For the ugly and the ugly at heart

[Kevin T]

This is for all the ugly people who cannot get a date; the people who are so physically repulsive that we could literally scare Satan himself three ways from last Sunday, the people whose only chance for romance lies with the 450 pound gal (or guy) on Jerry Springer who's been sleeping with her best friend's brother's cousin's boss, the people who have less than a snowball's chance in hell of ever attracting anyone at all of the opposite sex even if we won the 40 million dollar jackpot, the people who are so skinny/fat/ugly/grotesque/etc. that they had to take their sister or brother to the prom... or else not go, the people who so dearly desire an intimate relationship, yet it always eludes them due to things beyond their control... their genes. People like me. I imagine I'm not alone in this situation, but this post is dedicated to all of those in like situations as myself. But in sum, it sucks. Seriously. Ask someone else in the same situation; they will tell you the same.

 

And to the rest of the world, I ask: What does one in such a predicament do? Resign oneself to celibacy? Go for the 450 pound gal with the oh-so-fragrent odour? Consider 'other' options (wink, wink guys)? Take anti-ugly pills? (I would respect scientists a lot more if they could do something like THIS instead!!) Only date blind people? (Not that there's anything wrong with dating blind people; I mean no disrespect to the disabled.)

 

You see, as much as people can purport that looks don't matter (lol), and say that it's what's inside that counts; most people don't really believe that. Or if they do, they're not living it. They're saying one thing and doing the opposite. So if looks never mattered, then why are there more and more of us in my situation? Yeah, we're nice guys, sweet, smart, dress well, kind-hearted, loving, ambitious, etc... but that doesn't matter. It seems to me that they only way a guy in this world has much chance of getting the girl he wants (or anyone decent at all) is to be 6'2", 187.5 pounds of pure, toned, muscly goodness. Anything else... garbage. Am I right? (Rhetorical question. lol)

[tmp0620]

Man, I feel exactly the same way sometimes. Other times I think there is no one that is that grotesquely ugly in the entire world.

[hosswhispra]

I think you have a talent for creative writing, KevinT. Your opening sentence was an excellent hook.

 

Is that you in your avatar? What are you talking about by saying that your chances of an intimate relationship are limited by your genes? You look like a handsome guy to me. You look tall, in shape and like Brad Pitt with the blonde hair (think Joe Black?). I think what someone feels inward often projects outward. I would say that *right now* in your life you feel kind of negative towards certain things. When I myself have felt negative in my life, I believe I projected inward negative feelings outward. I think that people are sensitive on some level to what others are feeling. You need to turn the negative energy into positive energy. *It's my opinion,* that inward positive energy projected outwardly will attract others.

[Omni-I]

Hmm look man, be a man and stop wasting time so much on your look. Trust me, women don't really want to be respected LOL (Im gonna get hang for this) They want a man who is gonna win and take control of her (not in a abusive way for "normal gals" and for the f*ucked up you can guess why some women stays in a abusive relationship). This my friend IS DA BOMB, understand it and you'll see how the majority of women are. Its social conditioning, gene, natural evolution, watherever you name it. But thats the common thing. Thats why women spend so much time on their looks and a girls who is ugly as hell represent a very low interest for most men.

 

Personality is more important for women than for men, because its what drives and makes us men, alpha males. Its about being charismatic If you prefer charisma isnt only about looks, but how you speak, what you say, how you present yourself, what first impression they have of you, what do you inspire, sense of humor, wits, etc. Crap load of stuff. I notice all the time, guys who looked like bums, half shaved and messy hair with a hot chick. Ask yourself why? Its more the rule than the exception. You don't believe me? Stand in a corner of the streets where you can be sure to see couple. Watch how they are matched up.

 

Thats why you can say that women tend to be attracted to older men, because personality gets better (most of the time) with age and experience. And we tend to pick up younger women because of the looks.

 

Man...despite I know all of that lol. I really don't want to agree...but thats how we are. Like for you, when I'll accept it, I'll be more successful with women

[CarnelianButterfly]

For one thing, the guy in your avatar is cute!

 

And don't pick on fat people!!! They maybe fat but that doesn't mean they lack the same emotions and feelings you have. I resent that you consider skinny/fat ugly. I'm not thin, nor am I the 450lb woman you mention, but I take offense at the implications you make in this post. Maybe your problem is you don't look beyond the 'ugliness' of people and see that that so-so chick is really one of the world's most wonderful people because she has a beautiful heart and mind. Stop worrying what the form love will take, think about what love can give you beyond the physical.

