bf declined sex with virgin!

[SAMRA2]

i am still a virgin and have been with my bf for a month now. last night we were in bed and things got very hot and i asked him to do it, but he refused. he said we didnt have protection . i asked him if he would have done it if we did have protection, and he said that he thinks its still early for us.. he's the first guy who really knows how to sexually get me going and i've never been with anyone who made me feel the way he did last night, and thats probably why am still a virgin..but anyway, the thing is that i kind of asked him to penetrate around 5-6 times and he declined all the time ..then he stopped and he said he thought my behaviour was irresponsible and immature. is he right? i was really surprised that he turned me down..i thought girls usually decide if its early or not..guys please any feedback on this? and girls too..anything like this ever happened to you? am still baffled.

[LostInMyThoughts]

He said no, and you kept asking him. That's pretty immature and irresponsible. Think if the role was reversed. If a guy kept asking you for sex, and you kept saying no. No means no applies to the opposite sex as well.

 

You just have to respect his desire to wait.

 

Also he derserves mad respect for definitely not going forward without protection. Are you ready to be a mother?

[becallamjr]

He sounds like one of those really nice genuine guys. He sounds like a keeper.

[tylercdurden2004]

I agree guys are mindless robots who cant decide anything, especially when its ok to have sex. Think you should be glad to have a responsible man. Talk to him about you expectations, but cut the man a break. He did the noble thing, dont turn it into something else.

[SAMRA2]

thanks guys you just made me love him more! i mean i did respect what he did but i was surprised he wasnt tempted to got for it even when i insisted..isnt it usually the girls who do that? would you personally do it?

[tylercdurden2004]

Perfect example of how women can never be happy. Its a sad sad day.

[SAMRA2]

tylercdurden2004 , its not that am not hapy with what he did, am just surprised. shouldn't i be?

[avman]

No, you shouldn't be surprised. Guys have just as much right to say no as women do. Especially since he was concerned at the time about avoiding pregnancy.

[SAMRA2]

besides, i thought me being a virgin for so long and asking HIM to be my first (several times) would be a compliment for him. apparently he didnt take it like that

[avman]

That doesn't mean he doesn't take it as a compliment. All it means is that he wasn't ready.

[Goodfun88]

I wouldn't be surprised. You didn't have protection, obviously you shouldn't be having sex without it. Also, not only is this the first time the two of you will be having sex, its also the first time you will be having sex at all. Thats a lot of pressure for a guy. Maybe he wants to make sure he feels really strongly about you before he takes your virginity from you. Thats pretty respectable. Also you said your only a month into the relationship, and your ready to have sex for the first time, thats scary to a guy because that must mean to him that you have strong feelings for him, considering you are still a virgin and haven't chose to sleep with anyone else. There are alot of things to take into consideration. I'm sure he wanted to, he just didn't feel right about it considering the circumstances.

[crvers]

I wouldn't worry about it. Just be happy he did say no. A month is a pretty short time for a relationship and if he sees u as long term, then he probably sees no rush into it. PLUS he sounds like he respects u by declining to the next step of sexual activity. When he's ready he'll let u know. .... and yeah, since its the v-card, thats pretty big and for some it isn't taken lightly.

[SAMRA2]

goodfun88 yes i can see where ur comin from, i think ur right in that. was he intimidated when i asked him for it? i mean i was half blinded by the urge and i was insistant , i thought he would be the same. maybe it was becoz it was to be my first time that he hesitated

[scarew]

Yup! I agree with what everyone is saying to ya sweetie. If I were you I would talk to him about it some time when your NOT fooling around and say, "You're right, I was being irresponsible. You just really get me going." and then discuss protection or make a doctors appointment for some birth control. Maybe he is ready but just wants to make sure you have thought it through

[Boricua7]

This guy sounds like a real keeper! If he is in tune with you sexually than he is probably in tune with you in other aspects of the relationship too (a major plus). Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, he can tell that although you want it that you may not necessarily be ready? He probably sensed that your decision was more-than-likely a lustful impulse and not something you've really thought through. Sit him down, tell him how you feel, and begin preparing yourself (ie. getting on birthcontrol, purchasing condoms, etc). I'm sure that doing so will show him that you've thought things through and are indeed ready to take your relationship to the next level. He sounds like a really great guy to put you ahead of himself (so many guys would have taken advantage of your horniness). He obviously respects you to the point where he won't take your virginity lightly. Also, consider that although you may be ready, he might not be. It's quite a big deal to make love to someone and take their virginity. I'm sure he wants everything to be right for you on your first time and you should thank your lucky stars that you've landed a guy like him!

