feeling weak and wanting contact her!!!

[coldheart]

jl301, congrats man, you are doing a great job. I am on day 5 on NC but hope that the days quickly pile on. Sometimes it's unbearable and I often find myself typing up e-mails that I end up deleting once I am halfway through. It's mostly composed of a feeling of guilt that drives my "wanting to explain to her this and that..." thinking that it's the reason she is away, but you just cannot lose with NC. STAY STRONG!!!

 

CH

[Scout]

I don't really have the answer here, but my gut instinct is that this girl should be revealing such deep feelings in a phone call at least, not in a text message. Why? Because her indecisiveness and mixed messages have already put you through the ringer. She really owes you a great deal more than a text message.

 

I just don't get the feeling this is a girl with a great deal of strength. She may be sweet, whatever, but she comes accross as dependent on men. She wants them to do a great deal of the work, to take care of her financially, to take care of her emotionally...and when she's in a bad moment, her first instinct is to get a boost of some sort with you.

 

I think over time this would drive you out of your tree. Because it's a very lopsided relationship. You give so much more than she does.

[jl301]

I'm going to remain strong and continue with my NC. I will keep everyone updated and thanks for all the comments/encouragement!

[dylan saves]

man, i'm going through the exact same things as you guys.

i'm on day 6 of NC that I initiated after an unfortunate incident of me pleading with her. it's tough. really tough. some days are better than others, and today wasn't a good one. it's tough when your ex LIVES NEXT DOOR. it was great when we were dating, but now, it's a very awkward. she's also good friends with some of my roomates, so she's over here alot. which kills me because I just wish she was spending time with me, not them. but i just stay civil, say hi and make small talk if i see her, give no sign of hurting and then go about my business. what else can one do? just wait it out. i'm gonna go to school now, so that'll keep me away from the phone. we all just have to stay strong. thanks you guys.

[majord23]

Hey guys,

I'm onto day 15 of NC.

The last time I spoke to my ex, I basically left the door to communication open - I told her that we could 'keep in touch' if she wanted. I *said* it, but I have no plans on initiating contact with her.

I guess there was a part of me that wanted her to know that I wouldn't contact her...even though I had the option of doing so. It made me feel stronger, and made me feel better that I would now appear as someone who "wouldn't" communicate with her, rather than "couldn't". Even though "couldn't" is probably a better assessment.

 

Just to let you know that the struggle is real though - there is no easy way to get through the pain and I mean NO easy way. I am with you in your suffering, I know how it feels to feel hopeless and to feel so much pain that it is almost tangible.

I have nights when I feel empty. I have hours when I feel as though I cannot function. I have moments when I feel like screaming.

 

They pass spontaneously though - I write stuff down when I feel pain, and I write again when I start to feel better. And you know what? I always end up feeling better...and not once have I crumbled and contacted her. I don't need her to ease my pain, I need me.

 

I keep reminding myself that I have to take the pain. There is NO cure for the hurt except for time. I used to think that her coming back would ease the pain - but i couldn't keep thinking like that. It's destructive and dependent on someone else - and I refuse for my happiness to be dependent on someone who broke my heart.

 

It's like waiting for a cure for cancer....it may happen in my lifetime....but I may as well be making the most of the treatments available in case the cure comes too late.

 

Just remember that your ex cannot cure your pain. Wanting to contact them comes from a belief that they can make us feel better - but they can't.

 

How many threads do you see started saying "I broke NC and I couldn't be happier!"...not many, and there's a reason.

 

Let's all stay strong.

[OCD]

I refuse for my happiness to be dependent on someone who broke my heart.

 

Just remember that your ex cannot cure your pain. Wanting to contact them comes from a belief that they can make us feel better - but they can't.

 

 

Couldn't have said these better myself. Stay strong is right...I know how hard it is. I try to convince myself that if I call and talk to her that will change her mind and everything will be great. It's been 7 months of my break and it does get better with time....it's still hard though and I miss her. I've been on strict NC for about 2 months though....good job Major!!

 

OCD

[jl301]

Well, I want to give everyone the update! Last night, I got back from visiting my family overseas. It was great and I realize that nothing helps you get back up on your feet than being with family. However, I had major set-back. Last night, I get call on my cell phone and an number that I didn't recognize. What I do? I picked up and it was my ex. Part of me felt happy to hear her voice, however another part of me was mad at myself because I knew this phone conversation would set my healing process back. Our phone conversation was about thirty minutes. I tried to keep it causal and ask her how she and Addie(her daughter) was doing. Bottomline, nothing has changed and that she still needs more time to figure things. I knew that nothing has changed, but talking to her just made reignite my old feelings about her. I'm not going to beat up myself for picking up the phone. Yes, I will be depressed for couple days and think about her than usual. But I'm not going to let this get to me. I will remain strong and restart my NC again. If she ever want to have an relationship with me. I need to see some major progress on her part, "Actions speaks louder than words".

 

I will keep you all updated, if there are anymore news.

 

DAY #1 of NC!!! again

[Scout]

Hey, this isn't your fault, and the set back you may be feeling is probably good old-fashioned healthy anger at her for calling up to remind you that she's still wishy washy as ever.

 

It's really pretty nervy of her, if you think about it. What a weird chick.

 

And it sounds like you are done with all this. Congratulations on holding on to your self-respect!

[jl301]

Thanks Scout,

 

Is been real struggle today and just can't stop thinking about her. I miss her alot. I hope I get out of this mood soon.

[okane24]

Keep goin man. Great job. I'm on week 3 of NC and it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but STICK to it. Hangin out with friends, family, working out and joining new clubs has been VITAL for me. My ex just wrote to me two days ago saying she was sorry and feels awful. SO NC WORKED!!! I just don't know what or how to respond. I feel your pain about loving your ex so much. It still hurts, but keep STRONG man.