Why Cant I just leave!?! Help me break up my sexless relationship!

[racharama]

OK, Quick background on me-

-I have been in a relationship for a little over two years, havent has sex in over 1 year

-Bought a house together in august, probably in the back of my mind thought it would make things better (its in his name only but obviously we were under the understading that we were in this together)

-bought another dog in october (now have two), not sure if that was to keep me company or to try and fix things again

-we have a lot of debt

-im not happy and definatly not in love anymore

- I gave up on asking for sex a few months ago, now i dont even want to, i dont even want him to touch me

-ive always wanted kids and he knew this when he met me and said he did too, all the sudden he hates kids

 

the list goes on but here is my question:

 

Why cant I leave!?! What do I say? Ive never broken up with anyone before and im scarred to death.

I'm actually thinking about waiting till our next fight and telling him that i think he needs to start looking for a roomate, which will probably be tomorrow because we have allready had one today and now were not speaking to eachother.

 

Have any of you ever broken up with anybody? what did you say and how did they react?

 

I know this is something that i have to do, but i need a pep talk and i need courage. please help me.

[damagecontrol]

There are many people who simply can't break up with someone. They would rather struggle with a relationship hoping for a miracle rather than face the awkwardness and temporary loss.

 

In your case, it sounds like you absolutely must take a stance. It sounds as though you are not happy and that the relationship is going downhill. I think it may be past the "work on it" stage. I strongly suggest you take the initiative and get your own appartment. You must make it clear that things are not working at this point and distance yourself from this relationship.

 

I wish you the best

[Süsser Tod]

Sweetie, you've got to get your act together and stand up for yourself...

 

 

Let me tell you a little secret, that everybody except you knows, you'll have to do it sooner or later or he will do it for you. That relationship should have ended a long time ago, it is directed to nowhere but failure.

 

Get out of the ship before it sinks.

 

 

By the way, you are TOO YOUNG for that kind of relationships, you haven't even had a chance to have a taste of what real "free" adult life is. Spread your wings, live and then settle down, not the other way.

[moink75]

Why are you so afraid?

[moink75]

Ok here I go. I was in a 5 year relationship. It was great at first and then things changed. There are so many other things I could tell you about my relationship, But I am here for you. Letting go is the hardest part. You head into the land of the unknown. That can be very very uncomfortable. The world likes to see people in pairs. One is the lonelyest number ( part of a song) anyway, you are or could be leaving your comfort zone. Why stay in a relationship if you fight all the time. Get mad and get over it. There are many other ways I could see spending time together. Life is too short to fight all the time. You may feel that you have so much to lose, but remember, you have more to gain. If this is not the right relationship for you why stay? If you are putting all of your energy into Mister Wrong, you are not using that energy to be with Mr. Right. You are stronger than you will ever know. Be honest. Explain how you feel. You are the only one that can do that. No one can tell you how you should feel. Do not empower them. Express yourself. A heavy weight will be lifted. I promise you that.

[Tigris]

I'm sorry but I advise you to get out of this relationship as soon as possible. The longer you stay the harder it's going to be for you. After 2 years of marriage my 1st husband stopped having sex and never gave me a reason why. I ended up being a housekeeper instead of a wife at 25 years old! I stayed with him and was frustrated and unhappy. When we were divorced we'd been married for 5 years!

 

The situation with the house being in his name only is a very bad one! If you stay with him you will never see any of your money again! Next time you get into a relationship make sure you have your name on the deeds or lease or you can't remain there if the other person dies.

 

You have no future with this guy if he's already stopped giving you the emotional and physical needs you require. Don't forget we only have one chance at life and we have to make the best of it.

 

Good luck and take care.

[shamus]

if he wont even touch you, then why be with him. your needs are not being met, and i bet your confidence right now is low.

if there is no passion in your relationship, then it is not worth fighting for and investing your energy in.while relationships arent about sex only, it is an important part of it.an expression of love and sharing yourself with another

[racharama]

Reasons I havent left yet:

1. I love my dogs. I would never be able to take them with me but I feel guilty for the long hours they would be left alone. Right now I work days, he works nights so they are only alone for about 2 hours a day. (probably another reason our relationship is over)

2. He cant afford to pay for everything on his own, nor can i afford to give him money to get by if i am paying for a place of my own

3. I am afraid of confrontation

4. I am afraid of how he will react/what he will do. Not violence, just depression or he will go back to how is was before me, going out drinking way to much.

5. The mother in me is afraid that he would just fall apart. Honestly I take care of EVERYTHING around here (calling contractors, paying bills, fixing things)

6. and of course i say, well maybe it will get better tomorrow.....

 

 

I know I'm being a baby about this, I cant help it.

 

heres a question:

do I find an apartment and then tell him im leaving or do i tell him, suggest that he gets a roomate and then start looking?

 

ahhhhhhhh! Thanks for all of your help, i really need some "strong love" right now.

[tylercdurden2004]

You really need to think of yourself first before you can even begin the think of someone else. And the part about you doing everything. That aint cool and you will reach your limit sooner than later. Better sooner so that you can get on with your life.

[Frangipani]

This sounds like what happened to me. The problem for us was that we loved one another very much, all other aspects of our relationship were great. He just didn't want to have sex very often in the last 2 years. We were together 4 years and the last year we had sex twice. Had a house and a dog too.

 

You really need to talk to him about this. As soon as I asked if he thought I was sexy, he didnt know how to answer. That was it really. At first he wanted to anything to try (and my counsellor told me it was fixable, becauase we had a great sex life before) but he didn't want to come and see her with me.

 

I still love him very much and he does me, but i cant live in a sexless relationship even if he can. I had to leave an awesome house and a lifestyle that i loved, anda man that i loved too. But i know i'll be ok. Im 37 and life is still hard even when you get older.

[plugger123]

I'm in the same kind of situation with my girlfriend. She's also emotionally abusive. When it comes to sex which is a rare occurrance then she lies there like a sack of potatos. I do everything. When we are finished it's as if she made a huge sacrifice in giving me sex.

 

I cannot understand why this is so, and it really hurts me inside. I'm totally frustrated and the last thing I'm going to do is beg for sex. So I will be dumping her again. Once more. I have broken up with her about the same thing before and she begged me to take her back. Stupid me took her back and now it's going to take me a couple of months more to feel normal again.

 

You are very young and your life lies ahead of you. Get rid of him and make a new beginning. Don't look back.