[SAMRA2]

boricua7 thats excatly what i mean..so many guys would have done it(probably all), so why didnt he do it? could he be NOT ready? do guys need time in relationship to feel ready for sex - like girls do? btw he's not a virgin

[Boricua7]

...Also, consider that although you may be ready, he might not be. It's quite a big deal to make love to someone and take their virginity. I'm sure he wants everything to be right for you on your first time and you should thank your lucky stars that you've landed a guy like him!

 

He might be feeling pressure too. What if you don't like it? What if he makes sex undesireable for you? Yes, guys do need time to be ready. A lot of guys don't consider the things your boyfriend has for you for just any girl, they do it if they really care about the girl they are with. You should feel honored that he is thinking of you the way he is.

 

My question is: by denying you sex, are you worried that he just isn't into you or something; that he doesn't want to have sex with you?

[SAMRA2]

i already know he isnt the type to have sex with any girl, and he said he really cares for me. i know he finds me veryy sexy and i turn him on so wildly, but he still declined sex. thats what surprised me.. he even said i was irrespobsible for wanting it that way and he was kind of upset i asked him several times after he said no.. i never imagined there are guys who say no to sex with e beautiful sexygirl (at least in their opinion). i wanted to know if it was normal

[tylercdurden2004]

i already know he isnt the type to have sex with any girl, and he said he really cares for me. i know he finds me veryy sexy and i turn him on so wildly, but he still declined sex. thats what surprised me.. he even said i was irrespobsible for wanting it that way and he was kind of upset i asked him several times after he said no.. i never imagined there are guys who say no to sex with e beautiful sexygirl (at least in their opinion). i wanted to know if it was normal

 

Get over yourself.

[Boricua7]

I never implied that he is the type to have sex with any girl. I don't know where that came from.

 

Him not jumping on top of you the second you say "go" is normal. It's rare for a guy to say no but they have that option too you know. It's not just whenever the girl says "go". He's not a dog that you wiggle a treat infront of and can expect him to do tricks everytime.

 

My ex (who I still love very much) declined sex the first couple of times it got so hot and heavy that it escalated to that point. He wanted to be sure that I was ready and that he was ready too. Making love is a beautiful thing and I'm sure that's what your bf wants it to be, not just "I love and care about you and we're both horny so lets do it". Good guys do say no even if the girl is drop dead gorgeous and he is horny.

[Boricua7]

Get over yourself.

 

That's a little harsh dude. It is kind of true, nonetheless. Do not take him declining sex as rejection. I think this is the only reason you are so upset. Take it as him considering your feelings. Would you rather him have taken advantage of you?

[RayKay]

Well, he has as much a right to say no as you do.

 

It sounds like he was not ready to go further (which is a good thing especially since you had no protection) and I would be bothered too if you kept pestering him anyways because of it!

 

Why would you keep asking him even without protection? Yikes, it only takes one time to get pregnant you know.

 

 

Have you thought that maybe he respected your choice to wait, and he is really surprised that after a month of dating you were already pressuring him to go ahead?

 

It's not the girl whom decides, or the guy, it's both of you together.

[tylercdurden2004]

That's a little harsh dude. It is kind of true, nonetheless. Do not take him declining sex as rejection. I think this is the only reason you are so upset. Take it as him considering your feelings. Would you rather him have taken advantage of you?

 

Yeah it is harsh, so what? Clearly she is thinking that she is such "da bomb" that any guy should lose his sensilbilities over her! Read: FULL OF HERSELF. You said its "kinda true". I find it funny that many women complain about men only wanting sex, in fact I would say its a common complaint. So why is it when a guy refuses to have sex, out of repsonsibility (no protection), he find himself nailed to the cross. She is in my mind extremely shallow, and imagine if he could read all this now, wonder what he would think. Harsh yes, uncalled for no.

[Dako]

I agree with the majority here. Sounds like a guy who thinks with the big brain. He wants things to be right for you both, and would do that in the future. You've struck gold.

[Boricua7]

It's not the girl whom decides, or the guy, it's both of you together.

 

My point exactly. You do not have supreme sex decision-making power over him just because you're the girl. Plus, no protection? Are you crazy?

 

It sounds to me like you are acting like the typical "If you love me then you'll do it" guy and he is acting like the "But I want to be ready and I want it to be right" girl.

 

How in the world could you see anything wrong with your guy's decision to continue to wait, especially after only a month?

 

You saying that he should take you wanting him to take your virginity as a compliment kind of sounds bad. Like you think you're doing him a favor or something. I'm sure that wasn't how you mean it but that's how it sounded, which is why I think so many of the guys on here seem to be taking it as offensive that you're saying what you're saying.

 

Yeah it is harsh, so what?...Harsh yes, uncalled for no.

 

Whoa buddy. I never once said that you were wrong in what you said nor did I attack you for your opinion so I would appreciate it if you respected my opinion in the same way and do not attack me for it.