Why are women called wh***s whilst men are called heros?

[Karibo]

Why is it that women are labelled wh**s whilst men are looked up to for sleeping with many partners? I just cannot see how this sort of prejudism is so accepted in this day and age.

 

Why is it that the girl is always the one who is looked down upon? why do men call women these names if they themselves sleep with many women?

 

I get angry because I often find that it is also women who call other women bad names for this too. Surely they would want to stick up for other women instead of joining in with such judgementalness?

 

Why are people sooo judgemental? So what if people sleep with many partners? Why does this make them a bad person if both people involved know that it's just sex and if they are safe about it?

 

Why is sex still seen as such a bad thing? Personally i think it's an expression of the body and sex is natural. Just because I and others might choose to stay single, does it mean we have to be cellibate too? And no not everyone sleeps with many partners because they are scared of intimacy. I don't see anything wrong with wanted to touch and be touched.

 

Why are people so judgemental? Why do they have to call each other names? Is it to try and hide their own insecurities by blaming others for the things they do?

[Tigris]

I agree with everything that you've just said.

 

It's probably because generations of parents have instilled into their womenfolk that they'll be thought of as being 'easy'.

 

When you think about it it's double standards because when they sent their sons out to 'sow their wild oats' who the hell do they think they were having sex with?

[Scout]

Why are people sooo judgemental? So what if people sleep with many partners? Why does this make them a bad person if both people involved know that it's just sex and if they are safe about it?

 

Well, you're asking many questions, but the general theme of your thread appears to be anger with judgemental attitudes, so I'll address this question.

 

But first...I'd like you to explain why you feel sex is "just sex." I promise to keep an open mind to your explanation if you promise to keep an open mind to my take if it differs from your own. In short, let's not judge each other if we have different opinions.

[Karibo]

EXACTLY! How can women be called such nasty names when the same amount of men are sleeping with these women?? hate the way men have to exaggerate the number of partners whilst women tend to say a lower number. I mean hello, that doesn't add up peeps!

[Broken_Doll_ParTs]

I think this happens becasue of what Tigris said and also the media has allot of impact, for example gangster rap uses degrading words to describe women, and guys probably think they are cool if they do the same. Dont worry, they are just showing their insecurties and immaturity.

[tyler711]

I've never called a woman that. And a man that does that is not a hero. A hero is a soldier, or a firefighter running into a burning building. I could actually care less what everybody else does in their spare time, as long as it doesn't effect me. Don't get me wrong, I do have an opinion about men and women that have sex all the time for the wrong reasons, I look down upon them both equally, but that's not my point. Not everyone in this world is as judgemental as your post claims.

[sweetheart230]

Men aren't always looked up to just because they sleep around. A lot of those guys on my campus are really popular cause they're fun to hang out with and they make you laugh, but they're also referred to as dirty by a lot of girls.

 

It's just how our society is. Women are traditionally supposed to be the mothers/caretakers/good ones. Also, look at evolution. Men are supposed to "spread their seed", but women are expected to be able to raise kids and have families (in my sex and society class we discussed that men wanted virtuous women in the past b/c they wanted to make sure it was their babies they were protecting and raising, not some other guys). I don't think women are always considered bad just because they sleep around. I mean look at Sex and the City. Those women weren't nuns and they're very respected.

 

And that's your opinion that sex is an expression of the body. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I personally think that sex is better expressed in an otherwise intimate relationship because if it doesn't have any meaning to me. I'm very sexual... I like physical closeness to but I've hooked up with random guys in the past and didn't care for it. It's personal preference. Some ppl see sex as very personal and intimate and don't want to be vulnerable to someone like that unless they care for me and I trust them and have feelings for them. Just b/c I don't want to have sex with random ppl doesn't mean I don't like it. Other people see it as something physical and don't have a problem with having sex outside a relationship. Its a personal thing.

 

And to be quite honest, I'm don't mean to make this sound mean or anything, but did you ever think that women resent women who sleep around because it places expectations on all women? I mean obviously a guy will stick around if he likes you enough, but I mean its not always easy when guys seriously thinks that you'll sleep with them early in the relationship and when ppl think you're a prude for wanting to wait. It goes both ways. It's considered abnormal to wait more than month from what I've heard. You don't want to be called a wh**e just like I don't want to be called uptight.

 

That having been said, I don't judge or think other people should either. But you shouldn't care what they think. If someone called me uptight for wanting to wait a bit, I'd tell them to screw themselves. If someone calls you names like that you should do the same. You just have to ignore dumb people. Sex is a personal decision.

[sweetheart230]

I've never called a woman that. And a man that does that is not a hero. A hero is a soldier, or a firefighter running into a burning building. I could actually care less what everybody else does in their spare time, as long as it doesn't effect me. Don't get me wrong, I do have an opinion about men and women that have sex all the time for the wrong reasons, I look down upon them both equally, but that's not my point. Not everyone in this world is as judgemental as your post claims.

