My brother took me to Hooters

[FoxLocke]

A week ago my aunt outed me to my entire family, without my consent.

 

So, approximately two days ago my oldest brother(the one that I actually like) called up my cell phone. Mind you, he hasn't called my number in several months...Now, all of a sudden he starts blowing it up.

Anyway, he asked me if I wanted to have lunch with him or something. I told him that I need to study for an exam that is coming up. He said it wouldn't take too long. So I said cool.

Then I said that we should goto a quiet spot so we can talk(because I knew what the phone call was for)...

 

Well, he came and picked me up...And the restauraunt he chooses is HOOTERS. You know that place where all the waitresses are young, nubile, buxom, and dressed in skimpy outfits? Yeah that one...

I just sorta shook my head at how overtly pathetic the gesture was. I guess he thought I was going to turn straight after 24 years simply because I see half naked women? It's kind of funny when I think about it...The girls were drop dead gorgeous but I'm just not wired that way.

 

Anyway, hooters is loud and noisy. You can't even hear yourself think in that place...So he brings up the topic with...

 

"Are you sure?"

 

Me: "Yep..."

 

My Brother: "How do you know?"

 

Me: "How do you know you love women?"

 

awkward silence...

 

Then out come all the bible scriptures and etc...and ironically we are in HOOTERS. He starts talking to me about heaven and hell in HOOTERS.

I didn't think of that while we were there...

 

So I started telling him about different scientific and evolutionary theories that could explain homosexuality. Then he starts rolling his eyes, "So, you've completely gone the secular route and started trusting in man instead of god?"

 

Me: "I never said that. I still believe in a higher power, just not that one anymore. Furthermore, you trust in men too. Afterall you are worshipping the bible which was written by men."

 

It's hard dealing with an evangelical family, as you can tell...

 

But I did tell him, "Look, I have made my peace with the god I believe in...and it isn't the Judeo Christian god either. I have to live my life for myself and I choose to be happy and not lead a lie. So, you and everyone else have two choices...1.) You can accept me for the person I am, because I am the same person or (2.) You can walk out of my life, because I don't need the negativity and judgement. You or no one else is going to scare me out of being gay...I've done that to myself and it didn't work."

 

He was sorta stunned by my ultimatum but I was serious. He said that he will accept me regardless, but he has to read the bible more and interpret what god says about my "lifestyle choice." I just sorta shook my head in disgust. I just wanted to slug him...But I know that he, like my mom, is trying to understand it. Although, surprisingly, my mom is dealing with it better than anyone else.

 

So as it stands I am really finding myself becoming stronger and more confident. When I'm out and about I don't even think about my sexuality anymore. I'm just me and I'm cool with that. I still love to do all the samethings and I am still the same guy...It has finally dawned on me that my sexuality doesn't define me. It's what I am not who I am. I still have all the same hopes, dreams, goals, and aspirations...None of that changed.

 

It made me really mad that he took me to HOOTERS for the sheer brazenous of it(although I plan to go back. They make great ham and cheeese sandwhiches)...But it was a blessing in disguise. I found confidence that I didn't know I had before.

 

More importantly, my oldest brother is actually reaching out and trying to have a relationship with me. He still calls me even after the ultimatum...

 

I haven't heard a peep from my other two brothers and I could careless. They have been nothing but negative to me and I am better off.

 

Sometimes it gets rough but other days I feel really, really, good about myself.

 

I believe I will get through this period.

[DN]

The thing to remember is that he cares about you. He may be misguided and a little crass - but he cares.

[AwdreeHpburn]

FoxLocke - good for you. I think you're awesome and I hope there are others who find inspiration from you. I have.

 

I mean, I'm not gay but I don't think one has to be to be inspired to be ok with what and who we are.

 

I'm glad to hear your mom and brother are attempting understanding. Maybe they will be the leaders for the rest of your family, someday.

 

Anyway - just wanted to comment to say that was a really uplifting post.

 

-T

[tyler711]

Did you atleast try the hot wings? They're delicious.

[SilverManic]

Although it's wrong that your aunt told everyone with out your concent. At least something good came of it that you have a better relationship with your brother.

GL,

~S.

[AwdreeHpburn]

yeh dude, the wings are good...

[FoxLocke]

Oh yeah the hot wings are great! But I don't care for spicy food that much!

[keenan]

Shut UP. Are you serious? Foxlocke, I'm sorry that your brother is a boob (pun intended), but that is just too funny. I can't imagine being any more obvious. You'd better go to the bank and stock up on one dollar bills for a visit to the local strip club in case your other brothers ever bother to contact you. I'm sure they believe such places are wrong, but it sounds like they'd make a special exception just for you!

 

You rock.

[southerngirl]

Did you atleast try the hot wings? They're delicious.

 

Best hotwings ever. Yes, I have gone to hooters before LOL

[Prufrock06]

The fact that your brother took you to Hooters to try and talk about your sexuality is a real....HOOT. Get it? "Hoot?" Har har har.... Last time I was in Hooters was a couple years back with my two good friends (who are straight and who, at the time, thought I was too) -- I admit, the boobs were nice from a purely aesthetic point of view, but the wings were soooo much better, haha

 

But seriously, aside from the irony of the situation, it's so great to hear you stand up for yourself and what you believe in while sitting just a few feet away from someone who's religious and social beliefs seem to run in a completely different direction than your own! It really speaks of your personal strength and courage and says a lot about how serious you are about embracing yourself and being proud about your sexuality despite being around those who would try and dissuade you, or convince you that you are just making a lifestyle choice. Still, DN is kinda right in that your brother does care about you, underneath his inability to embrace the situation. Maybe he just needs some time to get used to the idea -- can't really fault him for that. At least he's making an effort to actively talk with you about it instead of the stories you tell about your other brother, who seems fit to just yell and scream. So keep working on him -- and hey, at least you can keep getting some free lunches out of it!