[Lily04]

be honest, if you're the guy in the pic, you're not ugly. I'd say you're of average attractiveness, not bad but not above average either. So go for girls who are of avg. attractiveness & have a great personality, you're bound to get some. Don't ask out the really attractive girls if it makes you feel insecure. Also honestly, looks aren't everything. I went out with the guy last week from Lava who was OK in the looks department, but it was his personality that won me over.

 

Also CONFIDENCE IS KEY. Seriously. I've went out with guys who were maybe even below avg. in looks but had amazing personalities to make up for it, and were confident. Think of yourself as being attractive and focus on your key traits -- i.e. intelligence, reflectiveness, umm maybe humour/wit, I don't know that much about you & have only read a few posts, so I can't say, but this is what I get from you. Just go out there & don't care what others think... seriously that's the only way you'll be happy with yourself. Unless you're an utter perfectionist like me... then you'll have to work on your appearance until you're happy with it, i.e. lose weight/gain muscle if that will help and the 'concentrate on personality' doesn't completely work.

[yeawutever]

It seems to me that they only way a guy in this world has much chance of getting the girl he wants (or anyone decent at all) is to be 6'2", 187.5 pounds of pure, toned, muscly goodness. Anything else... garbage. Am I right? (Rhetorical question. lol)

 

What makes you think that?? It's all about being honest, understable, natural, not horny at all, and a good listener. Why do you feel so low about yourself?? Seems like you went through rejection, if so, don't feel sad about it, it does happens, those who rejected you, they're garbage, they don't know the good in you.

[Lily04]

I agree completely with the last person. If you allow other people's opinions of yourself to determine your self-worth you'll never feel happy, no matter how tall & muscular you may be. You can try working out a bit more or something if it helps, but you'll eventually have to realize that girls don't care so much about this as they do about other things... and if a girl DOES care about looks over other qualities she's probably not the right person to be with in the first place.

[renaissancewoman101]

KevinT, I understand where you are coming from. Even though people go around saying that looks dont matter, the reality of the situation is that looks DO matter. Take it from a woman who is only 4'5" tall. I may be Asian but most people are very taken aback by my tinyness. I have had a few dates with people from online dating sites, where, the first time they met me, one of the things that comes out of their mouths is "I never knew you were THAT small", and then the date goes downhill fast. I get mistaken to be a kid a lot of times and that pisses me off. If I could, I would do anything to add a few inches on me.

 

Dating s*cks!

[BlueWolf]

Character literally determines how you see another person.

Here is an example. Find a person who has an awesome character, is funny and outgoing, but also on the more unattractive side. Chances are they have a lot of people around them, right? Yes.

NOW, replace his/her character with a really low character. Get the picture? Character is how we view others. First we see them they may be just a face, but when you get to know them you literally start to see them differently. It's happened more than once, and is a fact.

 

Similarly, you can find someone who might not reflect confidence or anything like that, but still look ok. Get to know them more and your view of them changes to reflect their character. I think we just connect personality with a face. It's that simple.

If you haven't tried it, in your mind swap the personalities of people you know and imagine how it would be.

 

I'm 17, and I know that "society" puts pressure on less attractive guys/girls. I've really agreed with that. But I'm starting to think more and more that it is false.

 

 

P.S. Great opening post. Awesome hook. I'm tired and would usually only read posts which are only a few lines long at this stage, but your intro kept me all through it (and thus made me post this).

 

P.S. 2 - So don't look for pills which change looks. You can't change how you look but you sure as hell can change your personality for the better, and this site has some great topics on that.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I have been preaching/whining about this ever since I joined this site a year and a half ago. But Kevin, people are saying you are cute and handsome from seeing your avatar. Your problem lies deeper. See, I showed my picture to 8 girls on another site. I discreetly placed myself among 4 other gentlemen and asked the girls to give their opinion and rate them, sort of like a mini hotornot. I trusted them because we were members of the sme site and they knew how I felt about myself. I was picked last in every single ballot. I told a couple of them who I was, and then they changed their tune. Whatever, the point was made. Of course a picture may be worth a 1000 words, but not the whole book. But all my life I have not had girls show me any interest. I would've blamed it on my shyness as I didn't show them interest either, but all of my friends around me had girls/women flocking them and all they had to do was stand there and look cute. Can you imagine the loneliness when for years, and this is going back to fourth grade, for years girls/women look at your friends "that way" but not you? How am I supposed to feel about myself? 4th grade, 6th grade, junior high, high school, college, the work place, my trip to Central & South America 5 years ago, so many examples of how, when I am walking or standing with a friend or a group of friends, I am ignored and they are admired. I would've thought that at my age I'd get used to it, but you never get used to this rotten feeling of not being able to attract flies with doo doo cologne.

