an emotional wreck

[Jjasonn28]

WHY?

 

Its 4:50 am, and I cannot sleep. Ive been tossing and turning for the last 3 hours, and crying steadily. Whats wrong with me? I had such a good week... but I cant control myself tonight.

 

I cant think of anything that caused this either. I had a good day yesterday. Got my hair cut, feeling better about myself, played GREAT at hockey... But when I got into bed, I for some reason couldn't get out of my head how much I miss her.

 

I have a headache now, but the tears have slowed down. I was tempted to call her, as she did me a few times in the a.m when she was hurting, but thought better of it.

 

I dont know how much more of this I can take. I would do absolutely anything for her, and its killing me.

[xblondyx]

Night times are always the worst as your alone with your thoughts. It's hard, but i promise it'll get better. Try and think about something else, keep your mind off her. I know it's easier said than done.

[bobo85]

i know how you feel. Especially if you slept with your SO for such a long time in the same bed. Now your bed feels empty. Maybe you can get a big pillow and hug that at night. Or you can read a book until your eyes get tired.

[TheHighwayMan]

yeah, I'd also reccomend reading a book. No love stories or anything that can remind you of your pain though. Just something to keep your mind off things.

 

i know how tough nights/mornings can be...hang in there.

[WildChild]

To use the analogy of death of a loved one is probably the best way to explain it. Obviously death is permanent, we will never get to see our loved one again. If you have ever lost someone you were very close to, do you remember the stages of grief that you went through? Grieving their death, their life, their memory? Like death, the end of relationship has the same stages of grieving. Grieving for the loss of someone we loved, the loss of the relationship, memories. What's happening is normal. There are many stages of healing, and you are going through a stage right now. Having gone through this with my divorce and the death of my stepfather on the same day, I feel comfortable asking you to look at 3-4 months ago, remember how it seemed like every thought was around her and your relationship? These tears and thoughts flooded you at any given moment? And what seemed like all of the time? Picture yourself now. Are those thoughts and tears consuming your every minute? Chances are they are not. You could very well be at the stage of acceptance.

 

I believe that tears cleanse our souls. We cry when we are happy, scared, sad and angry. We cry to release these feelings. And afterwards, no matter what the reason we cried for, we feel better. You may have just needed to cry to let some of these feelings out.

[AznSalamando]

It seems you've been feeling this way recently. I've been through that point, where you feel you are fine during the day, when you wake up your all normal having temporarily forgotten your pains and thinking its a new day. going through the day you have fun, get your mind off things. Then when you are alone at night, you are reminded of the things you guys had together.

 

I tried so hard... not to call my ex of 4 years after our breakup. At first we tried to see each other as friends, but that didn't work. We tried to just talk normally online and the phone but that didn't work as well. Ultimately even being a rational person myself I still couldn't stop the stupid questions about us, the typical " are you interested in somebody, what do you think about us, is there a chance, i love u a lot do anything for u, why cant we just have a 2nd chance" all those sorts. I thought I was different than every other relationship. It wasn't until I was at my last straw and gave into other people's advice and broke contact. Of course she made contact a few times and gave hope of us but int he end I had to ultimately just cut off contact for a while.

 

Its been 3 months now, and I've actually seen her since then. Shes had a bf that shes been dating kinda, but I know that she didn't give herself enough time to move on over us and that kinda makes her new relationship suffer considering its also a rebound. It was tough at first to accept it, but in my mind i ultimately forced myself to see the potential actions, them going all the way together and all that. Well, they haven't, but when I was ready after 1-2 months I was able to push myself to accept that fact even thouhg it hasn't happened yet. Either way, you start to let go of the fact that you two will be together.

 

I say the best advice is to not give in. Don't contact her. And try your best not to think that if you don't contact her she'll move on quicker. Thats not true. In a sense, you should stop trying to feel that every action you do will affect your chances of getting back with that person or affect what they will do. Of course I thought that if I dated another girl she'll feel that she needs to date or go further in her relationship with the guy in order to get back at me. Its always in our mind, thinking that our actions (such as showing them that we've moved on even thouhg we aren't) will affect the future of us and them.

 

In a ways, these forums only provide sympathy and comfort, but in the end its like painkillers or drugs, we can only alleviate it temporarily and let time do its work. Lemme say that when my friends gave me this advice i knew it was true but it was just so much pain to go through.

