? about a pregnant woman

[Alpar80]

My gf is about 16 weeks into her pregnancy and is starting to drive me up a wall!! She is all over the place, she just bought a house and is going insane becaue she feels that all of this stuff has to be done. This is my first experience with a pregnant woman so all of this is new to me. I'm not the only one that is noticing the difference it is her friends and also family. I guess it's her hormones tho, the one thing that bothers me is that she doesn't seem to be as romantic as she was before, she wont come over to me and kiss me or even sit with me on the couch, it seems that all she does is complain. I'm not sure if she is even interested in me anymore, when I go to ask her she says that I'm just overreacting, maybe I am. I'm sure this is all normal and will hopefully pass in time, if anyone has any input drop a line.

 

 

[avman]

Yes, this is all normal. Take it from us fathers, it will pass.

 

Women go through some unbelievable hormone changes during pregnancy. Sometimes they almost turn into different people. They may say and do horrible things to you but they can't help it. Their hormones are in control and not them.

 

Romance will also be very up and down. The first trimester is usually a big downer for women in the romance department. The second trimester things pick up and they may be more in the mood. In the final trimester it usually tails off again because they are just too uncomfortable. This varies in some women but the pattern seems fairly typical.

 

Commiserate with your male friends. Vent here with us. Trust me, we understand. It will return to normal after the baby is born and things settle more into a routine. But until then you are in for a wild ride. Try to have a sense of humor about it and don't take the things she says and does too personally. Spoil her rotten and she'll appreciate it in the end (even if she doesn't say so right now).

[Alpar80]

Good God it's crazy!!!! I'm trying to hold my cool but in a way I'm glad I dont live with her now!!! I really love her and care for her but it's like I lost that cheery, outgoing girl I came to like. I guess you're right, I mean you are right, you are a dad... By the way how is it being a dad, that freeks me out also, what does it entail?? I hope I will still be able to go out with the guys sometimes and work on my truck! Man this is all so crazy, the strange thing was like a month ago she was alright now like I said she wont even kiss me. How should I spoil her?? I mean like buy her flowers and stuff, I've done that before and she likes them but, cant that get old?

 

P.s. you dont fly airplanes? (avman?)

[avman]

LOL no I don't fly airplanes. Though I have always wanted to!

 

Being a dad is awesome. I have 3 kids and am heavily involved in their activities. I can't imagine life without them. Of course you'll still be able to go out with the guys sometimes and work on your truck. Being a dad does not mean you give up everything. It just means life changes a bit and requires a bit more planning than it used to. You and your girlfriend will still need some time for yourselves so plan on taking turns letting each other go out and also hire a sitter so that both of you can have some dates alone.

 

How do you spoil her? You run out at weird hours to buy that special food she's craving. You massage the areas that are sore. You drive her to her doctors appointments. You buy special things for the baby to show you're excited about it. Talk to the baby through her tummy. You tell her how beautiful she looks when she's crying because she's gaining weight or getting stretch marks (and she'll still be beautiful, she just won't feel like it). There are so many things you can do. It's not all about flowers and candy. It's more the little guestures that make a difference.

 

I know she seems different now but it is only temporary. Keep remembering she's still the girl that you love. She's just temporarily consumed with another duty right now - growing your baby.

[Alpar80]

Wow that's really a big help!! Im so alone in this, Im actually the first of my firends to become a dad, so I can't really run to them for help and my family is not really there. I'll try some of those things. Im so self absorbed sometimes, she complains about this back pain that shes been having for like a month and i keep telling her to see the doctor, becuae when i message it the pain doesnt go away, haha.. Maybe its just pregnancy pains??? See Im really busy with school right now and trying to get my flight instructor cert, that's why i asked if you flew! So when I have some down time I can help her out with that stuff. If she's still moody I guess I'll ride the waves out. any more suggestions???

[Beyondthesea]

Be extra understanding and kind to her. I've never been pregnant, but many of my friends have been and they seem to feel so alone through it.