 

I am told I am the funny one and that I'll "find someone eventually", which makes me feel like I'm being passed around like a hot potato. Has anyone told me that I am ugly? No. But who goes up to a person and tells them that they're ugly? I can read women's feelings about my looks. I can see them laugh at my jokes and then get alarmed if I try to flirt or show a tiny bit of interest. It hurts deeply not to be desired. Regardless of my personality, I cannot attract women and confidence has nothing to do with it. It is simply because I am yoo gee el why. Ugly. The more I type this the more aggrivated and agitated I get at the years of emotional trauma this causes me. I cannot change it.

 

I am blessed with a lot of things in my life, looks is not one of them. Recently, I decided not to wish I was good looking because it is superficial compared to real problems and real drama. But being alone because your outer shell is repulsive is the worse non-life threatening feeling in the world.

[shamus]

yeah, i know how you guys feel. some days i feel attractive, some days fugly. since going through a recent breakup, my self esteem is pretty much shot.

i too have always been passed around as the hot potato. a few of my friends are really good looking, and girls would flock to them. i always asked what about me?

that's my pic up there, oh well.

[hosswhispra]

I am told I am the funny one and that I'll "find someone eventually", which makes me feel like I'm being passed around like a hot potato. Has anyone told me that I am ugly? No. But who goes up to a person and tells them that they're ugly? I can read women's feelings about my looks. I can see them laugh at my jokes and then get alarmed if I try to flirt or show a tiny bit of interest. It hurts deeply not to be desired. Regardless of my personality, I cannot attract women and confidence has nothing to do with it. It is simply because I am yoo gee el why. Ugly. The more I type this the more aggrivated and agitated I get at the years of emotional trauma this causes me. I cannot change it.

 

KO, you only have to be attractive to *one* woman. Have you ever tried believing that you're not ugly (i.e., giving yourself a positive affirmation). Psychologists advise the use of positive affirmations to people who think negative of themselves or put themselves down. I think we're our own worst critics.

 

I am trying some the following positive affirmations out on myself:

 

1. I am a beautiful woman

2. I am a warm person worthy and deserving of love

 

I repeat the above like a mantra in my head.

 

I am am not saying the use of positive affirmations about ourselves is the panacea for everything, but it's a lot better than saying, "I am ugly".

[Omni-I]

 

I am blessed with a lot of things in my life, looks is not one of them. Recently, I decided not to wish I was good looking because it is superficial compared to real problems and real drama. But being alone because your outer shell is repulsive is the worse non-life threatening feeling in the world.

 

Man...don't people read? Sigh, ok since you can't here another solution. If its true that your are blessed with so much other things and hopefully money. Here is a trick get loads of it and go get surgery! But let me tell you this, surgery wont mean squat if you continue to self-loathe yourself. Let me finish off be saying this quoting billy bob thornton caracter from bad santa "Don't take crap from anybody, especially from yourself." We go around in this world meeting people who will try to take us down all the time, there are enough of them already so why would you allow yourself to be among them? You can be either our best ally or worst ennemie. And no body else can play best either roles because you are the person who knows you best!

 

Be a MAN and take control of your reality. If women tries to take you down, fight back, and overwelm by being unwavered and embarrass them instead. This is how you get noticed with your personality. AND PLEASE, men speaking of their feelings, especially to other women, is really not working. ANd sends a message of neediness and lack of confidence. Prove the whole world that you are a much better man than you "cuter friends" by making something out you, having projects, leading instead of following! EMPOWER yourself. The rest will only follow.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Man...don't people read? Sigh, ok since you can't here another solution.

Nice post, you made some interesting points for me to consider, some that I already thought of or tried, others to put to use. Perhaps I get discouraged easily. But what do you mean by this, calling me illiterate? I kan sew reed.

[Omni-I]

Nice post, you made some interesting points for me to consider, some that I already thought of or tried, others to put to use. Perhaps I get discouraged easily. But what do you mean by this, calling me illiterate? I kan sew reed.