Over time slowly, I learned to appreciate the pain, not that im sadomasochist ic or anything, just that the millions of emotions you feel, the sleepless nights with turning/moving stomach and emptyness is all unique, that its not something u feel everyday. I was able to embrace my pain, and realize that there was nothing else I felt like before in my life. From this I became stronger, wiser, I changed and became a better person. New outlooks on life and a better friend and son, always there for others and as selfless as can be. I learned not to take others for granted especially, beacuse that was one of the things to cause our breakup.

 

You're heart will heal. The pain you feel will lessen with each day that goes by (you'll feel it in increments of days because it seems the more hours that go by it seems worse but when you wake up it'll feel twice not as painful the next day). Do your best not to let it affect other things in your life like work and academics what not. Thats my advice. HOpe that helps.

[AznSalamando]

In response to the post above me, yes tears do cleanse the soul. At times when right after the breakup the tears hurt a lot, tears of self pity and devaluation of your worth. Tears of fear and anticipation of loneliness tomorrow, not being loved and that sorts.

But eventually, you'll progress to tears, tears of happiness, tears of realizing you are doing better, tears that you are happy for your SO without having to be with them, tears of being happy for yourself that you are actually moving through it. These are the tears that will feel good, I know it souds weird, but sometimes you just cry and it feels good to let it out.

[Spawn]

Jjasonn28,

 

when i used to post here after my breakup on Jan 2nd, i was very shattered and devastated. i never slept for many days, nights scared me, the moment it was dark, and when the clocked ticked 10 PM.....I used to watch the time go by sometimes and in the wee hours of morning i used to have all sorts of problems, headache, dizzy sensation and weight loss became my friend.

 

I still rememember postin here half asleep, tired with black circles under my eyes...total emotional wreck. I looked absolute crap.

 

Anyways, NC did help me a bit, changing furniture helped a lot, things changed after the second month onwards. I don't get up in the middle of the night anymore, sleep more than usual. Keepin in contact with your ex hurts......i was on LC, now on strict NC for 3 weeks.

 

Take care and stay strong focus on something else.....and crying really helps, i second that. But i have never cried after breakup.....i will have that day too.

[jman311]

Jjason,

 

I personally find that I tend to go through some of the roughest nights especially after I have one of my better days. It's kind of odd, but I noticed that when I have a really good day, when I get home and go to bed, I think of my ex more. I think maybe because I realize I miss sharing it with her, or I catch myself thinking "wow, I'm doing ok now" and then I am promptly reminded of what it is I'm trying to recover from. Often when I have a a good spell I end up sad that I must keep it to myself.

 

For me, crying rocks. I used to fight it, but I've realized it really helps when it's necessary. When I feel it coming on I have learned to welcome the release it can bring.

 

Jjason what position do you play in hockey? Just curious ... I play center myself ... I play 2 leagues, they are a huge outlet for me.

[blender]

Nights are especially difficult at times.. we let our minds get the best of us.. but just breath and know that, yes, it will hurt for awhile, but it WILL pass..in time.. feel all your feelings, cry your eyes out, scream, yell, take a long shower and weep, but do NOT call her for comfort, your "comfort" will eventually come from within yourself, I promise you this... I've been there and I thought I'd never, smile, laugh, live, love or anything again.. I was in so much despair and just wanted to call my ex and say "I can't take it, I miss you too much"... but what good would that do? none. I'd just be starting my pain all over again... and sometimes in life we just have to feel "sad" for awhile, it's just part of our "life path" and it is a path, so try to look ahead, and I know, I know, how difficult this is, but be in "acceptance" when you can be.. accept that everything is exactly as it should be in this moment, no matter how painful it is for your heart, it is all meant to be... these times of heartache are the best opportunities to "heal our own self"... you will get thorugh this, go tot he book store and read, read, read, type "been dumped" in the search box of your internet and read, read, read, and try to "let go" you are powerless over this situation and that is a FACT, so feel your feelings and know that they will NOT destroy you, but eventually make you stronger, better, wiser, more confident... If I could get through my broken heart so can you... and believe me I never thought I"d be wrtiing this... so breath, cry, feel, and then let go...but do NOT contact her..... believe me, she will be forced to "wonder" what you've been up to.... and do NOT answer any emails or calls from her, UNTIL you are strong enough to "handle" any type of "intention" she may have.... hang in there, you can do this, and it will all be "okay" even "better".

[Jjasonn28]

Jjason what position do you play in hockey? Just curious ... I play center myself ... I play 2 leagues, they are a huge outlet for me.

