ReadyorNot Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I cant deal with this anymore.... I am 26 years old... I am such a wonderful girl... yes I was a b**ch at times with my bf... we were going to be married this June 10th... he left me 3 weeks ago.. after 6 years together... My mother is an alcoholic.. she has been since 1997... she gets violent and verbally abusive when she is drunk.. I have dealt with it and would just hide in my bedroom after school so she would leave me alone... the cops have been called probably 5 times in the last 9 years.... they all just say to get my own place... I want to have a good life for myself.. I dont want to go on welfare and have no money and not be able to do anything.... I am a casual employee for the Correctional Service of Canada.. I have been for 4 years and I am working so hard to get in permanently but its not so easy.. but i have always been able to live at home while I work.... I have amazing government experience.. and if jobs would just open up and competitions come out then I would be able to get something permanent... So for the last 9 months we have been planning a wedding.. after the wedding I would join my new husband on a base 4 hours away from here (he got into the military 7 months ago). These last 9 months I have had NO PATIENCE for my mom getting drunk.. seriously... I get so mad when she wont leave me alone.. she harasses and harasses me.. My fiance has been away with the military for 7 months.. my friends have all left town except for 1 who usually is too busy for me... so I have just had to put up with this stuff... it really gets to you when someone is screaming at you non stop and putting you down... i have begun to smash things... like frying pans and two weeks ago i ran through a door (not on purpose) and I have cuts all over my arms... So my fiance left me 3 weeks ago... thats pretty hard... my whole life feels like its over but i have been trying to survive... I have just wanted to be left alone and not be harassed and questioned by my mother so I have been in the basement.. watching tv and on the computer... you know.. My fiance left me... Its soooo hard to start my life over without him.. I was going to have everything I ever wanted... I was going to have childen in the next few years.. now its all gone... ripped away from me.... i have nothing and I am all alone.... I came home from work today and of course she is drunk.... she tells me that my uncles mother is dying (she isnt my grandma)... I was like "oh, thats too bad".... I care about this woman but I really dont know her.. I am more concerned about how my aunt and uncle are dealing... so she flips on me... tells me that I am alone now.. and I will be for the rest of my life... she said that I am out of here tomorrow... she wants me out once and for all.. I have NO WHERE to go and she knows that.... she said that she hates my face.... she never wants to see me again... I CANT HANDLE THIS!!!!!!! Its enough that I have been trying to deal with the fact that my life has been shattered.... my fiance left me to rot here... he knows what goes on here.. he has always told me to get out.. but i was waiting till we moved out together... I dont have a permanent job.. I only work until May 15th.. what am I suppose to do? If I had the guts I would have been dead years ago.. back in 1998 I tried to slit my wrists.. I slit up and down thinking that wouldnt work but then I find out if I had of cut something that would have been worse.... I have taken a load of pills before but not enough to seriously harm myself.. I am scared to die.. TERRIFIED ... BUT I DONT WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE... My mom said that at 4pm tomorrow she will have the cops here and I must pack my bags and get out of this house and her life.. She is drunk.. she has said things before.. but never follows through but she is serious... I am SOOOOO alone.. I have no one.. I have no where to go.. I have a two cats and a job until May 15th... Can I please just go to sleep and never wake up again... If I could find someone to take care of my cats and make them happy then I would gladly die in my sleep.. I dont want ot be here... As I write this she is screaming at me to start packing my things because I am OUT tomorrow at 4pm Link to comment
Scout Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Do you have a car? Hell, if you do, pack your stuff plus your cats and get in it and drive far away from this toxic woman. If you have to call social services, welfare, whatever it takes to get some kind of government assisted housing, then do it. Or, find an inexpensive room in a boarding house that charges by the week. You may have to live very frugally and with no frills for some time until you can get fully on your feet - heck, you may even have to live out of your car for a while - but anything is better than killing yourself or living with your alcoholic mother for one more day. I have followed your posts for some time, and have always gotten the sense you're a wonderful girl, too. But you've had a very hard beginning to your life, and some major struggles to deal with. Of course, you feel you're at the bottom now, but look at it this way: at this point, there's no other direction for you to go but up! Please, stick around even though the present moment seems like a nightmare. I can almost guarantee you'll get through this, and come out so much the stronger for it. Life does have much, much better things in store for you. For some of us, we have to really go through the fire first. I am so sorry you're having to. But I know you can overcome this. Link to comment
