when guys won't commit.... do they ever change their mind

[miticalzz]

i finally got up enough guts to ask my bf if we would ever be living together again. and all he did was laugh at me. i asked him if i could move into his place and he told me noooooo. then i said i guess we will never ever live together again because this isn't what you want. he laughed at me again and said that he was happy living alone and that he liked be able to do whatever he wants to. i told him that he hurt my feelings and he laughed at me again. why all the laughing? he made me feel like a * * *. plus i don't get it cause he just told me a week ago that he wished he could see me more. so i have tried to talk to him but he won't answer the phone. i really think he cares about me but is too afaid to say so. what could i do?

[SeaBisquit]

for some reason he isn't taking you or your relationship seriously. i would be very hurt if a guy laughed at me, espescially when i was asking him some serious questions.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Sounds like your b/f is a total toolbox. Why are you still with him? I don't know if you told the story on here before, but what happened? Seems like you were living together before, so what caused the split up?

[renaissancewoman101]

How long have you been dating your bf? If you are asking about this too early in the relationship, he might be scared off by you. If he is not answering your phone call after you asked this of him, he might be avoiding you. Still, I think he is a jerk for laughing at you for asking him those questions. The questions you asked are legit and if he cared about you, he shouldnt be laughing at you, even if he was scared off by the questions.

[Dako]

You want one thing, he obviously wants another.

Find someone who wants the same thing, or cling to this guy until you're miserable, hoping you can change him.

Is he getting what he wants from you?

[Beyondthesea]

Sorry but this guy will never commit and by the way, why would you want him to? He's obviously a jerk to you! Laughing in your face.

 

Commitment is something men never lie about. If he told you he likes to live alone, believe him. I would start detaching and break it off with this guy. He's not worth your time or effort.

[miticalzz]

the first time he broke up with me he told me that he needed some space and wanted some alone time. i moved away and he got all uptight and said he wanted me back. he's always been saying how much he misses me. so that"s why i suggested moving back in with him and all he did was laugh.

[renaissancewoman101]

I think men and commitment issues are a big copout. Men spout the anti-commitment crap because they dont think YOU are the right person for them. So they give you the copout that they cant handle commitment and arent looking for commitment. But, when they find the person that they think is RIGHT for them, they shed the commitment issues right away.

 

You can see that in so many of the threads on here where women come and vent about their guys unable to commit to them, whether it be moving in with them, getting engaged, getting married, getting serious. Then when they break up, the guy usually hooks up with someone else and all of a sudden commitment to them seems like a great thing.

 

As for this guy, he's trying to string you along.

[Daddy Bear]

hold on, folks. sometimes people laugh because they're nervous. i know a girl who is madly in love but doesn't want to live with her s/o because she doesn't want to have to be 'on' all the time and the thought of being seen w/o her bra and makeup makes her uncomfy.

 

maybe this guy really is telling the truth about wanting to see you more, miticalzz, but he is afraid of the subject of cohab b/c he doesn't want to lose you but on the other hand doesn't want to be seen w/o his bra and makeup (so to speak) and so he's avoiding your calls temporarily hoping that the prob will go away. does that sound possible?

[itsallgrand]

This guy isn't gonna give you what you're looking for.

 

Afraid of being seen w/o bra and makeup? That's hilarious. I've known someone who slept in her makeup while he boyfriend stayed over. That crap cracks me up!

[DN]

I read over a couple of your previous posts.

 

Could any or all of these issues be making him nervous?

• He is recently divorced.
  
• Your parents hate him and you lied to them and said you broke up with him and are now going out with a new guy.
  
• You have bi-polar disorder.
  
• Your parents have custody of your son and he rarely speaks to you because he blames you for divorcing his father.

Your life isn't exactly all together at the moment and it could be he wants you to resolve some of these issues before committing to you, especially since he has only recently been divorced. He may also be concerned that he will soon have to be a father to your son if you regain custody.

[RayKay]

In my experience, someone whom says they aren't interested in living with you or committing to you are pretty darn serious about it. It would be different if he said "I do want to live with you, but not right now, I want to make sure we develop our relationship first and not rush into anything". But, instead he says "no way" and laughs at you. NOT a positive sign.

 

It sounds like he does not want you to really "go", but he is not overly concerned with you "staying" either. Have you two discussed things long term? Has he showed any reluctance to commit due to other issues or due to the relationship itself?

 

My boyfriend for example was pretty keen on living together, and actually brought it up initially which led to further discussions, and ta-da, here we are. And he sees me braless and without makeup all the time, and his response is to jump me - no worries there!

[time2moveon]

Boys are so complicated, I know, even being so young, I swear i have the mind of an 80 year old women, iv been through alot that most people havent and boys I swear ALL have a slight bit of bipolarness in them...they are sweet for like 5 seconds then they could care less about what your crying for.