 

Jman311.

 

I am a goaltender. Yup, nothing like taking your mind off of things by having pucks shot at you

 

An effective distraction

[Jjasonn28]

but do NOT call her for comfort, your "comfort" will eventually come from within yourself, I promise you this... I've been there and I thought I'd never, smile, laugh, live, love or anything again.. I was in so much despair and just wanted to call my ex and say "I can't take it, I miss you too much"... but what good would that do? none.[/Quote]

 

As hard as it is for me, I do not do that. I am very aware that it wouldn't do either of us any good. When I am overwhelmed like this, I usually turn to Enotalone, or just cuddle up with my dog on the couch, and talk with him.

 

Its funny though, she thinks that we should talk about everything that is on our minds. She told me to call when I want to talk, but I just cant bring myself to do it. In fact, since our breakup on January 2nd, I have probably called her three times, and only when she asked that I call, and Im in a good mood.

 

Im trying my best, to stay away, but at the same time salvage something. It would be a tragedy to lose such a wonderful person completely. It makes it harder on me, but she is worth it. Without question.

[okane24]

I had a long drive home, about 6 hours from Laughlin, Nevada back to San Diego. My cousin was sleeping in the car in the passenger seat. I just drove and thought of my ex. In a few days, it'll be one month since she broke up with me. I've been on pretty strict NC since that day. I listened to slow jams and cried while driving home. It feels better. I missed her SOOOO bad this weekend. Even though I went to Lake Havasu and saw HOT chicks all over. I still missed her like crazy.

 

I used to not be able to sleep too. IT GETS EASIER!!! Just work on yourself man, work out, read positive books, self improvement books. GO OUT with friends. It, by no means, will go away, but just keep busy and occupied.

 

She wrote to me last week saying she was sorry and feels awful, but it does me NO good. It didn't say she wanted me back or how bad she missed me. So I ignored it. NC- to the max. I MISS HER like crazy. But she dumped me! How can I forgive her? What is she going TO DO, to make it better, if anything...

 

Just be strong man. I've been there and am still with ya' on the pain. It hurts, but like I said earlier, by you becoming stronger, physically, emotionally, and mentally, she will fade as you improve yourself.

 

Good luck, we're pullin for ya.

[jman311]

I am a goaltender. Yup, nothing like taking your mind off of things by having pucks shot at you

 

An effective distraction

 

For sure! Game time is a guaranteed full distraction for me, it's invaluable. Post-game beers with the guys are helpful too

 

Im trying my best, to stay away, but at the same time salvage something. It would be a tragedy to lose such a wonderful person completely. It makes it harder on me, but she is worth it. Without question.

 

Word of caution, be careful here my friend ... I have told myself the same thing many times but I found that I wasn't fully realizing the implication it had to my healing. Food for thought.

[Jjasonn28]

Word of caution, be careful here my friend ... I have told myself the same thing many times but I found that I wasn't fully realizing the implication it had to my healing. Food for thought.

 

Hey.

 

Yeah, I have thought about this. I think about it every day. In the past, I have gone NC to heal after a break up. I realize that it is going to take me longer to get over her, and I most likely will have way more set backs because of the way we are currently handling things.

 

But this situation is a little different. There is no anger or hard feelings between us. We still care very much for eachother, and we have been best friends for 4 years. So for now, we have limited contact. Basically, she calls me once or twice a week. We haven't seen eachother in nearly two months. We will be seeing eachother after her exams at some point. (I am now taking care of our dog, whom we raised together.)

 

So I'll chug along, until one of two things happen.

 

1. Time will heal me enough that I'll love her only as my best friend.

 

or,

 

2. I will become so emotionally drained, and exhausted that I'll be left with no other choice but to say goodbye forever.

 

The latter scares me, and I believe I am strong enough to weather this storm.

 

Just so Im clear on things, I am not trying to 'win' her back. I have not nor do I ever plan to ask for her back. If at some point in the future, she has a desire to start over, then I'll deal with it then. But for now, Im just trying to keep my best friend, and stay sane in the process.

 

I do question her intentions some times, and still believe that our love is deeper than what has transpired, but I keep that to myself.. well, and everone here at Enotalone She thinks we should be honest, and say whats on our mind, but I've held back. She knows the obvioius, nothing more. That I am sad, that I do miss her, that Im trying to move on..

 

Thanks for your words of caution. I Am doing the best that I know how, for the moment.