 

 

When people can't read its mean they are analphabetic. So you aren't illiterate, but you definatly can't write!

 

Good luck

[spam]

Ok guys and girls listen up, ESPECIALLY "kyoshiro Ogari" - I've heard a lot about you and am fed up with your complaining. I am directing this post AT YOU but it applies to everyone. This post is going to be long and probably won't be very structured or polished but please bear with me. Some of this has already been said but oh well, this is my take on things.

 

So you're an ugly guy. U haven't yet posted a picture so I'll just take your word for it….U r one ugly SOB….. why haven't u posted a picture? Is it b/c ppl might actually say u aren't ugly which would contradict your current beliefs and potentially rattle your whole world? All of a sudden u wouldn't have your ugliness to hide behind and u would actually have to fess up and face life / face rejection / face being vulnerable / allowing yourself to be S*** scared and join everyone else. Or are u afraid everyone is going to agree that u r ugly. And even if they do think your ugly what would that change? U keep telling us your ugly anyway and so we believe it, but theres the chance that some might think otherwise. And wouldn't that be nice to know? Perhaps some other people can give u some tips on how to improve those looks of yours.

 

I'll give u a bit of background on me. I am not ugly, BUT I am waaay average. Lately I've been interested in ugliness. I'm quite sure I'm gonna write my thesis on ugly people. I've always thought to myself…how do they feel? How does it impact on their lives, etc. I mean at my work there are some ugly people. MY GOD they r f****** ugly. But u know what….thats the extent of it. Apart from their ugliness they are otherwise cool people. So many good looking people are superficial and u know what they r so damn ugly its not funny b/c of it. At my uni there is this one chick who is the ugliest b**** u ever saw. But I tell u what i find myself spending a lot of time with her. She is fat, messed up teeth, overall ugly as hell. But she is so damn funny, I just wanna hang around her. And I do

 

So where is all this going? U gotta become the guy that is ugly but who is FUNNY. Or u gotta be the guy who is ugly but SMART. Which judging from your writing and your reputation on this board u r smart. So u got that one down. Or u could be the ugly guy who is RICH. This one helps a lot. Ideally u want to be the ugly guy who is FUNNY, SMART and RICH and yada yada yada, there are many qualities. Insert them at will.

 

Now your problem is u r also shy. Ugly + shy……Oh heck we got a big problem. How will people know how smart u are if you never open your mouth? Ppl are not mind readers you know…u can't expect people to know about your good qualities unless u display them. Force your good qualities onto people so they have no choice but to see. U got to open up your mouth and spew stuff out. Then ppl will go oh okay, kyoshiro Ogari is cool. They will have something to attribute to u instead of just Ugly. They will think there goes that SMART dude instead of there goes that ugly guy. Give them reasons to like u. It is pretty much impossible not 2 like someone once they open up 2 u. Very hard. Use that 2 your advantage!

 

Now when I say overcome your shyness I don't mean it will fully go away. That's impossible, theres probably a tonne of genetic reasons for your shyness plus the way u were brought up and all that crap….but u need to get to a stage where u can deal with it. U will also always be ugly, but u gotta reach a stage where u can actively deal with it. That could take years. Where to start? I'd say self help books. U need to read good ones and reprogram that brain of yours. It sounds all whacked up to me. Very negative. Your brain is not working for u, its working against u. I swear to god if u spent half the time working out solutions to your probs and thinking positively. And I mean thinking positively every single minute of the day u'd be able to cope with that shyness. Its hard work though being so positive, and its insanely easy to fall into negative mode. So, so easy and its beating u man. U want to lose to that f***** s***?

 

Anyway, key issue here….u want a girlfriend right. That is what all this comes down 2….someone to love and be affectionate with. Well look to your parents. Look to your dad…whats he got? What qualities does he have which helped him rake in your mum? I look to my dad and I'm like okay, whats he got? Chances are what your dad has…u also have…or maybe its your mum. In my case my dad is a funny witty smart motherf*****. And he's just a warm kinda guy. People like him. Same with me….people just like me. Its strange. I also find I am funny as well as smart just like him. That's my queue for success with women as well as in life.

 

Now another topic. U r ugly right. Well r u trying to hit on ugly chicks? I hope so. U can't be ugly and expect the pick of the litter, doesn't work like that. Of course u can make up for attractiveness in other areas to balance it up. So u can up your value. Cos that's what it really comes down to. The value of a person. Looks add to value. Humour adds to value. People like other valuable people. Essentially u want a person who is of equal value to u. Problem is people don't have some figure on their head. Yeah man I'm an 8, what r u? oh crap I'm a 3…haha…get me?