 

You mentioned in posts a while back that you have an openly gay cousin with a partner -- has he/they weighed in on the situation at all?

[Tigris]

I had to give one of my sisters an ultimatum too. She even threatened to keep my 15 year old nephew away from me when I came out! She's even said that when my Fiancee comes over she might not want her in her house. How stupid can she get? Anyway I told her that was upto her. If she didn't accept my Fiancee she'd never see me again.

 

My Fiancee might be coming over in the summer so it will be interesting to see what happens.

 

It's a great feeling when you stand up for yourself.

 

Well Done FoxLocke.

[FoxLocke]

Thanks everyone!

 

I am definitely going to keep a relationship with my eldest brother. He is making the effort to get to know and accept me and I will definitely meet him half way...

Overall, he is a good guy...

 

In a perfect world everyone would be hunkey doorey about my news but it isn't a perfect world...But I can live with that.

[annie24]

Fox - I think you handled the situation really well.

 

LOL. When your brother asked, "are you sure you are gay?" you should have said, "Yes, I've been sure I was gay for 25 years, but now that I finally had the chance to see women in tight, slutty clothing serving chicken wings, I think I'm finally straight again!!!! Thanks for taking me here!!!!"

[Dako]

Fox,

 

It's tough now, but years from now you'll be proud of yourself for how you're handling it. There's a lot in your story that transcends gay/straight conflict. Your brother must be a genius to pick Hooter's. He was all ready to deprogram you with boobs and wings. Your Penthouse subscription must be on its way....

[Scotcha]

I think you handled the situation very well.

 

Your family is religious so would it be helpful at all to point out that acceptance and loving one another is important to God and it is not their place to judge, it is His. Even if you don't have the same beliefs, perhaps it would help to remind them of this.

 

Dako also offers some promissing advice! I like..

[FoxLocke]

This is an e-mail forward that my brother sent me today(Oh, and he asked me not to take offense to it)...

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder when are my family members going to get it that evil spirits, demons, and freakin Jezebels don't have beans to do with my sexual orientation?

 

First of all if I actually believed the bible anymore this might make me start second guessing things...But that is not the case.

 

Lastly, when I DID have the fear of god in me I regarded all of that stuff! I prayed, went to "Ex-gay Therapy" sessions, prayed some more, denied it, repressed, and tried to evn forget about. Being gay is just what I am...

Why in the hell can't some people just get that?

 

This really made me mad today. It is like I have to constantly keep telling people that this wasn't a spur of the moment decision. This has been a lifetime in the making.

 

I think I've had enough church to last me two lifetimes...I'll take god, keep all the dogma, rules, and regulations for yourself thank you very much.

[AzureSkyes69]

FoxLocke,

 

You need to be happy first and formost in this life and by being true to who you are is the first step.When I told my Dad I was Bixexual he accepted it,but then when he got in an argument with me he threw it in my face saying I am crazy and don't know what I want.he later apologized

for that behavior (it did however hurt me).I forgave him and I realize it is a lot for a person to digest and that they will always question you and try and change you.I have had a couple of friends abandon me when I told them and needed them the most.I believe no matter who you are if you are a anything diffrent from what society says is "normal" then some people will just make that person or person(s) outcasts and rejects them especially when it comes to highly religious bible thumping people.It is especially difficult when your family rejects you,the people you thought always supported and loved you.The people who really CARE will come around in time they will be inqusitive and supportive it is just sometimes it takes awhile for people to digest that it is you the way you always were not a choice or a overnight whim.You handled yourself wonderfully with your brother and I hope he will come around in time and realize you are still the same person it is just your sexuallity that is diffrent.You seem like a very loving, kind, caring person from what I have read of your posts.Take care

[patch2006uk]

its not fun havin over religious families, i can appreciate that! although im not gay/bi, and so have never had the task of comin out, i have had conversations with my family (all incredibly religious) about homosexuality and the bible, and why all gay ppl shudnt burn in hell(!), and whatever, and the only advice i can give you is to fight them at their own game. if they throw bible quotes at you, search one out and throw it back at them. time consuming and apparently pointless, but not alot of responses they can give really. sort of fighting the 'word of god' with the 'word of god' so to speak.

and at the end of the day, the only person you ever need to justify yourself to is yourself. as long as you're happy with who you are, then no one elses opinions matter.

it makes it easier if they accept, but you cant expect people always to accept you and your decisions.

anyway, sorry tht was a bit babbly, but i hope there was somethin vaguely helpful in there somewhere. i hope you manage to get things sorted soon!

all the best

x

[KIDD]

Thanks everyone!

 

I am definitely going to keep a relationship with my eldest brother. He is making the effort to get to know and accept me and I will definitely meet him half way...

Overall, he is a good guy...

 

In a perfect world everyone would be hunkey doorey about my news but it isn't a perfect world...But I can live with that.

 

Hey I am glad that one of your brothers will meet you half way! You never know with time.. maybe everybody can accept you if not all.. that's their lost!

[chblueguy]

First off, congrats on coming out. I know that was probably the hardest thing you've done so far, but I'm happy that you were able to do it. As far as your brother, he does in fact mean well. He just doesn't understand that this is a part of us and can not be overcome by anything. People like him don't understand that it's more than just sex and lust. We want love too.

 

And I know you don't really adhere to the Judeo-Christian beliefs and stuff, but just tell him that everyone's a sinner and that people do things all the time that are 'wrong' according to the bible. Like eating pork, women cooking while they're on their periods, etc...Don't let him get you down, just know that he loves you and cares, but he's just misguided. Good luck and congrats again.