 

As you said she is moving, etc. Are you offering to help her with things? She sounds like she is overwhelmed with everything. Are you going to be moving in together when the baby comes? She will need your help daddy!

 

Her back pain is not uncommon and there's nothing that will help much unfortunately. Try carrying a bowling ball on your stomach and walk straight with no back pain. Welcome to pregnancy.

 

Just ride the waves and realize that the hormonal changes she is going through are absolutely insane and she is all over the place because she can't help it.

 

Try not to be selfish right now. An unhappy pregnant woman is not easy to deal with from what I hear!

[avman]

Oh, and another way to spoil her - let her complain about her aches and pains and just listen. There is nothing you can do about it. And it's part of the pregnancy (though if it's sharp or serious pain that is a totally different matter). Massage it if it helps. If it doesn't, just nod your head and go "I know sweetie, I wish I could make it better for you".

 

How is your relationship with your girlfriend's family? You mention your family isn't really there but how about hers? If they like you then I would think you can find some support with them for what you are going through. Especially if you approach it like "How do I help her with what she is going through? It seems so hard and I really love her." This might be a good time to strengthen the bond between you and them. After all, they are going to have a grandchild and you are going to be in their life a lot more now.

[Alpar80]

I have been helping out a great deal, hooking up appliances, painting, doing all sorts of stuff because she wants to rent her old house out before she moves into the new one. I do plan on moving in with her but, lately I have been kinda apprehensive because of how she has been acting, but I guess we have concluded that this is all attributed to hormones. As for her family, they like me, but I'm not too close with them. You see I am actually 10 yrs younger then her, Im 25 and she's 35, I think they feel that since I am still in school and without a steady job that I am not capable of meeting her expectations, which I feel is b.s. I finished college and am working on obtaining my flight instructor cert, I love to fly and am going to fly for a carrer, nothing is going to change that. I am doing all I can without compromising my well being to help her and want for this all to work out, it is seriously diffacult though. Luckily she owns her own business and has income from renters, as for me a boat load of knowledge and bills out my ears! Thanks for all the help

[Relationship Coach]

Alpar80,

Avman has given you the best advice on this topic and I agree with him 100%. Being that I have fathered two children with two women out of two separate marriages, both of their pregnancies were very similar. I will tell you this, she will remember how you acted during this period and she will never forget it. Get out the chapstick and get to work. She is carrying your child, you owe her the world. Be tolerant and don't add to any stress, do everything you can to relieve it or in 5 months you will pay for it dearly!

 

RC

[coollady1957]

I can tell you that avman has hit the nail on the head. HE is absolutely right about everything he said.

 

I have two children , which are grown up now. My memories from when pregnant , are right on target with what avman said.

[Alpar80]

Sounds like a plan! Thanks all!

[zpivat]

Being a good listener (ESPECIALLY when she's pregnant) is a part of loving someone! I can't wait to get married, and I can't wait to experience what you are experiencing; as I think it is wonderful! Good luck!

[annie24]

Yeah, I think the guys here gave some very good advice.

 

I'm not married or pregnant, but if I ever am pregnant one day, I plan on becoming a complete terror. If I want the baby's room to be painted a certain color, I expect him to do it without too much complaint. And if I feel like a double cheese burger and a strawberry shake at 1 AM, I expect him to go out and find it for me.

 

Obviously, I plan on taking care of my husband when he's sick or had a bad day at work, but while I'm pregnant, I want what I want!

[Relationship Coach]

Did anyone else hear the thundering hooves of all the single men in Wisconsin as they headed for the nearest border? LOL! Annie you're too much, one question will you send us a belly dancing picture in your 9th month?

 

RC

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

No one can even touch (and i mean like rub my back) me when i'm sick so i couldn't even imagine how much some girls gorw distant when they are pregnant. Good luck. Lol, but seriously, shes the one carrying a human being inside her, gainign all that weight, and having mood swings from hell. You just get the bi-product, so think of what she must be going through. You made your deposit in the bank, now you have to deal with the * * * * *y teller to get you money back. Cheers and congragulations!