It just hit me...

[Süsser Tod]

My one week GF is going to england for 1 and a half month next June, she leaves around mid June and comes back early on August.

 

Basically we won't have been together for 3 months when she'll be leaving for 1 and a half months, and I really feel bad about that. Basically fear of losing her...

 

Also feeling abandoned and kind of cheated have crossed my mind. Not cheated in the "she'll sleep with someone else" sense, as I don't think she would do that, and if she does I'll help her find the door, but mostly on the sense that she would rather be in England than with me...

 

Silly me, I know she had this plan even before meeting me for the first time (last year). So it makes me feel worse to know that I feel like that about her trip. It makes me feel awfull that I've wished she wasn't going.

 

Heck, I don't even know if I'll be with her in June! I saw her for first time last year, and she amazed me, I really wished back then to be with her, but the timing was right. Now we dated for a month, and things are going very well, but it is too early to even tell if we'll be together by then.

 

So why the hell do I feel like this? I shouldnt even have a reason to!

 

No, I'm not going to tel her a word about this, I'm no one to say a word about this to her. She has all the right to do whatever she wants, including finding someone else over there and never come back, if she wants it, so be it.

 

I feel bad about her leaving, and I feel even worse about me feeling like that...

 

 

I know this relationship is something good, but its putting myself through too much pain, and it is all inside me.

[amtjrtcet]

Have the 2 of you had the "talk". I mean have you both agreed that you are exclusive? If not, talk about it b 4 she leaves. If she agrees, then all you can do is trust her and patiently wait for her to get back. If she doesn't agree, well then there you go-show her the door.

 

Don't feel abandoned, like you said, this trip has been planned even b 4 you met. I've been seeing my guy for almost 3 months, and we're pretty serious, but I'm going to TX for a month this summer, and he's goin to Vegas for 2 wks. These were also planned b 4 we met. I'm gonna miss him, but worrying about it is a waste of time.

[RayKay]

6 weeks apart is not that bad, honestly. I know it SEEMS like a lot right now, but it will go by pretty fast. I have had similar happen...I was dating someone when I found out he would be leaving in a few months for a YEAR away - we made it through just great. Another relationship I had it was 3 weeks into it when he had to go away for 6 months or so for work. Again, we made it through by mutual choice and communication.

 

Of course you wish she could stay, or you could be with her, but I suggest you let her know while you will really miss her, you are really happy for her.....fake it if you have to Be supportive, and leave that image of you being happy, supportive be the things she remembers...and she'll be excited to be coming back.

 

Sure she COULD meet someone and decide to stay there forever...but the chances of that are pretty small. I don't know about her, but if I am with someone, I am not while travelling looking for other countries to live and people to be with...

[vesper]

Süsser Tod - Ahhh it's so sweet that you are so concerened about losing your new love! She must be a really sweet girl!!

 

I would not sweat it for a second! Seriously one month is not that long to wait, but it can be when you are starting a new relationship with someone!!

 

It's normal to have the fear, but just try to chill and be laid back about it. I'm sure she will be thinking of you the whole time and be ready to come home.

 

Travelling for that long as a 'tourist' can get exausting pretty quickly and you can miss the comforts of home....I'm sure she will have her adventure, take lots of photographs, and then be ready to come home to share them with you...

[buckley]

Hey,

 

hmm in my opininon which is just my opinion n nothing more i think that you are right when you say u shouldnt feel like this.......

 

you havent been long enuff together to expect her to not want to go away, what is wrong with her going away for 2 months or month n half? i noticed you mentioned that she would rather be in england than with u...i kinda think thats takin it abit too personaly....im sure shes goin away cos she has always wanted to, cos its a holiday or whatever... it has nothing to do with u, and shes coming back so i guess she assumes you wont be breakin up over it so its not like shes choosing the holiday over you.......even so you have only been together a week.

 

I have gone overseas for 6 months b4 whilst in a relationship, yah its hard, n yah i missed my bf, BUT i had to take the chnace for that opportunity knowin that we were close enuff to want to wait n stay together.........

