At what Date do you have Sex?

[jensxcom]

It always confuses me. IF your dating someone, everything is great. How long are you supposed to wait for sex?

I know alot of guys are players and women have to be careful but I was in a situation where I waited 2 months and the guy dumped me.

 

So how do you know? I read you should wait till date #5. But now i think there should be a big talk before sex, like about your relationship and everything.

 

I always thought it was a bad idea to bring up because you may scare the guy away and you should just have sex and hope for the best.

 

But now i think there needs to be a talk, am i right?

[shes2smart]

If you would feel more comfortable having "the talk" before having sex, then that's what's right for you.

 

Not everyone is honest about their intentions, so while having a discussion before taking action looks good on paper, it's only as good as the level of honesty/integrity both parties bring to the table. Having said that, knowing someone for 2 months may give you a better idea of the kind of person they are in general than only knowing them for 2 hours. It's not a guarantee, as you witnessed with the guy you mentioned, but if that's the way you prefer to do things, then you've got a right to do them that way.

 

When I was single, I was never a "wait a certain number of dates" gal. I made that determination based on how things were going and how I felt at the time. Sometimes, I made mistakes....but you forgive yourself, learn to be a better judge of other peoples' characters, and move on.

 

Just to muddy the waters even more for you...I chatted with a guy online a few weeks, went to meet him for a date and things went so well, we had sex on the first date.....he proposed a week later and we've been married for 3.5 years. Best relationship either of us has been involved in. However, I am well aware that for most people in most situations, that would be a recipe for disaster.

 

My point is there, unfortunately, is no one right, one-size-fits-all-people-in-all-situations answer to your question. Generally, I suppose having sex early on in a relationship would be a factor that would increase your risk of an early crash & burn, and waiting would be a way to minimize that risk....but as you can see in your experience (Mr. 2 Months & Gone) and mine, it's no guarantee.

 

But that's what makes life so..........interesting.

[Giant]

I have been going out with my gf for three months and we have agreed that we should wait until we are older (more perhaps when we graduate) for intercourse. im a year older than her and i will graduate a year earlier than her.

 

we have agreed that we should wait until we graduate and move into a home together.

[sidehop]

Honestly, who ever came up with the # of dates to have sex is just plain dumb. Unless sex is some type of entertainment in relationship, I'd say it's #1. But the fact is, it's not...and it all differs between people.

 

It should come naturally...when the relationship gets more deeper and the two people are closer together I'm sure 'sex' will come out natural.

[avman]

It's not a formula as the others have said. It's when it feels right between the two people. As sidehop said, it comes naturally.

 

Communication is vital in a healthy relationship. Yes you two should talk about it. Find out what you both want from the relationship and everything first. And then talk about the sexual aspects.

[annie24]

While I agree that there isn't a forumla, I think that waiting 4 months is a good idea. The first few months, people are on their best behavior. Then, they start showing their true selves.

 

Like S2S said, it can happen that sex on the first date leads to a wonderful, fulfilling relationship, but most of the time, it doesn't happen that way.

 

good luck

[Scotcha]

There is no set formula or a set of rules unless you make them yourself. And as long as you're doing what is right for you there's nothing wrong with that.

[shyanne]

i would really have to get to know someone and/or date for a while before going further. how long is a while? you have to use your own judgment.. you both have to really like and be comfortable with each other.

[Scout]

Honestly, who ever came up with the # of dates to have sex is just plain dumb. Unless sex is some type of entertainment in relationship, I'd say it's #1. But the fact is, it's not...and it all differs between people.

 

It should come naturally...when the relationship gets more deeper and the two people are closer together I'm sure 'sex' will come out natural.

 

Perfectly said! Don't listen to stupid rules that say "by date three or date five"...I found that when I put off sex, I ended up dating someone longer! You should never, ever feel pressured to have sex, and what's more, men will respect you more if you respect yourself enough to wait until someone truly loves and cherishes you.

 

The ones who don't? They'll leave you whether you have sex with them on date three or not.

[xprincessbugx]

I think you should have sex after you've discussed it and feel comfortable with each other. It's stupid to set a time limit on when you should start having sex. That's forcing it and it prolly wouldn't be so special, but good luck.

[yeawutever]

I would have to be marry to that guy.

[Day_Walker]

I believe that there can be some weight given to wait a certain number of dates. The people I know use the number of dates to determine what the level of comfortability should be. This is going to vary from person to person. If the number of dates passes where something should have happened then the person just cuts their losses and doesnt pursue a dating type relationship any more.

I believe this kind of rule is harsh to people who dont get comfortable with people quickly.

[neva_black_n_white]

3 months, 22 hours and 7 minutes.

 

You really can't ask when you should have sex, its all about YOUR right time. I think this is one of those questions, as much as you turn to the board, they cannot give you the specific answer.

 

You need to feel comfortable with one another. You need to feel as though its right. Maybe planning it is right for you? But most of all, the majority of people like to talk about it.

 

I wouldnt jump the gun, or try to speed things up. It all happens when you feel right, or it should do. Youll only later think, if you do do it too quick .. that you rushed. Thats not the greatest feeling.

 

If you need to ask, maybe your not ready? you know.

 

Hope this helps, neva x