 

To illustrate….theres this dude at my work. Average looking, short, has no idea socially, pretty bad sense of style, sex on the mind 24/7, he's like 35 or something and he's chasing after these hot chicks around my age - 20. And he's depressed as anything cos he can't get girls. Well no s*** he ain't getting anything. If he were to think okay I'll settle with an ugly chick and I'll be happy. I'll get my loving, I'll get my affection. But no he's like well I don't want an ugly chick. Can u believe it? He's picky! So I told him straight up, he's got no right being depressed because…HE CAN get chicks and he could have it all, but he's being superficial, he's no better than the ppl that r against him. Now are u picky??? I'm not saying u r, I'm just raising some points that u might not have thought about yet. I think to myself gee I don't have a girlfriend, but then I'm like well I know for a fact I could get her cos she wants me. She's just not that good looking. BUT I could get her. So I could be happy, I could be getting hugs and kisses from her. But I'm choosing not 2. In the end we just want love, that is what is important! We need to feel it in our core. Granted we try to get the best all rounded guy/girl that we can and that includes looks but the fact that someone is there by our side means everything. I had to work on so many areas of my life and still do. One that I think u need to work on is the thoughts that run through your brain. Filter out the crap thoughts because they can really mess u up big time.

 

Theres also another way 2 look at it? Why the hell do u want a girlfriend so badly anyway? They r so annoying…they r so dumb, they aren't funny, they got nothing. U like your free time? U get a gf and BAM no more free time, she will be there trailing behind u. everywhere. If you start thinking like this, then I guarantee u, u will start to actually enjoy being single and not think of it as a bad thing. Start thinking about the benefits of being ugly? I'm serious have a think about them! It really is how u look at it man. It depends on where you direct your mind and what u pay attention to. If u keep thinking woe is me, that's all u get. If u keep thinking I don't have a gf, u will be sad and if u keep attributing huge things to having a girlfriend and being s*** without one then I have to ask why??? Why not just in your brain swap everything around so that u can feel better......UGLY and all? Its so much easier to do that than anything. Program yourself to think, god I love being ugly, god I love not having a gf. How happy would u be if u started believeing this. I know this sounds weird, hopefully u see my point. Just ask yourself is this belief doing me any favours, can I change it at all? Occasionally you'll be lonely and wish u had someone to cuddle up to. If u want to soak in that feeling then by all means do so. If u don't, then switch to something else. U gotta be in control of your brain man, have some frame of control. And I bet if u had a strong frame u could land a girl in the first place! So develop one! Part of having a strong frame is confidence.

 

Now….in most threads that u have started kyoshiro Ogari "confidence" always seems to POP up. IMO confidence is a MUST HAVE with girls. It's the key to the lock. U HAVE TO HAVE IT….IF YOU DON'T U WILL NOT BE GETTING A GF ANYTIME SOON. Its that simple. Dude its like going into an exam with nothing. Are u gonna pass? Hell no. So u gotta get that confidence from somewhere man! And u r smart, u should be able to control your brain and get it. Having great looks pretty much = Instant confidence. I know its BS, but that's the way it is. People with hot looks r so so so lucky. All they have to do is look in the mirror and be like holy s*** I am one hot looking guy / girl……NO WONDER they feel so good = instant confidence. Its diff for us ugly guys we gotta earn that confidence, it isn't handed to us on a platter. The brain learns what u feed it / teach it and confidence can be programmed in. If u try HARD enough. U gotta look in that mirror and be like I am one smart guy or I am one strong guy or I am a guy that tries hard at xyz or I am one awesome guy or whatever. What I'm saying is….don't bother looking into the mirror expecting to find and think, gee I am one good looking guy. That is not your ticket to confidence, that is your ticket to hell. U don't want that. That ticket only works for the good looking people. In your case and mine, we look into the mirror and be like god damn, who is that ugly pup looking back? Oh s*** that be me yo! so it doesn't work for us

 

Another line of thought - I believe that each person has exactly what they need in order to make it. It seems weird that we would not. The dumb blonde is not smart, but has killer looks. Without those looks she would be nothing. Us ugly guys r usually 'funny and smart'. Without that 'funny and smart' we would be nothing. But we got that 'funny and smart' so we r something. More often than not our 'smart plus funny' is more valuable than 'good looks' b/c the looks fade, our qualities don't. U just got to look at it for what it is. Looks = instant value and works very quickly on everyone in the short term. That is really handy to have. 'Smart and funny' or whatever it is u got and I know u got something (again…look to your parents) tends to work in the mid - long term. Meaning u gotta put forth effort. So u cannot be lazy. U have what it takes man, everyone does. U have what it takes to get the girl that is ideal for u. Everyone's ideal is different.