J-2-F Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Hey readyornot I don't know exactly what you are going through but all i can tell you is that if you do decide to go through with thing you will be letting your mother and your ex win over you. Think about it. You are much stronger than you think you are. The fact that you are still here shows that you can once again rise above this and be even stronger than before. I have a younger sister that also didn't want to be here anymore and luckily she never went through with it although she tried three times. But i sit back and look at her today and how far she has come since then and i just start appreciating life so much more. There are people out there who really care about you i am sure and right now you need to be around them. Let you friend know where you are at in your life right now and maybe she can help you through this. Hope i have given you a little more hope for life!!!! Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 You work for the Correctional service of Canada...you aren't making bad coinage if I'm correct. Why don't you start saving to have an apartment? Are you applying for other jobs? If no, why not? Why don't you use this opportunity to start a new life for yourself? Things aren't the way you want them, try to make a change! I too have always followed your posts and you seem very capable, but something is holding you back...what is it? Don't say money because you don't need a ton of money to get out of your situation. Find an apartment or a room mate! Look in the paper, there are always people looking for a room mate and some people love pets but don't have their own. I realize you just got left by your fiance, but don't sit back and take all this up the tailpipe. Time to fight back and find out what you want. Change can be scary, but it can also be very exciting! As for being suicidal, there are plenty of free mental health clinics in Canada where you can find a social worker or counselor to talk to about your problems. Also, what would it hurt to phone an agency within the government and find out if there is funding for someone like yourself stuck in an abusive home? Don't despair. There is always a solution to life's temporary problems! Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Yes I make good money..... but for the last 4 years I have been working 6 months on (broken down into 3months, off, 3 months, off) so I havent worked in between so anything I save I have used to pay my car payment and other bills in between working... I have my own car, but how can I pack my cats and I up and leave... go where? If I didnt have my cats then there are probably a number of places I could go.... but I will not give my cats up and my mom would throw them out onto the street if I left without them... I hope you dont all think that I deserve what I get if I am not willing to give up my cats.. but they are like children to me... Practically the day after my fiance left me I started to talk about getting my own place... my mom told me not to make crazy decisions right now while I was upset.. I asked her what she meant and she told me to stay here until I get a permanent job.... I know I need my own place.. I have wanted my own place for awhile but then I was suppose to get married nad be moving 4 hours away... She keeps saying to me "NO WONDER TOM LEFT YOU!!!! YOU ARE A NUTCASE!!!!" then she said he is lucky, he can just take off. but she is still stuck with me... She is on the phone as I type telling my aunt what a terrible ugly b***h I am... telling her all this bs..... lies! I dont even know what else to type... I have such a screwed up life.. WHY ME??? All I have ever wanted is to get married and have my own family... Link to comment
RayKay Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 You could get in touch with a temp agency perhaps and see if you can work temp jobs in between your terms with Corrections. There are other places that may be willing to hire you for 2-3 months at a time. Not sure what your position is with Corrections, but can you find work with a security company for example for term positions? Your mother is definitely an alchoholic, and definitely has a lot of baggage, but don't let that be your baggage anymore. You can't. There is only so much of course you can handle. And right now you need to take care of yourself, you have a lot of healing to do from not only your relationship with your mother, but from your dissolved engagement. Is there a friend that can take your cats for a while until you get on your feet and find a place? Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Yes, I could deffinitely get on with a temp agency but really there isnt anything within Corrections... we dont use temp agencies really... the one one that I know of is for the Health Care Assistant... I work in Finance... so anything finance... I will be applying to al the competitions I can (not many are out) and I will be contacting someone from CRA and DND to see if I could be a casual for them too... The sad thing is, I really dont have anyone... My closest best friends have all moved away but one... she lives with two other girls and they already have cats there.. my cats dont get along with their cats either... Honestly, there is no one else that would do this for me... seriously... My mom is quiet now.... Sorry if I am repeating myself...My grandpa called (since I called him) back.. he wants him and I to switch.. I can live in his condo and he will live here.... when we got off the phone my mom freaked out... like seriously freaked out and was so angry.. she doesnt want him living here... she said she has looked after people her whole life.. now she will still have to till she is like 70... she is really selfish really... she hasnt had to look after me, and my brother hasnt lived here since 1994.... she use to take my grandparents to the doctor and cleaned for them... She was angry that I called him.. she said I am going to give him a heart attack... I feel bad after I call him but you have to understand how she harasses and harasses.. I nicely ask her to just stop yelling and let me watch tv... she wont.. so what else can I do... I know my grandpa wouldnt let me out on the street... but what can a 84 year old man do? Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Ready... I lived with an alcoholic man for 3 years when I was 20. I dealt with his "tantrums'...his drunken abuse until I had enough. I didn't have much...but I had enough tenacity and will to wanna get out of an unbearable situation. I responded to an add in the paper for a woman looking for a roomate. She sounded great...and she was. We "roomed" together for about 1 1/2 years..and guess what happened? One lazy Sunday afternoon..we were reading the Sunday paper together. I spotted a persoanl ad from what seemed like a pretty humble nice guy..and told her...this guy sounds nice. Why don't you respond? Guess what? She did. They started dating...she moved out to live with him..and last I heard she moved to Arizona where they are now happily married. Great things CAN come from terrible situation....but you have to WANT it to happen...and be courageous enough to make it happen. Please...hang in there. