5 years and now nothing.....

[J-2-F]

Hi all

 

I am so glad that i found this site. I thought i was mad with all these feelings of emotions that i am going through right now. You i am in the situation now that my now ex - girlfriend and i where going out for almost 5yrs(2 days short). We have had a relationship that was so fantastic. I met her when i had just left school and she was in Gr10. All through our relationship we have had these space where we would go our own way for a couple of days just to see if it what we really wanted in life and every time we would come back together even more inlove than we where before.

 

Exactly three weeks ago today she turned to me and said that she needed time to think about where she was going in life - her being new out of collage and getting her first job and all. The thing is is that she totally wants to cut all contact with me and i am really battling to deal with it. I do phone sometimes and she sounds so irritated but the twice that we have seen eachother since the break up she has been so sweet. She tells me that she deeply loves me but she is not inlove with me. Is that possible?

 

What i want to know is must finally realise that something that we had is now totally over or is she just confused or, or ,or........... What do i do i just feel so empty without her and i have tried everything to get over her i have thought about some of the bad times together and gone out but nothing seems to help. I just want her back in my life so badly. What do i do??????

 

Your response will be so much appreciated

[byates5637]

Hey sorry to here about that man. I am in a similar situation. My ex ended our 3 year relationship exactly 3 weeks ago.

 

You asked is it possible for your ex to "deeply love you but not be in love with you." Well women confuse me with this type of sh*t probly as much as they confuse you. But in my opinion it is not possible for her to "deeply love" you. She may however, love you in the type of way that you love an old best friend who you havnt seen in a while. Not exactly deep love, but a strong, caring bond nonetheless.

 

The best thing for you to do right now is live your life in a way like you never expect her to come back. Start moving on and doing your own thing. If she changes her mind and wants to be with you again she will find you and let you know...you don't need to do anything. And believe me, girls love a chase. I bet as soon as she see's you are really trully moving on, that is when she starts calling you more often.

 

By the way -- anything you try to do to get her back will most likely just push her further away. There are some tactics to get your ex back, and they mostly involve lack of action. Stop persuing her now.

 

Good Luck

[hoping]

hey dude...

hang in there

 

im goin through the exact same thing right now, my ex gf of 2 yrs broke up with me a week ago using the exact excuse "i love you and care for u soo much but im not in love with you"...and im still battling thro it...

 

ur gonna have to accept the fact that she left...and any false hope will only hurt u in the long run...i've learned that by myself and thro the people here...i understand ur pain...it definitly hurts like theres no before...and i know u must miss her as i miss my xgf like crazy....but ur gonna have to be a man and tell urself u can do even better without her....u know what im looking forward to at the moment?? im 21 so i tell myself...there are 3.5 billions girls in the world...more girls than guys...odds are other girls will come along later on....but u have to concentrate on some healing right now dude.....KEEP ON MOVING to keep ur mind from wondering....i picked up an old hobby, boxing....u should go work out...or play ball...or something...you know? and im taking eveyrone's advice here...with the NO CONTACT rule....dont talk to her..email her or anything for a while...1 side of it is to allow urself to feel again and heal...the other side is to see if she cares enough to check in...if she doesn't....what good really is she for you? sorry to be blunt but thats what i've been telling myself....but again...dont wait around for the phone call....BEST WAY I'VE FOUND TO DEAL....is to meet NEW people...or be better friends with people that u were just acqintences with....NEW girls WILL take ur mind off of ur exgf....just know ur own boundaries....cuz u dont wanna do something thats gonna hurt u more...

 

anyways thats what i can offer for now....im going thro the exact same thing...so im strugglin still just like u....anyways keep me posted on how things go with u buddy...and honestly....as stereotypical as this sounds, right now is the time you show yourself that you are a grown MAN...let me know dude and hang in there...dont rely on alcohol!

 

if you love something, set it free, if it comes back, its urs to keep...

[J-2-F]

Hey byates5637 and hoping

 

Thanks so much for the sound advice and i am going to try and do the whole NC thing. Lets see if that approach will work for me. One more thing is do you guys still get message from your ex's? I was sitting at work last night and at about 1:30am i got a message just letting me know that she is home safely and in bed now. What do i make of this?? I didn't reply and havent' heard from her all day. But anyways thanks again. "Hoping" that is a real deep statement at the bottom of your post i need to live like that right??

[hoping]

hey

well i dunno if u will wanna live like that...tell u the truth...if i love something...and i still have it...i would do everything in my power to keep whatever i love....but i think that statement applies to u n i....i've only been single for a week so i feel ur pain bud....

 

nah ive been NC wit my ex from the very start...she hasn't done any contact not even slightly....i think the only contact she has done is changin her msn name all the time....i dunno...but maybe im just reading too much into things...but honestly...sometimes i feel that if i really want something bad enough....i should at least give it a try....so what im doing is NC for maybe another week....and c how i feel then...if i feel i can go on...ill go NC for another week after that...then if she hasnt contact me, im gonna try to establish a little bit of contact....and try to work my relationship back up from there....i dunno its all plans right now....but i think a break up as fresh n raw as urs....u should really just establish NC for at least a week....see how everything goes from there, then decide ur next move....

 

alot of people are strict with this NC stuff....i feel them, but everyone's case is different...if u dont fight for the girl u love, who will fight for u? some girls realize their mistakes when a guy fight, some girls gets pushed farther away...so it all really depends....judge ur own circumstance...but DEFINITLY at least 1 week of NC...then go from there...

 

best of luck bud...

[byates5637]

hoping, that is basically the same stategy i am using, but i'm a little further ahead. I started NC immediately after the breakup. No begging, pleading, game playing. I told her "You know this is not what i want, but if it's what you want...goodbye." I also told her i felt betrayed and that i did not want to stay friends.

 

So needless to say, 3 weeks went by with neither of us making contact. Believe me, it hurt me the whole time. I was thinking that she forgot about me, maybe she met someone new,maybe she is just so happy to not have to talk to me anymore. I was thinking the worst the whole 3 weeks.

 

So i decide to send her one text today. immediately she send me 2 texts back and calls me all in like 15 seconds. From the phone conversation it sounded like she missed me about as much as i missed her this whole week. She was just scared to call cause she thought i hated her. She gets back from vacation next weekend, and she said she wants to start "hanging out" with me again as soon as she gets back. I said maybe.

 

So i guess i just have to wait and see where this whole thing leads. But it really is amazing the difference in my ex from the day she broke up with me compared to after 3 weeks of NC and me acting like i don't care and was moving on.

 

-brandon

[Momene]

Well it could have been worse. She could have decided to keep stringing you along but she's chosen to be honest. It's really, really hard to accept that someone who was madly in love with you, simply just isn't anymore. This can happen with people much older than her but she and you will have changed a lot since you met and you're just not the same people you were before when she was in love with you.

 

Accepting closure is so difficult and I have to confess I've made a real mess of it myself in the past.

 

I've posted some advice about coping with a break-up but it's probably 2/3 or more pages down by now. Ifd you can't see it, I'll re-post it.

 

I've been in SA, BTW, but not Cape.