 

Anyway, I've written a lot of crap here. U better read it and take it on board otherwise I'm gonna have to slap the hell out of u okay! Get out there and show me what u got man!

 

Spam.

[Ålter Ego]

That's tellin'm Spam!

[Miss M]

Wow, Spam, Oh man, I love your post!

Hey, are you my alter ego? j/k

 

But there's a point where I do disagree with you...

People with hot looks r so so so lucky. All they have to do is look in the mirror and be like holy s*** I am one hot looking guy / girl……NO WONDER they feel so good = instant confidence.

I get your point, but that's such a huge myth that good-looking people are automatically confident. It's about what's inside the head, not what's outside, and attractive people are just as able to feel unattractive and unconfident as ugly people are. I've known attractive people who felt horribly ugly, and I've known ugly people who thought they were Da Bomb. But yeah, I get what you're saying, 'cause I've also said the same thing plenty of times, specifically to KO.

 

all of my friends around me had girls/women flocking them and all they had to do was stand there and look cute. Can you imagine the loneliness

Well, I've been one where all I had to do was stand there and had men flock to me because they thought I looked cute. And you know what, that's also truly one of the loneliest feelings in the world. Yep, getting rejected because of how you look probably feels real lousy. But honestly, getting chosen because the guys thought I was cute, well that's a very lonely feeling too, because either way, it's all about the surface stuff, not what's on the inside.

 

And Spam is sooo right. You (and KevinT) are totally convinced that your ugliness is the source of the loneliness and misery you feel, but it really isn't. If you could instantly be attractive, you'd still have those feelings of inadequacy, because those come from the inside of you, and despite how it seems, they have nothing to do with what's on the outside.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

nobody wants to be around negative people, and if you dont change your attitude you will never get what you wish. just do something about it, stop complaining , enjoy your life, go out have fun, the more you think about not getting a girlfriend the worse it will get, the more depressed you will become and the less people will want to go near you.

also, its not really about ugliness or not, because if it was, you wouldn't see all these 'ugly' people in relationships.

if you're not happy with yourself and you dont work on ur self-steem, the day you DO get a girlfriend, you will drive her away by all your insecurities.

[spam]

Appletini

OMG…..really? U mean there are girls out there who r not needy? Where, where, where?

 

Hopefully, u can detect the sarcasm here…..Of course not all girls are needy. My point wasn't to imply this. And even if I did, I would not generalize it to ALL GIRLS because that would just be stupid.

 

Miss M

Hey funky name! I like that one.

 

I was going to add in exactly what u said. U know, to cover the other side of the story and all, but I forgot to. So thanks for backing up me up there

 

Yeah u get some attractive people feeling ugly and sorry for themselves but they are RARE. And it is probably only a matter of time before they shake such thoughts from there minds. You also get those good looking people who rely so heavily on there looks that they've got nothing else. They never had the NEED to develop anything else! They don't need to do anything and people instantly like them just because of how they look. This is not good for them, but still you would be surprised at how many individuals would hang around them for a long time just purely because of their looks. And over time they are gonna start becoming funny / less shy / more sociable whatever purely because of the affiliation / contact with others and their confidence will go up eventually. And it is that confidence which really counts in the end.

 

With the ugly people that act as though they are all that…my personal opinion is that these guys / girls just go round with an "I don't give a f***" kind of attitude. And that wins everytime! It is unbeatable. U hear that Kyoshiro Ogari it is unbeatable so upload yourself one of these attitudes. Everytime something bothers u, say in your head, even LOUDLY "I don't give a f***". Same thing when u look in the mirror. I don't give a f***. Do it all the time. See what happens  Its like the magic pill if there were such a thing.

 

 

And when u said that ugly people think they are the bomb….they probably don't in respect to their physical looks, but in regards to everything else they got, well I'm sure they are the bomb! They just don't let the physical hold them back, they don't use it as an excuse, they don't use it as an excuse to be scared of life, they just be, they just do it.

