Morals on cheating

[DropToZero]

I had an interesting, but short insight yesterday from my best friend, someone I've known for the past 10+ years, and we've always been great friends and don't judge each other and are always happy for one another when something good comes along(no matter what it be). Like I said, I will not judge him for this either, because I know it has to do with just the way people see the world, but I thought I'd see what others think.

 

Anyways, we were talking, and I brought up the idea of cheating in a relationship/marriage (because of friend of ours does it a little too often) and the fact that I don't agree with it, because...obviously, it destroys trust and makes other feel very precarious in the future when it comes to commitment. The issue being, my friend thinks it's okay to cheat in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, yet when you're in a marriage, it's wrong. Well...I didn't sit there and argue it, because it was too late at night, and I didn't feel like getting into a discussion.

 

I cannot understand how people think that way, and I would like to know others inputs. I think cheating is wrong...period, yet I know people are not perfect and we make mistakes, and sometimes things happen. But for someone to think it's okay to cheat in a word-based relationship(b/f&g/f) vs. marriage(on paper agreement basically with vows taken), I cannot understand. I want to know how anyone could think that, I mean if you cheat on someone when you're in a b/f & g/f relationship, why would they EVER want to get MORE involved with you(i.e. marriage). It just doesn't make sense, how can you build a relationship with someone in that way, if you think cheating is okay outside of marriage(because that's how the world is-in my friend's words).

 

I guess this is sort of a rant, but I would like to see or hear from others on what they think of this.

[vesper]

I believe that cheating is wrong in marriage and outside marriage in a committed relationship. It is deceitful and it breaks down trust. Afterall that is what relationships are based on. Especially to know that your partner has cheated and go into a marriage?? that is bad news. I always suspected an ex of mine of cheating. He always denied it, but the feelings never went away. Eventually this just broke down the trust in the relationship to a point where it just ended on its own. I personally would never cheat or committ adultery.

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

I agree with you. Cheating is cheating. If you really care about someone, the thought of giving into temptation shouldn't even cross your mind. The problem is cheating has become so common-place in our society and is so far out in the light that people take that to mean it is okay. Misconstrued conceptions of what cheating is is also a major problem. Do you define cheating as a kiss or as having sex? As hanging out with someone you are attracted to or as going on a date with someone you are attracted to? There is no offical answer, more everyone's personal opinion. Myself, if someone I was going out with, and i mean boyfriend/girlfriend realtionship for any period of time, I would classify kissing definatley as cheating, and as short-leased as it may sound, I would be really hurt if my boyfriend was flirting with someone else. If someone does something that they know could hurt you, then they don't care enough about you to carry on a relationship, and the act should be considered cheating. It's wrong and selfish to cheat on someone. If you really don't care about someone anymore and you do like another, respect the other person. Breaking up with them and explaining the situation will still hurt, but it will hurt less then finding out you're being cheated on. Cheating is being selfish in its most raw form. I am also curious to hear what people's reactions would be to finding out their partner was cheating on them. Would you break up with them, try to make it work, or continue on as if nothing had happened? Interesting topic here........

[mystik]

I think cheating is wrong...period

 

I completely agree with you. I think cheating is one of the worst things you could ever do to someone else. I'm such a firm believer in that that I believe even emotional cheating is wrong. Cheating does not only occur when something "physical" happens. If you have feelings for someone else and spend a lot of time with them and allow your feelings to grow when you're supposed to be in a relationship, is also cheating. Cheating is cheating, and cheating is wrong regardless of any circumstances. If you don't want to be someone, get out of the relationship, there is no reason to cheat. Alcohol is also no excuse. Something is wrong in a relationship where someone cheats..so yes, i completely agree!

[anxietygrl]

Cheating is wrong in any relationship....marriage, long term, short term etc. There are no excuses. It's really sad about one of my acquaintances from school...we went to a dance club with her and she walked away with some random guy (this wasn't like her at all do this this) and we found her making out with him heavily.

 

She was in a 6 plus year committed relationship. Her bf NEVER found out....years later they are married now and me and a few other friends know this info yet no one ever went forward to tell the guy. Everytime I see her I think about what she did....yes it was a kiss...more like heavy make out session....but It was Cheating. Do you think that was blown out of porportion? A kiss to me is so hurtful especially when your involved with someone else. I know some people define cheating in different ways....I know there are worse ways but kissing is still bad.

 

What do you think? Also what do you do when you witness that ...do you tell the person involved or stay out of it?

[mystik]

That's hard....it would really depend on how well you knew both parties. Now is definitely too late to say anything, afterall, they are married. I believe kissing is definitely wrong. I probably would want to make sure the other party found out though..that's just me. Some people say, stay out of it, but I think it's only fair they knew.

