Should i tell him?

[Phoenix_girl]

I have a question and i think i know what you guys are gonna say, but ill ask anyway.

 

My ex and I remained friends after our breakup and we remained intimate.

The last time I saw him and we were intimate was in Oct. The last time i heard from him was Nov. I have had no contact with him since and no idea why.

Anyway, I had lost track of my period around the time i was last with him - it was a high stress time and i never really thought about it. I am on the patch, but sometimes i forget to change it right on cue (weekley) - i will go an extra day or so.

In January I ended up at the hospital. The doctor asked me when i had last had sex etc. Blood test showed that i had pregnany hormone in my system, but the levels weren't high enough for how far i would have been. I had a miscarriage (i was nearly 3 months). My ex doesnt know.

When we were dating he swore that if i ever got pregnant he would be there for me for everything.

My question is, should i find a way to contact him and tell him?

I cant help but feel he has a right to know, but at the same time what would i gain by telling him. Ive gone through this alone - i was at teh hospital alone, i recovered alone and i havent told anyone. Should i tell him?

[melrich]

That's a tough dilemma. Why do you feel you might want to tell him?

 

If I were in your shoes I'd do what would make me feel right about things. If you feel that telling him might help give you some closure on the miscarriage then I'd tell him.

[KweenofDenyl]

If you feel that telling him might help give you some closure on the miscarriage then I'd tell him.

 

Absolutely. On the other hand, if you want to tell him because you think it will bring him back to you, I don't think it would be wise.

[Phoenix_girl]

I want/need someone to share that pain with. at the time i believed him to be with is sick brother.....but im starting to think that might have just been a story to get out of my life. I really dont have a way to get in touch with him and i wouldnt know where to start. I just feel alone in dealing with it.

[Phoenix_girl]

No, i dont think it will bring him back to me (thats part of why i havent tried telling him before - i dont want him to think im using it to get him back). Im afraid it might push him away moreb (though at this point that might not be possible.

[melrich]

I just feel alone in dealing with it.

 

I can understand that. You know him best. How do you think he would react if you told him? How would you cope if he had no interest?

 

If you think he'll be sympathetic and supportive, let him know. It should not be too hard to find him if you really want to, I presume you know his family etc.

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

Sounds to me that you went through something that was very stressful and hard all alone. Some way it will make you stronger so they tell me. You have told the community here what you went through. So why not tell your X the truth, he is not a mind reader.

 

What will you gain from telling him ? Peace of mind .............I'm glad you came through it and out the other side ok. I think you might be pleasently surprised if you decide to confess. That he might have lived up to his word and been there for you had he knew. We all keep secrets, and some are not that good to keep. I think this is one of them that you need to really get off your chest and tell the truth to the only person that matters.

 

Good Luck in what ever you decide

 

Warm Regards

Kuhl

 

[Tigris]

I agree with the others that if that's what you want to do go ahead. I'm sure that he'd want to know. It will also help you to heal.

 

Good luck and take care