 

So Miss M you've had men flock to u huh? That's great! I imagine it would suck to be liked purely for your looks. But its better than not being liked at all. 1 advantage of being ugly. If someone is hanging around you, then u must be one cool dude, cos u sure aren't pretty . So u end up getting liked for who you are. The real cream of the crop is when u get an attractive person who is also funny + sociable. Such ppl are in demand and hence very popular. In saying that, just being funny + sociable gets you very far indeed. So Kyoshiro u must not be funny enough….u must not be sociable enough. Because if u were ppl would want to be around u, girls included.

 

What can I suggest?

 

Read…..and read a lot. The more you read the more powerful you become. The more confidence you get. Often times I find I have to read books more than once before they sink in or read about something which is covered by many authors and gradually it just sinks in and becomes a part of you. It isn't any particular author's way of explaining but them all simultaneously. Read books about selling, read books about sex, read books about women, read books about persuasion / influence / leadership. Whatever just read.

Watch heaps of comedy. That 70's show gets my vote.

 

Workout. I'm sure someones told u to do this. So many reasons to do it! U'd be stupid not to. U don't workout for the muscles, although u will get some. U workout because it feels good. Your body releases that many hormones and chemicals u get a buzz out of it. I love working out. U also respect yourself more, which in turn gets you confidence. Also when u look in the mirror and see your ugly mug, have a glance down at your body. It can help. U have to stick with working out as well, takes time and a lot of effort. Educate yourself first on how to workout to save time. When u workout it also means you eat healthy, this has massive impact on how you feel also. I am addicted to veges they make me feel awesome. Working out does massive things to your body and it puts u in the best mode for looking good. IMO LOOKING GOOD IS ALL ABOUT HOW HEALTHY YOU ARE. On days where I think I look good, I notice my skin is really healthy, I look full of energy etc, my face is all good etc. Its not my facial structure per se, but how healthy I am and look. Working out helps to achieve this.

 

And while I'm at it…u know Kyoshiro Ogari another reason to get social is because it makes u feel so damn good. Nothing beats hugging some girl, or having a girl come up and poke u in the chest, or put her arm around u. It makes u feel great. And u really need this I can tell. First off, u gotta get some kind of a RAPPORT going with these girls and make them FEEL COMFORTABLE and u have to be happy and APPROACHABLE (no creepy vibes…no scaredycat vibes either) otherwise the girls won't do it. Also to get a gf u need to be social and have a social group - women are completely social, they will notice and if u have a good group, to them it means u r okay, u get a tick next to your name. So u need to make some friends (guys and girls). U need to say hi to everyone and I mean everyone, no excuses. Hi to the old ladies at work, what u up to sweety? *wink wink*, hi to the fat kid in the corner, everyone. U need to learn how to socialize. Which sounds stupid, I'm sure you can socialize, cos u r probably smarter than damn near everyone, but everyone else is more smarter socially. U just need to learn that basic stuff. One way I did this was to model. No I don't mean get up on stage and shake you're a** cheeks about. I mean model a person. Pick someone. Who do u admire? Or even who gets on with the girls?

 

I've got a couple of people whom I model. 1 guy for his sense of humour, 1 guy for his social ability, 1 guy for the way he walks and his confidence, 1 guy for his balls to do absolutely anything, 1 guy for being an emotional solid rock. U become these people, which is in effect what everyone does anyway, except u PICK. Much more fun that way.

 

My best mate has pretty much everything. He is Adonis looking. He is sociable, he is funny. He is hard working, everyone likes him, guys and girls. Yet despite all this he chooses to hang with me. Now thats something! But basically I've been integrating all kinds of things that he does into my own repertoire and it has the same effect. Ppl started liking me. U need to find a person like this. PAY THEM IF U HAVE TO, to hang around them. I'll give you 1000 bucks if u let me hang around u for a couple of weeks, come to parties with u, everything. MONEY WELL SPENT I guarantee you. And I think someone would do it. Keep your good traits, chuck away the crap ones. Going back to "that 70's show" can u imagine how cool a guy you would become if you modeled evey character from the 70's show? My f***** god, u would rock the house down my friend. A little bit of Kelso, a little bit of Eric. Look at their expressions, look at everything they do, their styles of humour. INTEGRATE - its all there. Also think about Eric, I'd say he's average looking, especially compared to the other guys in the show. But damn he's 1 cool guy. Its infectious how cool he is. No wonder Donna is so in love with him. How can she resist?