 

My ex had a best friend who was a girl, and they spent a lot of their time together because they lived in the same building (I however, lived an hour away). A month before we broke up though, he started wondering if he had feelings for her and I feel like he emotionally cheated on me. Instead of telling me, he just continued spending so much time with her, having fun, and exploring his new found feelings for her. In theory, he should have told me right away. True, he didn't physically do anything with her, but he might as well had. I trusted their time together was purely platonic and he insisted it was. Seeing as he had feelings for her, means he lied to me for a month.

 

Cheating in any way is wrong. If you don't want to be someone else, or are considering other options, let your partner go.

[vesper]

In theory, he should have told me right away.

 

I agree with mystik - if you are one of the parties in the relationship, I think it is best to tell the other person right away. This is important if you want to keep communication lines open and have any hope of re-building trust.

 

on telling your friends if their partner is cheating?? hmmm - touchy subject. generally stay out of it until they figure it out...

[yeawutever]

Cheating is cheating whether you're marry or in a commited relation. No excuses for that, not even if you get drunk. To me, if I was in relationship or married, having sex, kissing, making out, hiding dirty online messages, petting, etc, would definitely be cheating.

[Belinda]

I think they should rename cheating to "Destroying".

Cheatings something you can do to cut corners and get away with. CHeating in a relationship is nothing like cheating on a test or something.

 

Even in the best case, where youre forgiven for cheating and things get stronger for it, the trust is gone wether its admitted or not. The cheatee gets a sick feeling when he doesnt come home on time, persistently checks his phone and email, and is always with one eye open.

 

Anyone that believes that cheating is either "Inevitable" or "Harmless" is a very immature person themselves, and I would suspect they had the potential to cheat themselves.

 

But to say nothing wrong comes from it, in any circumstance (protitutes, open relationships or otherwise) there is always destroying done. Wether it be to the relationship, the victim of it, or the cheater themself. No one ever comes out of the situation clean.

 

It's like saying cutting yourself is okay because it heals, no one ever mentions the ugly scar that stays with you for life.

[shyanne]

i'm married, we will be together 19 years this june and never cheated/slept with another man within those years however, i did try once.... just didn't work out. you can't really say all cheaters will always be cheaters and should never be trusted.. it depends on the situation of the relationship.

[anxietygrl]

it's annoying when people say "50 percent of people cheat." Is that really true..because if it is that is sad....or am I naive?

 

yea i stayed out of telling the guy that his gf cheated on him..it's so bad though Iam pretty close to them and one of my friends threatened to tell him...and she went to his house and threatened him saying if you tell him you will pay for this...I mean what kind of person says that? I always thought she was a nice girl she still is but that one night will ALWAYS stay on my mind. I don't care if she was having problems within her family (thats what she told us) NO EXCUSES Her husband unfortunately will learn the hard way...he's such a great guy I hope she doesn't do it again.

[yeawutever]

Yup, it's so sad many people will still do it, convincing themselves that it's just a joyful, free ride, when in relity it will cost you a lot more than you gain. But then again, check out the ones who never got tempted, there's also lots of people who never did it and never will.

Besides if you cheat, you can never even convince yourself like a non-cheater and say "I'm so proud and I never cheated once". That self-image is gone forever.

[RayKay]

I knew some people whom believed that too. Guess what? When they got married, turned out they still "believed" in cheating, as long as their spouse was not doing it. Turns out what's good for one is also not good for the other. I knew one girl (not a friend) whom cheated on EVERYONE she was ever with. Even her fiance. She said that she could sleep around until they were married, it would show her if they were meant to be or not....uh huh.

 

I truly believe marriage and commitment is a state of mind and heart, not just about the paper. You can be "married" and committed before you ever even exchange vows, it's about personal choice.

 

Cheating is not less painful, or any less destructive, just because you are not married. If their partner knew, do you think most of them would say 'oh, well we are not married, so have fun until then'. No, many would CALL the wedding off. It's called cheating not because it's something you both agreed on and are open about, it's cheating because it's lying, dishonest and relationship sabotage. And I agree with you...it is NOT building a healthy, loving, honest faithful relationship....how can it be? Even if one person is totally unaware, it's all based on a lie, a mirage. And it pollutes it later even more, as there are huge elements of distrust...it's toxic, and I cannot comprehend it.

[Cecelius]

What RayKay said. I've heard this before, usually from people who have cheated on a boyfriend -- it's another variation on "I would never cheat on someone I was in love with."

 

I think it is a way that a person has of saying that there is a status out there (an external force or boundry) that will keep them from cheating but that doesn't apply to them now because things aren't that serious. I also agree with the idea that people won't start taking fidelity seriously just because of some other status.

[yeawutever]

Yup, agree with you on that one rocker, they lack moral and maturity. Now, you hear more often that "But I was drunk, can't recall anything" excuse. That's so lame!!!!!!!!!11

[goingmadithink]

The heck wrong with these people now these days!!!!! Come on, that's so retard, if you're not happy, then leave!!!!!