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Everything sounds incredibly awful for you, I guess one possible positive thought is that *from here, the only possible way is up?* x Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 I'm sorry you have to go through this. ...My grandpa called (since I called him) back.. he wants him and I to switch.. I can live in his condo and he will live here.... when we got off the phone my mom freaked out... Why do you and your grandpa have to switch? Why not just move into his condo without him having to move out? Even if it's crowded, it will get you away from your mom- and it would only be temporary. You can't think about ideals right now- you just need an action plan to get out. It sounds like your grandpa's place is the best place for you to go right now- but I don't think he should leave and go with your mom. While you're there you can help him out a bit around the house in return. It sounds like your best option right now to get you out of a situation of crisis and into a safer environment, until you can get on your feet. Yes, I could deffinitely get on with a temp agency but really there isnt anything within Corrections... we dont use temp agencies really... the one one that I know of is for the Health Care Assistant... I work in Finance... so anything finance... Even if temp agencies do not have positions in Corrections or Finance for you to take in-between jobs- you should look into what other types of jobs they may have to carry you over so that you will be better off financially. Most are willing to train you to do another job. You may have to lower your standards for a temp job, but it will at least give you some money, which is better than none. Again, you can't think about ideals- this is an emergency situation, and it it is very unhealthy for you to stay in- so you need to do whatever you can to get out of it. I think you should try to get to your grandpas place ASAP so you can gather yourself and start thinking about a long-term plan. I do hope things get better for you, BellaDonna Link to comment
Scout Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Great advice from Bella Donna, and I hope you take it to heart ReadyorNot. Now is not the time to be thinking long-term. This is an emergency situation. Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 You don't have to work 'temp through corrections canada.' In fact, since you aren't getting the hours/money you need, why don't you apply to temp jobs that can lead to permanent? There are plenty of agencies that would place someone like you in a permanent position with your experience. I think you just aren't thinking clearly because things are so hard right now. The solution is to apply for other jobs and quit the government one if it isn't supplying the money you need. You don't have to leave your cats. Nearly all apartments take animals. Nearly all people like animals. You can move somewhere and TAKE THE CATS. It seems you are just blocking suggestions because it would be too hard to take the plunge. Don't make us kick you in the butt! It is hard but it can be done! Link to comment
RayKay Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 You don't have to work 'temp through corrections canada.' In fact, since you aren't getting the hours/money you need, why don't you apply to temp jobs that can lead to permanent? There are plenty of agencies that would place someone like you in a permanent position with your experience. I think you just aren't thinking clearly because things are so hard right now. The solution is to apply for other jobs and quit the government one if it isn't supplying the money you need. You don't have to leave your cats. Nearly all apartments take animals. Nearly all people like animals. You can move somewhere and TAKE THE CATS. It seems you are just blocking suggestions because it would be too hard to take the plunge. Don't make us kick you in the butt! It is hard but it can be done! Actually up here the laws for keeping pets in apartments tends to be quite different...there is only one or two buildings in my city for example that allow pets and they are not the nicest ones to be living in either. But I agree Ready definitely needs to work to find some solutions to get herself out on her own and on her feet. Even casual with Corrections pays well, and is enough to at least find a room somewhere, there are often roommates willing to take in pets too. Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Really RayKay? That's such a surprise to me! I guess that's what happens when you live on the plains...you don't know what life is like in the big city Link to comment
RayKay Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Really RayKay? That's such a surprise to me! I guess that's what happens when you live on the plains...you don't know what life is like in the big city Hey I'm in a "plains city"...lol..so we aren't THAT big! Yup. Here at least, there are very few privately run buildings, most are run by agencies which have rules against pets. Sometimes you find a landlord whom themselves disobeys that law and will be flexible...but it's tough. I do think some provinces are more flexible though (you may have to pay an extra rental fee in case of damage though). Personally I don't get it, as sometimes the laws are kinda screwy. They say it's due to damage they can do...but yet I have seen small children in my building whom probably do more damage then a housecat does..and are far louder! I have a cat that moved out with me when I moved out from parents, I had her for 3 years before I got busted in my place, and she moved back to my parents. It was very hard, but she is alright there and I was fortunate to have them willing to take her. So then I got a "caged" animal which some apartments DO allow....however my rabbit runs free (don't tell anyone ). There was a guy in my building whom had like 15 terrariums of snakes and lizards, but someone can't keep a cat - kind of ridiculous..snakes are much more likely to get out and get and terrify some old lady down the hall! Link to comment
Scout Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 Some places here say they'll accept small dogs only. But in my experience, it's the little yappers (and of course, puppies) that do the most damage. Link to comment
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