 

So lets see, you're working out, you're looking healthy, you've got your social skills down which u copied from your mate, your reading books, so your mind is in check, what else do u need?

 

Umm, you are pretty much there. Then u just gotta be fearless. Which is perhaps the most difficult thing. Fear of rejection / fear of being vulnerable / fear of loss / fear of failure / fear of xyz. This is what gets me. Its not my averageness at all. Its these things….u just gotta remember that everyone feels this way. And u just gotta think I can HANDLE this. And u do.

 

Spam.

[iceberg21]

Its actually rather refreshing to see someone not necesarily tell some what they wanna hear, rather what they need to hear. So many people beat around the bush and day things to please someone, even tho it doesn't necessarily help. In this case, it doesn't. So, nicely done. As far as the topic goes, looks do matter to an extent. If you can't be physically attracted to someone, you don't have much to go on. But that being said, I'm what I would consider myself to be rather average. Acne that may not be as bad as I think it is, but its there, and drives me crazy. For whatever reason, very very cute girls still find me attractive. Not the 450 pound Springer women as the threadstarter suggested either. Its hard not to judge someone based of their looks. I've done it, and regretted it because I think I've missed out on knowing some really great women.

 

In the end, looks are NOT the end all be all of attracting people. If you're counting yourself out at just 24, Mr. Threadstarter, you might as well give up. SHOULD you give up? NO! You choose your attitude, and you've chosen poorly. I used to think the exact same way, and I don't know what changed for me, but something did and I'm only 25, and no better looking than you. But my mindset is not the same, and its made a huge difference for me in the last 4 years, not only with women but just in life in general. There's a lot of good advice in here, so don't blow it off as something that "just won't work for you". If you've tried it before, you're not trying hard enough.

[Lily04]

I agree with the last poster (and spam's messages are probably helpful but too long for me to read right now, lol... sorry. But I used to think like that as well, but then made a proactive effort to CHANGE how I felt. I started exercising, changing my diet, got a haircut, new clothes, etc. Does this automatically increase self-confidence or your feeling of self-worth? No. It doesn't. But it was a step towards getting there. What helped change me the most was basically becoming more extrovertive, and accepting of people... I joined clubs, met people and became friends with new people at my school (and I have a feeling we might even attend the same school, lol...maybe.) That was what helped the most... just taking on leadership roles, seeing people respect you and contributing to a greater project that helps others or has that potential.

 

Figure out what you like about yourself and pursue that. For me, I love policy making and that sorta stuff so I got involved with student politics. I used to be really shy & an introvert, so campaiging and stuff was a huge change. It was outside of my comfort zone but I FORCED myself to do it and now am very glad I did. Also living in residence and making some of my best friends with my roomates helped.

 

It comes with maturity and in time your self-confidence should increase, I think part of it is just your age... I heard around 23/24 most people are more mature with themselves, gotten over these type of hurdles. But why wait? If you can do it now, might as well try. I think I changed a lot in this past year and a lot of it was just learning to think more positively about myself. If I can do it, I'm sure you can too.

[Lily04]

oops sorry, for some reason I thought you were 21 in your profile... well since you're 24 you should definitely gain more self-confidence! Find something you enjoy and dedicate yourself to that... you have to set goals and try to achieve them. If you don't think you can do it yourself get a few buddies along to help... I dunno, this is just my personality, but if I want something I'll do it. And usually achieve it. You just need that type of drive.

[erosadviceman]

While I'm not going to say attraction doesnt have anything to do with looks, attracting girl's doesnt have as much to do with looks as you think. I'm not going to go into depth about psycological reasons for this, but there are 7 main characteristics that females naturally seek in a mate, and these are called AMOG characteristics (alpha-male of the group). If you demonstrate these, you can and will get girls attracted to you. Also, don't worry about your natural looks, if you take good care of yourself this is very attractive to women. Good hygiene, well dressed, clean, working out - will raise your appeal. A guy who's a 6/10 naturally and takes care of himself to make himself a 7/10 is MORE attractive to a girl than a guy who is just naturally a 7/10 but doesn't take care of himself. By understanding the way social interactions work, concepts about social proof, dmv and amog characteristics and the mechanics of approaching, attracting and seducing women from the FFF system, ANY guy can get a beautiful girl, you just need to know how, guaranteed.