 

my current bf and i are goin to europe in 12 weeks but im only going for 5 weeks whereas he is going for an extra 2 months....thats 2 months of him travellin europe without me..........am i worried? No, im excited for him to have this experience..........n i know i can wait, who cant for someone they care about eh...........life is full of complications, love shouldnt stop u form doing things u love, i encourage my bf to do the things he has always dreamed of esp knowing that if he doesnt now he never will, just because we r together shouldnt mean he cant do one of his dreams, if u really care for this girl im sure u will wait.........its nothing about her not caring enough to stay, thats just silly talk haha

[arwen]

Well, don't worry too much... my bf went away for a month and we were together for one week. But we were friends for 2 years before we got together, so maybe that made things easier. I think he took it heavier than I did, but that was because I was applying for my current job at that moment.

 

Basically, I think this is a sort of blessing in disguise. I think now that you are confronted with these (somewhat irrational) feelings about abandonment, thinking she prefers England over you, etc, you have the opportunity of working on the underlying issues. Three months together is SO much more than just one week, which is your status now. If things continue to be well in this time, I doubt that you will have any concerns at that moment. Right now, you need to get to know her better still.

 

I did visit my bf when he was abroad though, we had one lovely weekend in Sweden that I will never forget. At this point, I think it might be too soon into the relationship to propose a visit to England, but I think she might suggest it when the coming three months go well, right?

 

I think these negative thoughts are something to be worked on for you. They may not be about her stay in England, that is just an event that triggers them. Did you have similar thoughts and fears about abandonment in previous relationships?

 

Ilse

[Süsser Tod]

I think these negative thoughts are something to be worked on for you. They may not be about her stay in England, that is just an event that triggers them. Did you have similar thoughts and fears about abandonment in previous relationships?

 

Ilse

 

There was this girl, Sara, I was madly in love with, but never said a worth. She even pushed me into asking her to be my gf, or kissing her, but to me it was so perfect I didn't wanted to ruin things...

 

Obviously she got tired of that, and found someone else...

 

Truth be told, that girl was 100% honest all the time, neaver lied nor hided what was happening, I was just so scared I was unable to do anything about it, until it was too late and she left with another guy.

 

On my previous 4 year relationship I can't recall being as much in love as currently, it can only compare with the other girl... And doesn't stop there, they even look alike...

 

I'm head over heels for this girl, learned my lesson with Sara, so I made my best to be with this girl, but I guess the fear is still there.

[arwen]

I know, I also inherited some fears from my longterm relationship. I also learned that those fears are not necessarily a consequence of the relationship, but of the way I see myself. I used to have a mostly negative image of myself, which is why I was more apt to fear of abandonment. I don't know, realizing that I would be like this regardless of any specific relationship baggage, made it much easier for me to solve. The insecurity and low self-esteem was not caused by the relationship, it was present already before I got into it. It aggravated things, yes, but they were already there.

 

I hope this helps to put some perspective around your feelings

 

Ilse

[BellaDonna]

I think what your fears, doubts, etc. are completely normal human emotions. Even the most confident people can fear the worst sometimes, especially if you've been wronged in the past.

 

I think how you handle these feelings is key.

 

Have the 2 of you had the "talk". I mean have you both agreed that you are exclusive? If not, talk about it b 4 she leaves. If she agrees, then all you can do is trust her and patiently wait for her to get back

 

I agree with this. If you have not had "the talk" then do so, but don't have it in reference to the trip . Just have a general talk to be sure you're both on the same page.

 

If you both have agreed to be exclusive- then you need to have faith that it will be that way when she travels.

 

BellaDonna

[Süsser Tod]

I agree with this. If you have not had "the talk" then do so, but don't have it in reference to the trip . Just have a general talk to be sure you're both on the same page.

 

If you both have agreed to be exclusive- then you need to have faith that it will be that way when she travels.

 

BellaDonna

 

Well, I'm assuming we are exclusive, we are officialy a couple, bf/gf, etc.

 

At least in here, when a girl is your girlfriend, that means you are exclusive. I think that if I come up with a talk about being exclusive she may even feel offended.