fair skin and pints you can easily and cheaply get a working holiday visa for Australia. You can go awork and travel in Australia, see a bit of the world and open yourself to some life changing experiences that you sound like you need. Plus it doesnt rain so bleein' much there and the beaches are great or at least swimmable by Irish standards. Go and have the craic!

 

That is a GREAT idea!

 

Hmm....that's something I wouldn't mind doing myself. I think it's about time.

 

Thanks for reminder, Tyler

[tylercdurden2004]

That is a GREAT idea!

 

Hmm....that's something I wouldn't mind doing myself. I think it's about time.

 

Thanks for reminder, Tyler

 

Canucks can do it too! You can only apply before the age of 30 but its as easy as doing it over the internet. This is the site to get you started. Britain is also an option for Canadians. If you want more info PM me.

link removed

[CluelessGuy321]

I like Irish people We can be friends

[rutgerhauer]

Cheers, good to know im not the only guy out there with this problem I dont know what im gonna do but feels good to share things.

[rutgerhauer]

I like Irish people We can be friends

 

Thanks dude, being Irish is pretty cool but the actual country itself aint that great. About 50 years behind the states, so closed-knit and backward looking. Like being a loner here makes you a criminal, although i dont know many people and i dress and look as normal as everyone else i can walk past a mum with her kids and just see her grip their hands that bit tighter and move them away from me. Or walk into a shop and instantly the security guard will be sniffing around me for no reason, or sitting in a resturant eating and look around to catch people looking at me then hear them engage in conversation and gossip about me. Like "look at that guy over there, he's totally creeping me out" when i've done NOTHING on them!! It' like being a loner is some kind of contagous disease and how dare i exist because of it, i just wanna grab them and shake them and say, " Do you think i choose to be a loner??!!" It's just a damn shame i'd say to them, im a nice person if you'd bother to get to know me.

 

Thanks man, friends

[CluelessGuy321]

I don't know about all that. Maybe you're imposing thoughts on people. Usually, most people are self absorbed themselves. I do the same "mind-reading" I think.

 

I work with a lot of guys in Dublin remotely. They're all cool. One guy, named Declan, has the worst/thickest Irish accent I've ever heard. I can hardly understand him when he talks.

 

We'll go have a pint or two when I'm around the Isle.

[kudro]

Hey, heres some advice froma female who HAS a fiance (not for much longer but thats his own fault) who is JUST LIKE YOU!!! I met him on link removed we been together for a year and a half adn I am still amdly in love with him... The only problem is he is too self absorbed and selfish adn only cares about himself. he is an odd guy, but thats what i liek about him. he is IRISH/German, he likes to garden, he is a computer genius geek, he has a genius IQ, he has an odd sadistic sense of humor, he is 22 he isnt Mr. Pimp atractive, but he is cute enough to me.. looks arent important for every girl. most girls want a man who can provoide for them make them feel good about themselves, who tehy can turn to when they ahve no one else, who will do whatever they can to make them happy and feel special, etc. women want the same thing you want. men are really no different than women adn why most marriages adn relationships end is because neither of you are listening hard enough. you ahve to listen adn ask questions adn be 100% open w/ each other. I am w/ mark even though it hurts him, but at least im honest. I believ all us women want our husbands to be like our "best friend". So, if getting hobbies dont help you, you can turn to dating sites. they do help alot adn you can pick and choose what you are looking for. another tip: coming on too quickly or obbsessively looks creepy and scary (makes you look like you are needy and stalkerish) and will make us run and ignore you. YOU HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT!!! girls want a man who is sure of themselves, who ahve a sense of humor adn have a self esteem. If you dont think good about yourself, who else is going to? Even if you dont believe you are attractive or have an attractive personality, fake it or just keep saying to yourslef, "im worth it, she will like me for who I am, adn if not, Im too good for her anyway.." it will really help you out. Make her CHASE YOU!!!! PS> seriously online dating is a miracle keep ur head high kiddo!

[MyNinja]

I know exactly how you feel, but I just feel the need for male companionship. I know one day I will find "him", but I'm not going to go guy-fishing. If I go guy-fishing chances are that I will catch a bad fish! Or a good one, who knows! What I mean is that I don't know what's under the water ( not knowing the people) and what I bring into the boat ( my life) might not be what I expected.

 

I'm not saying that I'm waiting for the guy to come to me because how would I be helping my own lonely feelings? If you see someone nice then take the intiative to be the introductory one. Don't expect fireworks or something when you first meet someone. That's unrealistic thinking and she may think you're nuts! Just be your genuine self. ( I know this post is old, but I just wanted to comment anyway because I feel for you. I know what you're going through.)

[AnthonysGirl]

[-X hey you!

 

Your perfect. And the greatest guy ever...thats why im proud to be your girl.xxx

[Diablo7000]

i'm definitely one for the bodybuilding thing, like, idk i had a friend who starting lifting when he was 15 and is 18 now and is a monster, as of september ive only been in a gym a year, i can tell sooo much of a difference, if you go for this which id highly recommend, you'll feel alot better, won't be so shy trust me and if you get into it, consider subscribing to like muscle & fitness, best decision i made as a beginning body builder, they got GREAT work out plans, i even tore one out and use it for myself, it's based on a 6 week program weeks 1-2 is lighter weight, less reps = 15 resp, 2 sets on the things you do, weeks 3 -4 nice weight something you know u can do 10 times for 3 sets, and weeks 5 - 6 heavy weeks, get a weight thats a lil higher then weeks 3 and 4 and you know u can do 4 sets and 8 reps, within the first weeks of just the weeks 1-2, u'll notice a difference, i did, and never underestimate the power of a pushup, pushups build GREAT chest definition, sure bench press is good, but when u can thrust up (150) pounds of ur own body wait 3 sets of 25, well ur on your way, i really love this hobby thats why i said so much about it , and even if u dnt make it a hobby, just look into it, it's fun, can hurt sumtimes lol won't lie there but when it hurts, it's working lol, seeya man, and we're all your friends here no doubt, have a good one