 

Yeah, honestly, I think that ppl have sex for the wrong reasons. Men and women. I think a lot of people are looking for intimacy in the wrong ways. Like relationships are hard, and having sex with ppl you don't care about is a lot easier and its a convincing substitute for intimacy and warmth.

 

Of course, I'm not saying that's you. But a lot of people are like that. and a lot of women get hurt. I don't know a lot of guys who are like "oh i just thought it was going to be sex but then i got attached and now I have to be with her". But I've seen a lot of girls cry about that sort of thing.

[Karibo]

Well, I don't always think sex is 'just sex' but sometimes I just feel the need to be touched by someone. I was in a three year relationship so I know and have experienced sex as making love, which is soo amazing and loving and caring. but since we split up three years ago, I have slept with two guys sinse that i knew i didn't and they didn't want anything more from. I was kind of friends with them so there was some emotional attatchement. I just hate all the names that women are faced with, like they are in the wrong or something. SEX IS NOT BAD!!

[Scout]

I hate the double standards, too. I don't really have an answer for why they are in place, I think we're living in confusing times. There are still standards remaining that place a higher premium on refraining from casual sex, but they are mixed in with messages from the media and pop stars and whatnot that it's ok and sexually "empowering" for women to be sexually aggressive.

 

You ask why there is a perception sex is "bad." I think part of that perception is because the act of sex has really become devalued and cheapened. You can't turn on a sitcom without hearing a smutty sexual joke, or watch a video without seeing scantily clad women gyrating all over the place.

 

I do agree with a poster who said that because of these mixed messages, women are now expected to sleep with someone very soon, and get labeled a prude or a tease if they don't. But what's their reward if they do? It's certainly no guarantee that they'll keep the guy, if anything, it's the opposite.

 

What's more, this whole casual sex mentality has basically undone a lot of hard work and advances from the early feminist movements. Women are now being viewed as "sexual objects" again. I think many women are waking up to this fact, and starting to resent it.

 

So, that's some reasons some people might judge others who try to trumpet the idea that sex should be something you do just to feel good, rather than wait until you're in a serious relationship.

 

Of course, there are always those who judge against tempatations they themselves don't have, so it's much easier to take a stand on those issues rather than judge against issues they have themselves.

[xprincessbugx]

good post, i think this question has been around for years though!

[yeawutever]

Yup people's attitudes towards it varies. It depends on how th individual was raised.

[shes2smart]

good post, i think this question has been around for years though!

 

Yup. The double standard is nothing new. And, in some ways, it's better today than it was, say 50 years ago (pre-birth control pills and the sexual revolution of the 60's and 70's).

 

Back when I was in college...shortly after the dinosaurs disappeared (early to mid 80's)...this same crap was going on. Being more focused on building a career than getting into a relationship, I tended toward a bit (ok more than "a bit") of casual sex during that time. Far as I knew, the guys I was involved with and the guys I hung around with were cool with it. The ones I wasn't involved with realized it wasn't any of their business...the ones I was involved with weren't the "kiss and tell" types. At the very least, they had the decency not to dis me to my face.

 

However, the other girls. Oy. Catty, gossipy, and far, far too nosy about what I did in my free time. The concept of "none of their business" appeared to be lost on them.

 

Given those experiences, is it any wonder that I've always been a little guarded in my friendships with other women? I've always gotten along with guys better...

[xmrth]

I think it's along the lines of how it's improper for girls to fart or burp (well, some certainly let out belches) but along the lines of what is expected from girls kind of brings out those guidelines. The guys will always be praised for banging a bunch of girls, just like he would if his ... belch or fart was the loudest? They just have different standards.

 

It all equals the same thing, I would say. What is considered not nice for a girl to do, just because guys get praise, doesn't mean it's okay, just like that doesn't mean it should be okay for girls.

 

And with that brings out the other groups of people. The people, guys and girls, who think it's fine to sleep around, where there's the other group of girls, even guys that think it's wrong. The biggest groups are obviously girls versus the guys and all that.

[Siriana]

Well, I don't always think sex is 'just sex' but sometimes I just feel the need to be touched by someone. I was in a three year relationship so I know and have experienced sex as making love, which is soo amazing and loving and caring. but since we split up three years ago, I have slept with two guys sinse that i knew i didn't and they didn't want anything more from. I was kind of friends with them so there was some emotional attatchement. I just hate all the names that women are faced with, like they are in the wrong or something. SEX IS NOT BAD!!

 

 

I couldn't agree with you more. I've been in a 2 year relationship and single now, and who can tell when I will fall in love again? In 2 months, 4 years... So what should I do? Living in celibate?

Making love is better, but having sex is not so bad at all.

So I've broke up with mine ex 7 months ago and slept with 3 guys since then.

Of course that I think it could affect peoples opinion about me. But people who really know who I am... they don't care.

Friendly sex is o.k. When I was junger I could not deal with it , but now when I'm more mature it doesn't make me feel bad.

Hm, it really looks like I need to find someone just for sex

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Every time I have just attempted to have *casual relations* it made me feel beyond terrible in the long run.. sadly. How inconvenient. Grr.