Reality check!!!!!!!!!!!

[yeawutever]

U know, ever get the feeling that people make such a commotion about it. Some (esp. irrational girls, well guys too) cry for hours, or get depress, etc, they go throught all that trouble just cuz that strong connection isn't there no more, nor feeling, or cuz they either decieve, lie, etc. to the other. Basically there're many reasons for breaking up, even divorce. Ok, so what, you can move on afterwards, it's nothing compare as to your family, parents dying or there was an accident. Somehow aren't relations and breaks-up, divorce put into like 20th place in comparing to all the negative category list. Now, this girl last year in my class, spended a ridiculous time crying, why, well it's obvious, he cheats and goes with the other girl. Wasting tears for something stupid. It's not like "Oh you're the one in the world", plz, blah, lol, think about it, how many people are daily on this planet?? Millions if not trillions, and so on. There're lots of fishes in the tank. Also people expect to much in relation, that they're not being realistic or logic, some think it'll last forever. If so then why, do we heard about conflict, fights, divorce, infidelity, abuse, neglection, etc.??

[yeawutever]

Even worst, after they do through that, they just think about that and nothing else. What about egtting an education, a degree, income taxes, exercise, friends, etc. But now, they're like on their beds and in their heads, I can imagien they must be like "Oh, but she/he was my everything, my love, or "Oh wut now".

[melrich]

Well it's a bit like saying breaking your arm playing sport is not as bad has having your leg bitten off by a shark. Fact is they both hurt and you cannot just rationalise away people's feelings.

 

Sometimes it is good to put your situation into context but that does not mean you should deny your emotions just because your situation may not be as bad as someone else's.

[keenan]

Ailec1987, I always love your posts. But girl, have you been in love yet? I want you to save your post and re-read it if (god forbid) some dumb guy ever breaks your heart.

 

If you love someone a lot...and for long enough...he becomes as important (and often more important) than family. In a way, relationships with our SOs feel more meaningful because we CHOOSE our partners. It's like your deepest friendship + a whole packet of indescribable feelings, all rolled into one. If that person betrays you, watch out (even you, tough one!

 

So nah, I don't think breaking up and divorce are 20th on the list. I think they're right up at the top.

[yeawutever]

Yup, I'll watch out alright, no loser's gonna break my heart nor stop me from my future career, I'll be like with a smile "Well out you go, you had your chance and you wasted it". And good idea, I'll save my post.

[SilverCloud]

thank you keena i dont think i could have put it in more politely as you did..

[keenan]

Yup, I'll watch out alright, no loser's gonna break my heart nor stop me from my future career, I'll be like with a smile "Well out you go, you had your chance and you wasted it". And good idea, I'll save my post.

 

 

LOL. Good for you, babe. I hope you're right. If anyone can do it, you can.

[SilverCloud]

Ailec1987, no one chooses a loser to be the one to spend their life with... you can be as careful as you want but the heart can fool the brain far more strongly, and that strenght of the heart is not explainable even by the sciences. If it could be explained then people would be able to come out of heartbreak cause they would know what got them there in the first place.

[poopy_guy]

what the heck?

 

How can you even say that there is a way it should be for someone else just be-cuz that's the way you would do.

 

...doesn't even make any sense.

[AwdreeHpburn]

sounds a bit protected and not very realistic.

[keenan]

what the heck?

 

How can you even say that there is a way it should be for someone else just be-cuz that's the way you would do.

 

...doesn't even make any sense.

 

Welcome to ENA, poopy_guy.

 

Yah, but in Ailec1987's defense, I think we all do this to some extent. The way that WE would behave feels the most 'normal' and 'natural', so if somebody is reacting differently, it can take time to wrap our heads around their behavior and try to make sense of it.

 

And to be funny...Aren't you actually doing the same thing to Ailec1987 by suggesting that SHE should be as open minded as you are?

[lgirl]

let's hope no one ever breaks your heart or you ever feel DEEPLY for a person, and then you might know what it feels like to grieve the loss of someone you love(d).

 

sounds like you haven't had much relationship experience to be making such flippant comments.

[kerure]

Dear Ailec1987,

 

I can only smile at what must be termed your 'innocence'.

You see, darling, no one ever craves being hurt or down in the dumps over someone they love. These things, unfortunately, just happen... not to necessarily bad or 'stupid' people, but even to the best of us. I personally am a solicitor (what you guys call an Attorney in the States) have a lovely career and my whole life ahead of me, yet I am deeply in love with a man who right this minute is not making me very happy. 10 years ago and at your age, I wouldn't have understood 'me' either. I would have wondered what on earth is wrong with this woman, why can't she dust her behind and move on to some other guy? Such is the power of love my dear. Some people are lucky enough to fall in love the first time ever with their soul mates for life, others have to be refined again and again in the school of love. For your sake and to save you what I and others in this forum have had to go through, I pray you'll be first time lucky like my sister (her first boyfriend was her last. He is now her husband, has been for the past 9 years. They have 3 kids together and remain blissfully happy). I wish you that girl!

 

All the best!

 

 

[southerngirl]

Id rank a divorce right up there at the top too. I'm married, 2 years now and my mom is gone to heaven (cancer)... She's not even been gone 2 years and HE is what has been pulling me through it. If this were to end I think it would hurt real real bad.

[Lady Bugg]

Love is NOT logical...that's why even the MOST levelheaded of people are

suceptible to moments of stupidity with matters of the heart. Part of "falling in love" IS allowing yourself to be open enough to let your guard down and give poeple the benefit of the doubt. Being defensive and on guard ..while certainly will protect you from the deceivers, the liars, the players and losers...that same attitude repulses the NICE guys and the ones who ARE good catches. Who wants to be around someone who anticipates the absolute worst in everyone? Attitudes ARE contagious. Remember: whatever you put out there...usually comes back to you.

 

It's ok to be discriminating...as long as you are open minded about it.

[RayKay]

I think that's pretty shallow actually, when you become emotionally intimate and bonded to someone, it takes time to heal from it. It HURTS to have your heart broken. It's easy to say "why waste tears over something stupid" but the fact is not every breakup is caused by cheating, and even if it is, it does not take away the hurt of being deceived, or the hurt of that loss of love.

 

I have had many family members die, I had a boyfriend of five years also die quite suddenly, and it was indeed extremely painful and took me a long time to heal from. But that does not mean that if I am heartbroken or have a relationship end that I will not feel pain, and I can just say "well, at least they aren't dead" and just move on. You still feel loss, and pain, and you can't rationalize it in the moment. It takes time to heal from loss.

 

Love is not based on logic. When you fall for someone, you expose yourself to the risk of possibly being hurt. I would think if you based all your decisions on relationships on logic alone, you are over protecting yourself to degree you are really missing out on the joys of love and life too.